by Virlyce
Passing through the portal was like passing through a layer of ice-cold water. I had to pat my robes to make sure I wasn’t wet—I wasn’t. Where am I? This looks like … an unexplored area. Great. Well, I guess I’ll wait for Lucia to show up first. I’ll prepare a teleportation spell while I’m at it. I might not be an earth-realm expert who can teleport instantly, but it’s not like it’s impossible for me to create a spell with a similar effect.
I didn’t have to wait long for Lucia to appear. She landed right on top of me.
“Oh! Ilya, you made it across safely. Great!” Lucia stood up and dusted herself off. “Where are we?”
“I’m not sure, but I’m setting up a teleportation sp—”
“Then I’ll figure it out!” Lucia grabbed me before I could even finish my sentence, and then the ground disappeared. She had teleported into the sky. And she’s still standing in the sky. Can she fly after becoming a sky-realm expert? “Hmm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmm. There! I see my palace. But why does it look so green?”
***
“I wonder if I’ve been forgotten. Probably, right? Ever since Lucia disappeared, no one’s even acknowledged my existence other than you guys.” And that’s only because I feed you. I’m so lonely. Why was I hired to take care of the predators? Actually…, I wasn’t even hired! Lucia kidnapped me and forced me to become their caretakers under the threat of being eaten! She told me to find food for them or else I’d become their food! “And these plant people just keep spreading and spreading. Look, they’ve even taken over Lucia’s palace since she’s gone. …You’re not listening to me, are you, Mrs. Wuffletush?”
Mrs. Wuffletush smacked my head with her tail.
…If my life were a story, I’m sure I’d be a side character that’s mentioned once or twice before being discarded and forgotten about. The poor Reena Flopsy, she went on an adventure to make a name for herself at the Godking’s Brawl. She was never heard from again. The end. Yes, that’d be the perfect autobiography. Hah…, at least I’m still alive; I suppose that’s something. Right, a year after Lucia disappeared, a lot of people have been dying. And it’s all due to that giant plant monster taking root inside Lucia’s palace.
“What do you want for dinner today, Mrs. Wuffletush? Roasted boar belly?”
Mrs. Wuffletush shook her head and pointed at the palace. We were on a nearby mountaintop since we were forced out by the plant people. For some reason, the predators didn’t attack the plant people. Knowing them, it’s probably because they hate their vegetables and the plant people taste too similar.
“You want something that can be found in the palace?”
Mrs. Wuffletush nodded. My life would be a lot easier if the predators could speak. But if they could speak, they’d give me hundreds of impossible orders to complete. It’d be like living with five Lucias.
“Um, let’s not go to the palace, okay? Those plant people will stick a seed up my nose, and I won’t be able to feed you anymore. How about roasted bird? Or roasted fish?” I can only roast food with a campfire. Well, I could boil it too, but it’d take too long to cook enough for the predators to eat. It’s much easier to cook a whole boar over a large fire than it is to cut it apart and boil bits of it at a time in a small pot.
Mrs. Wuffletush shook her head and pointed at the palace again.
Why? Why are squirrels so unreasonable? “If you want something, how about you go get it … yourself….”
Mrs. Wuffletush glared at me. She raised her front leg and pointed at me. Then she pointed at the palace. Her tail slapped the ground a few times as her eyes narrowed into slits.
“…Alright. What do you want?” I might not be the best fighter, but I’m very good at hiding and sneaking around. “The only thing inside the palace that can’t be obtained outside is acorn stew and hot chocolate. Do you want acorn stew?”
Mrs. Wuffletush shook her head.
“Then it’s hot chocolate.”
Mrs. Wuffletush nodded.
I can’t believe I’m risking my life by sneaking into a danger zone for the sake of a luxury drink. Lucia pampered these predators too much! “Are you going to come with me?”
Mrs. Wuffletush shook her head.
This predator! One day, I’ll be free from it. When Lucia comes back, I’m going to hand in my application to quit. This isn’t the kind of life I imagined for myself. I was supposed to accomplish great things, live out my dreams, not become an animal caretaker…. Okay. Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve snuck into the palace, and it’s not even the second time. But every time I enter the palace, the security keeps growing tighter and tighter, and the plant that took root keeps growing larger and larger. I hope it didn’t drink all the acorn stew and hot chocolate. If only Lucia had left behind a larger interspacial ring for me. Sure, I can take out ten barrels at a time, but the predators drink that much in one meal!
“Ugh, fine. I’ll be back soon.”
Mrs. Wuffletush snorted and dropped onto the ground, resting her chin on her front paws. This lazy predator! Just looking at it infuriates me! If it couldn’t kill me with a single swipe, I’d definitely hit its snout!
The walk to the palace doesn’t take that long. But that’s because I’m pretty fast. I’ve broken through to the realm of divine warrior after Lucia left. I’m the second divine warrior in the whole world after Lucia! …But I’m stuck taking care of animals. Yeah, yeah.
The security seems pretty lax this time around. That doesn’t make any sense. Is this a trap? But even if it is a trap, I have no choice but to enter. If I don’t get Mrs. Wuffletush her hot chocolate, she’ll go on a rampage and kill everyone in sight. I can’t be the one responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people. Only a monster would let that many people die in front of them!
Let’s see. I left behind a burrow the last time I came. I actually left behind many burrows just in case. This time, I’ll make a new burrow since I have a bad feeling. Ugh, I really want to leave, but I can’t. Alright, Reena, start digging. You’re really good at digging. If my sense of direction is correct, which it usually is, then the basement of the palace is that way. Yeah, when Lucia returns, I’m definitely quitting. I don’t even get paid in money. I’m paid in acorn stew and hot chocolate. But so is everyone else; I suppose that makes those two liquids a currency. You could even call them liquid assets. …I’m no good at telling jokes.
I should be approaching the basement by now. Just a few more meters and … what is this!? A-are these roots!? How the hell am I supposed to dig into the basement with this giant wall of roots in the way? If I cut it, then that plant will definitely notice…. Then I’ll dig deeper? Just how far down do these roots extend? Okay, I’ll dig down some more since I don’t have any other options. I should switch to a better shovel since the rocks are harder the further down I go, but the only higher quality metal I have is my sword…. Alright, I’ll soften up the ground with my sword first, then I’ll dig out the dirt with my shovel. Here we go.
Ah, crap. I just cut a root, didn’t I? The ground shook, but since I was inside the ground, everything was shaking. Am I going to die now? If the burrow collapses…, I’m screwed. The roots squirmed and wriggled and surged … upwards? They’re … gone? Sunlight shone into my eyes, and I nearly went blind from the sudden exposure. Why is there sunlight underground!?
“Whoa! Ilya, look at this giant plant! It’s as large as a mountain! A single one of its roots is thicker than a tree! But why was it growing on my palace? Reena probably planted it to feed my predators, didn’t she? But she’s kind of dumb, don’t you think? Everyone knows predators don’t eat vegetables.”
Oh, Lucia’s back. I’m supposed to feel relieved and glad that Lucia’s here to clear up the plant problem. I’m supposed to feel happy, ecstatic. …So why am I angry instead?
***
“T-this is impossible! Unhand me!”
“Ilya…? Did this plant just speak?” Right. Ilya and I are the only people standing in the sky. There’s no one in the
plant that I’m holding. And I’m pretty sure the voice just now wasn’t Ilya unless she turned into an old man while I wasn’t looking. Mm, her personality is like an old man’s though, so I wouldn’t be too surprised if she did, I guess. Ah, but what the heck was Reena thinking when she planted this thing? “It’s so ugly, and I’d bet it’d taste disgusting. Maybe rabbits like eating it. Mm, that’d explain this abomination.”
“Who are you calling an abomination!? How, how did you uproot me!? Y-you’re the true abomination!”
Yup. It’s a talking plant. Is it immoral to cook and eat it? Is a plant a person…? Maybe a person is just a talking plant…. I’m not sure what to make of this thing; it’s unnatural. Alright, that settles it. I’ll burn this thing to ashes and pretend it never existed. As the only sky-realm expert inside of this pocket realm, I have to do my best to maintain the logical rules of the world. No talking plants allowed!
“Ah! Ah! What are you doing!? Such a small flame won’t even burn me!”
My trusty firestarter…. It never failed me before. Like I thought, this plant is a horrible rule-breaking existence that can’t be allowed to exist! “Ilya. Burn this thing.”
Ilya raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It sounds like a person.”
“No, no. It’s a plant. Even some really rare monkeys we encountered on our travels could speak and I killed them without guilt, remember? It’s the same thing now! Just because something can speak and hold a conversation with you doesn’t mean you can’t kill them as long as they’re different enough. Besides, the plant said so itself; it told us to use a bigger flame to burn it.”
“I did not! Give up! Only the flames of a legend will have any effec—I’m on fire!?” The plant wriggled like a worm pulled out of the ground by a bird. But all the wriggling did was make the fire on its leaves spread faster. There we go; fix the wrongs of the world, flame!
“Hey, Lucia,” Ilya said. “Do you think this plant has anything to do with the thing that killed Snow?”
“Ah?” The thing that killed Snow? Wasn’t that me? He died because I pulled a plant out of his ear, right? This giant plant is related to me!? …Is it a different type of squirrel that I’ve never heard about? Ilya does know obscure things….
Ilya rolled her eyes before I could respond. “Right, I forgot you don’t think. Why’d I even ask?”
Oi. I knew it; Ilya really does enjoy getting her head massaged by my knuckles. “I think! I think about a lot of things a lot, sometimes! In fact, I think so much and hard that I lose track of things I’m not thinking about, got it?”
“G-got it! I got it! S-stop grinding my head! Lucia, it hurts!”
Hmph. “Oh, the plant’s finally burnt up, huh?” Ilya’s flames are way too strong! Normally, when you set a tree on fire—not like I have; like seriously, who’d be clumsy enough to set a tree on fire, right? Ha-ha. Anyways, normally, when you set a tree on fire, it takes a while to burn and the whole thing doesn’t even turn to ash. It turns into this black charcoal that’s still solid. But Ilya’s flames completely incinerated this plant; there weren’t even ashes left! “Alright. Let’s go say hi to everyone in the palace!” I missed my cute predators! Reena better have given them all the belly rubs they asked for. Ah! It’s Reena’s head! Don’t tell me someone planted her into the ground! “Reena?”
“Welcome home, Lucia,” Reena said. She crawled out of a tunnel in the ground that looked like it had been left behind by the giant plant’s roots. Was she fertilizing it? “You’re amazing. The instant you came back, you solved the apocalypse.”
“The apocalypse?”
Ilya snorted. “It means the end of the world.”
“I know what it means, Ilya!” Gah! Why does this girl like pain so much? I can’t grind her head anymore! It’s exactly what she wants. I shouldn’t encourage bad behavior. Then what do I do? Hmm. I guess I’ll just hold her upside down by her ankles for now….
“Lucia!?”
“Anyways, what were you saying about the apocalypse?”
Reena stared at Ilya, but she cleared her throat and faced me again. “The plant you just killed. It was the source of all the seeds possessing people. Remember the people with plants growing out of their ears? They were being controlled by this thing. Duke Pentorn theorized that destroying this plant would free everyone with a plant inside of them.”
“My father did?” Ilya asked. She flailed her arms a few times, but I didn’t let her up. “How is he? Is he alright?”
“Your father’s the leader of the resistance,” Reena said. “Without him, the whole world would’ve ended a long time ago. I’m sure he’s doing fine, and he’ll be here to investigate once he figures out the main plant is gone.”
…This conversation is hard to follow. Let’s change the subject! “Where’s Mrs. Wuffletush?”
Reena’s face darkened. Did something happen to Mrs. Wuffletush!? “When the plant people invaded…, Mrs. Wuffletush and the other predators escaped to the mountains instead of helping us. They’re doing just fine.”
Phew. What the heck, Reena? Why would she say such non-ominous things with such an ominous expression? I almost panicked. “Hmm, alright. Well, if you need me, I’ll be in my palace!”
“W-wait,” Reena said and chased after me. “You’re not going to ask some more questions? Don’t you want to know what happened in the time that you were gone?”
“Uh, you can talk to Ilya about that stuff. She turned pretty strong too.” I released Ilya and nodded. I have more important things to do! Ilya can take care of all the little things with her saint-realm strength; I’m not even needed. …I like feeling needed though, but for the sake of my dreams, I’m willing to give up a little praise! Durandal and I have a lot of babies to make! Ilya said she fixed him with a necklace, so there shouldn’t be any issues now. Unless I’m infertile, but that can’t be, right? I have so much strength and liveliness, there’s no way that’s true!
***
My father’s theory was right. The giant plant that had infested Lucia’s home was the leader of all the plants. Once I destroyed it, all the people who were possessed regained their sanity. Removing the plant that had sprouted in their heads was a bit harder, but it was a simple process once I figured out the trick. All I had to do was put them under a sleep spell, crack their heads open, and burn away the roots while maintaining a healing spell so they didn’t die during the surgery. My father thought my cure was barbaric, but I didn’t think he was one to speak considering the fact he’s very good at torturing people.
Anyway, since I became a thirteenth-circle magician, I realized how small our pocket realm actually is. I could fly from the southern pass to the desolate mountains in a day. And I also saw the edges of the world. Our pocket realm is flat. To the north, there’s a humongous glacier that’s nearly impossible to traverse. To the east and west, there are mountain ranges made of marble and obsidian respectively. And to the south, there’s just a really steep cliff. I flew up to see what was over all of them, and it was the same sight for each: an endless sky. I had a feeling I’d fall to my death if I tried flying over them to see what was underneath the world, so I didn’t try.
It feels weird being the second-strongest person in the world. According to Reena, Cain disappeared around the time Lucia dragged me into the Immortal Continent, and no one has broken through to the legendary, err, saint realm in the time that we were gone. Using my newfound strength, I bullied the emperor and forced him to step down, elevating my father’s status to ruler of the empire. …Just kidding. I actually failed the surgery on the emperor to remove the plant in his head and he died. It was an accident, I swear. After the first successful surgery, the royal family implored me to fix the emperor. I warned them I needed more time to perfect it, but they insisted, so … yeah. It was quite unfortunate, really. I’m crying and feeling a lot of remorse right now, okay? I didn’t do it on purpose.
“Hey, Ilya! You look cheerful today. What’s up? Did you figure out how to cure Duran
dal’s sterility?”
…Okay. The botched surgery happened over a year ago, alright? You can’t expect me to grieve forever. The survivors have to move on instead of living in the past. Speaking of surviving, if I don’t answer this loaded question carefully, I might be the next person to lose her life. “You’re not pregnant?”
“Nope! You’ve given so many cures to Durandal too. What if he’s actually not sterile anymore, but there’s a problem with me!?” Lucia’s eyes widened as she gripped my shoulders. Her pupils shrank as she ground her teeth together. I didn’t think it was possible for a sky-realm expert to look as if she hadn’t gotten enough sleep…. I only need to sleep once a week or so ever since I reached the saint realm. “Right, right. The next time you give Durandal a cure, give one to me too!”
“You know…, there’s a way to test who’s the sterile one amongst you two….”
“Really!?” Lucia’s eyes gleamed as her tail rose into the air and swished around. “What is it? Tell me, tell me!”
“You can mate with, uh, other people.”
Lucia’s grip tightened, and I’m pretty sure both my shoulders shattered. Luckily, I had obtained a technique from a sect—that I refuse to name because it’s embarrassing—that converts pain into a sense of pleasure, but I pretended to be hurt anyway and yelped. Lucia shook me back and forth. “Are you crazy!? Absolutely not!”
“Okay, okay! You can stop shaking me now.” For the past year, I’ve been giving Lucia placebo after placebo, but all that does is delay the inevitable. I’ve been working on finding a real cure, but it’s difficult. Really, really difficult. In fact, I’ve forcefully recruited every professor, teacher, and self-proclaimed genius to tackle this problem, and we’ve gotten nowhere. Well, I suppose we figured out a few things that don’t work.
Lucia snorted and glared at me before placing me back into my chair like a doll. She dusted off my shoulders and stared me in the eyes. “Alright, Ilya, be honest. Can you fix Durandal or not?”