by Nikki Ash
“Is Tristan going to California, too?” Hayley asks.
“He sure is,” Ashley answers.
“Are you all right with that?” I ask.
“Oh Liz, our kids have been best friends their entire lives. You know I love Bella like she’s my own.”
“But,” Hayley adds.
“But I was kind of hoping Tristan would use college as a time to find himself. He swears he doesn’t want anything more with Bella than their friendship but I still think in the back of his mind, he’s hoping one day a spark will ignite.”
“He dates other girls, right?” Hayley asks.
“Yeah, he does, and as much as I wish he was still my baby, I know he’s had sex. But the relationships never last long. He always finds a stupid reason to end it or the girl gets jealous of Bella and his friendship. I don’t blame Bella at all.”
“Oh, I know you don’t,” I say, and I do know she doesn’t blame Bella. We have made sure not to allow anything that happens between our kids come between us. They are young and hormonal.
“Is Bella having sex?” Hayley asks.
“As far as I know, not yet. Her world revolves around fighting. We have had several talks but she insists she’s not ready and when she is, she will come to me. I can only hope she does.”
“Ugh! Can you imagine how crazy Cooper will act when she actually opens her eyes and decides to date?” Ashley snickers.
“Laugh it up. Wait until your two mini-versions of you start to date! Kaden is going to lock their asses up.”
“True statement.” We all crack up.
There’s a knock at the door. “Come in,” we yell in unison making us laugh some more.
“Mom… Oh, hey Ashley, Hayley.” Bella comes inside and leans against the wall in my small office.
“Everything ok, sweetie?”
“I was hoping we could talk.” She looks from me to Hayley and Ashley. The women get it and get up, each of them giving Bella a kiss on her forehead on their way out, quickly congratulating her on getting into college.
Bella closes the door behind her and sits down across from me. I take a minute to look at my little girl who has turned into a beautiful young woman right before my eyes. Tears prick my eyes and before I can stop them, they fall.
“Oh, Mom.” Bella jumps out of her seat and jumps onto my lap, giving me a hug while almost crushing my legs in the process. I wrap her up in my arms and remember all the years it was just Kayla, Bella, and me against the world.
“I love you, baby girl.”
“Mom, please don’t cry. You know I’m not leaving for good, right?”
“Oh, sweetie. I know, and even if you decided to make California your home, I wouldn’t stop you. I remember when Kayla and I took off to Las Vegas. Our parents thought we were crazy but nobody was stopping us. I always thought I would be back after college but here I am, over eighteen years later and still in Las Vegas.”
“You’ll visit me, right? And we can talk on the phone every day.”
“Of course! And any time you want to come home, you just let us know, and a plane ticket will be waiting. I am so proud of the person you have become, Bella.” Tilting her chin up, I look into my daughter’s now teary eyes and wipe a falling tear. “You are beautiful on the inside and out. You are smart and determined and you are going to do amazing things. One day you will be a UFC women’s division champion.”
“Do you think I’m making a mistake going to California?”
“Oh, baby girl. I can’t answer that. Only you know the answer to that question. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“Do you think if I go dad will hate me?”
“I will never hate you, Princess.” Bella and I look to the door to find Cooper standing in the doorway. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I thought your mom was in here alone. Come here, Bella.”
Getting off my lap, Bella runs into her father’s arms, the sound of sobs breaking through. “Please don’t be mad, dad.”
“I could never hate you or be mad at you, Bella. I know I’m being selfish but I’m just not ready to let you go yet. The truth is I don’t think I will ever be ready to let you go.”
“Mom said she’s going to visit me. You can visit me too, you know.” She looks up at her father with hopeful eyes.
“Nothing will keep me away. And if you need anything, your mother and I are only a phone call away. But can you do me one favor?”
Bella backs up a little from her dad. “What is it?”
“From now until August, can we pretend like you aren’t going anywhere? Can you let me live in denial for a little while longer? Because in my eyes, you are still my little girl.”
“Sure, dad. You can live in denial… but only until June.”
“What do you mean, June? College doesn’t start until August.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t read the entire letter. They also offered me early acceptance if I choose to start this summer, and I think I’m going to.”
“Did they offer that to Tristan as well?” Cooper looks from Bella to me, panic evident in his eyes.
“No, but he will be there in August. I was thinking we could fly out there over spring break to find an apartment. Kaden said it will be cheaper for us to get a place right off campus. My scholarship covers the cost of the dorm so my half is taken care of. Tristan got accepted for a partial scholarship but he has to pay for his own housing. We are going to get a two-bedroom place.”
Cooper stares at Bella like she’s an alien. “Holy shit, you have this all figured out. Denial… give me denial until Spring break then we can look at apartments, okay?”
“Ok, Dad.” Bella reaches up and gives her father a kiss on his cheek before walking out of the office.
“Bella,” I call out, “please be home early tonight. You still need to pack and you have one more final on Monday.”
“I know, Mom.”
Bentley
“Chloe! Faith!” I call out my daughters’ names for the third time and still get no answer, so I do what any parent would do… I text them… from downstairs!
Group conversation (Family)
Me: Items you need to pack.
shirts
jeans
ski jackets
snow suit
socks
under wear
shoes
phone
iPad
charger
pajamas
toothbrushes
hair brush
Chloe: okay
Faith: okay
Kayla: I’ll be home in twenty minutes. Love you, baby.
Chloe: Eww! Text that out of the group chat!
Faith: Seriously! Gag!
Perfect! I yell out my daughters’ names and get no response, but I send them a damn text and they respond immediately. Not that it should surprise me; my daughters are eleven going on eighteen.
“Hey buddy, you want to help me pack up your stuff?” I wait for Ryan to answer but he doesn’t and as usual my heart cracks.
I reach for Ryan and his arms lift up, letting me know he’s okay with me picking him up. I carry him up the stairs to his room and set him down on his bed. Ryan Cruz is four years old and the newest member of our family. Kayla and I didn’t plan to expand our family but when, Sheila, a friend of ours who works for the Department of Children and Families mentioned Ryan while visiting the rec center, my heart broke.
Ryan was born into a broken family. His mom gave birth to him at only fourteen years old. She tried to be a good mom to him but her parents weren’t supportive and made her do it all on her own. When Ryan was two, she couldn’t handle it anymore, so she dropped him off at his dad’s house and ran away. The police found her dead in an alley a week later—overdose.
Unfortunately, Ryan’s biological father was not the better option. At eighteen years old, his only purpose in life was to get high and make money. Nobody knows what happened to Ryan, but after a year of living in his fa
ther’s apartment, a neighbor made a complaint about a child crying.
His father wasn’t home, so the police waited for him to return, then arrested him for child neglect and endangerment along with a bunch of drug charges. Luckily, he signed off all his rights and the biological family felt it was best not to adopt him, so when Sheila brought Ryan up to us, we were able to adopt him without any complications.
We agreed to go meet him, not wanting to commit to anything right away. When we saw Ryan sitting at the table in his foster parents’ house coloring on some paper and he turned to look at us, my eyes locked with his and I knew in my heart, he was meant to be our son. It’s been six months since Ryan has joined our family but he hasn’t spoken a single word to any of us.
I spoke with his biological grandparents once right after we adopted Ryan, and they said he spoke occasionally when he was with his mother, so we know he’s capable. The therapist says he just needs time. She calls it selective mutism. He’s capable of talking but is choosing not to.
It’s crazy how without him even saying a word, he has won over every person in this house as well as all our friends and family. We have all been learning sign language the best we can and it helps with communicating with him. He nods and shakes his head no, he points to what he wants, and he cries when he is upset. His smile can damn near light up a room, and a couple of times his laughter wasn’t silent. The few times I have heard him laugh brought me to tears.
With the girls in school, that leaves Ryan and me to hang out all day since I am still a stay-at-home dad. We spend many days at the gym hanging with the guys, a lot of time at the parks, the local pools, and museums to socialize. Ryan plays well but instead of playing with other kids, he chooses to play near them. The therapist says that’s normal. He needs to learn to trust those around him.
“Okay, Ry. We need to pack you some warm clothes. In a couple days, you are going to see snow. Have you ever seen snow?” Ryan shakes his head. “Do you know what snow is?” He shakes his head again. “Oh, little man. It’s going to be awesome.” I pull out my phone and pull up YouTube to find a home video someone made of snow falling, and hand it to him to watch while I grab all the clothes he will need for our two weeks in Breckenridge.
“Dad!” Chloe yells at the top of her lungs. Maybe I should ignore her like she ignores me.
“Dad!” Faith screams out. Seriously? They both ignored me but they think I’m supposed to acknowledge them when they call out. Two sets of feet come stomping down the hall and stop when they get to Ryan’s room.
“Dad, we were calling you,” Chloe says, exasperated.
“Oh, sorry. I thought when we screamed out each other’s name, we were supposed to stay silent until the person texted the other person.” Both girls just look at me dumbfounded, not getting the sarcasm. “Never mind. What’s up?”
Chloe and Faith sit down on the bed sandwiching Ryan in, giving him hugs and kisses. Before we made the decision to go see Ryan, Kayla and I sat down with the girls to see how they would feel about us possibly adopting again. Chloe thought it was an amazing idea. While she doesn’t remember being adopted at only a few months old, we have been completely honest with her. She knows her biological mom overdosed and died, and that Marco, Hayley and Caleb’s son, is her biological brother.
When we told them, Ryan’s mom died, I think it hit home for Chloe. She immediately wanted to make him a part of this family. Faith was just as excited, saying she would love to be an older sister. With her and Chloe only a few months apart they might as well be twins, but technically Chloe is the older one of the two.
“Can we have breakfast for dinner tonight? And can Chloe and I make it?” Since Kayla hates cooking and I stay home with the kids, I am the one in charge of the cooking. I have been teaching the girls how to cook and bake since they were little. Best decision I ever made. Now that they are getting older, they want to make the meals, which means I get to sit back and enjoy.
“Are you girls done packing?”
“Not yet.”
“Almost.”
“All right, but after dinner you have to finish.” I turn to Ryan. “Hey Ry, do you want waffles for dinner?” Ryan nods his head, a ghost of a smile gracing his face.
“C’mon Ryan, you can help me put the chocolate chips in.” Faith takes Ryan’s hand and helps him off the bed, holding his hand while they walk out of the room and downstairs to start dinner. I finish grabbing Ryan’s clothes and bring it all downstairs, so I can supervise my little chefs.
On my way to the kitchen, there’s a knock on the front door. “Girls, don’t turn on the waffle maker until I get in there, please,” I yell out, swinging the door open to find Nancy Peterson, also known as my mother-in-law, standing there with a rolling luggage next to her. “What are you doing here?”
She frowns, then smiles wide. It’s probably the brightest smile I’ve ever seen her give me and it almost makes me cringe. When Kayla’s father passed away last year from a heart attack, she retired from the firm they were partners in and took off traveling the world. Kayla said she called it reinventing herself.
We have received a few post cards, and Kayla said she’s texted and called a few times. Kayla and her mother have never had a good relationship. Kayla moved to Las Vegas with her best friend, Liz, at eighteen and never really looked back. Her mom visited once when Faith was little but was cold the entire time. After that, we would visit every few years, stay at a hotel, and try to get her to get to know her granddaughters, but unfortunately, Kayla’s parents weren’t the loving or nurturing types.
Kayla’s brother on the other hand, is a very hands-on Uncle when he visits. He lives in Florida with his wife, Vanessa, and their two children, but visits regularly, as well as video chatting a few times a week.
“Mom?” Kayla comes walking up the sidewalk looking sexy as hell in her tight black pencil skirt, white blouse that I can almost see-through, and her black fuck-me heels that she always wears.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Italy based on your most recent post card.”
“I’m here to visit my daughter and her family.” Kayla and I exchange a what the fuck look with each other. “Are you going to invite me in or are we going to just stand in the doorway all evening?”
“Umm… sure… come on in,” Kayla mumbles, grabbing her mom’s luggage for her. I open the door wider and let them walk in first, taking the luggage from Kayla. Then I go to the kitchen to make sure the kids haven’t burnt the kitchen down.
Chloe is talking on the phone while Faith is bent down with the mixing bowl in her hands as Ryan dumps the bag of chocolate chips into the bowl, his eyes shining with excitement.
“Marco, please. You have to go to Breckenridge,” Chloe whines. “We go every year! And I haven’t seen you in months. Please,” Chloe pouts. It’s been hard for her ever since Marco moved to California. While they are twelve years apart, they are still extremely close. I can’t hear what her brother is saying but whatever it is, she isn’t happy about it. “Fine! Whatever!” She hangs up the phone clearly upset and about to storm out of the kitchen.
Before I can stop her, she takes off. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see Faith and Ryan are in her way. Chloe trips over them by accident, sending the bowl flying out of their hands. The spoon clatters on the floor, and the batter flies across the kitchen. Ryan’s eyes widen in horror as he watches it all happen, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Oh my god!” Faith yells, mad that her batter is ruined.
“I didn’t mean to!” Chloe shouts back.
Ryan’s tears begin falling at the screaming. Kayla sees him upset at the same time I do, and scoops him up into her arms.
“Girls,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. Of course they ignore me, arguing over whose fault it is. Maybe I should fucking text them! “Girls,” I try again, a bit louder. I’m still being ignored. Ryan’s cries get louder and immediately both girls go quiet realizing what their fighting is doing to him.
>
“Ryan, don’t cry,” Chloe coos.
“It’s okay. We can make new batter,” Faith tells him.
Both girls try to comfort him with their words, telling him it wasn’t his fault and apologizing for yelling at each other. Ryan, who had his face nuzzled into the crook of Kayla’s neck, peeks out at the girls’ soothing voices. Then I remember, Kayla’s mom is here and look around for her. She probably witnessed that scene, grabbed her luggage, and booked the first flight the hell out of this mad house.
I don’t see her at first, but then I spot her on her hands and knees. What the heck is she doing? Nancy Peterson, my mother-in-law, is wiping up the battered mess! I almost pull out my phone to video this because Liz would never believe it without the proof. “Nancy, you don’t have to do that,” I insist.
Kayla looks over at her mom using a wet paper towel on the tile, trying to clean up the mess. She blinks a few times then looks around like she’s expecting cameras to pop out and Ashton Kutcher to appear announcing she’s been punked. I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh until Faith says, “Mom, I thought you once said Grandma would never be caught dead cleaning.”
My laugh can no longer be contained. Kayla glares at first but gives up and laughs. We look to her mom and she is sitting up on her heels staring at us. I compose myself and prepare for the wrath of Nancy to come but instead we get, “Are you enjoying a laugh at my expense?” Standing up, she places the bowl on the counter and then… she smiles. Are you keeping count? This woman has smiled twice since she showed up and I think it’s the most I’ve ever seen her smile. Her face must be exhausted.
“Mom, are you dying?” Kayla frowns.
“What? Grandma, you’re dying?” Faith says, running over to Nancy. She stops before reaching her grandma, unsure of what to do or how to react. Nancy opens her arms, embracing Faith and then smiles again. Holy shit! Three times!!
“Oh my God, Mom, you’re dying?” Kayla starts to cry, which causes Ryan to start crying again.