She looked down in shame. “I have to try.”
“Don’t waste your time.”
“Knowing she almost died changed everything, Mr. Cutler. I understand she wants nothing to do with me, but now that I’ve almost lost her…I have to try. She needs to hear my apology. She needs to know I would take it back if I could.”
This woman wasn’t getting it. “No, she doesn’t. She’s fine, Bridget. She doesn’t need to hear your apology to be happy. This is entirely selfish. Let it go.”
“She says she doesn’t need me, but I don’t believe that. She lost her father, and I’m all she has left.”
I wanted to slam my hand against the desk. “She has me—and she always will. I’m her family. Diesel is her family. You’re just some woman who ran off. You gave her birth to her, but that’s the only credit you get.”
“I’m her—”
“Get out, Mrs. Creed. Go back to your husband and your two sons.”
Surprise moved into her eyes. She obviously didn’t expect me to know that.
“You have your own family now. Leave this in the past…where it belongs.”
I called Autumn when I got home.
No answer.
I texted her. Come over for dinner tonight.
No response.
Something told me she was aware of the messages but chose to ignore me. Something in my gut told me she was upset with me. All these instincts were kicking in, but I didn’t understand where they were coming from.
Baby, please. Don’t shut me out.
Still nothing.
I didn’t want to cross the line and just show up on her doorstep. Shit like that was creepy and a violation of her privacy. When women stopped by my place unexpectedly, it always ticked me off. I usually had a date over.
I texted her again. If you change your mind, come by. I’ll be waiting for you. I tossed the phone on the table and forced myself not to stare at the screen. We weren’t in a relationship, so I had no right to do anything more than wait.
She wasn’t mine.
I grabbed a beer and watched the game, doing whatever I could not to think about her.
It was almost nine when the elevator beeped.
I jumped off the couch and staggered through the living room as I headed to the door. I hoped it was Autumn, and I assumed she was the only person it could be. Titan would just come up, and no one else would stop by randomly at this time. I hit the intercom. “Baby?”
“It’s me,” she said simply. “Want to buzz me in?”
I rested my forehead against the wall and smiled, relieved this was really happening. “I’d love to.” I hit the button so she could rise to the top. I waited in front of the door, grateful she was coming. Autumn was about to step into my life again. I didn’t feel the pain of her slipping away anymore.
The doors opened and she stepped inside, wearing black skinny jeans with tall boots. A thick green jacket covered her body, large buttons down the middle. Her dark hair was in curls, and it framed her face perfectly.
She was gorgeous.
“Hey.” Now that I was face-to-face with her, I was at a loss for words. I finally had her attention, and I couldn’t think of anything better to say. All my anxiousness died away now that she was in my penthouse. She wouldn’t be there unless she wanted to be there. My arms circled her waist, and I leaned in to kiss her.
Like a spooked horse, she stepped away and slid out of my embrace. She turned her cheek to avoid my kiss.
She might as well have kicked me in the balls. “I think we should talk.”
Fuck, she was dumping me.
“This has gotten too messy. In the beginning, it was supposed to just be a fling. Now there’s talk of marriage, and then you’re grabbing my thigh under the table in front of my new business partner…”
I didn’t want to lose her. I hadn’t had her that long, and now she was already slipping away. Our time was too short, and I wasn’t ready to walk away. It’d been over a month, longer than most of my arrangements, but this seemed exceptionally short. “Then let’s go back to being a fling. I’ll only be professional in front of Titan and Diesel. You have my word. So, problem solved.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the ground instead of me.
Wasn’t that what she wanted to hear? “What else? You want to start seeing other people again?” I didn’t want to do that—at all. But if that’s what she wanted, then fine. I’d settle.
“No.” She looked up, the same dead look on her face. “I don’t want that. That’s the whole problem.”
Now I was lost. “Sorry?”
“It’s obvious we both want completely different things.”
“That’s not possible. I want whatever you want, Autumn. Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
She released a chuckle, but it was full of so much sorrow I actually felt the pain seep into my skin. “Thorn, you’re such a brilliant man but so damn stupid.”
“Excuse me?”
The smile on her face was completely sarcastic, but the emotion in her eyes was sincere. “When I first made a move on you, I told myself I could do a fling. I knew you would just break my heart, so I had to keep it light. And then we started seeing each other more, and I convinced myself everything would be alright… It’s not alright. Before I even met you, I had such a crush on you. Every time I’d see you on the news or in a magazine I’d get those butterflies in my stomach. Then I met you in person…and you were even better than through the pages of a magazine.”
I listened to all of it without breathing, finding the information absolutely shocking. She hid her interest in me so well. I thought she was indifferent to me most of the time.
“I got so jealous over Titan… It would happen all the time. Anytime she was mentioned, I felt a rock form in my stomach. That was the biggest sign I needed to walk away, but I didn’t. You said you wanted to be exclusive, and I should have left then too…but I didn’t. And now you’re proposing an idea of a convenient marriage…and like an idiot, I actually want to consider it. So, this is it for me, Thorn. With every passing day, I become more emotionally attached to you. If I don’t walk away now, I’m going to get crushed. So this has to end now.” She took a deep breath when she finished because she’d been talking a million miles an hour up to that point. “I didn’t think I’d be able to recover from my last heartbreak, and when I did, I said I wouldn’t risk it again. But here I am, doing it again…only this time is worse. “This is it for me. I want to be friends and colleagues…but that’s it.”
I’d had plenty of time to process what she said because she’d been talking for so long. I’d had time to prepare for the bomb she dropped on my head. But I couldn’t have anticipated how much her words would hurt me. They cut into me like a dirty knife that had been sitting in the soil for decades. The wound festered immediately and made me sick. I wasn’t in love with this woman, but the immense amount of pain she had just caused me made me think otherwise. She said she wanted to end things, and I wanted to tell her that I didn’t accept it.
That I didn’t want to let her go.
I didn’t want to find someone else to bring back to my place. I didn’t want to see Autumn on a regular basis and pretend she was just some woman I worked with. I’d never felt this kind of attachment to anyone. “I didn’t know you felt that way…”
“I did my best to hide it. I’ve had flings with other guys, and that was easy. We’d just have fun. I thought you wouldn’t be any different. But then you were…and I wasn’t strong enough to walk away.”
Now would be the right time to say something meaningful, but I couldn’t think of anything. Autumn had wanted me before she even met me. My proposal tempted her because she wanted me so much. “Hear me out…”
She pulled her arms tighter around her body.
“You said you were tempted by my proposal.”
“For, like, a second,” she whispered.
“Why?”
She shook her head.
“Just answer me.”
“Having Thorn Cutler as a husband sounds pretty nice. You’re not only wealthy but respectable. You’re gorgeous as sin and fun to be with. You’re great in bed…the best I’ve ever had. You’re honest and loyal…I could go on.”
“So the only drawback is me seeing other women?”
She closed her eyes for a moment, as if just the suggestion hurt her. “I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t…know you were out with someone else. I want to pretend that I would be okay, but that would be a lie. It would eat me up inside.”
If she were out with someone else, I’d feel the same way. “What if I didn’t see anyone else?”
She cocked her head, her eyes squinting. “What…?”
“Would you consider my proposal if we remained monogamous? I would remain faithful to you.”
She stared at me as if she didn’t understand a word I’d just said. “How is that any different than a regular marriage, then?”
“I guess it’s not…”
“So we would just get married for the convenience and remain faithful to each other?” she asked. “Now it sounds like an arranged marriage.”
“But it would give us both what we want. We could start a family, and we could both have successful partners. I bring a lot to the table, and so do you. I’m one of the most powerful men in the business world. You’re one of the biggest geniuses of our time. Together, we’d be a pretty great couple. Not to mention, I’m hot and so are you. Have any idea what our kids would look like?”
An awkward laugh escaped her lips, and she stepped back. “Convenient or not, it would be risky.”
“I think it’s less risky. We could have good sex all the time and raise a family.”
“And what if we stop liking each other?” she asked. “Then we have kids, and we can’t see other people…sounds like a nightmare.”
“Not if we always stay friends and talk to each other.”
She looked at the ground and chewed her bottom lip. She seemed to be seriously considering it.
Would she actually say yes?
“Thorn, I don’t want that either. If I marry someone, I guess I want to marry for love. Call me old-fashioned.”
“But love is the reason people get divorced. Once the passion and lust die down, what’s left?”
“And that’s all we have, Thorn,” she countered. “Passion and lust.”
“I don’t agree with that.” I’d wanted to fuck her the first time I saw her, but I also cared about her. I confided things to her just like a friend. “I think we have more than that. We’re friends.”
“Friendship isn’t enough either.”
“You shouldn’t dismiss the power of it. A real bond can be deeper than blood.” Titan was the closest person in my life, and we didn’t share genetics.
She shifted her weight to the side then tucked her hair behind her ear. “My ex left me for someone else. He fell in love and knew he wanted to be with her. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind. That’s what I want…to meet a man who knows I’m the one.”
My eyes softened.
“Maybe that’s stupid and unrealistic…but it’s what I want. I want to protect my happiness as much as I can, but I also don’t want to settle for something that will hurt me. So I should get out of this situation now because it drowns me.”
She’d rejected my offer, and now she was leaving me. She wanted me, but she refused to have me unless I offered her more. She never asked me if I’d be willing to have a deeper relationship, one full of feelings and a connection.
Because she knew I’d say no.
She knew I wouldn’t change my mind.
I was a confirmed bachelor, going from woman to woman with meaningless experiences. It was good sex, but it was also easy sex. I was incapable of feeling anything more than that. I did have stronger feelings for Autumn than I did for anyone else, but that was the extent of it. “I understand.”
She looked away, unable to mask her disappointment. She couldn’t hide her anguish.
Maybe she did hope I’d change my mind.
She cleared her throat slightly then plastered on a look of indifference. “I hope we can part of good terms.”
“Of course.”
“Great. I guess I should get going…” She turned toward the elevator.
I snatched her by the elbow then backed her up into the wall. I cornered her with my body, my face pressed to hers. “Not tonight.” I rubbed my nose against hers then kissed the corner of her mouth. “Not until morning.”
Her beautiful eyes looked into mine, the sorrow and the longing evident. Her hands moved up my bare chest, and her warm breaths fell on my face. She’d given me that look dozens of times, and I knew exactly what it meant. She wanted me. She wanted me deep, hard, and long. “Until morning.”
Since it was my final night with this incredible woman, I could have done something more erotic and scandalous, like tying her to my headboard and fucking her from behind. I could have blindfolded her and forced her to rely on her other senses to enjoy me.
But I didn’t.
I had her on her back, her legs spread for me. Her head lay on my pillow with her hair fanned out across the crumpled sheets. Her tits were firm and her nipples were peaked. Her mouth was constantly open from the all the moaning she did. She took in my length like a pro, making my dick glide through her slickness.
My wrists were locked behind her knees, keeping her wide open for me. I fucked her at a rhythmic pace, going neither slow or fast. All I wanted to do was make it last. I wanted to stay just like this, as long as she could handle me without getting sore.
“Thorn…I love it when you fuck me.”
I paused as I was buried deep inside her, forcing my dick to behave itself. “Baby, I do too.” I moved my mouth to hers to kiss her, keeping myself distracted so I wouldn’t blow my load sooner than I wanted to. I’d already come in her once and got hard again almost instantly, but it was unlikely I could spring back so quickly.
But the kiss just made me harder.
I loved her small tongue, the way her mouth breathed into mine when she kissed me. Her mouth quivered as it danced with mine. She panted and moaned directly into my mouth, writhing underneath me like this was the very first time.
Her nails cut into my back as she held on to me. Her pussy tightened around me as she slid into another orgasm. She clenched me with bruising force and locked her ankles around my waist. Then she came loudly, sheathing my cock with all her cream. “Thorn…”
I pounded into her viciously, unable to control my thrusts. I wanted to drive my dick deep inside and give her even more of my come. She wouldn’t be able to walk out of there without feeling my come sitting at her entrance, no matter how many times she showered.
She pushed her palm against the headboard so she could thrust back at me with the same force. Sweat dripped, and our moans collided. “Come inside me…” She looked beautiful just like that, fucking me back with the same vigor I showed her. She wanted me to get off with the same enthusiasm that I just had.
She wanted to rock my world.
I came inside her again with a deep moan, feeling the immediate satisfaction as I filled her gorgeous pussy with a mound of my come. I clenched my jaw as I kept going, giving her a load just as big as the previous one. All the muscles in my body tightened in pleasure. I’d never gotten off so hard to someone else in my life.
I moved on top of her and smothered her with kisses as my dick slowly softened. The come dripped onto the sheets because there was too much to fit inside her small little slit. Sex filled the room, and it would take weeks for the scent to fade away.
Not that I wanted it to.
I turned over and lay beside her, my chest covered in a thin film of sweat. The muscles of my core were tight from the exertion, but the fatigue never felt so good. Despite the heat that seared our skin, I hooked my arm around her and pulled her into me. I wanted to enjoy her as much as I could, tr
easure her even when I wasn’t inside her. “Tell me something about yourself.” I found myself missing these conversations already. We didn’t always talk about anything deep and meaningful, but we did have discussions.
“About me?” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“I’m not that interesting.”
“Tell me something boring about yourself, then,” I teased.
“I didn’t say I was boring either.”
“Come on.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
She smiled in response. “I love horses.”
“Yeah? I didn’t take you as a country girl.”
“I wouldn’t call me a country girl. But I’ve always wanted to have some land for a few horses.”
“Do you know anything about horses?”
“Of course. When I was young, I used to work in a stable. It paid shit and I was always covered in shit, but I got to groom and train the horses. I had to take the train when I was teenager really early in the morning during the summer. But I enjoyed it.”
“You know how to ride?”
“I did. It’s been a while now.”
“Why don’t you move out to the countryside like your parents?”
“It’s not convenient right now,” she answered. “I’m already working so much, and adding another hour to commute each way…that’d be a pain. Maybe when I get to a place in my career when I’m not working as much, it’ll be different.”
“I hope that’s not when you’re retired.”
“I hope so too,” she said with a chuckle. “I’ve always imagined I would raise my kids outside the city. Whenever we want to do some shopping or sightseeing, we can just take the train in. But for the rest of the time, we can enjoy some fresh air.”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.”
“Do you always want to live in the city?”
“Honestly, I can’t picture myself living anywhere else.” I’d always lived in a big city my whole life. Chicago was a big city too. Not as big as Manhattan, but just as chaotic. “I like Chicago, but New York is a lot more interesting to me.”
Boss Rules Page 17