by J. R. Rogue
Andrew jumped in the back as soon as we reached the parking lot. Kat followed him closely. Too closely. They were both quite drunk. They rambled loudly in the back seat¸ demanding we turn the volume up when we reached a song either of them liked. They sang loudly and carried on about a couple that had been bumping into them while they were dancing.
I wasn’t worried about my friend falling into something reckless with my brother. Although she was tipsy now, she always did the mature thing. She was the anti-Sera.
Chace and I were completely silent. Nothing we wanted to say could be said in front of the two jabber jaws in the back seat. Not that they would remember it. The hour dragged on. I stared out the window, too afraid to turn my face. Chace’s scent filled the vehicle. It wasn’t overwhelming, but it was all I could focus on. It was clean and male. Thankfully, the bar was smoke free.
An old 90’s country song came on the radio that I recognized, I turned away from the window and reached for the volume. Chace caught my eye.
“I love this song,” I murmured.
“I do, too,” he replied. I turned back to the window. When the chorus started, I heard Chace begin to sing along. I smiled lightly and sang softly to myself as well. Maybe I didn’t want to make it home. Maybe I wanted to sit here in this seat and listen to him sing for the rest of my life. Time sped up, as it always does when you experience a perfect moment.
I was having more and more of those perfect moments with him. The closest I had ever been to a serious relationship was with Tristan. Yet, in the short time I had known Chace I felt more drawn to him than my ex. I didn’t know his favorite color. I didn’t know how he liked this steak. I didn’t know his favorite sports teams, but I knew him. And he knew more about me than many who had been in my life for years. All of this happened without our lips touching. I was lost. Chace sang to nearly every song for the rest of the ride.
As soon as we parked in front of the house, I propelled myself from the vehicle. I felt fuzzy from my drinks, and Chace’s voice.
I made it inside quickly and busied myself in the living room and the downstairs bath, setting it up for Kat. I pulled out a brand new toothbrush from under the sink and laid a fresh towel on the rim of the claw foot tub.
In the living room, I pulled out an extra blanket from the large antique trunk sitting under the front window, and placed it at the foot of the couch. Satisfied, I exited the room to find Chace pulling blankets from the hall closet for the leather couch in the office. I walked over to the room and peeked in to find Andrew, already face down. I looked up at Chace and he shrugged, then we both laughed.
“Where’s she at?” I asked in a whisper. It was unnecessary. My brother would not be waking. He motioned toward the kitchen. I walked past him into the room. Kat was tossing a pill, probably an Advil, down her throat and chasing it with a large glass of water. Smart girl.
“I set up the couch in the living room,” I began. “It’s very comfortable. I napped there last week.”
I reached for the cabinet door and got a glass down. I spotted the Advil container on the counter and grabbed it. I popped out a few and threw them down my throat, then chased them with a large gulp of tap water.
“Thanks,” she groaned. She took a seat at the bar and smiled. “Tonight was fun. I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. Your brother is still hilarious.”
“Yeah, he always was a clown, huh?” I gripped the counter behind me and hoisted myself up onto it. Andrew was the guy who could make everyone laugh. I always figured it came from his mother, because his father had a very wooden sense of humor.
“Yeah, I remember,” she agreed. “He was always cracking jokes and trying to get our attention. But we were mature teenagers and thought his jokes were silly back then.”
“Oh yeah,” I reminisced. “Very mature teenage girls.” We both laughed.
“Well I’m going to crash,” Kat said through a stretch. “Be good.”
She raised her eyebrows at me and walked out of the kitchen. I didn’t reply. I hoped Chace was already in his room. I couldn’t handle seeing him anymore that night. The liquor was coursing through my veins. I had been able to keep the ‘old me’ at bay for a while, but now she was close to breaking free.
Once I heard Kat close the French door that closed off the large living room, I rushed to my room. I didn’t make it far.
“Where are you going?” Chace sat at the top of the steps. In my way. His arms rested on his knees, hands crossed at the wrist in front of him.
“Bed.” I pointed at the door on his left.
“Why are you going to bed?” His shy smile was back. I stared down at my feet.
“Would you prefer a lame excuse or the truth?” I looked back up.
“Dealer’s choice.” He stood.
“I don’t want you to touch me anymore.” It was a truth. A half-truth. If he didn’t touch me, I could go to sleep and wake up a good girl again. Not the girl I was in New York. I could resist him from the quiet of my room. I could resist him if he was out of sight. I could sit up there and write about all the things I wanted him to do to me in this moment. That was harmless. This, here now, was not.
“‘Lame excuse’ it is. Nice.” He laughed rising and making his way down the steps towards me. I backed up towards the kitchen, missing the doorway, hitting the wall in the small hall. He rounded the banister and walked to me. He stood in front of me, closer than arm’s length, and reached out tentatively, brushing the hair off my bare shoulder.
“You really need to quit that.” I took a breath.
“You don’t like me touching you?” He moved closer, his fingertip slowly trailing down my arm, tracing the lines of script there.
“Irrelevant,” I swallowed. “You’re too young for me to being doing this.”
“Well at least we are past denial now.” He let his hand fall to his side and stared into my eyes full on. I wanted to turn away. I needed to. We stayed like that for what felt like forever, until I was able to gain control.
“This is a horrible idea.” I turned my head, avoiding his gaze. My hair fell to the side, exposing my neck to him, an invitation. He moved closer. I wanted him to taste me, but I only felt his breath there. He wouldn’t touch me until I told him what he needed to hear.
“Tell me ‘goodnight,’” he whispered. He brushed the hair from my face and lowered his mouth to my ear. “And I’m gone.” I was frozen, no sound came from my lips. His opposite hand settled on my hip, his thumb dipping under my top.
“Do you care about my age right now, Sera?”
His question caused me to whimper as I gripped the wall behind me. He had barely touched me and I felt like I might lose it at any minute, what would I do when he kissed me? He knew where my thoughts were.
“Do you want me to kiss you, Sera?” Fuck. Another incoherent noise escaped my lips.
“Yes,” I managed. My voice was breathless. Every nerve in my body was at attention, waiting for him. He was everywhere all at once, his legs pressed against mine and I parted them to let him enter the space, his right hand moved to my face, his fingers lightly swept the curtain of hair from my face. His left hand circled my wrist and slowly drew my arm behind me.
I turned to him, making eye contact again. His eyes were dark pools of inky blue. I reached up grabbing his shirt and making a fist, I didn’t want gentle.
He moaned, pressing his forehead to mine. Both hands grabbing my ass, he lifted me up and my legs instinctively wrapped around him. I pressed into him, and another noise escaped his lips. I just wanted them on mine. Why wasn’t he kissing me?
As if sensing my thoughts, he answered. He was so close his breath flowed into me. This had escalated so quickly. I was in familiar territory. This was where I was comfortable. Lust, seduction, need.
And yet, I felt off kilter. With him everything was different. My heart was in it. And that scared me.
“I want to kiss you right now, Sera, but I don’t want you to be drunk. I want you to re
member it tomorrow.” His voice was low and close.
My stomach flipped; did he really just say that? Immediately I felt my face heat up, I pulled away, despite his words, the need, I felt rejected. Chace was one of those people who always maintained eye contact, it unnerved me, and right now, it was turning me to mush, burning into my core like a laser. I stared at my hand gripping his shirt. I started to release my grip, my breathing had picked up as well. I knew he was taking this all in.
“Chace, you’re too young for me…” I immediately regretted the words. It was the second time I had said them, but after his touch burning into me the way we both knew it had, I felt wrong for saying them, it was dismissive and felt condescending. He was the most mature guy in his early twenties that I had ever met, certainly miles past the ones I dated when I was his age. I peeked up at him and was met with a sly smile. I hadn’t wounded him.
“That is why I can’t kiss you. You’re tipsy. You keep repeating yourself.” He set me back down on the ground. My boots made a loud sound on the wooden floor. I grimaced, remembering my brother was so close, around the corner. If he was awake everything would have made it to his ears. I heard a snore and let out a relieved breath.
I felt like I was on fire, every nerve in my body was waiting for his touch to return. God, I wanted this, didn’t I? How had this happened? Seven years separated us but the only distance I could see was what was now between us, I moved my arms to the side of my body and gripped the wall behind me.
He walked past me into the kitchen. “I know you really don’t care about my age.” He tossed the comment out. I grabbed onto it.
“It just doesn’t seem smart,” I followed, smoothing out my ruffled clothing.
“You always weigh the pros and cons before you kiss someone?” He had me there. He grabbed the bar stool closest to him and sat on it, facing me.
No, I wasn’t fighting this because of his age.
He wore dark denim over scuffed boots, and a fitted heather grey t-shirt. A loose plaid shirt hung on his shoulders. His light brown hair was freshly cut, and a light stubble covered his jaw. His full lips were inviting, begging to be kissed, crimson and raw. Jesus, I wanted him.
He was living with me though, and one could argue that this would be monumentally stupid. Kat would disagree, she was now pro-Chace.
“No, I don’t,” I finally responded.
He sat up and walked back to me. He reached out and took one of my hands, again, sending electricity throughout me. I could feel the heat from his body and his voice was low and close to my ear.
“Okay,” he said, pulling the tender side of my wrist to his lips. He placed a light kiss there. Then he was gone, walking slowly past me towards the door to the kitchen. He turned and backed into the doorway, raising his hands above his head, gripping the frame, the smirk was still there, taunting me. “I’m going to bed. I think I am going to get up early tomorrow morning.”
The change of subject was unexpected, and slightly disappointing. I liked the game, the feeling of being pursued, I think most women did. We craved feeling desired, it made giving in so much more rewarding.
I didn’t often pursue. I wasn’t conceited, I did not think I was a ‘ten,’ but I knew how to play my strengths, knew how to lure them in. I needed to feel wanted, it gave me power, and it made me feel worthy. I craved the approval, to hell with any respect I lost to gain it. I sure was a classy broad.
When had I become that girl? Had I been doing that with him subconsciously? I let out a heavy breath and reached behind myself, gathering all of my hair and pulling it over my shoulder. I saw his gaze flicker to the opposite one, the one exposed by my falling shirt. The one that his mouth had been so close to earlier, and then his eyes landed back upon my face.
I was toying with him now, it was ingrained in me, he had laid his desire out for me to see and now I had to pull him in.
“Okay,” I said.
This would not affect our friendship. We could go back to normal after this confession; I wouldn’t feel the need to ride this train after the alcohol had been rinsed clean of my system. Chace winked at me and turned to go, I followed and looked around the corner as he made his way to bed. He stopped a couple steps into his room, his last words curling over his shoulders.
“I am going to kiss you, Sera, and you’re going to want me to.”
Well, shit.
The next morning brought spring rain. I woke at seven to the pitter-patter sound on the rooftop. It was soothing, and nearly lulled me back to sleep, until I remembered the previous night. I remembered Chace’s hands on me, his breath so close. There was no way I could go back to sleep.
I wondered how it would be between us now. I heard the sound of dishes and voices from the floor below. The man was inhuman. To me, rain on Sunday morning meant one thing: sleep in until noon, get up, eat some food, read a good book, take a nap, eat some dinner, and then settle in for a movie.
All of those things sounded divine. I wondered what Chace did on rainy days. Would he survive a day where he was cooped up inside with nothing to do? He didn’t appear to have an idle gear.
I groaned into my pillow and rolled myself off the bed and headed to the bathroom. After rubbing some moisturizer on my face and brushing my teeth, I slipped on my robe and some slippers. The hardwood floors stung my toes, the rain had brought back cooler temperatures and they were seeping into the house. I opened my door and was greeted by the scent of bacon.
I found Chace and Andrew in the kitchen talking, with Artax at their feet waiting for scraps. “Morning,” my roommate called over his shoulder.
“Morning,” I sighed. I took a seat next to my brother at the bar. He smiled a greeting. I smiled back.
“It’s supposed to rain all day,” Chace reported. “I know we talked about riding, but it looks like that won’t be in the cards.” He pushed eggs onto three plates sitting on the island.
“Darn,” I said.
“I can tell you’re heartbroken,” Chace said over his shoulder as he reached for another pan on the stove.
“How in the world are you guys up right now? I mean. I know how you are Chace, but bro, you were plastered.” I nudged him. He had placed his face into his hands. He nearly fell out of his stool. I wasn’t that strong.
“I have band practice at noon and I can’t sleep in if I’m not in my own bed. Stop talking so loud.” He groaned.
I ignored him. I wasn’t talking loudly. “Do people ever come to those? I still haven’t heard you play.”
“Yeah, sometimes. You could come with Chace when he brings new lyrics.” He lifted his head from his hands and pointed at Chace’s back. “Man, you owe me some.”
“I’ll probably write some today. What are you going to do today, Sera?” He walked to the fridge and pulled out O.J., then retrieved three glasses from the cabinet.
“Attempt to write, too?” My brain wasn’t up for writing at the moment. But maybe after a nap.
He handed me my glass. “I have a long list of spring cleaning chores to do. I’ve been trying to knock a few off the list each week.”
“I can help with that if you want,” I offered. It was the least I could do. He had made this delicious breakfast for two useless zombies.
“No, you don’t have to. Doing those chores is my rent. And now I have the time.”
“Again, I own the house, remember? I can help.” I stuck my fork into a piece of sausage on my plate. I needed food.
Chace began eating, standing at the island. “I don’t mind. It’s okay.”
I pointed my fork at him. “You can either tell me something on the list, or I’ll just randomly clean something. Your choice.” I shrugged my shoulders and aimed my fork at my hash browns.
“Okay, but only one thing on the list.” He smiled at me. There was something in his eyes. I hoped Andrew couldn’t see it. “Maybe instead of cleaning you can just help me give Artax a bath?”
“Is that a two person job? Aiden gave him one that one night.”
“Yes. He hates baths.” He stared down at the dog at his feet. “Yeah, you.” He looked back at me. “Just not when Aiden does it for some reason. It’s a huge pain in the ass to give him one. And he is starting to smell. He doesn’t really understand that if it’s raining he should probably come sit on the porch, not hang out in the yard and get drenched.”
“Yeah, I can smell wet dog right now.” I scrunched up my nose.
“I thought that was you, Sis.” Andrew elbowed me. Laughing at his own joke. He was always doing that. He didn’t need anyone else to laugh, he cracked himself up.
“Funny,” I said through a mouth full of eggs and bacon. “Where’s Kat?” I had completely forgotten about my friend. Andrew laughed again, beside me.
“She left right before you came down,” Andrew began. “Don’t worry, I walked to her to her car and gave her a big smooch for you.”
I choked on my mouthful of food. My brother pounded on my back, and I swallowed. I took a sip of my drink and glared at my sibling
“You are kidding, right? Please tell me you are kidding,” I pleaded. My eyes had to be the size of our plates.
Andrew smirked. “Yes, I am kidding. Calm down. Jeez. But no seriously, she left a little while ago.” He scraped the last bit of his breakfast into his mouth and set his plate down. Burping, he patted his belly and grinned at us. “I better get going too.” He took his plate to the sink and waved at us as he left the room.
The rest of the meal was rather quiet, with no buffer around. Eventually, Chace asked me how I felt and I told him I was fine. I asked him how he felt and felt silly immediately since he had not drank any alcohol. Eventually we just ate in silence. When I was done, I rinsed my plate and left the kitchen. I felt as though Chace’s eyes were on me the entire time.
I retreated to my room, away from the tension, and tended to social media. I set up ten giveaways for my trilogy on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. I arranged for the books to be sent to Missouri so that I could autograph them as well. I always did giveaways around the release of my next novella, since I had nothing for my fans maybe this would harbor some good will and patience.