by Orr, Krystal
Sighing again and staring at her hands in her lap, Arizira nodded slowly. Cynra spoke truly. When an Arniran became pregnant, a bond was formed with the child immediately. Nearly all other concerns were barely given consideration. All that became important was protecting the gift of life Aitla had bestowed.
Arizira felt that desire, that need. She felt it ardently.
Since learning of her pregnancy she had experienced it. It was strong. Powerful. She often times found herself wondering if the feeling would be more influential if she or her baby were full Arniran. Was the desire more powerful without Esu blood?
Arizira mentally shook her thoughts from her mind. Whether or not the need to protect her baby would be stronger or not was unimportant. What was important was keeping that new life safe. Despite also wishing to protect the others, Arizira could not deny her feelings of guardianship over the child she was nurturing.
All in all, her inner turmoil left her feeling drained and confused. Looking back at Cynra, Arizira studied the wizened old face of her grandmother. This woman had been known to her the entirety of her life. She had grown up respecting and honoring Cynra like no other. Now that she knew the Dream Speaker was her family, Arizira found herself attributing different quirks in her personality to Cynra.
"It is difficult," Arizira began, "this transition in my life."
Cynra said nothing, but took one of Arizira's hands in her own.
"I am in a constant state of war with myself. One side desires to protect, to be on the front lines and ensure the safety of all I hold dear, but the other side finds itself unwilling to put me at risk. It wishes to go somewhere secluded and nurture this life."
Arizira placed her hands on her stomach and focused her gaze on her boots. She'd never felt so conflicted before. One moment she was willing to lead a charge against any Esu patrols between them and her people, and the next she wanted only to be left alone so that she could protect her baby.
It was a startling set of differences she found herself battling everyday. Add to that her insecurities over motherhood, and Arizira was awash with emotional upheaval.
Cynra squeezed her hand in a comforting gesture. "What you feel is normal, child. All of us have walked with this uncertainty before. Aitla's blessing is not something to disregard. She ensures that we protect the life she gives us because our ways are not like the Esu. We can not lay together at a time of our choosing and create a life. We do not have siblings as they do. Our children are special because they are a gift from Aitla. Once we have a child we never have another, so the need to protect that life becomes paramount."
Arizira sat in deep thought as she listened to Cynra. Her grandmother was correct. The child she carried would be her only child with Talliea. Her only child ever. There would not be another. The baby she carried was a daughter of three different nations. Her importance was more than just to Arizira and Talliea. She was the hope for a better future.
Despite such thoughts, Arizira knew her turmoil stemmed from more than just her desire to protect her friends and family.
"Something else troubles your heart," Cynra said next to her.
Standing up and taking a deep breath, Arizira placed her hands on her slim hips and studied the trees of the forest in front of her. She watched Taetylona picking different herbs and leaves along the edge of the clearing they all stood in.
"Arizira?" Cynra's voice called to her. "What is it, child?"
Arizira shook her head and kept her gaze focused on Taetylona and the surrounding trees. She did not know how to voice her concerns to her grandmother. She did not know how to express her feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
"Arizira?"
"I do not know how to do this," Arizira said suddenly as she turned back around to face Cynra. Taetylona stood up from collecting barberry and eucalyptus and looked in the direction of Arizira's voice.
"Do what, Arizira?" Cynra asked concerned.
Arizira exhaled and a frightened look touched her features. Keeping one hand on her hip, she placed the other back on her stomach. "Be an Esu mother," she admitted softly.
Whatever reaction Arizira was searching for did not come. There was no understanding or sympathy and concern. There were no words of advice or reassurances or soft utterances of support. Cynra did not allay her fears or assuage her doubts.
Instead, she laughed.
Arizira glanced up and looked at the older woman with stunned annoyance. She had nearly allowed herself to forget how...eccentric Cynra could be. The Dream Speaker rarely reacted as others felt she should. "I fail to see the humor in this, Nai'lana."
Cynra continued to snicker from where she sat on the fallen tree in front of Arizira. "Oh child, it is there. We all worry about being proper parents, be it Esu or Arnira!"
Feeling ashamed, Arizira turned away from Cynra and shook her head to herself. She did not need her concerns being met with such reactions. She needed answers, advice, support. Cynra moved behind her and came to stand at her side. Arizira avoided her eyes and continued to scan the trees around them with faux earnest.
"Arizira, these feelings you have are without merit." Arizira said nothing. "Child," Cynra tried again, touching Arizira's elbow with a gentleness that surprised the both of them.
When Arizira turned around to meet her eyes, Cynra smiled. "Your baby is unique, Arizira. Neither you nor Talliea know what it is to be Esu like D'jiira, just as Talliea knows little about Arniran customs. What matters is that you teach the child your values and ideals. Whether those come from Arniran belief or Esu matters not if the intent is positive and the value good. Anything you do not know about being an Esu mother, you can learn. Remember, however, that the baby is also Arniran. Talliea knows little about being an Arniran mother, so the two of you will learn together and your child will learn from the both of you."
Arizira let her gaze fall from Cynra's as she thought on the wisdom of her words. Her grandmother was correct, but that knowledge did not completely alleviate her worries or fears. "I fear for her," Arizira whispered, her eyes staring at her boots. "I fear the world I shall bring her into. I fear the life she will have. Always, I am afraid for her, and I worry about being a good mother to her. I should be doing more to protect her… to protect all of you."
Cynra cradled Arizira's neck in her left hand and used her right to grasp Arizira's fingers. "That fear is a silent strength, Arizira. You fear for her because you love her. That speaks and tells me that you are already a good mother. Worry not with such burdensome thoughts, child. We all fight for a future of peace. You are not alone. All shall be well. As for you protecting the lot of us? We protect each other and you protect the most innocent amongst us. In that way, your task is far more important."
Silence settled around them both. Arizira licked her lips nervously and looked up to meet Cynra's purple eyes. She smiled. "Your wisdom continues to bring balance to my life."
Cynra laughed and squeezed her hand. The two of them shared a light laugh as the sound of the wind in the trees above moved through heavy boughs. The sighing and cracking of wood as it swayed in the breeze was all that was heard for several breaths.
Taetylona rejoined them a moment later and the three women went about sorting through and wrapping the various herbs Taetylona had picked. They had no idea that D'jiira and Talliea were mere moments away from finding Markahn. They did not know that Talliea was, very soon, going to come upon one who had caused her the most agonizing of pains and that, from that meeting, she was going to allow a darker side of her powers to take over.
* * * * *
"She loves you. I can see it mirrored in her eyes every time her gaze find yours."
D'jiira's words were thrown over her shoulder at Talliea as the two of them walked. Talliea had been impressed with D'jiira's tracking abilities. The woman was not as quiet as Arizira, nor were her senses anywhere as keen, but she moved with near silent steps and her eyes continuously picked out the trail Markahn had, unintentionally, left behind.
/> Conversation had been kept to a minimum as D'jiira hoped to keep the element of surprise on their side. She did not believe that Markahn had betrayed them, but she also could not keep complete faith in that hope. If the alternative turned out to be true, D'jiira knew she would have to do what was necessary to protect her daughter and her grandchild.
She still could barely believe that Arizira was pregnant. The news was more welcome than she could describe. For the past twenty seven summers, D'jiira had mourned in silence the child she had said goodbye to. She had watched other women become pregnant, have children, and expand their families, and always she had quietly envied them. She often wondered if they knew how precious their children were. How important they were.
After Iolirthas had died, D'jiira had been beside herself in her grief. She had observed the Arniran rites of death and said goodbye to her love, with Cynra beside her. That night had been her only night with Arizira. As she had stood over the final resting site of Iolirthas, D'jiira had held a tiny Arizira in her arms, close to her chest. Arizira had barely made a sound, her eyes not yet having any color staring up at D'jiira. Uncoordinated fingers had reached for her face and D'jiira had cried all the harder knowing she was saying goodbye to more than just one love.
She had been twenty two when Arizira had been born. Now, at forty-nine summers, D'jiira was determined to have a part in both her daughter's life and her daughter's daughter. She could not make up for the past, but she could ensure a better future for her family.
She heard Talliea walking behind her before the younger woman responded to her earlier spoken words. "No one has ever looked at me the way she does. From the moment I met her, she made me feel visible and important. I love her completely."
Both women smiled and continued walking. Talliea broke the silence a short time later, her voice barely a whisper. "I admire you," she said to D'jiira.
D'jiira slowed and looked over her shoulder. "Me?"
"Yes," Talliea nodded. "You are everything I always hoped to be. You are assertive and your opinions are voiced. Despite tragedy, you found love again and your people have supported you. My clan is so far removed from the honor they like to believe they possess, but you are honorable. You left the life you knew to find your daughter, despite the unknown seeming to walk in your very shadow. All my life, I desired to be more than I was allowed to be. You are a vision of who I could have been had my life not been so oppressive."
D'jiira stopped and turned to face Talliea. When she smiled, Talliea saw Arizira in the gesture and she, too, smiled. "My daughter is blessed to have found you. You are a kind, gentle, and beautiful spirit, Talliea Aldis. You are changing the course of your life with every step. The child Arizira carries is fortunate to have you, to be a part of you."
Talliea smiled, a blush coloring her dark skin. D'jiira looked around them, noting the disturbed underbrush next to her feet. Markahn was close. She readjusted her leather vest and ensured her daggers were easy to get to.
"Your second name is like Ahmanae, did you know?" D'jiira asked, turning back to the trail and resuming their walk.
Before Talliea could express her curiosity or answer D'jiira's question, the sound of commotion caught both of their attention. There were voices. Pleas. Feet against the dirt. The clang of metal. Light. Talliea and D'jiira set off at a faster pace, always moving toward the sounds of an unknown altercation ahead of them.
Always moving toward Markahn. Toward Sed'dya. Toward Bela'luin...
* * * * *
"What is it?" Taetylona asked suddenly.
Arizira moved away from Cynra and Taetylona and studied the landscape around her. Her eyes were focused and clear. Her body was taut. The muscles in her throat strained as she craned her neck around and listened to some obscure sound. "Something is wrong," she said in a voice that was both chilling and soft.
"Wrong? Cynra asked.
"Yes, can you not feel it?" Cynra and Taetylona stood up and moved to join Arizira where she stood next to a tall pine tree. Her eyes seemed to look past the trees and bushes and grassy hills. "Arizira?" Cynra asked cautiously.
Arizira did not respond. Her eyes clouded over with some foreign pain as she gasped and clutched at her chest, near her heart. Her knees threatened to buckle and she would have fallen to the forest floor had not Taetylona's strong arms steadied her.
"Child?" Cynra asked again, her tone one of worry.
Arizira closed her eyes and scrunched her brow. Taetylona held her up and supported her weight. "Something is wrong," she said again. "Tah-li -- it is so dark. I have to find her. She is in danger."
Before Cynra or Taetylona could ask any other questions, Arizira was recovered and nimbly moving through the trees, her lithe form running quickly in search of her love. The two older women spared a bemused look before gathering their supplies quickly and following after Arizira.
The younger woman moved with sure steps. She did stop to search for a possible trail. She did not slow to study the earth around her. Instead, her feet rushed past leaves and twigs and rock and toward the location she knew her love to be. Behind her, Cynra helped Taetylona tried to keep up. The Esu woman was not accustomed to such haste. Cynra's heightened senses allowed her to keep track of Arizira while she aided Taetylona.
Whatever fear had gripped Arizira was strong. Cynra knew not to question matters. Arizira's bond with Talliea could not be explained. She only hoped that everyone was safe.
Finally, she and Taetylona broke a perimeter of trees and stumbled into a small, bough-covered, clearing. Cynra steadied Taetylona, who was winded from their run, and looked around. Sed'dya stood far to the right, her dark skin easily recognizable. She was in an archer's stance, a bow half lowered at her side. Her green eyes were lined with tears and her gaze was fixated on Arizira, who was behind Talliea. Talliea, still some distance from Arizira, stood in the center of the clearing. Her body was enveloped with some wispy appearing energy and Cynra quickly noted the sensations touching her skin.
She remembered them. They were an indication of Talliea being inside her power. She had felt them when she had first made herself known to the Esu woman after Arizira's death. As before, they were far from pleasant. Talliea stood before Bela'luin. The huntress was pressed against a tree, kept there by some unseen force. Her eyes were locked with Arizira's. Pain and disbelief danced in their depths. Behind Talliea, and between her and Arizira, D'jiira and Markahn stood in mute upset. Neither of them seemed to be able to move.
"Tah-li?" Arizira took a step toward Talliea. She did not appear to be hindered by her love's power. Talliea's face was lined with tears as she brokenly whispered Arizira's name again.
"Ahmanae..."
Again, Arizira moved toward Talliea. Her steps were silent, yet slow and measured. Though she was unaffected by Talliea's powers, she could still feel the emotions behind them. She was aware of what Talliea's intention had been, and partially still was, and so moved cautiously as she approached. All eyes followed her.
Talliea kept her gaze on Arizira's blue eyes. The sight of her was as if the warm sun kissed her face on a cold winter's day. Her rage was still present, begging for her attention, but she felt a sense of serenity battling that desire.
"What are you doing, failira?" Arizira asked as she stepped past her mother and Markahn. Her voice was confused and her tone mollifying. Her eyes quickly noted Bela'luin's distressed face and Sed'dya's hurt one. Why the two women were present was unimportant to her at the moment, but she was happy to see Sed'dya again. It had been many moon-months since they had last seen one another. Bela'luin's presence, however, was disturbing to Arizira. She was unsure how she felt about her past lover.
All that mattered to her presently was calming Talliea. All other questions would wait. The darkness she had felt before had been an ache on her soul. It had nearly crippled her so strong it had been. Knowing that sense of hatred had emanated from Talliea startled Arizira.
Talliea's face changed before her. The pleading look fr
om moments before faded, only to be replaced with a stone cold visage of determination. Talliea looked back at Bela'luin and, in a swift breath, her fury was back. She stood up straight and slammed her arms out to her sides. The wave of force that was the product of that gesture knocked everyone present to their knees.
Everyone except Arizira.
She looked around her and noticed her friends, family, and tribeswomen nursing sore spots from the force of the blow. Her mother's eyes locked with hers and she saw in them a great fear.
A fear of Talliea.
Turning her attention back to her love, Arizira was stunned to see the power wrapping itself around Talliea. It was as if black lighting coursed across her body. Talliea reached for Bela'luin with her hand, though the two of them were still some distance apart. Despite that, Bela'luin was lifted as if she had been touched.
"Stop!" Arizira yelled.
Talliea faltered. Her eyes lost their focus again and she looked over her shoulder at Arizira. "I can not," she whispered. "I do this for you, so that you may be safe."
Arizira shook her head and began to move closer again. "I am safe, Tah-li. You need to stop."
Talliea, a torn expression on her face due to the battle being fought inside her, turned back to Bela. Holding her eyes, she spoke to Arizira. "My destiny is to bring peace. To unify."
Arizira took another step closer. She was nearly able to touch Talliea now. "Yes," she said, simply.
Talliea lifted her arm and, by extent, Bela'luin was hoisted higher up into the air. "Yet, if I am to do that, I must remove those who would seek to bring us harm. Bela'luin killed you. She is responsible for my suffering."
Arizira shook her head again. "Your place is not one of judge, Tah-li. Only the gods hold this title. She is no threat, so what you seek to do is not justified."
"Justified? Were she Lao'dahn would your feelings be the same?" Talliea asked, eyes still staring into Bela'luin's.