by Joanna Neil
‘Hmm. I suppose you may be right.’ He frowned. ‘I did give him a hard time, didn’t I?’ He went over to a table that was lit by a pool of warm sunlight. ‘Shall we sit here and eat? It looks as though we have the place to ourselves, and this seems to be the best spot.’
She nodded, sliding onto a bench seat and laying the food out on the table. Connor placed the cold drinks on the wooden slats and slipped into place beside her so that they were both looking out over the pond. Lily pads floated on the surface of the water, their flowers opened up in shades of pink and white.
She bit into her crusty roll. ‘I think the worst must have been when you took your father’s car from the garage and started racing with the boys from the village. Word got out that you were all racketing up and down the old disused airfield, and I was worried sick in case anyone ended up hurt. I kept thinking there was going to be the worst kind of trouble when your father found out.’
He began to eat, demolishing the bread as though he was starving. ‘We were young and reckless.’
She looked at him. ‘I was right, though, wasn’t I? I just knew that when your father came home there would be the row to end all rows.’
‘It’s true.’ An expression of guilt washed over his face. ‘I pranged the car because I took a bend too fast, and I ended up hitting one of the barricades. I smacked my head on the dashboard because I wasn’t wearing a seat belt, and I twisted the ligaments in my arm trying to wrench the car back on track.’
He grimaced, remembering. ‘It was complete and utter madness. I was seventeen and I’d just passed my driving test. Somehow, even though I knew I deserved punishment because I took the car and made a mess of it, I wasn’t expecting my father’s furious reaction. I thought he would appreciate that I’d come off the worse for wear and realise that it might have taught me a lesson.’
‘That didn’t happen, though, did it?’ Her eyes were troubled as she studied him. What was it that possessed him to go against everyone and everything? Wasn’t he still doing the same, by setting himself up against the cardiac consultant?
‘No. He read me the Riot Act and promised all kinds of retribution that he would bring down on my head. It made me angry that he seemed to care more about the car than he did for me, and I stormed out of the house threatening to never come back.’
‘Heaven knows what your mother must have thought.’ Phoebe remembered that day as though it was imprinted on her mind in flame. ‘No one knew where you had gone, and even though they sent people out looking for you, they didn’t find you. I was beside myself wondering if you were wandering about concussed, or lying in a ditch somewhere suffering from hypothermia.’
He tilted his head on one side, looking at her. ‘Were you? I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t give a thought for anybody else and what they might be thinking. If I’d known that you were looking for me, things might have turned out differently.’
She shook her head. ‘I doubt that. You didn’t give a jot about what any of us thought. You didn’t tell anyone where you were going.’
‘It’s true.’ He made a wry face. ‘I wanted to be alone to rage against the world in general and show my bitterness against unfeeling, heavy-handed parents. I was a poor, misunderstood youth, on the verge of manhood, and I thought it would serve them right if they never saw me again.’ He sent her a curious glance. ‘Were you really worried?’
She nodded. ‘I searched everywhere, in all the places where I thought you might have hidden yourself away, but I drew a blank everywhere.’ She knew that he would have done the same for her back then. Alex had been the one who had looked out for her, but so did Connor. Maybe it was because she was young and she tended to hang around with his cousin and he had felt obligated whenever Alex hadn’t been around. Whatever the reason, he had been protective towards her, and she had felt concerned for him, too.
‘I couldn’t imagine what must have been going through your head, and my mood kept swinging between wanting to tell you what a mess you were making of things and wanting to comfort you and make everything right again.’
His mouth softened. ‘Not much of a change there, then.’ His eyes glimmered. ‘You still hover on the brink between exasperation and caring for me, don’t you? Go on, admit it.’
‘I won’t. You’re a pain in the neck, Connor. You always have been and you’ll probably stay that way for ever.’
He put an arm around her shoulders and drew her to him. ‘But despite all that, you do care for me, just a teensy bit, don’t you?’
‘I’m not admitting to anything. You drive me to distraction.’
‘I’ll settle for that,’ he murmured, ‘for the time being, at least. Distracted is good. I like distracted.’ Slowly, he lowered his head until his cheek was just a breath away from hers, and then, before she had time to take on board what he was about, he was kissing her, softly, tenderly, his lips brushing hers and exploring the curving line of her mouth.
The kiss was like a lick of flame gliding along her nerve endings. Heat built up in her, engulfing her, taking her over so that she could think of nothing but the sheer ecstasy of that moment. His warmth, the feel of his body close to hers, his arms sliding around her and drawing her to him, were all sensations she had never known before, and it was a dizzying experience, one that took hold of her and wrapped her in a comforting mist of heady delight.
Everything went out of her head. There was only the sweet sound of birdsong all around and the feel of the sun’s rays glancing along her arms. It all felt so right, so perfect, so exhilarating, as though this was all completely natural, the only satisfactory end to them being together.
And yet…as a light breeze riffled through the trees, soft whispers of doubt echoed in her mind. This was Connor, a man at odds with the world around him, a restless spirit who never stayed in one place for more than a year or so, who turned on the charm as though it lived and breathed within him.
He would play fast and loose with her affections, and make fun of her indecision. Why was she doing this? Why was she letting him weave a spell around her?
For that’s what it was, a dreamlike, enchanted moment that would soon be lost in the mists of time. It wasn’t real.
She drew back from Connor, looking at him with bemusement in her eyes.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know.’ She was floundering, her nervous system firing off sparks as though he had inadvertently lit a fuse in her. ‘I think I’m confused. What was that all about?’
‘I’m not altogether sure.’ He gave her a faint smile. ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time. Don’t you think so?’
‘I don’t know what I think. My mind’s gone into freefall.’
He smiled. ‘Shall I kiss you again and see if things become any clearer?’
He moved towards her once more and she put up a hand to fend him off. ‘I think maybe you’d better not.’
He made a rueful face. ‘Is this because of Alex? He’s always on your mind in one way or another, isn’t he? Sometimes I think I’d very much like to change that.’
‘But you won’t.’ She shook her head. Alex, after all, was someone she could rely on. He was her best friend, her confidant, and he was always there for her. She couldn’t be sure that Alex loved her, but her affections had always been focussed on him, and it was as though she was being disloyal to him by allowing Connor to get close to her this way. ‘I won’t let you play havoc with my emotions the way you do with everyone else. I told you, I’m immune.’
‘Hmm.’ He studied her for a second or two. ‘That might not last for ever, you know. You might think you’re protected for all time, but eventually the defences break down and you find that you’re not as resistant as you thought you were.’
She gave a soft, shuddery sigh. ‘So you think you can win me over, do you?’ Her heart clicked into a rapid, chaotic beat at the very thought. ‘That just confirms what I suspected all along. You have no conscience. You’re like an infection, a kind
of virus that slips into place undercover and threatens to take over the whole system.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not going to happen. I’m forewarned and armed for action.’
He made a wry face. ‘I knew I should have gone slower, but you looked so sweet and it blew my mind that you cared enough to worry about me, even way back when we were young.’ He sent her a thoughtful glance. ‘Could I persuade you that I’m in dire straits now and in need of cosseting?’
She didn’t answer, but her eyes narrowed on him, shooting a warning volley.
‘No? Ah, well, forget I mentioned it.’ He gave a resigned sigh and started to gather up the remains of their al fresco lunch. ‘I dare say we should be getting back to work anyway.’
CHAPTER SIX
PHOEBE cradled the baby in her arms. Everything about the infant was perfect, from the downy, rose-tinted skin to her beautifully formed fingers and toes.
‘She’s delightful,’ she said, looking at the child’s mother. ‘You must be so proud to be taking her home.’
‘I am. She was so tiny when she was born, and it was upsetting to see her struggling for every breath…and yet to look at her now you wouldn’t know what she had been through, would you? I’m really grateful to you for all that you’ve done. Everyone here has been so good to us.’
‘It’s great for us to know that your baby is doing so well. It’s what we’re here for, to make sure that they have the best care we can give them.’
Carefully, Phoebe handed the baby over to the mother, who nestled the infant in her arms and tenderly adjusted the shawl around the infant’s soft, dimpled cheeks. Her husband looked on and slid a supportive arm around his wife’s waist, before leading her towards the exit.
Phoebe watched them go, feeling happy for the small family, and when the door closed behind them, Jessica came out from the office to claim her attention. ‘It’s lovely to see the babies when they’re ready to go home, isn’t it?’ she murmured.
‘It is. That little one was premature and needed support on the ventilator for a while, but she’s coping well with breathing now on her own.’
Jessica nodded. ‘So is that you finished for the day?’
Phoebe nodded. ‘That’s right. I have to go and meet Connor down in Reception. He’s driving us to the activity centre for the weekend.’
‘Yes, I saw him loading your overnight bag into the car this morning. That’s why I dropped by…to say cheerio, and wish you well, and tell you not to do anything that I wouldn’t do.’
‘Mmm…that gives me a fair amount of leeway, doesn’t it?’ Phoebe grinned as Jessica pretended to be affronted.
‘Huh…I wish. I’m too busy trying to keep up with Mr Kirk’s work schedule to have time for any shenanigans,’ she said. ‘He’s very thorough, and he expects me to keep on top of everything. It’s difficult, because he has such a heavy workload, but he’s brilliant and I’m learning so much.’
‘That’s something, at least.’ Phoebe grimaced. ‘Alex is finding things hard going, too, at the moment. We spent a few hours the other evening, going through some of the notes he had missed from his training afternoons. He’s worried about his upcoming review.’
Jessica smiled. ‘And then you finished off down the pub…I saw you both shooting off out around ten o’clock. I’d have gone with you if it hadn’t been for me having to do a stint on night shift. Did you run into Connor while you were there? He said he might drop by.’
Phoebe shook her head. ‘No. I didn’t realise he was around. I thought he was with Lisa from A and E. She said he was helping her move furniture into her new house.’ She didn’t know what to make of that, and it bothered her to think about Connor and Lisa. Was there something going on between the two of them? After all, as Alex had pointed out, he hadn’t come home the other night, and the two of them were very chatty whenever she saw them together.
‘Yes, I wondered about that.’ Jessica frowned. ‘Of course they work together, but they seem to be keeping company away from the hospital quite a bit, too. Makes me wonder if something’s going on there.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Connor’s never going to be short of women friends, is he? They all seem to want to get to know him better.’
‘You could be right. That’s always been the way.’
Why, then, had he kissed her when they had been in the arboretum? Her cheeks burned at the memory, and a feverish thrill of guilt ran through her. The kiss had come out of the blue, and Connor was the last person she should be daydreaming about, yet those few tender moments would stay with her for ever.
But perhaps he had simply been making the most of an opportunity when it had presented itself. That surely was the only explanation. It rankled, but there wasn’t much she could do about it except remind herself not to make the same mistake again. She needed to keep a barrier in place between them.
Connor was a complex character, and he had intrigued her from the moment she had first met him, all those years ago. He wasn’t the staying kind, though, and any woman who allowed herself to fall for him could easily be hurt.
Besides, Alex was the one who made her feel special. They had been friends since way back, and all she wanted from him was some indication that he might one day fall in love with her. For a long time now she had looked on him as the one man she might want to be with for the rest of her life.
‘Anyway,’ Jessica murmured, ‘it’ll probably do you good to go away for a couple of days. You’ve been anxious about all these babies in your care, and being with older children for a while might help you to put things in perspective…see how they cope with their problems. Mostly they become stronger as they grow, and the centre is a kind of convalescence for them, isn’t it?’
‘I suppose it is. I know Emily loved being there and she hasn’t looked back since.’
‘There you are, then. Go enjoy yourself. You have a way with children, and I can’t see you as anything other than a children’s doctor. I don’t know why you have so many doubts.’
‘Now you sound like Connor.’ Phoebe gave a wry smile. ‘Save me from people who think they know my mind better than I do.’
‘Off with you,’ Jessica said. ‘I have to go back down to Cardiology, and you need to get a life.’
‘Yeah, right. As if the same doesn’t apply to you, too.’
Jessica laughed, and the two women made their way down to Reception, where Connor was standing by the desk, chatting to the clerk on duty.
‘There you are,’ he said, taking his leave of the girl at the desk with a smile and a lift of his hand. He walked towards them, his gaze moving over Phoebe. ‘I was about to send out a search party. The evening meal’s at six o’clock, and I’d be well miffed if I missed out on the beefsteak pie.’
‘Your appetite will be the end of you,’ Jessica murmured, throwing him a quick grin. ‘Still, judging from the energy you put into everything, you need to keep up your strength, don’t you?’ She sent a swift glance in the direction of the clerk, and Connor’s mouth twisted.
‘I’m misjudged and maligned wherever I go.’
‘Sure you are.’ Jessica turned to Phoebe. ‘Have a great time. Don’t let the children overwhelm you with worrying about them…and Alex sends his love. He said he wishes he were going with you.’
‘I bet he does.’ Phoebe smiled. ‘He just fancies a spot of canoeing, if the truth be known.’
They parted company, Jessica walking off towards the cardiology department while Connor and Phoebe headed for the car park.
‘I think Alex has more on his mind than watersports,’ Connor murmured as they went out into the fresh air. ‘I spoke to him this afternoon, and he seemed quite concerned for your well-being. He seems to think you’re going to find this trip difficult. I’m pretty sure he’s bothered by the idea of you and I being together for a couple of days, but there’s more to it than that. He said you were troubled last time you stayed at the centre.’
They reached his car, and Connor pulled open the passenger side door for her. Phoebe slid
into her seat and buckled up, the scent of new leather upholstery teasing her nostrils. She leaned back and stretched out her legs, marvelling for a minute or two at the comfort and luxury of the car.
‘I was worried about a child who was staying there,’ she said quietly as he came and sat behind the wheel. ‘She wasn’t very strong, and it upset me to see her struggle. I think that was what finally decided me that I wasn’t going to work with children when I’ve completed my senior house officer years.’
‘And yet you went against your better judgement to go there again.’ He sent her a brief, appreciative look. ‘I think that shows you have courage and compassion and the will to help youngsters.’
‘It means I’m a weak fool,’ she said, pulling a rueful face.
He started the engine. ‘Not a bit of it.’ He gave her another oblique glance. ‘Otherwise you’d have given in and succumbed to all my overtures, past and present, whereas instead you’ve resolutely pushed me away.’ He shook his head. ‘That strikes me as a woman of determination.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Loyal, too, though I never did fully understand what it is that you and Alex have going on between you. You’re not a couple, are you?’
She didn’t answer right away and he concentrated on driving out of the hospital grounds, turning the car on to the North West road.
‘Alex has always been good to me,’ she said eventually. ‘He helped me make up my mind what it was I wanted when Emily was so ill, and it was because he talked me through all the options that I realised I wanted to study medicine.’
She let her gaze dwell on Connor for a while, watching his calm, smooth manner behind the wheel. His hands were strong and capable, with a light touch but one that was definitely in control the whole time. He knew exactly what it was that he wanted, and what he was about, and she guessed it was all the frustration and rebellion of his youth that had forged him into the man he was today.
She, on the other hand, had blown with the wind, unsure of herself, concerned about what was for the best if she was to help others, and dithering about the path she should take.