by Joanna Neil
Why did she react to him this way? Had he crept into her heart little by little, and taken it over, so that now all she could think of was him? Was this love that she felt for him? Why did it hurt so much?
She tried to pull herself together and turned her attention to the work in hand, bringing up the baby’s echocardiograph on screen. Mr Kirk would want to look at this before deciding what treatment to pursue.
‘Phoebe, my dear, there you are. Katie said I would find you here.’ Mr Kirk came into the annexe, a tall man, distinguished looking, with hair that was showing streaks of grey at the temples. His blue eyes were lit with warmth as he walked towards her.
‘You were looking for me?’ Phoebe was flustered for a moment. ‘Has something happened with the baby?’ She checked her pager. ‘No one called me.’
‘No, no…the baby is stable at the moment. We’ll admit her to Neonatology and I’ll keep an eye on her from there.’ He looked at the echocardiograph on screen, checking the working of the baby’s heart.
‘See, there’s the problem,’ he murmured, pointing a finger at the image on the monitor. ‘I’m going to schedule her for a catheterisation just as soon as we have the optimum time…within the month, I would imagine. I’m actually on my way to do a ward round, and I thought I would let you know that I’m very pleased with the way you handled things and managed to soothe the parents. It can be very unsettling when these tiny infants come into hospital in acute distress, but you coped very well. Just as you did with the baby boy who was suffering from congestive heart failure some time ago. You brought him along nicely, so that he’s doing well now. You and Jessica both seem to share that light touch. Well done.’
‘Thank you for that.’ She smiled at him, her eyes widening a little. Praise from the consultant was like nectar to a bee, and she was happy to drink it up.
She was in a cheerful mood when she went back to check on the baby once more. ‘I’ve sorted out all the paperwork,’ she told Katie, ‘so we can go ahead and transfer her over to Neonatology right away. Do the parents know that they can stay with her?’
‘They do. It’s all arranged.’
‘That’s good. I’ll see her settled in on the ward and then I can go off duty in a good frame of mind.’ She frowned. ‘Somehow, it seems to have been a long day.’
‘A lot of emotional trauma, maybe?’ Katie said, sending her an assessing glance.
‘Yes, you could be right there.’ Phoebe acknowledged what Katie was saying but, then, the nurse was talking about the baby, wasn’t she? She herself, on the other hand, thought her problems had more to do with a certain A and E doctor whose grey gaze had the power to send a thrill of response rippling through her nervous system from head to toe.
How was she going to cope with being near him at the barbecue this evening? He only had to look at her and she melted, and that would not do at all.
Still, it was all arranged and, since she was the chief instigator of the event, she didn’t really have a choice but to go along.
The pub was crowded with people when she arrived there that evening, but the majority of them were congregated outside by the quayside on the river estuary.
Phoebe went to sample the food that was on offer and found that Jessica was looking at the various tables that had been set up in the open air.
‘Wow. There are some seriously good raffle prizes here, Phoebe.’ Jessica’s eyes widened as she surveyed the table that had been laid out with various gift packages in the courtyard of the Quayside Pub. ‘How did you manage to come up with all these? I mean, a flat-panel TV, a luxury hamper filled with goodies, a case of wine—I have my eye on that—and a weekend away for two at a country hotel. They’re fabulous.’
Phoebe smiled. ‘They are pretty good, aren’t they? I approached various companies and asked if they would help out with the neonatal fund. I said we were hoping to collect enough money for an extra bay in the unit, so that we could treat more babies. We have the space available, just not the equipment and so on.’
‘And they obliged?’
Phoebe nodded. ‘They were happy to do whatever they could. Of course, it helped that Connor’s friend, John, was doing a piece for the local paper. That way, they were able to advertise their products alongside the article.’
‘The whole thing’s been a success from start to finish, hasn’t it?’ Jessica moved over to the grill, where food was being prepared. The appetising smell of burgers, sausages and chicken drumsticks filled the air. ‘Have you tried those kebabs?’ she murmured. ‘They’re yummy…full of mushrooms and peppers and spicy meat.’
Phoebe laughed. ‘Something tells me you’re hungry again. How come you never put on an ounce of weight?’ She helped herself to chicken and kebabs, and then added savoury rice and salad to her plate.
‘We’re all hungry,’ Connor said, coming to join them by the table. His plate was already loaded with food, but he eyed up the breadsticks and added one to the feast. His gaze roamed over Phoebe, gliding over the soft cotton top that outlined her curves and shifting to travel over the jeans that faithfully moulded her legs. Phoebe felt a rush of warmth flow through her.
‘She’s not part of the feast,’ Jessica said in a light-hearted tone, and Connor grinned.
‘Shame.’ He started to munch on a pizza slice, savouring it and then swallowing slowly as though he was tasting a small slice of heaven. ‘You’ve done really well, Phoebe,’ he said. ‘You must be well on the way to reaching your target for the fund.’
‘We are. I’m really pleased with the way things have gone but, then again, everyone has been so helpful, and we’ve had a really good turnout, both for the jog and for the barbecue.’
‘That’s because there’s nothing people like better than to get together for food and a glass of something or other,’ Katie put in, coming over to the grill. ‘The pub is heaving at the seams. As for the raffle, like Jessica said, there are some really good prizes.’
‘I’ll second that.’ Connor was looking at Phoebe, and now he indicated a table a few yards away by the water’s edge. ‘Shall we go and sit down?’
Phoebe finished adding food to her plate and went with him. Jessica and Katie stayed by the buffet table, chatting about the new neonatal bay that they were hoping to bring into being.
‘I thought the weekend away sounded like fun,’ Connor murmured, waiting while Phoebe seated herself before coming to sit opposite her. ‘Do you fancy a few days in a country hotel?’
‘With you?’ she asked. Unbidden, her heartbeat slipped into a hectic, jerky rhythm. He was in a playful, good-natured mood, and she knew better than to take him seriously, but her nervous system was taking a while to catch on.
‘Of course with me,’ he said, his brows lifting in astonishment. ‘Who else would you be thinking of taking along? Don’t tell me you had Alex in mind…he’s really not right for you, you know.’
It was Phoebe’s turn to raise her brows. He was joking, of course, but she would go along with him for a while. ‘Are you sure about that? I thought he had pretty much everything going for him…he’s calm, unflappable, always easygoing. He thinks the world of me.’
‘Me, too. I think the world of you.’ He looked as though she had injured his sensibilities in some way.
‘Really? The thing is, Alex doesn’t stir things up or make waves in any way, whereas you tend to do it on a regular basis.’
‘No, honestly, I’m a reformed character. I’m done with trouble. I’m even thinking about putting down roots.’
‘Are you?’ Suddenly, this didn’t seem like a game any longer, and she was curious enough to want to know if he was actually serious. ‘I thought you said that you hadn’t decided what specialty you wanted to study yet, and that you might be moving away at some point? Has that changed?’
‘Well, it occurred to me that I could specialise just as well in this area, the South West. My family all live around here, and I have the feeling that it would be good to come back to my birthplace. I was
thinking of buying a house locally…of course, a lot would depend on which hospital I eventually settle in.’
‘So you weren’t really joking this morning when you talked about moving house?’ Her mind did a small somersault at the thought. Hadn’t he invited her to move in with him?
‘No, I wasn’t really joking.’ His grey gaze rested on her. ‘It crossed my mind that I’d like a place of my own.’
‘Are you tired of sharing?’ She didn’t want to read too much into what he was saying. He confused her, made her mind jump in all directions, and she wanted to be clear about what he was really thinking. ‘I suppose it can be a problem sometimes, living with friends. You never really have your own space, and there’s always someone else using the kitchen, or else you have to think twice about playing music in the living room when other people want to be quiet.’
He filled his glass with punch from a jug on the table and then took a long swallow. ‘That wouldn’t necessarily bother me, especially if it was you who was sharing with me. I wasn’t being entirely flippant this morning.’ A smile touched his mouth.
Her eyes grew wide, and this time her heart didn’t mess about with funny little dance rhythms, but instead went into full-scale gallop. It took her a moment or two before she could get her breath back enough to answer him.
‘I never quite know whether or not you’re teasing me,’ she murmured.
‘But you do know how I feel about you, don’t you?’ His grey eyes were warm and enticing, inviting her to agree with him. ‘You brighten up my day whenever you’re around, and if I run into you at work it’s as though the sun has come out.’
Funny, but that was just how she had been feeling. She gazed at him in wonder, uncertain whether she could take that leap in the dark and let him know just how much she felt for him in return. Would it be too much of a risk to tell him that she wished the two of them could share something, too?
‘Hey, babe, I’ve been looking for you.’ Alex appeared by her side without warning, and looked down at her, a wide smile on his mouth. ‘I wanted to tell you about the presentation. It went really well, and my boss was stunned. He said he hadn’t expected such a clear, concise reading of the nature of the patient’s problem, and I obviously had a grasp of all the intricacies of the case.’ He beamed at her. ‘It’s all down to you, Phoebe, for helping me get a handle on things. I love you, babe.’
Phoebe was still trying to cope with all the emotions Connor had stirred up in her, and it took all she had to drag her mind over to Alex. She knew that this meant an awful lot to him, though, and she did her best to share his enthusiasm.
‘I’m really pleased for you, Alex,’ she murmured. ‘You’ve worked hard. You deserve it.’
‘But I couldn’t have done it without you.’ He leaned down towards her and planted a kiss directly on her mouth, a thorough, purposeful and passionate kiss that said ‘Thank you’ and ‘I’m grateful’ and ‘You’re the best’.
Then he straightened up, and Phoebe looked at him with an expression of bemusement on her face. He smiled, and turned to Connor, starting to tell him all about the presentation.
Phoebe wasn’t sure exactly what she felt right then. She was in something of a state of shock, because this was Alex who had kissed her…Alex, who she had worshipped from afar for so many years. She had even entertained the thought that she might be in love with him, and yet his kiss, coming out of the blue like that, meant absolutely nothing to her.
It was a revelation to her after all this time, that she felt nothing in response, no spark, no feeling of wonderment, no desperate need to have him do that again.
And yet with Connor, there were all of those things and more. She just wanted to be with Connor, to have him near, to have him talk to her, to feel the touch of his hand on her arm.
And it all should have been so perfect, because Connor was telling her that he wanted to have her by his side, to share his life, to share his house…Wasn’t that everything that she wanted to hear?
And yet that was precisely where the trouble lay, because in all that there had been no mention at all of any kind of commitment. He was proposing that they would live together, but Phoebe knew that it was nowhere near enough. She needed much more than that from him.
She glanced across the table. Alex was talking, but although he was listening, Connor’s gaze was fixed on her, and his expression was one that she couldn’t begin to fathom. There was no smile, no look that said he wanted her and could not bear to be without her. Instead, his jaw was rigid, his mouth held in a straight line. Was he disturbed because Alex had kissed her? She hadn’t invited the kiss, but perhaps that made no difference to the way he felt about it.
‘I heard that they were about to draw the raffle any minute,’ Alex said. ‘Who’s doing that? Will you be the one picking the numbers, Phoebe?’
She shook her head. ‘No, my boss is going to do it. Since she runs the neonatal unit, I thought it best to ask her.’ She didn’t move for a moment, trying to get herself together, but then she said, ‘I’d better go and organise things. Excuse me.’
She stood up, walking over to the far side of the courtyard, where her boss was talking to Katie. For a while, she joined them in chatting about the events of the evening, and then after a minute or so she looked over to where Connor had been sitting.
Only he was no longer there. He was standing by the water’s edge, deep in conversation with Lisa from A and E, his arm resting lightly around her waist.
She stared at them, a sick feeling gathering inside her.
CHAPTER TEN
‘DID I cause a problem for you with Connor last night?’ Alex asked. ‘Only I might have been a bit carried away with the results of the case presentation. I wanted to tell you about it straight away. It was only afterwards that I realised that I might have been interrupting something.’
Phoebe looked up from the notes she was studying, and sent him a thoughtful glance. ‘I had no idea that you ever realised what was going on around you,’ she said with a whimsical smile. ‘You always seem to be such a man of the moment, jumping in and tackling things as they come about, without thinking too deeply about any of it.’
He shrugged. ‘I generally aim to take life as it comes…otherwise I might get hung up on things, and to my way of thinking, what’s the point in worrying? It might never happen.’
She chuckled. ‘That seems a sound enough reason.’ Then, more seriously, she added, ‘No, there was no problem. I’m sure it didn’t bother Connor much at all. Why would it? He doesn’t seem to have any difficulty finding other girls to soothe away his troubles at short notice.’
She was still sore about him turning right away to seek out the company of the senior house officer.
‘I’m not so certain about that,’ Alex said with a frown. ‘This thing with Lisa, it may not be all it seems, you know. They work together, so they’re bound to be chatty and at ease with one another. Going around together outside work doesn’t have to mean anything.’
He stopped suddenly and looked at her, watching her expression change. ‘Perhaps I should shut up. I’m making things worse, aren’t I?’ His mouth turned down at the corners.
She replaced the folder in the wire tray on the desk. Even Alex had picked up on Connor’s friendship with the woman.
‘You don’t have to pacify me, Alex,’ she murmured. ‘I’m all grown up. I can deal with things all by myself.’ Connor hadn’t denied any involvement with her, had he, so maybe she wasn’t wrong in jumping to conclusions?
Alex winced. ‘I know that Connor thinks the world of you. He always has.’
‘And I’ve always thought the world of you.’ She studied him musingly. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d noticed, or whether you were hoping I would cool off, given time.’
He smiled. ‘I knew you weren’t really sure about your feelings for me, one way or the other, and I was so deeply involved in trying to get my grades, I wasn’t going to push it. And then Connor came along, and I could see
which way the wind was blowing.’ He pulled in a long breath. ‘The thing is, we’ve always been a bit like family, haven’t we, you and I? For some reason, I always wanted to look after you, and I think it was because I thought perhaps I was in love with you. But then I began to realise that I had feelings for someone else.’
Phoebe’s eyes widened. ‘You do?’ She was stunned by this news. ‘Why didn’t I know about this?’
He winced. ‘Because I felt foolish, and I didn’t want anyone to know, least of all her. She doesn’t even acknowledge that I exist half the time, and for the rest, she has a very low opinion of me. So I plan to keep my feelings to myself. I do have some pride, you know.’ He tried to look nonchalant, but failed miserably.
Phoebe was staring at him. ‘But I’ve never seen you even looking at another woman. As far as I know, the only woman in your life apart from me is…’ She broke off, clapping a hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, my…are you saying it’s Jessica that you’re interested in?’
‘I’m not saying anything,’ Alex said, his voice gruff. ‘And whatever I’ve said to you, I’ve said in confidence, because I trust you as though…’ His voice trailed off.
‘As though I were your sister,’ Phoebe said, shaking her head. ‘It all makes sense now. I wonder why I didn’t see it?’
Alex picked a file out of the tray. ‘Maybe you were too busy thinking about Connor. You and he are made for each other, anyone can see that, only neither of you seems to be able to get over the hurdle of the past. It keeps rearing its head, so that you think he’s always going to mess up or fly the coop, and he thinks that you only have eyes for me.’
She let her gaze drift over him. She was astonished by his revelations. ‘You know, Alex, it seems to me that you ought to have studied psychology. You seem to understand other people very well, and it looks as though you can see things that others miss. Perhaps you ought to put your insight to the test and have a heart to heart with Jessica. You might be surprised at what comes of it.’