by Orr, Krystal
"I love you," Talliea responded, her eyes still searching Arizira's.
"Tah-li," Arizira's started, "there are matters we have not discussed. There are...things you do not know -- things I have not told you and have not been shared between us."
Talliea nodded her head and gently grasped Arizira's chin in her hand. "I know," she said simply. "There are things I have not said, as well."
Arizira did not respond, but her eyes continued to look deeply into Talliea's. Finally, Talliea smiled easily and said, "Our love will not come to the winter, Ari. We have all the time in the world to explore one another and this connection we have. There is no rush, love."
Smiling and feeling, once again, elated at simply being in Talliea's presence, Arizira leaned down and kissed her lover's lips.
She was correct.
They had all the time in the world...
Talliea felt stronger.
She could not describe how such a thing could be. Her body was still tired. Her head still ached and her thoughts were still slightly jumbled, but all in all she felt better than she had the first time she had come to.
Opening her eyes, she inhaled a deep and clarifying breath. She stretched her body and felt much of her soreness and stiffness dissipate.
"Are you feeling more sound?" a voice asked.
Talliea jumped and turned her eyes in the direction of the voice. She noticed Markahn in the corner of the room, his steely, grey eyes taking in her renewed appearance. There was something in the way he looked at her, some untold revelation that she could not place. He appeared different to her from the last time she had seen him.
Older.
Wiser.
Her sense of loneliness, of remorse and sorrow, were weights so heavy upon her heart and mind that, for a moment, she greatly desired to confide in him. Maybe if she told him about her time with Arizira, he would help. Maybe if she told him about their connection, of how they had shared thoughts and memories and sensations, perhaps he would take pity on her and help her to escape.
But, could she risk such a thing on a mere possibility?
Markahn was a good man. She had never denied that. Of all the other men of her clan, he was the most level-headed and kind. She truly believed he cared for her, in his own way. He held true to his ideals and his belief that a woman had her proper place, but he sought for Talliea to be happy.
Holding the man's intense stare, Talliea shifted in her bedding and tried to sit up. Though stronger, she was still very much weakened. Markahn closed the distance between them and helped her up.
"Thank you," she breathed heavily.
He smiled shyly and nodded his head in acknowledgement before taking a seat on the floor next to her. A few moments of silent contemplation passed before Markahn spoke up.
"I take heart in your being awake."
Talliea looked down at him and felt her heart become saddened. Markahn appeared as if a small boy before her. His eyes were downcast and his shoulders were hunched. Despite his words, she felt nothing for his plight or for him. She missed Arizira. She missed her more than her body felt it could withstand. Being back among her people, the men and women she had wished to run away from, left Talliea feeling as if the world had cast its entire weight upon her shoulders.
She was a slave again, a hisulir, as Arizira would say. Her thoughts no longer mattered. Her opinions were useless. What she desired and wanted in her own life was no longer of value. The chains of her bondage had been replaced.
Looking at Markahn and hearing the obvious pain in his voice left Talliea feeling guilty for not feeling anything for him at all. She supposed a small part of her, a very small part, felt sorry for him. but it was as if nothing compared to her longing for Arizira. Knowing that a response from her, any response, was needed, she opened her mouth and asked, "How long since my return?"
Markahn looked up at her and held her eyes. "A month and a week."
Talliea's face fell. She had been back for a month? Was Arizira safe? Had she escaped? How could so much time have passed? All she could recall were dreams, vivid and fevered dreams of Arizira. Small snippets of conversations vaguely came to mind. She guessed they belonged to the healers and perhaps Markahn. None of them were detailed and so of little importance to her.
"M-my...illness, what is the cause?" she asked.
"The healers have no answer. They speak of an evil that has attacked your spirit. They are unable to offer respite."
Talliea nodded. Her spirit. As she sat in thought, images and sounds exploded around her..
"I can not live without you, Tah-li. I need you. This will destroy me, destroy us."
Memories…
"Tah-li, we will be different after this. We shall be more. Please understand, there will be no going back after this."
Revelations…
"I can not be without you either, Tah-li. We share a bond now."
Understanding…
"You are my Doira'Liim. I believe this to be true."
Arizira's words echoed throughout Talliea’s mind. She recalled them vividly. Had there been a truth to them? A truth that surpassed the impassioned pleas of a broken heart or the noble and truthful declarations of a woman in love? If that were the case, was Arizira also suffering as she was? Talliea had felt and noticed the bond she shared with Arizira. Such a thing was hard not to notice, but she had never truly believed their being separated would have such ill consequences.
"I do not live. I suffer."
The words from one of her dreams sounded in her ears. Had they been a message of sorts? Was Arizira trying to reach her or had the image she'd seen been nothing more than the longings of her own heart? The voice of her immense guilt?
"What is to become of me?" she asked, trying to take her mind away from such depressing contemplations.
Markahn sighed and sat up straighter. His broad shoulders and muscular chest were covered by a shawl he wore for warmth. The dark tattoos on his skin were still easily visible despite his clothing. Talliea grimaced upon seeing them. She did not wish to join with Markahn. She did not wish to have the tattoos of his house etched forever onto her skin.
Like property.
The idea of anyone other than Arizira touching her in so intimate a way caused her stomach to sink. What she had shared with Arizira, her body as well as her heart, was not meant for another.
"Lao'dahn has challenged my claim to join with you. A duel shall be scheduled when the healers deem you fit to bear children. We await your return to safe and good health."
Shaking her head, Talliea looked down at her hands in her lap. She instantly recalled the way her fingers had looked against Arizira's fair skin. She remembered touching the other woman's chest and neck and feeling the sensations tingle along her fingertips. Again, her heart seized inside her chest and she fought to keep her tears at bay.
"I return, against my will, and am fought over like a prized animal." Her words, rough and throaty, were not a question. They were not an accusation. They were but a simple statement of fact. A truth. Markahn looked at her curiously.
"You are changed," he said.
"For the better," Talliea remarked quickly, turning her head to meet his gaze.
Silence ensued once again.
"Talliea," Markahn started, "I...I need answers."
"In regard to what?"
Markahn paused before answering. "In regard to the woman we found you with."
Talliea swallowed a sudden and very strong influx of nerves. Her dark eyes settled upon Markahn's harshly and the very air seemed to be sucked from the room. "I will not help you bring her to harm," she said in a chilling voice.
Markahn noted the change instantly. The determination in Talliea's voice, the strength that had not been present before, all came together quickly and was directed at him. He recalled the words he had heard her whispering in her sleep and knew he had to tread carefully if he was to get any sort of information…if he was to help her.
"I do not wish to b
ring harm to anyone. I want only to understand."
Talliea settled back against the feather down pillows behind her head. She could feel her exhaustion trying to take a hold of her again. "Understand what, exactly?"
"What manner of being she was. I have never seen anything like her. Sh-she did not look as we do. Her hair, her eyes. -- are there others like her? What was she, Talliea?"
Talliea lowered her eyes sorrowfully and a small and wistful smile tugged at her lips. She wanted to tell Markahn that Ariziria was the woman she loved. She wanted to tell him about her kindness and her empathy and her skill with both bow and blade. She wished she could tell the man about her first meeting with Arizira; of their time together traveling the woods and securing food. She wanted to tell Markahn how Arizira had taught her to track and catch her own food.
But, most of all, Talliea wanted to tell the man who had claimed her that Arizira was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She was the person who had saved her, revived her spirit and healed her heart.
But, she could say none of those things.
"She was a dream. A...faerie of legend."
Markahn looked confused. He sighed. "A faerie? Talliea, I am trying to help you! You have to answer me with some honesty!"
"I will not help you hunt her down! Seek your answers elsewhere!"
Markahn stood up quickly. He was mad. He was hurt. The woman he had desired for five long years was in love with another. Not another man. Not even another Esu! She was in love with a woman. A creature Markahn could not even begin to understand. Had Talliea shared her body with the creature? Had she...was Talliea...?
Was she still a virgin? What would two women even do together?
Despite knowing what he now knew, Markahn was still trying to help Talliea in any way he could. Talliea's vague answers and stubborn refusal to help him in helping her was too frustrating. Add to the mix Lao'dahn's vehemence in claiming Talliea as his own mate, and Markahn was beyond exasperated. Everything he knew and believed was crashing down around him. The one person who could help him in understanding anything was either too sick as to be unresponsive or too stubborn to see him as an ally.
"You have no choice in this matter, Talliea. I am telling you to tell me what you know!" he demanded, his anger finally getting the better of him.
Talliea's breathing became shallow. She could feel herself giving in to the blackness that continually called for her, beckoned her. Visions of Arizira danced along the fringes of her mind.
She desired to fall into the void again. To be reunited with her love once more. With the last ounce of strength she possessed, she responded with, "I do have a choice. Banish me or be gone."
Markahn cast her a sad look before sighing again and exiting the healers' hut. Talliea was only able to rejoice in her triumph for but a short moment, before her strength waned and she once again became lost to the illness that afflicted her spirit.
Where are you, Ahmanae? Where do you linger?
Chapter 4: No More Rhymes or Riddles
Arizira was silent for several long and very heavy moments. She said nothing and did nothing as three sets of eyes waited and watched with expectant gazes. She was unsure how to feel, what to say, or how to react. The mother she had never met, never even seen, was with her. Though the spirit of her mother was in the form of a wolf, Arzira knew that Cynra spoke truly. She could feel the veracity of the statement.
All of her young life, and into her adult life, she had wondered about her parents. Missed them? No. She had not missed them for she had never known either of them. It was not the way of her people to mourn a natural loss. She had been raised by her tribe. Each woman had been a sister, a mother, an aunt. Her family was every member of her people. She had grown up with friends and teachers and protectors. Each one of those women had treated her as a loved one.
Her curiosity over her parents had stemmed from a desire to learn of herself. She had yearned to ask of them the questions others had whispered about her. None of those women knew of her nurture mother; none of them could remember her. Of Iolirthas, little was known. Cynra had told her that her mother had left the tribe long before her birth to follow her heart. She had told Arizira that her mother had not returned until the night she was born.
When a young Arizira had asked Cynra of her other mother, the woman who had shared with her nurture mother the essence of her life, all that Cynra had said was the woman was from a different tribe and that, upon Iolirthas's death, had returned to her people.
Arizira had often wondered why her second mother had not claimed her. Why had she not desired to know Arizira? Had she not wanted a child? Had the two tribes been at war? To Arizira's knowledge, the various Arnira tribes had been at peace with one another for several decades. Why then had her second mother never sought her out?
Arizira had, over the years of her life, come to terms with the fact that both of her mothers had followed their hearts. Each had loved one another and it was that love that had brought Arizira life. She had faulted neither woman, but she had wondered about her own life and her own, supposed destiny.
Now, as she looked around the room she was in, she could not help but feel as if a large part of her life had been a lie or had been kept from her. The people she trusted had treated her like a piece to a puzzle. They had not allowed her to possess any information that may have aided her in her life. Cynra, the most honored and wise of Arizira's tribe, had known about Talliea and the love that would blossom between the two of them. She had known more about Arizira's destiny, and certain events leading up to her fulfilling her purpose, than she had ever let on.
Arizira took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Why was Cynra even away from their tribe? How had she come into contact with one of Talliea's people? Since coming to, Arizira had not questioned matters. Her thoughts had been on rescuing Talliea and putting an end to her suffering. Now that her thoughts were clearer, it became rather apparent to Arizira that a lot had transpired over the last several months.
What was Taetylona doing with Cynra? Why was she not with the other Esu? With the winter breaking early, were the Arnira soon to make war? There were too many questions, too many unanswered questions, that left Arizira feeling very overwhelmed.
Opening her eyes, she looked down into her lap and into the eyes of the wolf staring back at her. "How long has the spirit of my mother manifested itself so?" she asked.
The ears of the wolf flattened. Cynra, her hand still resting on Arizira's leg, responded, "Since the Esu first made camp in the valley."
Arizira nodded and sucked on her bottom lip in thought. "What was her purpose in coming at that time?"
Cynra looked from Arizira's face to Taetylona's. "To ensure your meeting with the Esu woman."
Arizira thought back to the very first night she had seen Talliea. The wind had been blowing from the east in a playful gale and she had, at the time, assumed Salira, the spirit of the wind, to be responsible. Had her mother somehow led her to the glade? She remembered feeling as if her feet moved of their own accord. She had so badly wished to see Talliea that night. Her appearance had fascinated Arizira.
Thinking back on that night, Arizira felt foolish with herself. She had believed her chance encounter with Talliea had been just that -- a chance encounter. Had it all been prearranged by higher powers? If that was the case, why? What had been the purpose in allowing the two of them to be together? To fall in love?
A thought struck Arizira suddenly and left her feeling as if she'd just received a blow. "W-was any of it real? Did she ever really love me o-or was it all just a trick, a game devised by you and my mother to ensure I did as I should?"
Cynra shook her head slowly and a sad look colored her eyes. Leaning closer to Arizira, she spoke in, what she hoped, was a reassuring tone of voice. "It was real, child. We all did what we could to keep fate on course. No other hand meddled in your feelings or hers. The two of you fell in love. All we did was aid you in allowing you both the time to do s
o."
Arizira thought on the words for a long time. Her heart felt lighter with the knowledge that Talliea truly did love her. The idea that everything between them; every touch, every kiss, every soft caress and whispered confession, had all been a lie had nearly shattered her. Still, knowing that so many outside forces had meddled in hers and Talliea's affairs irked her.
"The connection you have with her has not been seen in this world for many, many years, Arizira. Your mother and I worked to ensure you found the love you desired. It is paramount to everything."
Looking down at the wolf whose head still rested in her lap, Arizira took several deep breaths. "Why?" she asked after a moment. Why did her feelings for Talliea mean so much to other people? Why was Taetylona with them? Why had her mother's spirit embodied a wolf? Why was no one willing to help her rescue Talliea?
Why?
Why?
Why?
"I want answers,” she said. “No more games. No more riddles. No more rhymes. I am not a pawn in a game of chance. I care not for destiny if it keeps me from Tah-li. Too long have others whispered of my purpose behind my back. I am not a tool like a bow or arrow. I am a person whose heart has been ripped from her chest by the interference of others. I am tired and I am weak and I am confused, Dream Speaker. To me, it was but a short time ago that my life made sense. I was with Tah-li and she was with me and nothing else mattered. Our two peoples could have festered in their hatred of one another and that would not have affected us. We were in love and the world was beautiful. Why have you all worked against us? Why have you ensured our separation?"
Arizira's words were pained and angry. Her normally melodic voice was strained with sorrow and fiery heat. Nothing made sense to her anymore. Everything she ever thought she knew to be true was turning out to be one elaborate deception. Was anything true in her life? Was anything real?
Another thought, another question, snuck up on her quickly. "How did La---Laody... How did the man who hurt Tah-li track our location? Was it chance or luck?"