“What?” I shifted my face away, trying to hide my reddening cheeks. Did he really just say that? No, I must have been hearing things.
He propped his hand underneath the side of his face and narrowed his eyes. “Nope, I definitely feel it. That fire in you. It’s written right here.” He reach out and lightly brushed my forehead trailing his finger down to my eyebrow. “I’m a good people reader. The trick is to look into people’s eyes. Not just glance at them, but actually penetrate them.”
Get your mind out of the gutter, Estelle.
“Ha! Penetrate them,” I mumbled as I fidgeted uncomfortably. I was trying so hard to look anywhere but at him, that I almost didn’t hear my phone going crazy.
Bzzzz. Bzzzzz.
“Estelle?”
“Hmmm?” I mumbled, examining the chipped wood of our table.
“I think that’s your phone.”
“My phone?” I broke my stare and glanced around in confusion. “Oh! My phone!”
I grabbed my messenger bag and rummaged inside, pulling out my newest book and setting it on the table. I dug my hand deeper into the bag, pushing past lip balm, pens, and wadded up pieces of gum, careful not to shove a tampon in plain sight. Despite all my effort, l was unable to locate my phone. Frustrated at my messiness, I didn’t notice Jacob grab my book.
“Aha!” I exclaimed, finally grabbing my phone. My mouth puckered in disappointment once I realized I’d missed my mother’s call. Speaking to her was the highlight of my day, then again it wasn’t every day that I had Mr. Spinja sitting next to me.
“Not important?” Jacob mumbled, flipping through my book.
“No, just my mom…probably wanting to catch up…hey!” I yelped, realizing he was reading the notes I had jotted down in the margins. Feeling desperate, I reached out to try to grab the book away from him but his b-boy reflexes were too quick for me. I ended up toppling forward and crashing into his chest. I sucked in my breath, inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne, and quickly pushed myself off.
He didn’t seem to mind my faux pas one bit. Effortlessly, he switched the book from one hand to the other and chuckled, “Hey, that’s rude. I’m reading here.”
“But that’s personal,” I whined with a pout.
There must have been something in my face—most likely utter desperation—that caused Jacob to think twice and hand me back my book. “Okay, sorry about that. Here you go.”
“Thanks,” I hissed. Absently I rubbed the cover of the book almost as if I were petting a dog.
Though I kept my eyes down, I could feel Jacob’s stare burning a hole in the side of my face. Swallowing, I glanced over and sighed. “Why are you looking at me like that for?”
He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “Did you mean all that?”
“Mean what?”
“All those things you wrote. About love not being constricting…for chicken scratch it was kinda heavy.”
I chose to ignore the fact he called my handwriting chicken scratch and replied, “Like I said before, all that was personal.”
“Personal or not, it was really insightful.” He shrugged and to my disappointment leaned away.
That’s why people don’t like you, Estelle. Your ‘insightfulness’ is always so intense.
“So tell me, do you really mean it? I’ve always admired readers. Your types always have such profound thoughts. If I weren’t always so busy I’d totally get into reading, myself. I hardly even have time to read through all my textbooks.”
Well, that certainly got me going. You couldn’t mention reading to a bookworm without getting an earful.
Feeling the familiar surge of book induced excitement, I replied, “Look at this passage.” I paused and flipped to the middle of the novel. “The author mentions that love is suffocating and that it confines you. If that were the case, then how do you explain all the countless people in love? I doubt that anyone would willingly put themselves in any situation that mocks a prison type environment.”
“Good point.”
Riding on my philosophical momentum, I continued, “He also says that love is something that stifles your growth. I for one think that’s bull.”
“How come?” he asked, a hint of a smile on his lips.
“Well, I’d like to think that if two people are in love they’d grow together. Not just as a unit, but as individuals. Ideally they’d encourage each other and help bring out the best in one another. That, my friend, is the opposite of stifling.”
“Is someone helping you…grow, now?”
I grunted, once again releasing word vomit before I could stop myself. “Um, no. Like I said, it is something I’d like to think love is. Hell if I know what it’s really about.”
His eyebrows furrowed slightly. “You’ve never been in love?”
I had to make a conscious effort not to grab for my chest. My heart was beating a mile a minute. Were Jacob and I really talking about falling in love? How the hell did this happen?
I shook my head and answered quietly. “No.”
“Then for someone who’s never experienced it, you seem very well versed.” He paused and added, “I guess I’m interested because I’ve never been in love either.”
Feeling my ability to speak weakening, I stared down at my book. Books had the power to give me strength and boy, did I need it now. I took a deep breath and gulped. “Well, based on everything I’ve ever heard and read about it, love continues to expand. It doesn’t have any limitations.”
He bit his lip and nodded his head in agreement. “I like that. I’d like to think that as well.”
I braved another glance in his direction and noticed a thoughtful smile on his face. He peered at me teasingly. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I breathed.
“No reason,” he replied with a chuckle.
“No, really. Why?”
“It’s just that that’s the most I’ve heard you talk since I sat down to join you guys. I was beginning to think you hated me or something.”
No, it’s quite the opposite, actually.
I shook my head. “It takes a lot for me to hate a person.”
“Well, that’s good to know.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment and reached out to pick a piece of lint out of my hair. As innocent as the act was I couldn’t help but feel as if all the blood in my body rushed to my stomach. I was silently hyperventilating. Maybe Anna was right. This was the reason why I was a relationship virgin.
“Hey…” Anna shot me a questioning look as she sat back down in the booth. “What’d I miss?”
Jacob shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “Oh, nothing. Just talking about love.”
“Love?” Anna repeated in surprise. “What about it?”
“Just that it’s something Estelle needs to experience.” He threw me a wink that caused me to redden even more.
Anna’s eyes widened before narrowing mischievously. “That she does, my friend. That she does.”
Jacob sat quietly for a moment before slamming his hand on the table, startling us. “Well, guess it’s time for me to go.”
“Leaving so soon?” Anna asked.
I looked away, knowing perfectly well that disappointment was probably etched on my face.
“Yeah, I have to practice.”
“Of course.” Anna laughed. She threw me a quick glance before remarking, “But you didn’t eat…not that any of us will probably eat in this place.”
“Yeah, after sitting here for a while and smelling all that health crap I realized I really do need a burger after all.” He laughed. He turned his head and patted me lightly on the shoulder. “Good seeing you.”
“Yeah…” My voice trailed off.
Jacob waved goodbye once more and disappeared out the door. I tried my best to be as inconspicuous as possible and shifted my eyes so I could watch him from the window.
Anna let out a loud snort and laughed. “Oh my God, girl. You really need training wheels, Estelle.”
My head snapped forward.
“What are you talking about?”
Before she could answer, the long awaited server finally made her way over to us. I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping the conversation would end. Unfortunately, Anna and I only paused long enough to place our orders. As soon as the server left, Anna leaned forward and continued her interrogation.
“Relationship training wheels,” she clarified. “You don’t see what I do when you talk to Jacob. You look like you’re ready to self-combust or…”
“Or what?”
“Like you’re taking a shit.”
“What?” I gasped in horror.
She threw her head back and laughed. “Your lips are always so puckered and your eyes wide. It’s like you’re constipated or something.”
Neighboring booths careened their heads in our direction. I slumped down in my seat and shielded my face.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I hissed.
“You are obviously ill-equipped to thrive in any sort of relationship if you don’t even know how to speak to a guy properly. We need to get you some training in talking with the opposite sex. College is about trying new things and by new—”
“Don’t you even think about finishing that innuendo-filled thought of yours. Besides, I’d like to think I communicated with him pretty well, thank you very much. He asked me about my thoughts on love and I answered to the best of my abilities.”
She looked at me doubtfully.
I shifted in my seat. “Books get me riled up. I can’t help myself.”
“What does this have to do about books?” she asked in confusion.
“He grabbed my book away and read through my notes in the margins. The notes happened to be on my viewpoints on love.”
“Whatever,” Anna said, her eyes darkening by the second. “Don’t even get me started on the fact that you brought a book with you on our lunch date.”
Sensing an argument brewing I snapped, “How is it different than having Lucas glued to your side? Seriously, for someone telling me to be ‘open’ and ‘train’ you are very attached.”
“Hey, I’ve had relationships before, thank you very much. I don’t need practice or training wheels.” She flipped her hair back and frowned. “On that note, I think I’m going to break up with him soon.”
“What? Why?” I totally didn’t see that coming.
She pursed her lips and winked. “He’s getting too attached.”
We burst into giggles and cleared the table for our approaching salads.
“Thank God,” Anna muttered as she eyed the plates of spinach, lettuce, and kale. “I was ready to write off her tip. Seriously, worst server ever.”
“Be nice,” I hissed.
Once our salads were placed in front of us and the server went back to ignoring us, Anna said teasingly, “There’s an event coming up. You going?”
I knew there was an event. In fact, I made it a point to know everything b-boy related. Of course Anna didn’t need to know that. I shook my head and lied. “No.”
“No? Seriously?”
“Why would I?” I asked with as much nonchalance as I could muster.
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. She could definitely tell I was lying, but there was no way I’d confess to it. “Wow, maybe you don’t need the training wheels after all. I guess playing hard to get is a lesson I didn’t have to teach you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m taking a photography class, if you must know. This has nothing to do with tricks and games of the trade.”
“Photography? Really?” She grimaced in disgust.
“Yeah, why not? It’s cool.”
“Well, for one, you don’t seem like the creative type.”
“Assumptions,” I said with a sigh.
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “But for real, why photography? Is it even for credits?”
“No, it’s just an extracurricular class.”
“Then why take it? On a Saturday too?” She shook her head and smacked her tongue as if tasting something horrible. “You sure you won’t regret giving up your weekends?”
I swallowed a piece of spinach and smirked. “Someone told me that college is a time to try new things. Photography is as new as it’s going to get.”
Chapter 11
I gripped my rental camera and tried my best not to look toward the Student Commons. A crowd had already gathered around the entrance and I knew if I even stole one glance, I’d be searching for Jacob.
“Keep walking, Estelle. Keep walking,” I muttered.
A part of me regretted even signing up for the class. I admit it was a bit left field, but I had to remind myself that was the whole point of me taking it. I needed to stop playing it safe. Besides, if the class was a way for me to forget about Jacob, I’d probably end up signing up for extra projects. My reaction to him at the restaurant only verified what my gut already knew—Jacob would bring trouble.
Crushes and I never mixed. My head was not too far up in the clouds to realize I let people use me for the sake of having them like me. I was naïve, gullible, and hopeless. The problem was I couldn’t stop the downward spiral. Until now.
I’m not saying I was sure Jacob would use me or anything, but at the same time I didn’t want to give him the chance. In fact, I didn’t want to give myself that chance of letting him. Besides, there was probably no way he’d fall for me. What was the point of fooling myself into thinking there ever would be? What’s the point of putting myself out on the line and being disappointed?
Ignoring the cheers and hip hop music, I rushed over to the art building, arriving a full fifteen minutes before the class was scheduled to start. Luckily, I wasn’t the only person who seemed excited about the class. There were a sprinkling of students scattered all over the tiny classroom. I paused at the door and opted to take a seat in the back corner, as if to hide away. If the b-boy battle was out of my element, this photography class was completely in a different universe.
***
Well, it was a great thing I sat down in the back row. It gave me the opportunity to hide the confusion on my face. About twenty minutes into the lecture my brain felt as if it were about to explode.
Shutter speed.
Aperture.
ISO.
Everything was like French to me. I couldn’t get out of the class quick enough and found myself questioning whether I’d be attending next week’s lecture. I rushed down the front steps of the building, trying to run away as fast as I could when someone called out to me. Surprised, I turned and spotted a boy rushing up to me.
“You forgot this,” he said, holding out the lens cap to my camera.
Of course I did.
I smiled weakly. “Thanks. Pretty sure that would have cost me my security deposit.”
“Glad to be of service.” The boy smiled and held out his hand. “David.”
“Estelle,” I responded, shaking his hand.
“Estelle, huh?”
“That’s my name.” I laughed weakly.
He peered at me in curiosity. “You don’t look like an Estelle.”
“What do Estelles look like?” Gosh, this guy was weird. Even weirder than me, and that’s saying a lot, obviously. I eyed his blond hair and blue eyes and couldn’t help but think he was a generic version of every California boy that ever existed.
He shrugged. “Not like you. You seem too hip for such an old name.”
“Uh, thanks, I guess?” Though I should have felt insulted, I couldn’t help but laugh. God knew it wasn’t the only time I’d heard such a remark.
“What if I call you Ellie?”
“Ellie, huh?”
“Yeah, you like it?”
This guy was too much. With another laugh I nodded. “Yeah, why not? Nicknames are like old friends, so why don’t I call you ‘D’?”
He cleared this throat, coughing slightly. “Erm, maybe not ‘D,’ okay?”
“Why not?” I blinked in confusion.
As if enjoying his own private joke, he laughed. �
�But yes, like old friends.” He stifled another snicker. “So, Ellie, what did you think about the class?” he asked as he raked his hand through his curly blond hair.
“It’s a bit much,” I admitted. “I’m wondering if I took on more than I could chew. It’s not like I don’t already have a full load this semester.”
“Same here,” he nodded. “Are you a freshman?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Yup. Can’t you tell by my ‘completely-overwhelmed-but-still-raring-to-go’ expression?”
I smirked. “Oh, is that what it was? I must have misread it and thought it was the common ‘hair-on-fire’ look.”
He grinned and glanced at his watch. “Well, looks like I’m only adding fuel to that fire. I’m running late to something, but it was really nice meeting you.”
“Nice meeting you too,” I replied with a smile.
He began to walk away, but suddenly turned back around. “Hope the professor didn’t scare you off. It’d be a shame not to see you in class next week.”
I snorted and sighed. “Yeah, such a shame…I’ll probably end up going though.”
As soon as the words left my mouth I couldn’t help but feel surprised. Maybe Anna was right. Boys really did do weird things to me.
He grinned. “Good, see you then.”
I watched him run off and shrugged off the strange exchange as just two freshmen grasping on to any sense of normalcy. I began to fiddle with the camera around my neck and couldn’t have gone more than a few feet when I heard someone coming up beside me. This time I was sure he was coming after me.
“Estelle! Where were you? I was looking for you during the battle.” As if appearing out of thin air, Jacob showed up beside me. His shirt was drenched and his hair glistened with a sheen of perspiration. He looked as slick as a statue of marble; one I wanted to run my hands up and down on.
“Really? You were?” My heart skipped a beat—it literally paused and came back with two strong pumps. I grabbed onto my chest and winced at the slight pain.
“Are you okay?” Jacob furrowed his eyebrows in concern.
“Yeah,” I answered sheepishly, rubbing at my chest discreetly. “Just feeling a bit under the weather. Anyway, were you really looking for me?”
Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) Page 6