by CJ Azevedo
“Well, if you need me to take a trip to visit the bastard, let me know. You know I have no qualms with putting douches in their place when needed.”
Talon laughs a small humorless laugh before thanking him. Suddenly my legs are working again and leading me to the kitchen. They both look up at me when my feet hit the kitchen tile. I feign indifference the best I can, and just hope they don’t clue in on how much of their conversation I shamelessly listened in on. “Hey,” I say with a smile. They both say “Hey” back and continue dishing out ice cream.
“Talon, would you mind if I take my ice cream up to your room and watch some TV for a bit? I’m starting to get a headache and I just want to lie down.”
“Of course love. I’ll bring it up to you in just a few minutes.” Any trace of frustration or sadness I heard in his voice earlier is completely absent as he peers at me beneath his long thick lashes.
“Bailey, it was great meeting you,” Declan states as he takes a step toward me. I lean in and hug him so I can whisper out of Talon’s earshot.
“It was nice meeting you too, but don’t even think about telling Talon about me gawking at you at the door earlier. He’ll know it was because you two look like twins and his ego doesn’t need that.”
I pull back to look at him and he stares at me for one point five seconds before he throws his head back in laughter. “Promise!” I state loudly.
“You have my word. I promise,” he tells me with his Talon look-a-like smile.
“And good luck with Ava, I hope she comes to her senses soon.”
“Yeah, me too Bailey. Me too. Good night.” He’s wearing a sad smile as I turn for the stairs.
Chapter Twenty Two
Bailey
Just after getting settled under the covers in Talon’s bed he comes in with two bowls of double fudge chocolate ice cream. I can definitely get used to this man serving me ice cream in bed, that’s for sure. He hands me my bowl and then climbs in next to me. I can feel his thigh up against mine; his elbow brushes mine as he gets situated. Every contact he makes puts another crack in the walls I’m trying to keep rigid around my heart.
“Everything ok?” Talon asks as he scoops some ice cream into his mouth and glances at me out of the corner of his eye.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?”
“No. Nothing in particular anyway. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea that I stay here. I think it might be best if I rent a car to take me back tomorrow.”
“I disagree.” I can tell that he wasn’t expecting that but he keeps his facial expressions neutral so I can’t say for sure what he’s thinking.
“But Talon, I can’t make any promises to you. I can’t say that I will start a relationship with you when we get back to the city. So what I’m doing here, with you, is unfair. I’m sorry for that. I was being selfish and now I’m afraid of what my actions may do to you.”
“I want nothing more than to call you mine. Permanently. I want to be able to protect you, care for you, and laugh with you. But if all you can give me is the next few days, then please don’t take that away. Just stay, relax. Let your face heal a little more and come up with a plan before you go back.”
I hate that he is so much better at this than I am. All I can do is agree with his request. If that is what’s going to make him happy then I’ll give it to him. So I nod and continue to eat my ice cream. We sit in silence and watch my favorite movie of all time Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s so easy to just be with him.
Kali told me once before I met Talon that he’s never had a serious girlfriend. I am dying to know his reasoning for that. He’s gorgeous, so kind, successful, and he loves his little sister. A man who loves his family the way Talon does should be married with two point five kids. I just don’t understand.
“Tell me about your past relationships.” He doesn’t look at me, he continues to watch Audrey Hepburn on the flat screen but he does reach over and hold my hand before replying.
“I haven’t had any.” Wow. Kali wasn’t exaggerating.
“Are you serious? You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
“I had a girlfriend in high school, she cheated, and we broke up. Then I went to college and only found time for my studies, learning my Dad’s business, and parties. I date, don’t get me wrong. I like women and most of the time I like to spend time with them. I just haven’t found a woman who kept my interest long enough to build enough trust for me to commit to a monogamous relationship.”
So him telling me he wants to call me his “Permanently” means what exactly? I’ve known him for five days and he says that he wants me to be his. Not that I’m in any position to consider it, but does he want me to be his in a non-monogamous relationship?
He laughs and pulls me out of my own head. “Relax Bailey, I can see those wheels turning at high speed. You asked me about my past relationships and I answered honestly. That’s it. Now can I get back to watching Miss Hepburn smoke her extremely long cigarette some more?”
I concede and curl up in the crook of his arm with my head and hand on his chest after he sets my bowl on his nightstand. We continue to watch the movie as I swoon over George Peppard and my new favorite… Talon McAllister.
For the rest of the night we stay cuddled up to each other and watch classic after classic until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I fall asleep with my head resting on his chest. He has become my peace, my solitude, and my happiness.
Over the next few days, Talon takes me to all of his favorite spots around the beautiful town. Declan and his friends stay until Saturday evening and we all go out to eat at various restaurants for several meals. Talon and I walk along the beach hand in hand at least once a day. He goes running with me in the mornings and we talk nonstop, every day, all day. I know more about Talon than I do anybody else in this world. I’m not sure if it’s the same for him, but I do know that I have shared more of myself with him than I have with anyone else. Ever.
Talon is physically beautiful. No doubt about it. But the Talon I have learned about since coming to his home in the Hamptons is like no one I have ever met. He’s passionate, stubborn when he feels like it’s necessary but reasonable and compliant most of the time. He lights up like a glow stick when he speaks about his love for hockey. His warm heart radiates when he tells stories of his family. While listening to me answer the million questions he’s asked he is fully attentive, listening, learning, and wanting more. When I tell him of the darker sides of my life, he shows his protective side, the side that shows he is a bit possessive. It’s a possessiveness that I long to belong to.
We share a love of old movies and the theater. He admits he’d never sat down to watch a full film from the forties, fifties, or even the sixties until he watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s with me. Now he says he is as hooked as I am on them and will never be able to see Audrey Hepburn or any black and white film without thinking of me.
After breakfast on Sunday morning we pack up and head back to the city. After an hour of silence he finally breaks it by telling me how much he enjoyed our time together. He asks me, no, he actually begs me, to leave Hollister. He gives valid reasons as to why I shouldn’t go back to him even after I explain my warped sense of commitment.
I’m still struggling with the idea of leaving Hollister without putting forth any effort to make that relationship work. However, the idea of going back to him and never seeing Talon again makes me nauseous. I also can’t kick the thought of Talon having never been in a monogamous relationship as an adult. That doesn’t make me want to jump into anything with him at all. I don’t know why I’m so confused.
Just before we get into the city Talon parks the car in the parking lot of an old diner and turns to face me. He places both hands on my face and kisses me gently and the thought of even having a polyamorous relationship sounds appealing just so I can keep kissing him like this. Or is it just an open relationship he was hinting towar
ds? Doesn’t matter, I’m too jealous for either!
“What’s going on in that beautiful mind?” Talon whispers across my lips with his eyes still closed.
“Whether or not I could handle a polyamorous relationship with you so I can keep kissing you like this. Then I wondered if it would be better to just be in an open relationship instead.” He laughs and pulls me into a tight embrace.
“You will never cease to surprise me with the way your mind works. So? What was the verdict?”
“No. I couldn’t handle either one, although polyamory sounds more appealing than an open relationship if I had to choose.”
“Bailey, I’m going out of mind with the thought of sending you back to an unstable, unsafe home with an ass of a boyfriend and you’re considering polyamory?” He laughs loud now as he sits back in his seat but I can tell it’s not all humor coming from those lips. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
We’re pretty deserted in the location he chose, so I crawl over to his lap and straddle him with the steering wheel at my back. I kiss him thoroughly before pulling back to look into his eyes.
“I told you I can’t make any promises to you. I also need you to know that I have decided to leave him as soon as I get back.” Talon’s eyes widen at that declaration and I can tell that he’s trying to stay neutral, not show his elation. There is a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips that shows his truth. “The problem is that it’s not going to be a simple break-up. He won’t let me just leave and I refuse to involve you in that. So I’m going to stay with Drea while we get everything separated between us and I can fully move out of his place.”
“But you’re not going to stay there anymore? Not even tonight, right?”
“Right. I’ll go to Drea’s after I pack a couple of bags to get me through the work week.”
“You’re not going in by yourself. I’ll go with you and then take you to Drea’s.”
“No. I need to do this on my own. He most likely won’t be there anyway.”
“Bailey,” he states, exasperated with me.
“Talon.” I won’t back down on this. I need to be able to stand up for myself and make this decision on my own in my own way.
Talon sighs in a defeated manner before pulling me into his chest and tucking my head under his chin. “What if he is there, love? If he hurts you again I’ll kill him.”
“If he’s there, I’ll leave. I’ll go straight to Drea’s.”
“If you’re sure, then do what you have to do. I understand. Promise you’ll call me as soon as you leave there though.”
“Yes, I promise. Thank you for understanding.” And then we kiss. A lot.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
BAILEY
I open the door to Hollister’s condo completely prepared for what’s on the other side. Talon begged me to let him come up with me for fear of what Hollister is capable. I need to do this on my own. I need to stand up to him and tell him how he broke my heart and that our love is no more.
So when I cross over the threshold and feast my eyes on hundreds of bouquets of every different type of flower a flower shop has to offer my confidence diminishes drastically. My heart is pounding and my palms are sweaty. I draw in a deep breath to steady myself as I run my palms down my thighs in effort to swipe away the clamminess.
This… this is the man I fell in love with. This is the man who wooed me into his heart and home in less than six months. Everything I knew and was confident of just three steps back is now skewed. It’s not the beautiful flowers that are altering my mind set, because beautiful flowers die. It’s the fact that this sort of apology is who my Hollister is… or was anyway.
Fred sets my bags down just inside the door before retreating quietly into the hall.
Hollister is sitting in the formal living room just off the entryway, in the silence of the room he looks up at me. He looks terrible. He looks like he hasn’t slept since I last saw him; he has large dark circles under his eyes and his normally tame hair is unruly.
“You said you didn’t know who I am anymore. This…” He makes a sweeping gesture around the room at all the flowers. “This is me Bailey. This is the me you fell in love with. The me that fell in love with you the second I laid my eyes on you, the second you flashed that brilliant smile at me.” He slowly stands and walks over to me. Hollister sweeps a piece of hair from my face with unshed tears in his eyes. “There isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for you Bailey. You are my world, I don’t know how I would ever survive if you left me. I'm begging you, beautiful Bailey, please accept my apology and don’t leave me.” He leans in and gives me a soft kiss. I'm so overwhelmed; I was not expecting this at all. I can't speak and I can't kiss him back so I just do nothing. I stand there like a statue, because even if I did have the strength to move a muscle, I wouldn’t know which direction to guide it in.
“I will spend every day for the rest of forever regretting my actions and making it up to you. I know I can't make it go away, but I will try my hardest to make it better for you. I love you with all of my heart.” Hollister gently kisses me once more and rests his forehead against mine. “Please say you’ll stay,” Hollister whispers. He looks so unsure of what my answer will be and it kills me that he looks and sounds so much like the man I fell in love with. I entered this relationship with the idea of forever and the commitment to do so. When you move in with someone, it's like you have both said your vows and slipped on invisible wedding bands. You’ve made your silent promises to one another and have agreed to be fully in your relationship through the good and the bad. What I'm not so sure about though, is abuse, even if it's only one time… Is it okay to ignore? Is that something I agreed to when I committed myself to him? I don’t believe it is. Abuse is not ok, in any form or any amount of occurrences.
“I need to take a shower,” I whisper to him without making eye contact and head to the master bath.
Hollister silently follows me in there and stands at the entry to the bathroom. “Does this mean you forgive me and that you’re staying?” He sounds slightly hopeful but still looks forlorn and regretful.
“No,” I say as I shake my head, almost feeling defeated. “It just means that I have been traveling for the past few hours and I need a shower. I can't decide right this minute, but Hollister, you need to understand that what you did was absolutely unforgivable. If there is any chance of me staying in this house and this relationship then you need help. I saw that look in your eyes when you came at me; you were nowhere to be found. It was this strange angry man who scared the crap out of me. I can't live like that.”
“I’ll do whatever you want Bailey, you have my word.”
“We’ll talk more when I get out of the shower.” I cross the room and close the door. I send a quick text to Talon letting him know that I am ok and asking him to meet me at my office tomorrow morning so we can talk. Telling Talon that I'm staying with Hollister because of my commitment is going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. I'm sure of it.
Hollister and I talk until the sun comes up the next morning. I yelled and cried and he listened and shed some tears of his own. I told him that I’d started to fall out of love with him a few months ago due to the way he had been treating me and that is why I had stopped saying the actual words “I love you” and had also stopped sleeping with him.
So, going totally against my original plan of packing up and leaving I find myself settling back in. He and I agreed that we would ease back into a relationship with him understanding that I no longer feel the same way about him that he does about me. If we are going to give it another go then I need him to be patient and expect nothing from me. He agreed.
****
You know that feeling of suffocation when the only thing suffocating you is the air you breathe? Where there is nothing you can do to take that deep breath of fresh air that your lungs so desperately desire? Well, standing in my office waiting for Talon is doing exactly that to me. I can imagine a
thousand different places I would rather be than standing here waiting to destroy the heart of the man who I'm pretty sure I fell in love with the moment I crashed into him at the hockey game.
“At the risk of losing our friendship, I have to tell you that I think you are making the worst mistake of your life right now,” Drea states, clearly frustrated with my decision.
“There’s not much you can do or say to ruin our friendship Drea,” I say, deadpan.
“Oh yeah?” she asks with a wicked grin on her face.
“Yeah.” I'm confident that I could forgive her of anything and that I am happy to hear her honest opinion even if I disagree with it.
“Then I think I will ask out Talon this weekend.” She seems pleased with herself as she nods her head in assurance. Me? Not so much. I kind of hate her all of a sudden. “Yeah, I think I will. The man is gorgeous, successful, and sexy as sin. I’ll ask him to accompany me to that dinner I have Saturday night. I was going to just go by myself but this idea is a much better one!”
“Don’t even think about it. That’s not funny, and I know what you’re doing, so stop.”
“Well, I mean… If you -” And I cut her off right there. She’s goading me, right before he walks into my office and I'm pissed at her for doing this!
“Seriously Drea, get out! Now.” I start rushing her towards the door as she laughs at me. “I don’t need this right now and I hate that you’re doing it!” I yell at her as I open the door and run right into Talon.
Drea straightens herself up and breezily walks past him. “Ladies,” Talon says kindly.
I can tell he knows what I'm about to say to him. He’s not my carefree, happy, spirited Talon. His face is drawn and his voice is low, he’s… sad. I don’t know if I'm going to be able to go through with this.
“Come on in, Talon.” I offer him a small smile and he lightly shakes his head as he walks past me to go sit on the sofa.
I sit down next to him and he grabs my hand. Before I can even begin to get words out of my mouth, the tears start flowing.