Without Boundaries (the Without series)

by CJ Azevedo

  “Why Bailey?” There are so many questions behind that “why.” I feel like my heart is breaking. This is exactly how I felt when the machine breathing for my mom flat lined. That day something inside me broke and I'm pretty sure it was my soul. Apparently your soul can heal after some time passes because I know for a fact that it’s shattering this very moment.

  Even though he doesn’t have to, Talon pulls me closer and hugs me as I sob into his chest. I try a few different times to talk to him and make him understand but the words just won’t form. So he continues to hold me. After a significant amount of time passes he clears his throat and pulls me around so he can look into my eyes.

  “I haven’t known you long Bailey. I do know that what I'm feeling for you, I have never felt for anyone else before. This man is not good for you Bailey, and if I'm not the one for you, then I can learn to live with that but only if I know you’re safe. What he did to you is unacceptable and there is no excuse for it. So whatever he told you to get you to go back to him, you can't believe it. You just can't Bay.” Talon lets go of me and roughly rubs his hands over his face.

  “I'm so sorry, Talon. I'm extremely thankful for all that you did for me this past week; you’ll never know what it means to me. I just need you to understand that I made a commitment to Hollister and I don’t feel like it’s right to turn my back on him.” I sniffle and mop up my tear-stained face before allowing my eyes to venture back to Talon’s. “He’s going to get some help and we’re taking things slow. I don’t know how dedicated I can stay to him or for how long, but I have to at least give him a chance before I walk out on him.”

  Talon leans back on the sofa and motions for me to come to him. “Come here,” he says so softly I can barely hear him. So I do. I curl around on the sofa and lay my head on his thigh as he strokes my hair, just like he did every day I was with him in the Hamptons. “I realize that this means we won’t be able to have even a platonic relationship, which I hate by the way, but I need to make sure that you will call me if you ever need anything. I don’t care how long it's been since we’ve talked, or what day or time it is; you call me Bailey if you need me. Do I have your word?” His voice is strained and I can't blame him one bit if he starts to hate me.

  “You have my word,” I barely choke out.

  Talon allows me to lay there like a small child in her mother’s lap for quite some time. I can’t see his face but I know he is crying silent tears. I am completely miserable, and neither one of us are able to let go just yet.

  “I'm sorry,” I whisper to him as I feel him dry his face with the palms of his hands.

  “I know Bailey,” Talon whispers back. He gently lifts me off his lap before he stands. I sit up shakily and he leans down and kisses me on the side of my mouth. By the time my eyes open he is already at the door to leave my office. To leave me. To leave my broken heart behind.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  TALON

  “Ok, that’s enough. I'm done watching you wallow around and not live your life. It stops today Talon. It's been a month, and I have been more than patient with you. Get it together, go shower, eat something for Pete’s sake, and then get ready. We’re going out. I won’t take no for an answer.” Kali barges in and attempts to take control. I understand where she’s coming from, I wouldn’t have allowed her the month that she gave me, but I'm just not ready to start living again without Bailey. Pathetic? Probably. But the girl stormed in like a tornado and then left me to pick up all the pieces and continue on alone.

  “I want my key back Kali,” I say emotionlessly.

  “Not happening. I'm serious, go shower… now.” There’s no way she’s going to let this go tonight. Dammit.

  “Fine. But I'm not wallowing, by the way. I have just chosen to stay in for a bit and reassess my future, my plans, and goals. It's good to do that once in a while you know. You should try it, it's refreshing.”

  “Right, refreshing, got it. Go shower, Hunter will be here in ten minutes and we’re going to Delaney’s.” She starts cleaning up the dishes from my coffee table and returning them to their rightful place in the kitchen. I can hear her run the water so she can do my dishes as I jump in the shower real quick.

  Next Saturday night is our annual client appreciation dinner and I can't get out of that so I might as well make Kali happy and go out tonight with her and Hunter to get my feet wet in the socializing department.

  After I get dressed I head out to the living room where I hear several voices laughing and talking about who knows what. Hunter and Kali are sitting on the sofa and a very beautiful blonde woman is sitting in the chair across from them. She looks extremely familiar but I can't quite place her. As I walk into the room she looks up and smiles at me just before rising and walking towards me.

  The beautiful blonde is wearing jeans that I can only assume she had painted on before coming over, an old faded long sleeve concert tee that is stretched tight across her nicely enhanced chest. She walks right up and kisses me with her bright red lips. “Hi Talon! It's so nice to see you again! You look great,” she says as she looks down my body and back up again.

  “Um, thanks. So do you.” I try to say without it sounding like a question but I'm not entirely sure I succeeded on that, because I know who this woman is but I just can't put a name to her. I'm still staring at her trying to place her when I hear Hunter and Kali laugh. I pull my gaze up and over to them to find out who the hell this is that seems to know me so well.

  “Talon, you remember Susan… Hunter’s cousin from Texas?” Kali finally saves me with a huge grin on her face. She did this on purpose.

  “Susan, right. It's nice to see you again. How’ve you been?”

  “Oh, I’ve been good. I’ve missed you though,” she says as she slips her arm through mine and pulls me to the door. The last time I saw Susan I believe I was still in high school. Time has definitely benefitted her in more ways than one. She really is beautiful, not the pure and natural beauty that Bailey possesses but still beautiful. “I'm ready to go get a drink and dance, how about you? You ready to go?” Whoa, this girl is a whirlwind.

  We arrive at Delaney’s and I go up to the bar to get us some drinks, extracting myself from Susan’s grabby hands for the first time since she said hello in my townhouse.

  Steve is bartending and I order a shot along with four beers. I down the shot and take a breather before heading back to our table. Steve walks back up to me on the other side of the bar and I'm positive that he’s going to ask me about Bailey.

  “Where have you been, man? We haven’t seen you around in a while.”

  “Ah, just been hiding out. Work has been crazy so I’ve just been keeping a low profile so I don’t get burnt out, you know?”

  “Who’s the blonde bombshell you’ve got tonight?”

  “Uh, Susan. She’s Hunter’s cousin, visiting from out of town.”

  “I see. I was disappointed to see you walk in here without that pretty little thing you had with you a few weeks back. What was her name again?” I have a hard time believing he doesn’t remember her name and it pisses me off that he refers to her as “that pretty little thing.” Bailey is so much more than that.

  “Bailey.”

  “Right, Bailey, man that girl was beautiful. Sweet too. You need another shot?” he asks as he wipes down the bar in front of me.

  “Yeah, I’ll take another shot.”

  The rest of the night goes much the same. Susan never leaves my side. If I am sitting, she is sitting in my lap; if I am standing she is hanging onto my arm. She asks me to dance once and I agreed. Only to regret that decision the second she starts to move her body against mine. She isn’t nearly as good as Bailey was out there on that same dance floor, but she moved much in the same way and all those feelings I had that night come rushing back to me. Halfway through the dance I realize that I have closed my eyes and am dancing with Susan the way I had danced with Bailey. I am picturing Bailey in my mind. How screwed up is that? I push back from her
abruptly and tell her I need to go. I don’t give an explanation to anyone as I storm out.

  In hindsight, I should have walked Susan back to Kali and Hunter and let them all know that I was done for the night but I just needed to get out of there. Besides, Susan wasn’t going to have any problem finding a dance partner.

  The following week I decide on a different tactic. The moping around and not taking care of myself is not doing anything for me except make me think of Bailey more. So I work out every day, go running every morning. Cook every meal out of the Healthy Living magazine I had picked up at the grocery store. If I’m not working in the office or running at the park or cooking some delicious meals, then I am working at my home office. I don’t allow myself to sit and do nothing all week long.

  A few days after the dancing fiasco at Delaney’s I call Susan to explain what happened. She is very understanding and apologetic. Turns out she knows all about Bailey and was making an effort to make me forget her. It did the opposite.

  We talk on the phone for close to an hour and I decide to invite her to our appreciation dinner. She accepts and I am looking forward to not having to go alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  BAILEY

  “Please, see it from my point of view,” I plead to Hollister.

  “I am but you are being extremely selfish. I cannot show up to this thing without my girlfriend on my arm. This is my business Bailey, not some friendly social event, so I need you to go get ready right now. Please.” I can tell how frustrated he is and that he is really working on keeping control of his temper.

  “I understand that Hollister, and if it were any other night I would be happy to accompany you. However, I am exhausted and I don’t have the time to properly dress for this event.”

  “Bailey! Dammit, you have to go. This is not up for discussion!” Hollister takes a deep breath and fists both of his hands tightly. “You don’t think I’m exhausted? I was up just as late as you were and up just as early this morning. This is not something I can afford to pass up and you will go with me. Now hurry up, we’re already going to be late.”

  I hate when he springs things on me like this. We were up all night arguing. I can’t even remember what started it now, but we ended up covering everything under the sun. He started to get violent a few times but managed to stop himself before touching me. I worked all day and came home ready to crawl into bed early. Then he tells me I have to put on a formal gown and heels and go to some dinner event for a potential business associate he has tried to connect with for the past year.

  I get the importance of it for him, but he would never attend an event like this for me on last minute notice.

  I keep two new formal gowns on hand at all times in case things like this pop up so I can be prepared. Dressing isn’t going to be an issue but I am so drained. The idea of doing my hair and makeup on my own breaks me. I walk the dresses to my bed and sit down next to them. Putting my head in my hands I start crying.

  Next thing I know Hollister is barreling toward me. His right hand goes to my throat and his left hand to my upper right arm. He shoves me back on the bed pushing down on my throat. He lets up and I gasp for air then he pushes me back down again, all the while never letting go of my right arm. His fingers are digging into me and it is so painful but he is constricting my throat so I can’t say anything. My vision is darkening with the exception of the white stars swirling around in front of my face. He is spitting out angry words through his teeth but I don’t have the slightest idea of what he is saying. Finally he brings me back up to a sitting position. “Get. Ready. Now,” he barks directly into my face then shoves me back down onto the bed before walking out.

  The cold water against my face helps calm my trembling body, so I quickly put on makeup and do a simple low knot at the base of my neck with my hair. The skin on my neck and arm is bright red and will soon be purple, but there is nothing I can do about that tonight. I’m sure I won’t be seeing anyone I know so I don’t care if the bruises are visible. I want Hollister to see them and realize what he has done.

  Once I slip on my dress and shoes, I put my necessities in a clutch and walk out to find Hollister leaning up against the door scrolling through his phone. He opens the door when he hears me without looking up. We walk in silence to the elevator and only when the elevator doors close does he look at me.

  “You look perfect. Thank you for making it happen,” he says just above a whisper.

  “As you know, I did not do it willingly so I’m not sure why you are thanking me.” I know that response is stupid, but I am pissed. Hollister takes a deep breath but says nothing in return. Nothing at all is said on our way to wherever we are headed.

  The valet opens my door and his eyes automatically go to my neck as he reaches for my right arm to help me out of the car. I wince as he wraps his hand around the sore spot that is still marked. I try to control my breathing because it’s started to increase from the pain he unintentionally inflicted. His eyes go round and he mouths “Sorry” to me as he moves his hand to my elbow. This night is going to be awful.

  Hollister comes around the car and offers me his elbow as he eyes the valet attendant warningly. “Have a good evening miss,” the young attendant says to me without acknowledging Hollister. I lightly place only my hand in the crook of his arm and we make our way inside a large and beautiful hotel.

  The sign to the right of the front desk makes my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

  Welcome

  McAllister Marketing Firm

  And Guests

  I am going to vomit and I have no idea how I am going to get out of this. Why didn’t I think to ask where we were going?

  “I need to use the ladies’ room before we go in.”

  “Please hurry Bailey, we are already very late.”

  “Of course.” Keeping Hollister in a decent mood can only be beneficial to me so I will play along with his game as much as I can to get me through this evening. I duck into the ladies’ room and try to decide if it would be better to call Kali or Talon to let them know I am here. Or should I just walk in and try to avoid them? That probably isn’t the most mature way to handle this. I should message Talon to give him a heads up.

  Hi it’s Bailey. Just wanted to give you a heads up that I’m here tonight. I had no idea where we were going until I saw the sign in the lobby. I’m sorry.

  I wait just a minute to see if he will reply but he doesn’t and I don’t want to keep Hollister waiting very long.

  Hollister and I make our way into the banquet room and he greets several people he already knows from having done business with them. Several people look at the marks on my body but not one person comments. Hollister leads me around like a show dog and I allow it because I don’t know anyone here with the exception of the McAllisters. I also don’t want any more confrontation with Hollister. So I smile and nod and try to keep to myself and out of the conversation.

  It seems like we have been here forever before Hollister tells me he needs to visit the men’s room, leaving me alone in a room full of people. I offer to go get us a couple of drinks while I wait on him. I head to the bar and he heads toward the hallway.

  I order our drinks and wait at the bar with my back to the party. After a couple of minutes I feel a hand on my lower back and a body very close to mine. I feel a familiar pang of disappointment thinking it is Hollister who has returned.

  “You look beautiful love.” I’m pretty sure my heart stops. My breath catches in my throat; I am frozen. I haven’t heard this voice in too long and I miss it. I miss him, terribly.

  I turn around inside his embrace and gaze into those stunning eyes of his and smile at him. “Did you get my text?”

  “I did. You don’t ever have to apologize for running into me. I’ve missed you Bailey.” His words are like a dagger to my heart. I don’t want him to miss me. Okay maybe that’s not the truth. I do want him to miss me; I just don’t want him to be hurting from it. I miss him like crazy b
ut that is my own fault. I need to get out of this situation before Hollister comes back.

  “Hollister should be back any minute, just so you know.” I hate that I have to mention him in a moment that is just ours, but he needs to take his hand off me before Hollister returns.

  “I know, but we have a few minutes. I asked Kali to meet him in the hall so I can come say hello without him attached to your side.” His hand is slowly rubbing my hip.

  “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t even want to come out tonight, but he insisted that it was important for his business.”

  “Is that the reason he put his hands on you again?” He nods his head in my direction and his face is hard but he never removes his eyes from mine.

  “Talon.” I have no words for this conversation. I’m hoping that he will take the hint and move on.

  He sighs and slides his hand up onto his head and leaves it there for a minute. His hair is styled neatly tonight so he can't run his fingers through it like I learned he does out of habit. “How have you been Bay? You been ok? Kali says you haven’t been running with her or been to the gym.”

  “I’ve been fine. I’ve been busy but fine.” I won’t mention that I have been miserable living with Hollister and all I do is run and go to the gym, just on a different schedule so I won’t run into Kali. Or that I dream about him every night and hope that it is him every time my phone rings.

  He drops his head closer to mine and whispers in my ear, “You’ve lost too much weight, Bailey. You need to take better care of yourself. Promise me you will take better care.” He is right on the weight loss. I have dropped a good ten pounds that I couldn’t afford to lose in the first place, but depression and stress will eat you alive if you let it.

  Just then a tall woman in a very revealing dress comes up to us and puts her hand on Talon’s shoulder. Jealousy shoots through me like the plague. I hate feeling jealous and I have no place feeling that way when it comes to Talon.