by Abbye J Leen
How did it not occur to me that he could have simply driven around the waterfalls? He steps out of the car slowly, with a big, evil grin on his face, he’s got his eyes wide open and there’s a lot of visible anger in his every move. I feel a massive amount of adrenaline rushing through my veins, so I stand up all at once, determined to fight until the end. Nolan claws onto my hair violently once again, “Whore!" he screams at me, hitting me in the face, then punching me in the temple. I fall to the ground, blood slowly trickling down my forehead, but not even the physical pain he’s putting me through right now aches as much as my heart.
He keeps at it, kicking me straight into the stomach and I remain still, motionless, thinking that perhaps at this point he might show me some mercy and leave me to die in peace, but his intentions seem to be much worse than I’d made them out to be. He flips me over belly side up and I can't do anything to stop him. I look at him as he unbuttons his pants, in silence, but with a screaming rage in his eyes. I cry out for help with the very little voice that I have left, I’m not even sure whether what’s coming out of my mouth is as inaudible as I perceive it to be, but then again why does it matter? Who’s ever going to hear me, anyway.
"Shhh, shut the fuck up bitch, it’s no use for you to even try. Brace yourself now, for the greatest fuck of your life!"
I try to wriggle myself free from beneath him, twisting and turning in desperation, as he starts taking my clothes off. He grabs the hoodie I’m wearing and pulls it off, then rips my shirt open, button after button, until all I’ve got left is my bra. With his ice cold hands he starts touching my body all over,
"You’re so, damn hot" he groans, as I continue to squirm, kick and scream. He clutches both of my wrists tightly with his free hand to hold me still and when he shoves his thick, slimy tongue forcedly down my throat, I wait no time to ferociously bite down on it as hard as I can.
He cusses and screams in pain, letting go off my arms for a moment, so I seize the opportunity to test the ground around me and it is only then, that I manage to pick up a stone and smash it straight on his head with all the force I have. He loses balance, insulting me yet again, as he finally falls to the ground. I get back up and start running once again, I do not know if I’ll ever make it to his car in these conditions, but it’s worth a shot. Just as I’m about to open the car door, he grabs me by the ankle again, but at last, a glimmer of hope starts fighting its way back inside me.
Police cars. I cannot hear the sound of their sirens, but I can see their blue lights coming through the woods. I keep crying, but this time it’s tears of joy.
Nolan is visibly taken over by panic, as the police keeps driving towards us: his car is parked close to us, well in sight, making it impossible for them not to see us. Two armed policemen step out pointing their guns at him, while I quiver uncontrollably and continue to cry.
I watch, as what used to be my best friend is now being kept still and searched by the two officers. I can’t believe that he’s the one who put me through this living hell, I can’t believe that out of all people, it was one of the few that I actually believed in and trusted. A policewoman hastens to call an ambulance, as she wraps a big, warm blanket around my freezing body. I cling onto her, hugging her tight, because right now all I really need is a little bit of human warmth.
"It's okay honey, you’re safe now" she whispers, hugging me back and gently caressing my head, while I finally let myself go, allowing all the pain I feel to come out in a stream of salty tears that start running down my face unceasingly.
Thirteen years-old
I've never seen Nolan as furious as he is right now. His parents are trying to calm him down, but he just keeps on screaming in their faces holding a knife in his hands and threatening them to cut their throats off if they ever dare contradict him again.
"You’re right honey, we shouldn’t have. It won’t happen again, we promise" says his mother calmly, as if nothing were, as if this was somehow normal to her.
I keep watching, as his father steps towards him very carefully and gently takes the knife out of his hands. Nolan turns around seemingly possessed and gives him a truly withering stare, but before he has the time to do anything his mother promptly steps in again. She tries to calm him down with comforting words as she rushes over to one of the kitchen’s cabinets and grabs a handful of pills, which she then encourages him to take. He refuses at first, but then eventually gives in.
I flatten myself up against the wall besides the window that I shouldn’t have been spying from. I didn’t mean to witness any of this, I didn’t do it on purpose, I just wanted to play football with Nolan, but I’ve changed my mind now. Sick and tired of all the pain and violence that constantly surrounds me, I decide to rush over to Ellie's house, where Amelia will keep me safe and sheltered from it all as well.
Ellie
55
Rain falls loudly over the police car, as I’m still shaking, both with cold and fear. I look out of the side window and observe the cobalt-colored lights flashing around me, fast and bright, as I try to decipher my state of mind. I feel empty, sad and incredulous.
All that I’ve been through today invades my head at once: the fear I felt, his words, his gestures.
I never could have imagined that Nolan had a dark side, I’d always thought of him as a very kindhearted, calm and reliable person, a truly noble soul and to discover this part of him, so obscure and terrifying, it destabilized me completely. How could nobody have seen this coming? How could I not have seen this coming, given all the years I’ve known him for? My heart aches and I start crying again, as I slowly realize that from tonight on Nolan’s as good as dead to me, as are most of my childhood memories along with him.
***
Nolan and I are sitting down in two separate cars in front of the police district, with the only difference is he’s got handcuffs on and I don’t.
The last thing I want right now is to be questioned by the officers and have to share with them all of the painful, stressful memories already. I sigh, exhausted, as one of the policemen steps out of the car and opens the door for me. Should I really get out of this car? Should I really be leaving what has very quickly turned into a safe spot for me?
"Everything’s all right now, miss. You’re safe with us"
Safe… How safe could I possibly be, knowing that even the people that I’ve known and trusted all my life can turn out to be merciless backstabbers?
I nod, swallowing down yet another massive lump in the throat. When I step outside I hear somebody calling my name, that very warm and familiar voice immediately calms me down, so I turn around to see Noah, running towards me. I try to pluck up the courage to pretend that things aren’t as drastic as they seem, as I take the cozy blanket off my shoulders and get up to meet him halfway. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face deep into his chest, as he lovingly encircles my waist and it is only then that tears truly start flooding my face, like never before. The policemen invite us to enter the station with them, but I just cannot stop crying. Noah keeps holding me tightly, to the point that I can hardly even breathe, but it doesn’t matter because that’s exactly what I need right now.
"Please, just give her a break!" says he brusquely to one of the policemen who’s urging us in.
I try to get ahold of myself, take a deep breath and slowly let go of the one and only man that I will ever truly trust. He looks at me intensely, searching for and then holding my hand tightly, that’s when I notice that Amelia and Oliver are here as well and my face is filled with tears once again, as my sister holds me desperately into her arms.
I watch, as the police pulls Nolan out of the car. A fierce shiver immediately runs down my spine, while Noah heads enraged in his direction.
"Noah, please!" I scream out running after him, but he’s so infuriated that I can barely even recognize him.
"You dirty, fucking son of a bitch!" He shouts.
Nolan looks back at him with a grin on his face, as two police of
ficers promptly intervene to stop Noah, grabbing him by the arms and holding him still.
"You’re no longer the only man she’s ever had, asshole" says Nolan, winking, while the love of my life helplessly tries to lash out at him. I need to be strong, for the both of us, so without any hesitation I run up to him and try to calm him down, holding his face in my hands and begging him to look at me, which he does.
Anger, pain and fear, that’s all I can see in his eyes, that are now impetuously filling with tears as well. As the cops slowly let go of him he drops to his knees, taking me down with him. All that remains are the heaving laments tearing from his throat.
Noah
56
Rain keeps falling heavily, while Ellie reports to the police all that’s happened to her, including the content of the painful memories that was able to recover.
Me? I feel like a failure, because I couldn’t protect her and now my guilt is eating me alive. It was my responsibility to keep her safe, but I couldn’t do that and it kills me, to know that I sent her straight into the belly of the beast instead.
How could he do that to her? How? How could he hurt her and beat her, when all along he said he loved her?
Besides, how could I have ignored all those red flags? Like that time I saw him threaten his parents with a knife. How couldn’t I connect the dots straightaway back then? I watch my girlfriend, pale and with a trembling voice, as she continues to describe the horror she’s had to go through… and to think that when I first called the police, they didn’t even take me seriously! Thank goodness my agent was there to sort things out for me, I don’t know how, but in a matter of minutes he somehow got the whole department moving.
"Alright miss, that’s enough for us" announces a very large, bald officer. He’s kind of intimidating, probably not the most suitable person to be interviewing Ellie.
"What... what’s going to happen to him now?"
"That’s up to you and the legal path that you decide to take, however for now I’d advise you to just go home and get some rest. We’ll keep him locked up in the meantime. His parents and lawyer are on their way here as well, they shouldn’t be far now."
Ellie bites her lower lip, a clear sign that she just wants to cry, so I get up from my chair to move closer to her.
"Hey baby…" I tell her, standing behind her, as I gently place my hand over her shoulder. She looks up at me: in her eyes all I can see is pain, in my eyes all she can see is anger and a clear thirst for revenge. If I could, I’d kill Nolan with my own two hands in this very instant.
"Come, we’re going home"
"Amelia… where is she?"
"Oliver drove her home, Jonas was extremely tired" She nods, looking around the room still visibly flustered.
The robust officer stands up and pours her a glass of water, she thanks him very feebly and after taking a few small sips, she gets up as well. Now that I take a good look at her figure entirely, I can see just how severely injured and bruised she is, she needs medical attention and quickly, too. I shake hands with the policeman, then take my girlfriend immediately away from there, the only thing I want right now is for her to be safe, once and for all. The icy night air hits us like a blast as we walk out of the station, Ellie’s still got her dirty, wet clothes on and she immediately starts shivering, so I promptly take off my coat and wrap it around her, but just as I’m doing so, I notice her wince. I turn around and see Nolan's parents walking towards us, which makes me immediately stiffen. I don’t want them to even come near her, they very well knew the risks we were running because of their son.
"I'm sorry honey… I'm so sorry" Mrs. Georgie says, hugging her. I'd like to pull her away from there, but I decide not to for Ellie’s sake.
"We have to go, Ellie’s really tired" I say.
"I'm sorry honey, we didn’t know that he’d stopped taking his meds... he kept it a secret for months!"
"What meds?" Asks Ellie, puzzled.
"Sweetheart, Nolan’s been struggling with a manic-depressive disorder ever since he was a child. He’s bipolar"
Both Ellie and I are at loss for words.
"… And was that not worth telling us according to you?! We’ve been friends with him all our lives!" I scream out, absolutely stupefied.
"We’re sorry, Noah. You two are both like family to us, you always have been. Never did we think that Nolan have put you in danger, otherwise we would have told you" says Mr. Taylor
"All of this could have been avoided, only had you spoken up sooner!" I say sternly.
"Noah" Ellie whispers.
"No, Ellie. Your son almost killed the love of my life, not once but twice! Do not ask me to forgive him, do not ask me to justify him and his illness or you and your silence, because I’m not going to do that. I’m never going to, ever." I say.
Without wasting any further time, I take Ellie’s hand, intentioned to leave.
"Don't go on in this Ellie, please, do it for us. You two grew up together, don’t make him spend the rest of his life in prison, I’m begging you."
Those words make my blood boil, I wish I could just scream at Nolan’s mother and ask her whether she’s gone completely mental as well, but instead I focus on Ellie, on her sad eyes and the tears tracing down her cheeks. She must be in so much pain right now, not only physically but also and mostly mentally. Nolan, her and I were always very close. He was like a brother to us and we never, ever could have imagined that he would have betrayed us both this way. Without saying a word, I take Ellie away with me, I can’t and won’t allow Mrs. Georgie to keep taking advantage of my girlfriend’s very delicate mental state.
***
"Are you out of your mind?!" I say baffled, while Ellie tells me that withdrawing the lawsuit against Nolan is the right thing to do.
"I'm not, Noah. You know all that his family did for me when mom died."
"Ellie, he tried to kill you, twice. He physically hurt you, twice. He sequestered and drove you, thousands of miles away from home, in the middle of nowhere, with God knows what intentions in mind and he’s even tried to abuse you. Jesus Christ, there’s no way I’m letting you withdraw anything!"
"I owe them. Besides, I can still get a restraining order. It’s not like we’re neighbours anyways, he still lives in California, while we’ll be all the way over to New York"
"Ellie, I'm begging you..."
"Noah, I'm really tired. Please."
I nod, as I watch her leave. We’ve been fighting over this for weeks now and as much as I may feel sorry for Nolan's parents, I don't want Ellie to give in to their pressure, she can’t risk again. How am I supposed to make her understand that just the thought of him being on the loose after all he’s done to her terrifies me?
Does she really think that this is any easier for me than it is for her? He used to be my best friend and now he’s become a stranger to me, a person that I no longer recognize. I run my hands through my hair frustratedly and sigh, grabbing myself a cold beer from the fridge. I sit down on a deck chair on my terrace and look at the sky, with a massive lump in my throat and a shattered heart. I nearly lost the only woman I’ve ever loved, the one that I’d take a bullet for, the one that I gave my soul to... Then I lost my best friend, the boy with whom I’d always shared everything, the one I told my secrets to, the one I thought I could confide in.
It is absurd and anguishing to think that sometimes, the people you trust most are the very same ones that end up destroying you. I wish I could punch him, I wish I could scream at him, I wish I could make him understand how much he’s hurt us all… and I wish he was going through the same pain as us.
Somebody gently poses their hand on my shoulder, I look up to see Ellie standing behind me. She’s so beautiful, even though she’s been losing a lot of sleep lately.
"Hey, how come you’re still up?"
"My thoughts are keeping me up" I say, taking her hand, then gently pulling her down onto my lap. I wrap my arms around her waist as she buries her face into my neck.
"I'm sorry, Noah"
"You don't have to feel sorry, you just have to try and understand my point of view"
"Yes, but you have to try and understand mine, also"
"I simply can’t, I can’t do it. You almost died Ellie and I can’t forgive myself for it. I can't imagine a life without you and the fact that you’re willing to drop the charges against the very person who tried to take you away from me, that’s something I just can't accept" I say, making her get off my lap because I cannot keep my cool, nor sit still any longer.
"Noah, you’ll be right by my side. You…"
"Ellie, fucking hell!" I scream.
How is she not getting what I’m trying to say?
"Don’t you understand that I simply can’t take it? I can't breathe at the thought of something bad happening to you again! I cannot take it, whether you like it or not it, so you either prosecute Nolan or leave. The choice is yours." I tell her, looking straight into her eyes, as a stunned expression appears on her face.
"How could you say something like that?" She asks.
"How could you ask me to simply get over something so big? How could you possibly think that I’d somehow accept the fact that you’d rather have Nolan free to do God knows what else, instead of carrying out the legal action, just because you feel sorry for his parents? They shouldn’t even have dared to ask you something like that, they should just be plain ashamed of themselves. You are free to make your own choices in life, but you won’t drag me down with you in this one. I refuse to accept you decision and that’s the end of it" I say, adamant.