“Why you gotta be such a jackass?” I pull my hand back in embarrassment. “Why cain’t you just accept my thanks graciously and be on your way in the mornin’?”
“Okay, fine. If it makes you feel any better, then I graciously accept your thanks,” he says, but I snort at him.
“Too late. You cain’t say that now ‘cause I know you don’t mean it.”
“Aye, I do,” he says.
“No you don’t,” I say. “You’re just repeatin’ what I said.”
He shakes his head like he don’t quite understand me. “Whatever. And just to be clear, I won’t be leaving for Gray Valley tomorrow.”
This catches me off guard. I was not expecting that. “Why not?”
“Because I promised Finn I would stay with you all until you found Lily.” His answer is flat and void of emotion.
I stare at him over Cat’s head, ignoring her grinding against my hand to get me to scratch her ears again.
“Why would you do such a thing? I don’t know how long it’s gonna take us to find Lily. Could be days … weeks.”
“I’m aware of that,” he says, taking a sip of his tea.
“Well, why would you promise the boy such a thing?” I say.
“Because he asked me to,” Jax says.
Jax was staying with us ‘cause Finn asked him to? When did the boy ask such a thing from him? And more importantly, why? Why would he want Jax to stay around? We don’t need Jax around. All he did was cause confusion, especially as far as I’m concerned. I cain’t even believe Finn would ask him to do such a thing.
“There ain’t no need for you to stay,” I insist.
He gives a harsh little laugh at my words. “Do you even realize what you’re asking the boy to do tomorrow? Have you even discussed how he feels about leaving Cat?” At the mention of her name, the beast looks up at Jax and licks his hand.
“He loves this beast more than anything else he has left in the world, and you are asking him to just desert her and who knows for how long. Do you even know how he feels about that? Do you even care? ‘Cause I do. Or is the thought of Ben the only thing that occupies that selfish mind of yours?”
Now, he’s gone too far.
“Of course I know what I’m askin’ him to do, but it ain’t like he’s got a choice,” I hiss at him. “He knows he cain’t take Cat into Littlepass. I told him that from the start, and he still insisted on comin’ with me. She’s a devil cat for cryin’ out loud. A wild animal. Ain’t like she don’t know how to fend for herself. He’ll get over her eventually …,” I trail off, realizing that I said too much. Jax is looking at me through narrowed eyes.
“What do you mean eventually? Why would he need to … Ahhhh, you’re leaving him behind, aren’t you? You’re deserting him here in Littlepass. So you are going to continue with your foolhardy plan then. You are going to still look for your kin even though it will undoubtedly end in your death. I didn’t think even you would be that stupid. Guess I was wrong.”
“You think you know it all, don’t you?” I snarl at him. “Well, you don’t. Finn will be better off stayin’ here in Littlepass. Tater will be better off goin’ his own merry way. You would be better off goin’ back to Gray Valley, and I will be better, much better, once I find Ben. He is all I care about. He’s all that matters, him and Jane and Thomas. They are my only family, and I will do anything to get them back. If that’s being stupid, then I don’t care!”
He stares at me silently for a bit and then finally says, “No, I guess you don’t give a damn about breaking that poor kid’s heart.” He throws his remaining tea into the flames before he gets up and walks away from me, adding coldly over his shoulder, “I’ll be back when it’s time for my watch.”
We reach Littlepass shortly after sunrise. Jax had roused the others just before dawn like I had asked him to, but he hadn’t needed to wake me. I couldn’t sleep. His words from the night before had been crawling ‘round in my brain all night, my guilt gnawing at my gut like some festering wound.
‘Course I know how much Finn loves Cat, and ‘course I know it’s going to break his heart to leave her. Does he truly think I’m so unfeeling? But I have to do this. I have to make a hard choice. It’s in Finn’s best interest. Why cain’t Jax see that?
I look over at him now riding beside me, Finn sitting behind him and yammering his ear off. The boy had chosen to ride with Jax this morning. Don’t know why. It had miffed me some at first, but then I figured it was maybe for the best. At least I wouldn’t have to try to keep my feelings and guilt hidden from Finn and pretend everything was going to be okay. Jax glances up suddenly and catches me staring, and the light blue eyes regard me with such accusation that I look away. To hell with him, I think angrily. I don’t need his approval. I snap the reins, and the nag bolts forward, leaving the others trailing behind. We ride this way, me way ahead of the others and fuming the whole time ‘til we reach our destination.
The city lays below us, overwhelming in its entirety. I ain’t ever seen so many buildings all squished together like they’re fighting for room. They are so pressed together it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Never in my wildest imagination could I have ever dreamed of something like this. They cover every bit of open ground and even half ways up the sides of the mountains surrounding the city. Not as vastly spread as the dead city we had just passed through but made more imposing by the number of people I can see occupying the roads and pathways cut through the buildings. They swarm the city like the maskeetos in the woods, and I can feel my heart drop as I view the sight from atop the hill we are sitting on. So many people. How am I supposed to find Lily?
I squat low, hands on my knees, studying the wall surrounding the city and trying to ignore the nagging little voices in the back of my head. As mad as I am at Jax, the thought of what I’m about to do today still almost makes me wanna retch, and it’s with relief I hear Tater’s approach. He joins me at the top of the rise and quietly studies the sight below us.
“Tater, are those guard towers?” I say, shutting off my thoughts and referring to the wooden structures flanking the open gate of the stone barrier.
“They are indeed, but no worries, child. They are usually manned by drunkards, too tired or intoxicated to care who passes through. The best of the Army in Littlepass is used to guard the iron mines there to the left of the city.”
I look to where he is pointing, and I can see structures on the horizon past the city and a flurry of activity. My heart beats a little faster with a faint hope that maybe I will find some of my kin there. I’m definitely going to have to check it out somehow. If it’s guarded as heavily as Tater said, though, it’s going to be a challenge.
I rise from my squatting position and turn towards the others. Finn and Cat are playing some sort of fetching game with a dried-out twig, but Jax is leaning against a boulder, watching me intently. There’s no expression on his face this time, but his eyes are as sharp as always. I find myself wondering what he’s thinking. Will he tell Finn of my plan, or will he keep my confidence?
“You sure there ain’t nuthin’ I can say to make you head back to Gray Valley?” I say rudely as I walk past him towards the nags, and he kind of grins at me.
“No, when I make a promise, I don’t go back on it,” he says, and I can hear the accusation back in his voice.
A retort pops into my head, but I don’t say what I’m thinking ‘cause outta the corner of my eye I can see Finn watching us, listening to our conversation. He comes sauntering up to us then, his face all red from his running ‘round with Cat.
“Jax ain’t leaving us yet, Tara. He told me he wouldn’t leave us ‘til we found Lily. Ain’t that right, Jax?”
“Right you are,” he says to Finn, but his eyes don’t leave my face. Is he waiting for my reaction to that? I don’t fall for his bait.
“Whatever. We’ve put up with you for this long. A few more days ain’t gonna make much difference. Just don’t expect any more tha
nks when you finally do leave. I’ve said my piece.”
I turn away from him so as to hide my confusion. As angry as I am at him for being such a mule turd, there’s this tiny part of me that is actually pleased that he ain’t leaving us yet. What the hell is wrong with me? Angry at him and at myself, I focus my attention on Tater, who’s smiling at me like something is amusing him greatly.
“What?” I say crossly, but he just shrugs.
“Nothing, my dear. I was just thinking we should get a move on. It’s early morning; the guards are probably still snoring from their night’s partaking. There is no better time to enter the city.”
“Fine. Let’s go then,” I say, grabbing the horse’s reins. “Finn, say your goodbyes.”
He looks at me then back at Cat, and his whole face drops like he’s about to cry. I sigh loudly and rub the back of my neck, dreading the next few minutes.
“Finn, we talked ‘bout this. You know Cat cain’t go. She will be fine. She’s a wild animal for cryin’ out loud.”
“But I ain’t ever left her on purpose like before,” he says, trying to be strong, but his quivering lip gives him away. I can feel the little patience I have left slipping, but before I can say anything else, Jax walks over to the boy and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“She’ll be fine, Finn. This whole area is covered in caves and wildlife. She’ll have a place to sleep, plenty to eat, and it’ll only be for a little while. And if it makes you feel any better, until we find Lily, we’ll come out and check on her every day. It’s safer for her that way. She can’t be in the city; you know that.”
He looks up at Jax and nods. “I know,” he says. “You’re right, Jax. Will you come out with me to check on her, truly?”
Jax nods, and the boy wraps his skinny arms ‘round his waist, causing me to feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. What am I doing to him? He’s leaving his beast that he loves more than anything in the world, and instead of comforting him; I’d lost patience with him. Hating this whole situation, I watch as Finn goes to Cat, hugs her, and whispers in her ear. He then straightens up and says quietly, “Now you know what to do, so go on … get outta here.”
She yowls a couple of times and licks his face, but as if she understands, she shuffles slowly off as we ride away from her. Finn keeps looking back, and I can hear him stifle a couple of sobs, but he don’t cry. Finally, he says, “I cain’t see her no more. She must be gone to find a cave like Jax said to wait for us. You think so, Tara? She’s gonna wait for us ‘til we’re ready to leave the city.”
“Aye,” I say, agreeing with the boy, but I don’t dare turn around to face him. I’m scared he will see the deceit written all over my face. That he will know I’m lying to him and that when I did leave the city, it would be without him. Instead, I stare straight ahead at the growing city wall and push Cat and the thought of never seeing her again from my mind. I have more important things to worry about than the animal, I tell myself. I try to ignore the sick rot in the pit of my stomach and the tears prickin’ at my eyes and instead focus my thoughts on Ben and Jane and young Thomas. They need to be my only concern now. There ain’t no other choice.
We pass through the arched stone gate in silence, past the guard towers, and I let out my pent-up breath in relief that no one tries to stop us. I almost feel safe when suddenly, we hear a loud, “Oi! Halt! Who goes there?”
My heartrate spikes in my chest, and I pull my wrapper further down over my hair as a brown-robed soldier approaches us. We do as he asks and stop, not wanting to draw any attention to ourselves. He is dressed a little different than the army that had chased us from the raiders, but the long shooter hanging at his side is the same. I’m glad we had taken Tater’s advice and hidden our own shooters in one of the saddle bags on Jax’s nag. I don’t think the soldier would have taken too kindly to seeing them.
“Hello, Doyle. And how goes it my friend?”
I am surprised to hear Tater call him by name. He smiles at the soldier and removes his hat in a friendly gesture. The soldier peers at him for a bit before breaking into a toothless grin of recognition.
“Tater? Is that you? By the gods, I thought you had been killed out in the sand lands long ago.”
He gives a hearty laugh like the thought of that is truly amusing, causing his gigantic stomach to jiggle up and down. Tater don’t take no offense; he merely laughs along with the man like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
“Ah, no such luck, old chap. I’m afraid those two bits of iron you owe me will indeed have to be repaid.”
The soldier laughs again, showing his toothless gums, and starts scratching himself in several undignified places. “That’s damn bad luck … for me. I’ll have to buy you an ale at the Two Heads as payback. You here on trading business?”
“Unfortunately not. Met with some rather nasty business in the mountains. Got robbed by a bunch of raiders and lost all my wares. Have nothing to trade at the moment. Was rather hoping to pick up some coin in town, maybe do a bit of storytelling at the Two Heads, earn some iron.”
“Raiders!’ the man says in disgust and spits on the ground. “Bunch of worthless shite heads. Don’t know why The Prezedant don’t just order for them all to be killed. I’d gladly go on that hunt.”
Tater nods as if agreeing wholeheartedly, but I can feel the sweat beading on my upper lip. Why don’t he cut this conversation short and get moving? Why is he talking to this soldier like they’re long-lost friends? We don’t need him paying any attention to the rest of us.
As if suddenly reading my thoughts, the man in question turns and peers at me and Finn and Jax.
“And who you have with you then, eh? Didn’t think you had this many friends, half-man.”
Tater laughs again like he ain’t got a care in the world. “Not friends, apprentices. Orphans whose parents died out in the sand lands. Had no one else to look after them, so I took them under my wing, thought I’d train them in the way of the entertainments. Why do all the work myself when I can get paid thrice over?”
The soldier almost bends over with his laughter and points a dirt-encrusted finger at Tater.
“You ain’t changed a bit, old man. Always looking to make the most iron in the quickest time possible,” he says, taking his gaze off of us. I can feel myself breathe again.
“It has been a pleasure, my friend, but it was a long journey indeed, and I am very thirsty. The Two Heads awaits,” Tater says and nods a farewell to the soldier, and with relief, we start to ride away. I don’t look back, but I can feel the soldier’s eyes following us. Did he suspect anything? I don’t think so. It seemed like normal conversation. We follow Tater slowly through the crowded streets. Don’t seem like anyone is paying any attention to us. We’re just another group of dirty, tired travelers as far as they’re concerned.
The sharp fear at being stopped by the soldier is quickly replaced by the wonder at our surroundings. I ain’t ever seen this many people all crowded together in one place. The noise is ear-splitting.
There are people yelling back and forth, gesturing wildly with their arms, and I finally realize they are bartering, trying to sell or buy the many wares hanging all around us. The whole road is awash with stalls of goods. Amazing.
I see bolts of hanging cloths, every color of the rainbow. Animal carcasses picked and clean, just waiting to be cooked. Baskets of taters and corn and things I don’t recognize. Trinkets and beads and bangles and objects of trade. There is so much! Where did they get all this stuff? I am baffled at the abundance of it all. A young boy, probably no older than Finn, runs right up to Tater and starts yelling at him, thrusting a basket of round, orange-colored balls up at him. I don’t know what they are, but Tater shakes his head at the boy, refusing his wares. At Tater’s rejection, he turns to me, but Tater kicks at him like he’s a rabid dog, and he scampers off, cussin’ at the half-man over his shoulder.
The smell of freshly baked bread suddenly hits my nose, and my stomach
lurches violently. Oh gods, my mouth is watering. Where’s that coming from? Finn squirms behind me, and I know the smell is affecting him, too.
The crowd is becoming almost impassable the further in we go, and the nag is getting skittish. Just like me, she’s unnerved by the throng of people. The noise of it all, it vibrates in my ears, and a pain starts blossoming in the middle of my forehead. How can people live like this? So crowded and on top of each other? I find myself longing for the openness of the sand lands, and I’m very relieved when Tater finally turns out of the crowd and down a narrow alleyway carved out between two stone buildings. Away from the crowded street, the noise level drops as we go deeper in.
But the noise is the least of our worries in here seems like. An overpowering, sickening stench hits us, and I gag reflexively before I get a chance to cover my nose with my wrapper. Finn’s, “Ugh!” hits my ears a second before he buries his nose in my back. And at Jax’s cussin’, I know the smell has hit him, too. Shizen. What is that? Then, I see the piles of half-rotted debris … and other things. Things that out in the sand lands would have been buried if you had any decency. Ugh. Disgusting. This is what Tater called civilized? The half-man don’t seem to be the least affected by any of it though; he keeps ambling on ahead of us on Winnie, and I swear I can hear him singing to himself.
Seems like forever, but we finally emerge out of the narrow pathway into an open courtyard. The buildings surrounding us are worn and old, their exteriors mostly crumbling away, but at least the stench is gone. Or maybe my nose was so burnt by it I couldn’t smell it anymore. Either way, I was glad to be out of that disgusting tunnel of filth.
Tater dismounts, and we quickly follow suit. I stretch my tense back and look around, wondering where Tater has brought us. Jax is the first to ask.
“What is this place?”
“This, my dears, is my home away from home, my utopia, my oasis, my shining beacon in the darkness. This will be our haven,” he says, smiling from ear to ear.
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