by Sonya Weiss
“He’ll come through, man,” Juvante said as we walked back to the Charger.
He had to. I didn’t want to be tangled up with Chanos like I’d been before. He had a way of owning your soul. Too young and stupid to fear even death back then, I hadn’t cared what I’d done. When a man doesn’t care, he doesn’t think he has anything to lose. But that was before Tana. Now, I knew I had everything to lose.
Chapter Six
TANA
It was almost nine when Ryan pulled up outside my house. I’d told Brooklyn and Shelby to go on ahead since we were taking separate cars. Brooklyn had questioned whether or not Ryan was going to show when Shelby had given her a look and said, “For Tana, Ryan always shows up.”
I didn’t say anything to that because it was the truth. Ryan had always been around when I’d needed him. I stepped outside and locked the front door, then hurried to the Charger, shading my eyes at the brightness of the headlights cutting a path through the darkness. Ryan got out and jogged around the front to open the passenger door. “Hang on.” He dove into the car and pulled a box off the seat, then walked to stick it in the trunk. “Sorry. Cooper said he was going to drop by the party and that’s a piece for his car.”
“No problem.”
“Hey.” Ryan put out his arm to stop me from getting in. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
Puzzled, I frowned. “Earlier?”
“The garage.”
“You’re sorry for kissing me?” That would seriously suck if he did regret kissing me after how it had impacted me. I didn’t want him to be sorry.
His beautiful eyes darkened. “No, not for kissing you. I lost control. I shouldn’t have picked you up and put you on the desk like that. I let it go too far. The place is dirty and it stinks and—”
I put a finger against his lips. “I didn’t notice any of that.”
He put his hands on my waist in the same spot where his hands had been when he’d lifted me up onto the desk. “I gripped you pretty hard. Did I hurt you?”
A lump gathered in my throat at the concern on his face. On the outside, Ryan looked like trouble. It was more than his tattoos and muscled build. He had a toughness about him that said he’d lived life hard. But on the inside, in the part of him that he didn’t like anyone to see, he was both good and kind. “Yes, it hurt,” I said.
A muscle clenched in his jaw and I moved my hand to stroke the hard line of his skin. My hand tingled, my stomach tightened and I ached to pull him closer, to kiss him, to let the world stand still around us. “But only when you stopped.”
He cleared his throat and lowered his arm. “As long as you’re okay.”
To get into his car, I had to brush against him since he hadn’t moved from the spot. I heard his swift exhale and turned my head to look at him. The night played across his face, shadowing his expression. “What’s wrong?” I whispered, afraid to break the spell.
“Nothing.” He waited for me to get into the car and then closed the door. When he got into the car beside me, he reached for the radio and cranked it up, a habit he had when he didn’t want to talk.
By the time we reached Tristan’s sprawling house, the party was in full swing. Cars lined both sides of the street and light from the house spilled out across the manicured lawn. Music boomed through the open windows at an ear splitting level. I was surprised at the tension I felt. Once, I’d belonged here in the area of million dollar homes and expensive cars but now it felt like a world so far removed from anything I could ever imagine wanting to be part of.
After I climbed out of the car, I spotted several people I’d known from high school. Air kissing acquaintances who’d made my life hell as soon as the story of my father’s business crash made the rounds. I’d heard some of them were vacationing out of state and hadn’t expected them to be here or I never would have come tonight.
I stopped and Ryan bumped into me from behind. What the hell was I doing here? I didn’t belong. Turning around, I gripped his forearms, panic from the remembered pain writhing in me like a group of snakes. “I shouldn’t have come.”
His gaze drifted past me to the group I’d stared at, then swung back to me. “If you want to leave, we’ll leave.”
I leaned into him, drawing strength from his strength. “But? I can hear it in your voice.”
“Don’t run from the hard things.” He smoothed back a lock of my hair.
I clenched my hands into fists. “They taped a picture of my face onto a porn star’s body and put it on a wall in the boys’ bathroom. They’d written my phone number and the words “will fuck for food” underneath it.” I closed my eyes. I’d never forgotten that day or the laughter and taunts that followed the rest of that year. I’d been leered at and groped but none of that was something I’d shared with Ryan. The humiliation factor had been too high for me to want to say anything about it to anyone so I’d buried it.
He framed my face with his hands, his voice gentle and insistent. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and met his gaze, trying to stop my lower lip from trembling. “What?”
“If you run, it gets easier to do it every time after that.” He lowered his hands and gripped the hem of his shirt, pulling it up around his neck. “Tell me the word you see.”
Under the street light, I studied the tattoo artwork that covered the top portion of his well-defined chest. In the middle of the artwork was a small black cross and above it was the word courage in black script with the last four letters larger so that it looked like couRAGE.
“What does it mean?”
“It means find the courage to rage against the bullshit, the things in life that try to beat you down. It means taking back what others take from you.”
I traced the cross with my fingernail. “And this?”
His eyes darkened, filling with pain. “In memory of a friend.”
“What about this?” I touched the wide burn scar on his side.
“Had a steam iron held against me.”
I gasped. “How old were you?”
“Nine.” He pulled his shirt down, effectively closing me out of his past at the same time. “Do we go or do we stay?”
Behind him, Cooper pulled up in his car and honked the horn. Zane and Ryker got out of the passenger side and walked toward us.
“We stay,” I said even though I wasn’t sure I should.
Ryan smiled at that as the guys came up behind him and slapped him on the back.
Ryker slid his gaze over me. He was tall, dressed in jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Down both arms, he had full sleeve tattoos that were kind of deranged looking. I didn’t know much about Ryker. Only that his father was serving a life sentence at Rikers Island which is how he got his name. Dark, primitive, and dangerous was the vibe I got from Ryker. I shifted a step closer to Ryan.
A smile creased Ryker’s lips but never reached his eyes. “I don’t bite, baby.
“At least not this girl,” Ryan said, the threat clear in his tone when he stared at Ryker. He put his hand across my shoulder, pulling me against him and we walked into the house. The people that I’d grown up with didn’t flaunt jaw-dropping tattoos or have a fuck-with-me-at-your-own-risk attitude, so the sight of Ryan and his friends caused the buzz of conversation to abruptly cease. The girls were practically slobbering at the delicious sight of all the muscles and edgy good looks. Do-me-please was written on some of their faces. The guys with the girls were staring, bristling like dogs protecting a bone.
“You’re here!” Shelby ran up to us and threw her arms around me in a hug as if she hadn’t seen me in months. She squeezed my shoulders and whispered, “Tristan’s girlfriend is on her way. Introduce me to Cooper.”
“Um...Cooper, guys, this is my friend Shelby.”
She smiled, already more than a few drinks in. Her gaze fixated on Cooper and she leaned toward him to show off her cleavage, making her interest obvious. “I’ll save you a dance.”
Because she was beautiful, guys usually fell
all over themselves to get close to Shelby. Not Cooper. He muttered that he needed a drink as he walked off.
Shelby looked hurt. “What’s his problem?”
“Who cares what his problem is.” Zane caught her hand. “I’ll dance with you.” He winked at me as he led her away.
I wasn’t worried about Shelby hanging with Zane. Of all Ryan’s friends, he was the safest bet. I searched the room for Brooklyn and didn’t see her, but since she’d come to the party with Shelby, I knew she had to be here somewhere.
Ryan and I walked into the midst of the gyrating bodies and I walked into his arms, pressing myself against him. When I flattened my breasts against the wall of his chest, the heat was hot and fast and unmistakable as it spread through my body. Unable to help it, I rested my hands on the back of his neck and stroked the ends of his hair. Each time he shifted, his jeans rubbed against the bareness of my thigh and the friction had me swallowing hard.
He put his hands on my lower back, urging me closer and I got the memo that he was as affected by our bodies pressed together as I was. I moved so that I deliberately brushed against his erection and he dug his fingers into my hip. Images flooded my mind and I imagined being back at the garage with Ryan only this time, instead of stopping, we’d carried it through until the end with me splayed across the desk as Ryan drove into me. The fantasy made me breathe harder. I swallowed and looked away from him.
Tristan made his way over to us, his eyes bloodshot and his words slurred. “Hey man, I’m taking over.” He bumped Ryan with his elbow and reached for my hand.
“No, Tristan.” I tried to tug free of his grasp.
Before Tristan could pull me away, Ryan’s hand clamped onto Tristan’s wrist. His eyes darkened and his face hardened as he squeezed until his knuckles were white. “She said no.”
“What the hell?” Tristan pulled back his fist and aimed a punch at Ryan, barely missed hitting me and ended up swinging himself around with Ryan still holding onto his wrist. Ryan moved away from me and jerked Tristan up into his face. “Go sleep it off.”
Tristan’s lips curved into a sneer. “Don’t tell me this piece of ass is your girlfriend. I shouldn’t be surprised. She’ll screw any—”
Ryan’s fist connected with Tristan’s jaw and the momentum pushed Tristan backward right into Ryker. Tristan howled and surged forward but couldn’t move thanks to Ryker. With a hard hold on his shoulder, Ryker gave him a shake that jarred Tristan’s teeth together. “You want a new face, Ryan will be glad to fucking oblige but let’s take it outside so girls don’t get caught in the crossfire.”
Three of Tristan’s friends stepped toward Ryan but stopped when Zane and Cooper appeared out of the crowd to flank him. The guys held a staring contest for a minute, then Tristan’s friends held their hands up and backed off.
“This is going in a bad direction. It’s time we book it,” Brooklyn said. “I only had the beer at your house so I’m good to drive but I can’t find Shelby.”
In the distance, the sound of sirens wailed over the thumping music. Brooklyn smacked her forehead. “Great. A neighbor probably called in.”
Cooper herded us toward the door. “Leave before the cops arrive.’
The last thing I wanted was to get busted but I wasn’t leaving my friends. “I’m not going anywhere without Shelby.” I tried to go past Cooper to find her but Ryan stopped me.
“Outside, Tana. I’ll find Shelby.”
The front door opened and thinking the cops were already here, everyone froze. “Tristan?” A high pitched voice carried over the music and the talking.
“The girlfriend.” Brooklyn snickered.
“What’s going on?” She looked around, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown.
A very drunk Shelby staggered into her and then giggled, wiping her hand down the girlfriend’s arm. “Oops. Sorry. Spilled a little drink there.” She peered down into her cup. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s great. I don’t feel a thing.” She wagged her pinky finger at the girlfriend. “Tristan invited Tana because he has a little...” Frowning, she searched for the word, then her face lit up as she wagged her finger again. “Woody? Boner? Ha ha, for Tana.”
The girlfriend looked murderous and Brooklyn and I each grabbed one of Shelby’s arms and tried to get her to leave with us but she fought us off. “No. No. I’m staying. I want to see this.”
Cooper cussed and grabbed Shelby’s drink, tossed it toward a table, then stooped and put his shoulder at her stomach. He stood with her and headed toward the front door.
Shelby clung to him, her lips pale. “Oh...everything is spinning. I don’t feel so good. I’m gonna be sick.”
Cooper whipped her onto her feet and aimed her head toward a bush beside the door.
“We’ve got her, man. Go.” Ryan and Cooper exchanged a look I didn’t understand.
“Coop’s on probation,” Zane said to me after Cooper reluctantly headed for his car.
“Rich girls are such a pain in the ass,” Ryker muttered and steered Shelby toward the street. “Come on, princess. Let’s get you back to the castle.”
Ryan and I ended up taking Shelby home and helped her sneak inside and upstairs to her bedroom. She reeked of alcohol and vomit. I couldn’t leave her like that or there’d be hell to pay when her mom saw her.
“I’m going to stay with her. I’ll get her to take me home in the morning.” I gave Ryan a hug and kissed the side of his face. “Thanks for going with me to the party even if it was a bust.”
“No problem.”
I lifted his hand and studied his knuckles. “Is your hand okay? You threw a pretty hard punch. Wait a second. What’s all this?” I rubbed my thumb across the multiple scars.
“Nothing.”
I let go of his hand. “You have so many secrets. Why won’t you share them with me?”
He tugged on a strand of my hair. “Does it matter?”
“You never know. Maybe I can help. You carry a lot of pain.” I shrugged my shoulders when he gave me that what-the-hell look. “It might not be obvious to everyone because it’s not like you’re an open book, but I guess I know you well enough to be able to read what you don’t say.”
“Tana, honey, if I wanted a therapist, I’d go find one.”
That irritated me. I wasn’t interested in psychoanalyzing him. I just wanted to be a part of him. All of him. “Why are you so afraid to let me all the way in?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.” He glanced at Shelby when she rolled over on the bed and moaned. “Are you coming by tomorrow?”
I sighed as he slammed the emotional door in my face yet again. “I’m planning on stopping by.” Every Sunday I went to his house to drop off bags of food my boss gave me to give to Mama Leena to take to the food pantry at her church.
“See you then.” He gave me a one armed hug and left Shelby’s room.
***
Sunday afternoon, I drove to Ryan’s house. My nerves were live wires, sparking and dancing within my body. The anticipation of seeing him again grew with each mile. I’d always looked forward to seeing him, but this time was different and that difference had begun when he’d kissed me at the garage. I’d always known that there was something a little wild in Ryan, something that he kept caged around me. But that kiss had opened the cage door, giving me a taste of the wildness.
He was in the driveway, the hood up on his Charger, music blaring from the speakers. He didn’t have a shirt on and I swallowed hard as my eyes drank in the beauty of his body. He moved so deliberately, like he was prepared for anything. The sun glistened over him, highlighting the tattoos and the contours of his abdomen. His jeans hung low and it made me think of the bullet scar on his thigh.
I parked and got out, forcing my legs to carry me closer to the guy who’d caused me to lose sleep last night. I’d tossed and turned over the blows I’d sensed life had given him. Wanting to absorb the wounds he carried, I’d ached to wrap my arms around him and comfort him in any way I cou
ld. My thoughts were churning as I walked but I schooled my face into a we’re-just-friends-nothing’s-troubling-me expression.
Typical Ryan, he didn’t say anything when I approached, just watched me with those blue-green eyes of his that made me crazy with need. I hoped the longing didn’t show in my eyes but it probably did. I worried that if he thought I wasn’t cool about us, he’d call off us being together. Or he wouldn’t but would think I was an idiot.
“What are you working on?” I asked.
“Don’t.” He put his arm out when I started to lean against the car and my hip rested against his hand instead of the metal. “It’s greasy.”
The last thing on my mind was keeping the short denim skirt I wore clean. Taking out the key Shelby had given me to her grandparents’ vacation house, I held it up. “I have a house for us.”
He frowned at it. “I told you I’d find a place.”
The heat from his hand was burning a hole through my skirt. “I know, but this was available. It’s by the Huron River. I’ve been there before and it’s really nice. We’d be able to spend the night.” My heart beat in slow motion while I waited for his answer.
Ryan stared at me and his lips thinned. “I never spend the night.”
His meaning was clear. Ryan fucked. He didn’t do relationships. I didn’t take offense. “It won’t be different from what you normally do. Spending the night won’t mean anything, okay? I thought it would be nice, that’s all.”
He finally nodded and then slowly moved his hand.
Relief flooded me. “So what are you working on?” He was my best friend and we’d always had an easy time together and now I had to think up ways to carry on a conversation because I felt so stupid and awkward around him.
“The temperature gauge is riding too high. Radiator’s cracked so I’m putting in a new one.”
“Oh...that’s good.” I had to turn my gaze away from him. The shyness I felt coupled with how good he looked made it hard to keep eye contact.
He sighed and picked up a rag lying on the side of the hood. Wiping his hands, he said, “What?”