by Abbye J Leen
Noah and Nolan are waiting for me by the school gate so that we can walk home together. While we’re on our way, Nolan does nothing but mock the hell out of me about the whole cheerleading thing, whereas Noah remains strangely silent.
He, who usually loves to tease me.
Noah
4
The day has finally come, the day I’ll show everyone what a formidable quarterback I am and what I’m truly capable of. All of my teammates are losing it, Arcadia High and our school, Venice High, have been at each other’s throats since forever, I can't wait to kick their butts.
What’s worrying me right now is Ellie though, her and her damned cheerleading. We haven't talked about it since… but after all, what was I supposed to say? The mere thought of her amongst all these bubbleheads makes me shudder. I would never want the boys to think that they can start treating her as one of ‘them’, although that shouldn’t be a problem, given the fact that I've warned them all about her already.
After performing my anti-bad luck ritual, my team and I move out to the field, that same field where the girls will be performing shortly.
I can't take my eyes off Ellie, who looks strangely at ease amongst all the others and I can’t help but admit that she’s pretty good at what she’s doing, too. The only thing that makes me feel slightly better is fact that being this not only out final week of term, but also our final week at school, at least I won’t risk having her cheerleading the whole of next year, I really can’t imagine what that would have been like.
Once the girls are finished it’s our turn and now, the real show’s about to start. We all lined up in our positions and as soon as the referee blows his whistle, I kick off the game as impeccably as possible.
We’re all trying our hardest not to feel the almost unendurable pressure. We’ve reached the end of the first half and it’s up to me now, to determine our next move. I don't have a lot of time to elaborate a tactic, so I decide to follow my instinct, trusting Nolan with the ball: no one can deny he’s the best running back we’ve got.
I can only be content with the choice I took, as I stand there in awe and admire the ball forcefully penetrating right through our opponents’ half and hitting the quintessential spot. The referee blows our touchdown and we are absolutely over the moon about it.
By the time we get to the fourth half, we’re exhausted but euphoric, given that we’re way ahead than our adversaries. Our Tail Back is getting ready to steal a short pass from one of our opponents, but if he misses we’re screwed and the other team will catch up.
I shout at our receiver to move forward and he does, promptly catching the ball mid-passage. That’s not exactly what I had in mind, but thank God for Billy, my lifeline, who used some of his incredible tactical intelligence to save us all, making me suddenly realize that it is vertically that we have to play if we want to win.
There’s so much pressure coming from the opposing team, they really don’t seem to want to admit that they’ve basically lost against us. We run and fight back relentlessly, to the point that we’re literally getting hurt to protect our half, but we carry on, until eventually the referee blows his whistle, raising the ball mid-air and announcing our smashing 49 to 29 victory.
We’re all just so full of joy, that we can't help but go crazy on celebrations. I notice that Ellie’s enjoying our victory too to my surprise, along with all the other girls. Nolan's left with his parents already, but I still decide to wait for her. I might be overly paranoid, but I don't feel like I’d be doing the right thing if I just left her here on her own.
I watch the boys slowly walk out of the locker room and then see Holly coming towards me. She says hi to me, before laying her head against my chest and stroking my biceps, while I smile and wink at her.
"Hey champ," Ellie says, while Holly keeps staring at me, spellbound. I move her hand away from my chest, to turn towards my friend. The sunlight beautifully illuminates her bright, blue eyes, her straight, brown hair falls perfectly down her back and that uniform she’s wearing, well, it leaves very little room for the imagination, but I bite my tongue and avoid any comments, before things get out of hand again.
"Want to go for a ride?" I ask her, pointing to my car.
“I mean, if you’ve got nothing better to do" she replies, shrugging.
"Okay, in a minute though" I say, seeing Ben, one of our rivals, pop up behind her.
"Babe, you should have cheered all year long. You would have kept your school’s name up with that fabulous ass of yours!" Says he, to her.
"What the fuck do you want, Ben?" I ask furiously.
"Nothing at all from you Noah, instead, I wouldn’t mind a thing or two from this piece of candy cheerleader you’ve got over here" he replies, slimily.
"You're so squalid," Ellie responds, grabbing my arm and attempting to pull me away with her.
"Apologize to her immediately," I roar, clenching my teeth.
"Noah stop it, it doesn't matter” Ellie says, which does nothing but make me angrier than I already was. It absolutely matters, to me.
"Sure, I could apologize to her… but I could also fuck her brains out in the backseat of my car!" he answers, trying to provoke me and succeeding.
I run straight to his face and unravel all of my bottled up anger, punching him first in the nose, then on his cheekbone.
I skillfully dodge all of his attempts to hit me back, before I heat Ellie screaming my name out and begging me to stop. It's only because of her voice that I manage to calm down and resist the urge to keep beating this asshole up. If it were up to me, I'd go ahead and wipe him off of the face of the Earth entirely.
"Don't you even look at her, ever again, or else…" I threaten him, while Ellie drags me to the car.
Ellie
5
What's the matter? I mean yes, the guy was rude as hell, but why is he overreacting so much again?
"Noah, are you okay?" I ask, contemplating his bloody hands.
"I'm fine" he brusquely responds.
"Why did you do that? There was no need for it, he’s just a useless idiot"
We’re sat down in his car and I look at him, completely ignoring what I’m saying. That’s one of the things he knows how to do best, being silent and unreasonable. He’s been like this ever since we met. As if nothing was, he revs up the engine and drives off, without saying a word. I'd like him to tell me what's going on with him, but we've never been very good at communicating… him and I.
"Do you want to come over and have some coffee?" I ask, to try and break the tension.
"If you want," he says, shrugging.
"Then come in," I say, as he parks in front of my house,
He’s very, strangely silent and that’s odd because usually he does nothing but talk, annoy or tease me, which isn’t great, but it’s still better than this.
As we enter, I see my sister Amelia coming towards us in a very euphoric fashion, excited about how well the hotel’s been working lately. She looks at Noah's knuckles and raises her eyebrows, but then looks away without commenting and instead, invites him over for dinner, which he happily accepts. As I set the table, I peek at Noah playing with Jonas. He's a really kind guy and I think it's a shame for him to be an only-child, because that means that he has to bear all of the pain his family puts him through, all on his own. I know him though and I know that he doesn’t see it the same way as I do: he isn’t selfish, not always at least and the mere thought of somebody else having to deal with a fatherly figure like his has always, inevitably, made him feel sick to the stomach.
The hotel’s chef has prepared some really nice food for us, as usual. Amelia tells me that we’re ahead of schedule with work and that I’m free for the rest of the night, although I am not so sure that I really can make it anywhere, all this built-up tiredness is killing me.
Just as I’m thinking about how much I’d love it to just go and lie down in bed, Noah asks me to head off to the beach and cf course, I can't do anything but say
yes.
The weather tonight is delightful and I’m peacefully enjoying the panorama, the beach is completely deserted and everything feels so, absolutely tranquil. The waves swooshing back and forth play us a sweet melody, as the tepid sand warms the bottoms of my feet and gets stuck between my toes, sending shivers down my spine.
The silence between Noah and I is getting awkward, to the point that I decide to break it.
"Could you please tell me what's wrong with you today?" I ask.
"Come on Ellie… the guy was a moron"
"I know Noah, but it’s normal for guys to fuck around with girls that way, you should know better!"
"Listen, other guys can do whatever they want, with whoever they want… but not with you Ellie. You are not like ‘other girls’ and we all know that very well"
"Um, I don't know whether to take this as a compliment or not" I reply. What the hell is he trying to say?
"It is and it’s a pretty big one too, I can assure you"
"Well, not that you seem to mind cheerleaders or other girls, as you call them, you know?" I tease him, referring to the many girls he’s slept with.
"We’re changing the subject here these girls are just a hobby to me"
I sigh, exasperated. I'll never understand him.
"Look at your hands… They’re completely destroyed! Does it hurt? What if this complicates things? What if this gets in the way of your scholarship?" I utter anxiously.
"Ellie, this happened outside of school. If they won't give me the scholarship, then they can just go fuck themselves."
"Oh come on. You can’t be serious."
"Never have I ever been more serious in my entire life." he says, looking intently into my eyes. This is the first time that Noah and I talk this way, given that in most of our conversations, all we do is insult each other from start to end.
My sight falls on Noah’s arm, in particular on the anchor tattoo with the word ‘love’ tangled around it. I’ve always liked that tattoo a lot, maybe because he wanted me to be there with him when he got it done. I sigh once again, wondering if I'll ever be able to understand what's going on in this boy’s head.
"Wanna go home?" He asks.
"Yeah, we probably should, it's gotten quite late."
We walk in absolute silence, there’s evidently something wrong with Noah tonight, but I’m not going to question him about it any further.
We get to my house, where Noah accompanies me to the front porch.
"Goodnight Noah and… thanks for today. You really shouldn’t have"
All of a sudden, Noah leans in dangerously too close to me. He’s nervous, like I’ve never seen him before, and I don’t know what to expect next.
He poses his hand on my face, then caresses my cheeks, gently looking at me firmly in the eyes. My heart starts beating faster, I can feel butterflies taking over my stomach and for some reason, I’m finding myself unable to stop staring at Noah's mouth. This is all beyond belief...
He presses his lips against mine, hesitantly at first, but the moment our mouths hatch and his tongue, touches mine, things change. I lose control of my actions. I cling tightly onto his neck, almost devouring his lips, savoring his taste to the fullest, eagerly going after each movement his tongue makes. It’s a sensation beyond sublime and when he lifts me off the ground and sits me on my porch’s wooden railing, I’m simply unable to think straight any longer.
When did Noah start having this effect on me?
I can't take my lips off him. He keeps passionately caressing my body, while I'm busy tightening the grip of my legs around his waist. I can feel his desire press against the most sensitive and never-before touched part of my body and that’s driving me insane.
"Oh fuck, Ellie!" he whispers, as I keep firmly holding his face in my hands. I don't want this to stop, at all, that’s why I draw back into hip his, making way for my tongue to move sensually against his once again.
Noah
6
What have I done? What the hell was I thinking?
Did I just kiss Ellie!? Jesus Christ.
I feel confused yet amazed, I never could have imagined something like this, it was so exquisite, so intense and so special. For the first time ever, I feel like I’ve gotten myself into something that I’m sure will be deleterious for me. Ellie’s always had a strange effect on me. And to think that I used to hate her as a child or rather, pretended to, but now... I mean, now she just blows my mind completely.
While keep I kissing holding and desiring Ellie, I can’t help but feel like I’m both in heaven and hell, at the same time. How the shit am I going to tell my best friend that I’ve kissed his first and only love? I can’t give myself an answer right now, I’m too focused on Ellie’s tender lips, her warm and eager tongue, the softness of her skin. I’m feeling such intense thrills and not just ‘down there’. I want this girl like I’ve never wanted anybody else before. I want her but at the same time, I'm afraid of having her.
I bite her lower lip gently, wanting nothing more but for this kiss to go on forever. She tightens her legs around my hips and I’m about to lose it, the harder she pulls my hair, the less I can think straight. If I could, I'd take her right here and right now.
My tongue keeps twirling with hers, with one of my hands I keep caressing her body, while with the other I search for and cup her beautiful, velvety breasts. I squeeze her nipple with my thumbs kinda indelicately and in response, Ellie moans in a way that makes me go absolutely mental. I push my hips harder against hers, when suddenly, someone coughing behind us interrupts the moment. I freeze, embarrassed, as I slowly detach myself from Ellie looking at her straight in the eyes. I can perceive just how crazy my touch drove her and I can perceive just how much that kiss meant to her, too… a whole lot more than we’d want to admit.
"Well, damn guys!" Says Amelia, clearing her throat.
I help Ellie get off the railing, moving away from her but only a little. I turn around and see Amelia, with a big, smugly smile on her face, while Ellie’s blushing so hard that her cheeks are all red. I still haven’t let go of her hand, because... well, I don't really know why precisely, I mean, I can barely even remember what my name is right now. That kiss between us did something to me, it was beyond belief, it made me feel something I had never felt before.
How the fuck am I supposed to live without this, now?
"When you guys are done… smooching, turn the garden lights off, please." Amelia says, still with a big, satisfied smile on her face, before heading back inside. The awkward moment that follows is priceless. Hardly anything could ever beat this level of embarrassment, especially if I think about the kind of relationship that we’ve had up until... five minutes ago.
"Ellie, I..." I mumble, but I don't really know what to say.
"Oh God, please no. Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say that you’ve made a mistake," she pleads, staring down at the wooden floor.
"Ok. I won't say it then." I reply, sighing, although it wasn't my intention to do so. I don't mind what happened between us, it wasn’t a mistake... it’s just that I really feel like shit now. What are we going to tell Nolan?
Confused and oppressed by remorse, I turn around and leave, without even saying goodbye to her.
***
I shouldn't have done it!
I toss and turn in bed all night, thinking about how I really, fucking shouldn't have done any of it. I’ve always felt some kind of way for Ellie, even though I could never admit it.
How the fuck am I going to explain this to Nolan? We had a deal and we were to keep it forever, a very simple and straightforward deal: Hands off Ellie. Neither he, nor I were supposed to ever approach her ‘that way’, in order not to compromise our friendship. We are fundamental to each other and I’ve just screwed it all up.
Nonetheless, I’ve never ever experienced anything so deep, intense and passionate with any other girl, I literally felt my heart jumping out of my chest and to still have the taste of her lips on
mine, is nothing but seraphic. I wonder how up until today, no other girl has ever managed to make me feel as bewildered as she.
I have to get Ellie out of my head, I need to forget all about what happened and I also have to get some sleep… tomorrow’s a big day: The last day of school.
Ellie
7
Great, what a better day to look like a potato, if not when I’m graduating? It’s fine though, all that matters is the fact that from today on, a new life begins. Goodbye High School, Hello College!
I can’t wait it for it, I should be over the moon about it and I am, but at the same time I feel so nervous, I haven’t slept a wink thanks to Noah and his stupid kisses. Why did he do that but most importantly, why did he leave afterwards, without even looking at me?
"Honey, you need to try and relax a little, today’s the big day but you look super tense and it shows! Also um, what happened between you and Noah last night?" asks my sister, winking and if I was feeling nervous before, well now I’m completely freaking out.
Thanks Amelia, you sure know how to make a sis panic!
"Nothing happened between us. I don't know why he did what he did... nor why I kissed him back" I admit, fidgeting with my shirt.
"He did what he did because you’ve been into each other for years, no matter how much you both try to deny it. Come on, it’s so obvious, you two constantly tease each other only to mask your true feelings!"
"I don't ‘feel’ anything for him" I reply, sulking like a spoiled child, crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head.
"Yeah, that’s… hardly believable”
***
I feel like a clown in this silly toga and hat, but it’ll just have to do. As I walk to my seat, I look at Noah and Nolan sitting a couple of rows away from me, casually laughing and talking with each other, whereas I’m feeling super agitated, because Mr. ‘I kiss better than Gods’ has not paid any attention to me yet, at all.