“Don’t be.” She wanted to say more and would have if this sudden closeness between them were not so fragile.
“Jude told me to burn her clothes,” he said after a silence. “I’m going to use Lysol to—scrub down everything she’s touched.”
“I could help you.”
“Pete’ll help me. He’s going to stay with me for a while. I’ll put a bed in the little room off the kitchen.”
Disappointment was a lump in Kathleen’s throat. He had no plans for her coming back to the ranch. He couldn’t have made it plainer.
“You’ll like Pete. All women do.” Johnny didn’t notice that she had drawn her lips between her teeth to hold them still. “The navy changed him. Hell, the war changed all of us. Pete used to be a hell-raiser. I’ve told you some of the things he used to do. He was in love with Henry Ann when they were young. He did dumb stunts trying to impress her. He laughs about it now.” Johnny tilted his head so he could look into her face. “I’m rattling on. I guess I’ve been hungry to talk to you.”
“Who did you talk to while you were overseas?”
“I had a tentmate when we had tents. I daydreamed a lot.”
“Were you ever scared?”
“Lots and lots of times. I’m scared now.”
“I can understand that. Your sister is dying.”
“That isn’t it. I’m scared every time I’m with you.”
“With me? Now I don’t understand that.”
“I can’t explain it. I’m not good with words, as you well know.”
“Are you afraid that I’m going to demand something from you? I’ve already told you that I’m not going to. I’m willing to go along with whatever you want to do.”
“And what if I don’t know what I want to do?”
“Then I guess I’ll have to wait until you do.”
“You, of all the people in the world, have the power to make me so damn mad, so damn quick. I wanted us to have a nice evening. I wanted to show you off to Pete. We’re not alone ten minutes until your temper shows up.”
“I’m not in a temper. I stated a fact.”
“That you’re not going to demand anything from me. You want nothing from me at all.” Annoyed, he gripped her hand so tightly it hurt. She knew he was unaware of it.
“There are things I want from you, Johnny, but you’re not willing to give them.”
“How do you know until you ask?” His dark eyes were boring into hers.
Oh, Johnny. I want your love back. I want to go back to our house and sleep in your arms every night. I want us to make a baby again, and when it comes, I want you to love it. I want us to grow old together. I want to share everything with you—the good and the bad.
Knowing that she could not voice any of those desires, she said instead, “I would like to have our wedding picture, if you don’t want it.”
His eyes scanned her face for a long while before he spoke.
“What makes you think I don’t want it?”
“Well, you … seem anxious to get that part of your life behind you. I thought you might not want reminders—”
“—Why didn’t you take the picture when you came out to collect your things?”
“I wouldn’t do that. You paid for it with your rodeo winnings. Forget it. If the photographer down in Vernon is still in business, he may have kept the negatives.”
“You can have it.”
“No—”
Suddenly his hand was behind her head jerking her to him. He put his mouth against hers and muttered, “You make me so mad I’ve either got to kiss you or hit you.”
Kathleen was incapable of moving. The lips that touched hers were warm, sweet, and demanding. The kiss became possessive and deepened. Her lips parted, his tongue touched hers, his ringers forked through her hair, and his hand slid over her breast. This was Johnny, her love. Her arm moved up and around his neck, holding him to her.
A rapping on the window brought them to their senses. Johnny rifted his head and frowned at the man grinning at them through the glass.
“Don’t you know it ain’t nice to neck right out here in public?”
Johnny reached over and jerked open the door.
“You wouldn’t know nice if it jumped up and bit you. Pete, this is my wife, Kathleen.”
Chapter Ten
Kathleen decided that she liked Pete Perry. He acted as a buffer between her and Johnny as they ate T-bone steaks at the Frontier Cafe. After a brief conversation about Isabel on the way to the restaurant, she was not mentioned again.
Pete flirted outrageously with Kathleen, and Johnny didn’t seem to mind.
“How did a pretty girl like you settle for this ugly old cowboy?”
“He was the only Best Ail-Around Cowboy in town,” she retorted. “I had to settle for him or nothing. It was an accident that we met.” Kathleen glanced at Johnny’s relaxed and smiling face. “I was being hijacked out on the highway when this cowboy came charging over the hill on his trusty steed, his six-guns blazing. The bad guys knew when they were outgunned and hightailed it before a shot was fired. I swooned,” she said dramatically, “in the arms of my hero.”
Johnny chuckled. “Horse hockey. You never swooned in your life.”
“That explains how you met; but after you were around him for a while, couldn’t you tell that he didn’t have much between his ears?”
“Well, I did wonder what was holding them apart, but he was so—pretty and—he was the Best All-Around Cowboy at the Tillison County rodeo. What’s a girl to do?”
“All right, you two. You’ve had enough fun at my expense. I’ve got some pretty good stories I can tell about Pete. You see there was this older, married woman who lived over in Ringling and Pete—”
“Whoa, there partner. You start telling that, and I’ll have to tell Kathleen about the time you and Jude went to town and swiped a freezer full of ice cream off Mrs. Miller’s back porch. Henry Ann was mad as a hornet when she found out about it.”
“She was really afraid that someone had seen us and we’d get caught. Mrs. Miller, the old busybody, had been spreading gossip about Henry Ann and Tom, so Jude and I decided to get even.” Johnny flashed a grin at Kathleen.
“Poor Henry Ann. I bet she had her hands full with you.”
“When will I get to read some of the stories you’ve written?” Pete winked at the waitress and slipped the check she placed on the table into his shirt pocket.
“How—did you know about that?” Kathleen’s eyes darted from Johnny to Pete.
“Jude told me. Then Johnny told me that you’re writing a book. I’ve never known anyone who wrote a story, much less a whole book.”
“I’ve not written the whole book yet. I’m just working on it.”
“I’ve not known anyone who was even working on one.” Pete placed a generous tip on the table for the waitress and stood. “Where do I buy the magazines?”
“You don’t have to buy them. I’ve got copies I can lend you—if you’re serious about reading them.”
“I’ve got on my serious face. Didn’t you notice? Say, Johnny, what say we stop off at the town hot spot and have a beer so I can dance with the town celebrity.”
“Only if you give me the check. This was my idea.” Johnny helped Kathleen on with her coat, then reached to yank the check out of Pete’s shirt pocket.
“Keep your cotton-pickin’ hands to yourself. You can pay for the beers. Is he always so grabby, Kathleen?”
“Always.” Kathleen felt light, airy, giddy, happier than she had been in a long time.
They crowded into the front seat of Johnny’s car. Kathleen sat close to him, her shoulder tucked behind his. His hand brushed her knee as he shoved the car into gear and they took off. When he turned to look at her, their faces were only inches apart. Tremors of joy went through her. She wondered if he could feel the beat of her heart through the breast that was pressed tightly against him.
You’re happy tonight, my Johnny. Is it because y
ou are with me or your cousin, Pete? Are you remembering how it was between us after we discovered our love and before Mary Rose was born?
“I was discharged in San Diego.” Pete’s arm lay across the top of the seat behind her. “I could hardly wait to get into civilian clothes and go to a beer joint without keeping an eye out for the MPs. Know what? It wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. I was lonesome for the red hills of Oklahoma.”
“At the Norman Naval Base where I was discharged, they loaded us on a bus and took us straight to the train station.”
“He came home to a parade through town.” Kathleen glanced at Johnny and saw his teeth clench and a muscle jump in his jaw.
“How do you know?” Johnny asked.
“I was there.” Kathleen wished she’d not mentioned his homecoming.
“I didn’t see you.”
“You were too busy looking at the girls swooning over the returning hero.” She turned toward Pete. “The band played, ‘When Johnny Comes Marching Home.’“
“Golly-bill, I’m out honky-tonkin’ with a real live hero and a celebrity.”
“Dry it up,” Johnny growled as he turned in and parked in front of the Twilight Gardens, “or I’ll leave both of you here and you can walk back to the clinic.”
“The place is jumpin’ tonight,” Pete said dryly, observing that only two other cars were parked at the joint.
“Just the way I like it,” Johnny said in a faint faraway voice that only Kathleen could hear.
She wondered if he was remembering the night they sat in front of this place in his old truck? It was strangely the same, even though some of the neon had dimmed from around the windows and the building needed a coat of paint. The parking lot was as full of chuckholes as it had been seven years ago.
Kathleen struggled to keep her breathing even as memories swamped her, making her eyes misty. It was here that she and Johnny said the words that bound her to him forever. Not even their marriage ceremony was as binding to her as the declarations of love they made that night. She had given him her love unconditionally. She was still his, even if he no longer wanted her.
“Let’s go in and liven up this place.” Pete got out of the car and held out his hand to Kathleen.
Inside, Kathleen paused to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness. A row of booths lined three sides of the small dance floor. The bar was at the end. Neon beer signs provided the only light except for the dim glow from the jukebox selectors at each booth. None of the booths were occupied.
“This is our lucky night,” Johnny said dryly, and Kathleen wondered if he was sorry that they had come here. “We have our choice of booths. Choose one, and I’ll get the beers.”
Kathleen slid into a booth at the back.
“Don’t want anything to happen to my new hat,” Pete said, and hung his light-colored Stetson on the peg above the selector before he sat down opposite her. “It cost me three dollars. Imagine paying three dollars for a hat.”
“It’s a nice one.”
“You love him, don’t you?” he asked abruptly.
There was no doubt in Kathleen’s mind what he was talking about. She looked straight into serious blue eyes that seemed even bluer because of his tanned face and answered honestly.
“I’m crazy about him. Always have been and always will be.”
“I thought so.”
Johnny returned and set two bottles of beer and a cola on the table. He placed several coins in front of Kathleen and sat down beside her.
“It’s a little early for much activity here. Crowd comes late,” he explained after a drink from his bottle.
“Are you going to let me dance with Kathleen?”
Johnny took another long drink from his bottle before he answered. “It’s up to her.”
“How about it, Kathleen?”
“Sure.”
“What do you like, fast or slow.” Pete picked up one of the coins from the table and put it in the slot.
“Anything but the ‘Beer Barrel Polka,’” she said with a nervous laugh.
“How about, ‘I’m in the Mood for Love’?” He punched the correct number and looked over at the jukebox to see if the record had fallen in place.
Without comment, Johnny got up and waited for Kathleen to slide out of the booth. She didn’t look at him as she took Pete’s hand and let him lead her to the postage-stamp-sized dance floor.
They swayed to the music for a short while before they began to dance. Pete was an inch taller than Johnny. He held her firmly, lowered his head and pressed his cheek to hers.
“Johnny’s crazy about you.” The words were a soft whisper in her ear.
“Why do you say that?”
“The signs are there.”
“I don’t think so. Too much time has passed.”
“What went wrong?”
“It’s a long, long story, very complicated.”
“What’s complicated about two people who love each other? If I had a woman like you lovin’ me, I’d move mountains, dry up rivers, and chop down forests to keep her.”
“It’s sweet of you—”
“Johnny’s glaring at us. He thinks I’m whispering sweet nothings in your ear.”
“He wouldn’t care—”
“I bet with just a little effort, I could make him jealous as hell.” Pete’s lips were against the hair at her temple.
“Please don’t. Don’t jeopardize your friendship. He needs you now.”
“Then you think he’d want to bust me up?”
Kathleen pulled back so that she could see his face. “I’m not sure.”
“We won’t rock the boat—yet. But that dumb Indian had better wake up and see what he’s got before someone else takes it.”
That dumb Indian knew what he’d had, and had convinced himself that he could never have it again. But that didn’t mean that he’d stand by and see Kathleen hurt by a man like Pete Perry. Pete loved women, any woman that was available. It came as naturally to him as eating and sleeping. Kathleen might not understand that and fall for his line of flattery. To see her in another man’s arms was like a knife in his guts.
When the music ended and Kathleen and Pete headed back to the booth, Johnny slipped a coin in the selector and stood.
“My turn,” he said, and took Kathleen’s hand.
On the dance floor, he put his arm around her and pulled her up close. She turned her head so that her forehead nestled against his cheek. The hand on his shoulder slipped up and up until her fingers could feel the hair at the nape of his neck. When he moved, it was impossible not to move with him. Had he selected this song on purpose, or had he just punched in a number?
“You’ll never know just how much I love you,
You’ll never know just how much I care.
And if I tried, I still couldn’t hide my love for you—”
Kathleen’s heart throbbed in her throat. She closed her eyes and for a while forgot that anyone else existed except for her and Johnny. She floated in a haze of happiness as they glided around the floor to the strains of the slow tune.
He moved his head, and she tilted hers to look at him.
“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” His dark eyes were fastened to her face.
“Do you remember the last time we danced together?”
“Of course.” His arms tightened convulsively when her lashes fluttered down. “I had four and a half years to remember everything we ever did. I even remember the song we danced to,” He pressed his cheek to her hair and sang softly, “The moon stood still, on Blueberry Hill, on Blueberry Hill where I found you.”
“You remembered that!”
“And a lot more.”
Kathleen let him mold her body to his. Her half-closed eyes were filled with a look of intense longing. For a while she wanted to forget that he no longer wanted to live with her as husband and wife. She nestled closer and moved her arm farther around his neck.
The music stopped. Johnny didn’t. He co
ntinued to dance until the music came on again. The song made Kathleen’s heart ache with longing. The Ink Spots were singing.
If I didn’t care, would I feel this way?
If I didn’t care, more than words can say—“
Johnny became aware that they no longer had the dance floor to themselves when he led her nearly into a collision with another couple. He was also aware that his longing for her was causing his sex to harden. Hoping that she hadn’t noticed, he pulled back until their bodies were no longer pressed tightly together from chest to thighs.
When the music ended, he steered her by the hand back to the booth, where two more cold bottles of beer waited. Pete was at the bar talking to the bartender. When he saw them sit down, he came back to the booth.
“The bartender is a navy man, Johnny. He served on the USS Saratoga. He asked me to join the VFW here. Have you joined?”
“No. I’m not much of a joiner.”
“I think I’ll join. We veterans should stick together so that what happened to the World War I vets won’t happen to us.”
“I’m not interested in pressuring for a handout from the government. I managed before I went to the navy.”
Pete grinned. “Still stubborn and independent. How’d you get along in the Seabees? I heard that those guys were tough as boot leather and had a short fuse. Anyone knock you on your ass?”
“A couple tried to. One succeeded, but I got even.” Johnny smiled, remembering.
Pete looked at Kathleen. “There’s a story here, and if you ask him nicely, he’ll tell it.”
“Tell it, Johnny,” Kathleen urged with her hand on his arm.
’If you insist.” He covered her hand briefly, squeezed it, then wrapped both hands around his beer bottle.
“We had a guy in our outfit who had a huge chip on his shoulder. One night we got into a squabble about something or other. He outweighed me by fifty pounds and got in a good punch that knocked me six ways from Sunday. I let it go, knowing that I’d get even.
“This sucker was scared spitless when the Japs came over. We all teased him about it. While we were on Sterling Island, he found himself a little hole in a rock shelf and hung a white cloth over it so that he could dive in when the sirens went off. One night I moved the cloth to the side. When he dived for his hole, he hit his head on the rock and knocked himself out.”
After the Parade Page 12