by Paige Toon
‘Disneyland!’ Barney barks between giggles. Phoenix waddles over to join the fun and Johnny grabs him and tickles him, too.
‘VIP access,’ Meg says to me knowingly, amid the mayhem.
‘What, today?’ I ask weakly.
‘Yeah! Today!’ Barney shouts, scrambling to his feet and proceeding to bounce on my bed.
Oh.
That’s the last thing I feel like doing.
I don’t mean to seem ungrateful. I’d love to go to Disneyland sometime, but I’d planned on staying here and having a quiet one today. I can’t imagine having fun.
Johnny is completely oblivious to my internal dilemma. ‘Who are we seeing today?’ he asks Barney.
‘Mickey Mouse!’ Barney obligingly replies at high volume.
I glance up at my half-brother’s beaming face and know that my plans to wallow are shot. How can I possibly disappoint him?
‘What time are we leaving?’ I ask.
‘NOW!’ Barney yells.
‘No, not now,’ Meg says brusquely, making a grab for him. ‘We’ve got to eat breakfast first, and get ready.’
‘And we still have to give Jessie her last present,’ Johnny interjects.
‘What, my last present isn’t Disneyland?’ I ask with confusion.
‘Nope,’ he replies, throwing me a key.
A car key.
A Fiat car key?!
I have a sudden vision of the crummy old white Fiat that Stu used to have, but I don’t care! It’s a car! A car! I’m sixteen and in America that means I can get my driving licence!
I leap out of bed and all five of us race down the stairs in our PJs to the front door. I wrench it open and my jaw drops.
‘It’s a Fiat 500 Abarth,’ Johnny says proudly.
The model means nothing to me. All I know is that what sits before me is one of the coolest little cars I have ever seen: matt-black with red wing mirrors and a red racing stripe down the side – nothing, absolutely nothing, like Stu’s former old banger.
‘I thought it looked kind of cheeky. Like you,’ my dad adds with a shrug.
I squeal, running out of the house, unlocking the car doors with a button on the key as I go. Meg laughs and Johnny chuckles as he follows me, both of us hopping gingerly over the sharp gravel beneath our bare feet. I almost go to the right-hand side of the car, but remember that the driver’s seat is on the left in America. I climb in and Johnny gets in the passenger seat beside me.
‘Like it?’ he asks, grinning across at me.
‘Are you kidding me?’ I gape at him. ‘How soon can I drive it?’
‘Aah, well,’ he replies ominously. ‘I’m afraid you have to jump through a few hoops first. You need a learner’s permit before you can drive on the road, under adult supervision until you do your actual test, of course. But to get your learner’s permit you have to do a Driver’s Education course – six hours of driving lessons with a qualified instructor and a written test. Annie’s told me how it all works over here.’ Annie is his PA.
‘No problem,’ I reply with a grin, glancing to my right to see Meg taking the boys back inside. Johnny spies them, too.
‘Breakfast,’ he notes. ‘Eddie has made you a crazy big stack of pancakes.’
‘Aw,’ I say. I adore their cook. He doesn’t work on weekends so he must’ve prepared them yesterday.
‘You OK?’ Johnny asks quietly, all amusement vanished from his expression.
I nod quickly, tears automatically springing to my eyes. ‘It’s probably best if I don’t talk about it,’ I say in a small voice. I don’t want to lose it again.
‘OK.’ He jerks his head towards the house and reaches for the door handle. ‘Come on. Food first and then we’d better go and see frickin’ Mickey, before Barney spontaneously combusts.’
Chapter 2
To my surprise, I had an appetite once I sat down at the table, and now we’re on our way to Disneyland in Johnny’s black Mercedes limousine. The Jeffersons’ long-term driver, Davey, is chauffeuring us. When I got in the car, I found a present from him between the children’s car seats: a gift bag full of bath goodies. I was so touched at his thoughtfulness.
Johnny may be an A-lister, but he doesn’t have loads of staff. Meg once explained that he likes his team to feel like family, so I’m on first-name terms with everyone from Sharon and Carly the maids to Santiago the gardener/pool guy and Lewis, Samuel, Wyatt and Austin, the bodyguards. Samuel and Lewis are currently following behind us in another car and I know them best of all, especially Sam, because he looked after me in the UK, when the press found out who I was.
We tried to keep my identity under wraps at first so I wouldn’t be hounded, but my secret didn’t stay hidden for long. Now everyone knows that I’m Johnny’s daughter and I’m kind of glad it’s out in the open, even though it means that my life has changed dramatically. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to having a bodyguard following me around.
The closer we get to Disneyland, the more excited Barney becomes. I’m still being assaulted by memories of Mum, and I feel like I could burst into tears at any given moment, but one look at Barney and Phee has me smiling again.
I can’t imagine being happy today, though. Not properly. Perhaps it won’t be as awful as I was expecting, and that’s a good thing. Mum wouldn’t want me to be inconsolable.
And then I see her twisting her long, dark, wavy hair into a messy bun and securing it with the biro I was using to do my English homework.
‘Oi! Give that back!’ I shout, as she laughs and runs from the room.
I quickly train my sight on my little brothers.
I’m a bit hurt that Stu hasn’t called me yet, but I know he’ll be finding today difficult, too. Perhaps he’s just taking a while to get his act together so he doesn’t cry down the phone. I’m sure we’ll talk later.
As soon as we walk through the gates to Disneyland, the air is filled with the sweet scent of popcorn and candyfloss. Barney’s enthusiasm is pretty infectious because my excitement is growing by the minute. He can barely contain himself as our effervescent VIP Disney guide, dressed in blue-and-red tartan, leads us down Main Street between the pastel-coloured shops and eateries. Sam and Lewis flank us, and people stop to gawp at Johnny as we pass. Wherever he goes, heads turn, women scream and people want his autograph, but I hope he doesn’t get constantly harassed today.
We soon come to a stop in front of a bronze statue of Walt and Mickey. Behind them is Sleeping Beauty’s castle, its towers spearing the sunny sky in all its pink, blue and gleaming gold splendour.
‘Where first?’ I ask Johnny, smiling at three little girls dressed in princess costumes, passing by with their parents.
‘It’s up to you,’ he replies with a shrug.
‘Peter Pan!’ Barney shouts, jumping up and down on the spot.
‘Are you sure about that?’ I ask my dad with amusement. I think we all know who the boss is here. ‘Can we go straight to Peter Pan, please?’ I ask our guide with a smile.
‘Sure.’ She doesn’t move, though, her smile frozen on her face as she looks from Mickey and Walt to Johnny and Meg and back again.
I wonder what she’s waiting for. Are we supposed to show the statue more respect or something?
And then Johnny’s and Meg’s faces light up at the sight of something behind me. I turn round to see a cart being drawn by a real horse, and then, from behind it, Libby, Natalie, Lou and Em emerge! I almost die on the spot as my British friends run, laughing, towards me. And the boys follow: Dougie, Aaron, Chris and – no way – is that Tom? I stare at him in shock, and then I spy Stu with who I think are Libby’s and Tom’s mums, but my eyes are so full of tears, it’s hard to tell.
My friends engulf me and there is so much screaming going on that it almost bursts my eardrums. Eventually I make it to Stu and I’m pretty sure he’s crying as we hug. I can’t believe almost everyone I care about is here. And was I dreaming? Did I really see Tom?
I break away from my st
epdad and look around for him and, sure enough, my recently ex-boyfriend is standing awkwardly beside his mate, Chris.
He meets my eyes and gives me a small smile and then Natalie is accosting me.
Natalie is a relatively new friend, as are Em, Dougie and Aaron. I started to hang out with them earlier last year when I went through a particularly rough patch. They’re older than me – they all go to college now – and Stu wrote them off as a bad influence with their drinking, smoking and late-night partying. I think he now understands that they helped me in their own way, even if he didn’t approve of their methods.
‘Get a look at Em, would you?’ Natalie whispers in my ear.
Em’s eyes are bulging out of her head as she stares at my dad. Johnny pretends not to notice. Em’s his biggest fan. I watch Johnny greet my geeky stepdad with a backslap-mini-hug, but Stu can’t quite carry the gesture off with the same swag, bless him.
‘How did you all get here?’ I ask.
‘Your dad flew us over,’ Libby tells me. My oldest friend’s grin is nearly splitting her face in half.
‘Business Class!’ Dougie interjects, pumping the air with his fist.
‘He’s paying for this whole trip,’ Libby adds. ‘My mum and Tom’s mum came as chaperones.’
I lock eyes with Tom. I want to pull him aside for a proper talk, but it’s too hard with everyone around.
‘Hi,’ I say.
‘Hey,’ he replies quietly.
This is so awkward…
Chris comes to our rescue, wrapping his arm round Tom’s neck. ‘So where are we going first?’
‘Barney wants to go on the Peter Pan ride,’ I tell them.
‘It’s your day, Jessie,’ Meg says firmly. ‘You choose.’
‘Let’s go on Peter Pan,’ I decide, smiling with affection at my little bro.
‘We can always split up later,’ Johnny chips in. ‘He won’t be able to go on Space Mountain, but I can’t wait!’
He looks even more like Barney than usual.
I soon find out that my dad got in touch with Stu to arrange this whole thing. They weren’t sure my friends would be able to make it at such short notice, but apparently every single one of them jumped at the chance. Everyone except Tom, who Lou tells me took some persuading.
‘We knew you’d want him here,’ she says, as she, Libby, Natalie and I board the log ride at Splash Mountain. Em is in the log ahead, staring manically at the back of my dad’s head. ‘I hope I was right?’ Lou checks worriedly.
‘Absolutely. I emailed him a couple of days ago asking if we could stay friends. I’m so glad he’s here, even if he doesn’t look too happy about it.’
‘You should talk to him, reassure him,’ Lou says. She was the new girl at school last term and she goes out with Chris, so I’m sure she knows the inside scoop about his best mate.
‘I will as soon as I get a chance,’ I vow.
My opportunity comes not long afterwards, inside the creepy Haunted Mansion. Tom and I find ourselves standing beside each other in the foyer. Suddenly the floor starts to move downwards and I press my palm to his chest with alarm.
‘You’re wet,’ I notice, patting his T-shirt.
‘Log ride,’ he replies stiffly. I quickly drop my hand and edge away a little.
‘Nat got the worst of it in ours,’ I tell him.
‘Muggins here sat in the front,’ he reveals with a small smile.
Both of us fall silent, but I force myself to speak.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ I whisper.
‘Your email persuaded me,’ he replies in a low voice, glancing down at me, his brown eyes glinting in the darkness.
The doors open to let us out of the foyer, but we stay side by side as we walk along the spooky corridors towards the ride.
The prevailing memory I have of Tom right now is of the last time we saw each other, when he was on his knees on my bedroom floor, bleakly staring up at me. He was so gutted that I’d cheated on him. His last girlfriend, Isla, did the same, and I’d always thought she was completely mad.
Tom had told me that he ‘never goes back’, so once it’s over with him, it’s over, period. I didn’t think he’d forgive me, even if I begged him to, but I’ll never know for sure because I didn’t even try to stop him from breaking up with me. In my heart, I’d chosen Jack.
Now that Tom’s beside me, though, I feel a sharp sense of loss.
‘How are you?’ he asks as we wait in line for the Doom Buggies.
‘Fine.’ It’s not an honest answer to describe how I’m feeling on the anniversary of my mother’s death, but I don’t know what to say to him. It occurs to me that if we’re going to be friends, like I want us to be, I need to try harder.
We’re next in line so when we climb into the buggy together – just the two of us – I turn to him and force a small smile.
‘Actually, I’m not fine,’ I admit, swallowing. ‘Today was always going to be hard, but it helps having you all here.’
‘I figured you’d need friends around you,’ he says, as our car takes off. His tone is unmistakeably gentle, even over the noise of the spooky voices and old-fashioned music.
‘You’re right.’ I lean into him instinctively, resting my cheek against his shoulder. He feels achingly familiar and I don’t want to move away, but I do as soon as he asks his next question.
‘How’s it going with Jack?’ He sounds tense.
‘OK,’ I reply edgily.
‘I didn’t know if he’d be here today.’
Oh my God, can you imagine? I’m suddenly incredibly relieved that Jack and Agnes had family commitments.
‘No, he’s visiting his grandparents.’ I pause and then turn to Tom with a frown. ‘But you still came, anyway?’
He shrugs. ‘Some things are more important.’
The ride whooshes round the corner and I clutch his arm, but force myself to let go and steady myself on the rail in front instead. See-through ghosts are dancing the waltz before us, but it’s hard to concentrate on the ride.
‘How’s your mum?’ I ask.
She’s been nothing but kind to me today, though I still feel uncomfortable that she’s here. I dread to imagine what she thinks of me, considering I broke her son’s heart.
‘Not great,’ Tom replies. ‘I’m going to see my dad tomorrow so she’s a bit upset.’
‘You’re going to see your dad?’ I ask with surprise.
‘Yeah. I thought, well, I thought I might as well, seeing as I’ve come all this way.’ He sounds self-conscious.
Tom’s dad left his mum a year and a half ago and moved to San Francisco to be with another woman. Tom was devastated. He hasn’t seen his dad since, but they spoke to each other recently.
It hurts to lose a parent, even when they’re still living and breathing.
‘How long are you going to stay with him?’ I ask, trying not to get sidetracked by thoughts of Mum.
‘A week. I’m taking a few days off school.’
‘I hope it goes well,’ I say.
‘Thanks.’
I don’t like this. We’re right next to each other, but we’re so far apart. I used to be able to console him, but now I can’t even touch him without thinking twice about it. I have no idea how we’re going to be able to stay friends.
I realise with dismay that our buggy has almost returned to its starting point. This ride has been way too brief.
‘I’m sorry,’ I blurt, knowing we’re out of time.
He glances at me, taken aback.
‘I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me,’ I say urgently.
‘No,’ he states, his eyes even darker than usual as he gazes back at me. My heart sinks, but he hasn’t finished. ‘Not yet. But I will one day. And yeah, we can try to be friends.’
I’m so thankful I could cry.
‘Don’t,’ he implores, noticing my eyes well up. The safety rail lifts and he touches my cheek before turning to climb out of the car. He offers his hand to help me o
ut after him.
His kindness does nothing to help the rapidly growing lump in my throat, but, as soon as our friends surround us once more, my grief recedes into the shadows.
There’s so much going on in the next few hours that I barely think about Mum at all. Sometimes it occurs to me to feel guilty, like I should be honouring her memory today, rather than enjoying myself, but it’s hard to be glum at the sight of all of my friends having so much fun.
Eventually my dad rounds us up and tells us that it’s time to go.
‘But what about Buzz Lightyear?!’ Barney whines.
‘We can come back another time, buddy,’ Johnny tells him.
‘YAY!’ comes his son’s ear-splitting reply.
It’s only late afternoon when we walk out of the park and we’re going to miss the Disney firework show, but I know my friends are shattered. They only flew in last night – Johnny is putting them up at a hotel in downtown LA. The time is eight hours ahead in the UK so technically they should be going to bed right now, but there’s no chance of that. They’re desperate to see my new pad.
Pizza, popcorn and a chilled-out evening in my dad’s private cinema would be pretty much perfect.
‘I’m assuming you want to travel with your friends,’ Johnny says, as they excitedly pile on to a sleek black bus.
‘Definitely.’ I’m about to start after them, but I halt in my tracks and turn round. ‘Thank you so much for today,’ I say sincerely.
‘You’re welcome,’ he replies gruffly. ‘See you back at the house in about an hour. Your driver’s going to take you on a mini tour of Hollywood first.’
‘Cool!’
The bus was lent to Johnny by his record company and there’s a huge bench seat at the back, wrapped round a shiny black table. There are crisps, sweets and cans of soft drink already laid out.
Stu, Caroline, Tom’s mum, and Marilyn, Libby’s mum, sit in seats further down the bus, leaving us to it.
‘Is it wrong that I’m actually craving a salad right now?’ Libby asks, tucking her ginger hair behind her ears. ‘I’ve had so much sugar I think I’m going to take off.’
Libby was my best friend for most of my life, but she and I drifted apart after Mum’s death when I grew close to Natalie and co. Last term at school, Libby made a new BFF who turned out to be a total nightmare in more ways than I care to mention. I’m so glad she and I have come full circle and are friends again. ‘Have you guys had fun today?’ I ask, looking round the table at everyone.