“Friends with benefits.”
He blinked. She’d defined his relationship with Leesa the same way Jade had. “Yes, friends with benefits. It worked out for us. She has a thirteen-year old son and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter. I’ve been able to help her through the growing pains of raising a son without a man around and she’s helped me understand the ins and outs of having a teenage daughter. Our friends with benefits relationship worked.
“Then I met you and there was something about you that I couldn’t explain. You even asked me that night at Kaegan’s cookout what was going on between us, and I hadn’t a clue. All I knew was that for the first time since losing my wife, I desired a woman.”
“I’m sure you desired Leesa.”
He shook his head. “Not in the same way. There are different levels of desire. My relationship with Leesa was about fulfilling a physical need. The desire and attraction I felt for you was more than physical. I was so confused by the depth of my desire for you that I told Leesa about it.”
“You actually told her about me?”
“Yes. Like I said, Leesa and I have that kind of relationship. We discuss things and we help each other figure out things, too. She could tell I wasn’t myself and had a lot on my mind. I did. I knew you were leaving the cove that day. Instead of sleeping together, Leesa and I talked. She helped me to realize that I wanted to see you again and suggested I do something about it before it was too late.”
“She did?”
“Yes. I was rushing back to the cove hoping to see you and ask if I could visit you in New York.”
“So, you left her and came directly after me?”
“Yes, but like I said, Leesa and I didn’t sleep together and I rushed back to the cove with her blessings, trust me.”
Vashti didn’t say anything for a minute and then she asked, “Are you and Leesa still friends with benefits?”
Sawyer shook his head. “No. I haven’t seen or talked to her since that day. We both knew when we parted ways it was final.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of what I was hoping I could have with you.”
She held his gaze. “Which is?”
“The first serious relationship with a woman since Johanna died close to five years ago. You’ve placed me in a position that I honestly figured I’d never be in, Vashti. You’ve made me realize something.”
“What?”
“That I’m a man with more than just physical needs. I’m also a man who wants to live again and enjoy life.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
I’M ALSO A man who wants to live again and enjoy life...
Vashti suddenly felt her throat getting dry at the words Sawyer had just spoken. “I think I need a bottle of water. Do you want another?” she asked, easing off the sofa.
“Yes. I’d love to have another,” he said.
What she truly needed at that moment was space. Whether he knew it or not, what he’d just said was similar to how she’d been thinking lately; however with one major difference. He equated living again and enjoying life with building in a serious relationship. Whereas for her, living and enjoying life meant just the opposite. The last thing she wanted was to share a serious relationship with a man.
She walked briskly from the room and entered her kitchen where she released a deep breath. How could she explain to him that she wasn’t ready for anything serious and being friends with benefits sounded pretty darn good to her right now? As she opened the refrigerator and grabbed two bottles of water, she had to believe there was a middle ground where they could meet. Because the one thing they did want was each other. It was there when he’d been sitting there talking and looking at her. She’d listened attentively to his words yet she had felt a throbbing need between them. It had evolved from the dark heat she’d seen in his eyes and she was certain he’d seen a similar heat in hers. Every time he looked at her, her body felt warm, aching for his touch. How could any one man stir such physical desire in a woman? A woman who’d never felt such stimulations before? When she’d first met him and experienced the sexual chemistry between them, she thought it totally confusing and irrational. Now she could accept it as sexual energy the two of them could easily generate together. She still found it confusing in some ways, but no longer irrational.
What he’d said about Leesa explained things. She could understand his not wanting to get involved in a serious relationship after his wife died. At the same time, she could accept he was a man with physical needs. He exuded a prominent sexual power she’d never felt from a man before. Her heart skipped a beat just thinking about all that male testosterone being unleashed in her living room.
He’d had the perfect arrangement with this Leesa woman, but because of Vashti he’d walked away, hoping their intense attraction to each other would lead to something more. Unfortunately, she didn’t want more. She wasn’t ready to be serious about any man.
Returning to the living room she found him standing at the window with his back to her. While she wasn’t ready to get serious about any man she could see herself falling for him if she wasn’t careful. It could be because he was four years older and more mature. He had a teenage daughter, so he cared about appearances and respect. Julius and Scott had been her age—give or take a few months—and as far as she was concerned, immature. And she’d thought she had loved them both and ended up getting hurt.
“Here you are, Sawyer,” she said, getting his attention.
He turned around and the minute their gazes connected a sensuous force ripped through her body. All he had to do was look at her and she burned from the inside out. But then it was easy to see the attraction wasn’t one-sided. Staring into his eyes she could see desire that was thick and unrelenting.
He took the bottle and their hands brushed, which only fueled the hungry throb within her. They had another hour before they had to leave for dinner and she felt she needed to do something to curb all the sexual energy flowing in the room.
Unlike before when he drank his water, this time he took a sip as if he needed to savor it. She did so as well.
“Now that I’ve told you about Leesa, have I cleared my name and character? Do you no longer see me as this horrible person?” he asked, holding her gaze.
“I never saw you as a horrible person, Sawyer. Just another man without scruples.”
“Same thing. Just a polite way of saying it.”
“You’ve explained things to me, and I appreciate it. I no longer question your character.”
“I’m glad.”
It seemed the amount of sexual energy flowing between them was escalating. She moved back to the sofa and sat down to put distance between them as a way of calming the sensual waters they seemed to be floating on. Wanting to get to know him better, she said, “Tell me about your wife, Sawyer.”
* * *
SAWYER TOOK ANOTHER sip of water to buy some time and collect his thoughts. The only woman he’d ever talked about Johanna to was Leesa. Talking about her to Leesa had helped him appreciate what he’d been given and grieve what had been taken away from him. A part of him didn’t want to talk about Johanna, but then he knew he needed to if he wanted to build a relationship with Vashti.
“I met Johanna when I was twenty. I had been in the Marines for two years and had returned home to Waco to bury my foster-dad. I’d been given up for adoption and over my lifetime had been shifted from foster home to foster home. The last couple I was placed with at sixteen had been an elderly childless Christian couple in their sixties, the Fairchilds. They were good people and I was determined to show my gratitude by not getting into trouble. I had only two more years left in school and then I’d planned to join the military. Ms. Edith died the year after I joined the military and a year later Mr. John passed away.”
He took another sip of water. “When I came home for Mr. John’s funeral, I was
surprised to learn he’d left me their home and a number of other belongings. But Mr. John’s brother, who he hadn’t spoken to in years, blocked my inheritance claiming I shouldn’t have a right to anything since I was not a blood relative.”
“Did you take him to court?”
“No. I just wanted to attend the services and get the hell out of town. I was a soldier and would eventually earn everything that was being taken away from me. Things I hadn’t expected to get anyway. My flight wasn’t to leave until the next day so that night I went to a bar to drown my sorrows. Johanna was there working as a waitress. Although she had remembered me from high school I honestly didn’t remember her. We talked and I waited until she got off work and invited her back to my hotel room.”
“For a one-night stand?” Vashti asked.
“Yes. The next morning I realized the condom had broken and told her to contact me if she got pregnant. She contacted me six weeks later and I came home to marry her.”
“A woman you’d had a one-night stand with?”
“Yes. It didn’t matter. She was pregnant with my baby and I wanted to do the right thing.”
“The honorable thing,” Vashti said.
Sawyer wondered if she was thinking about her own pregnancy and how her baby’s father hadn’t done the right or honorable thing. “During the early years of our marriage both Johanna and I knew why we’d married. It wasn’t for love but for a child that hadn’t asked to be born. A child that was mine and hers. The love had come later. My love for Johanna had grown from my love of my child. To do the right thing by her. In my mind there was no way to love my child without loving my baby’s mother. Some men can separate the two but I couldn’t.”
Although Sawyer didn’t say, he strongly felt one of the reasons he and Johanna got along so well during those first five years of their marriage was because he was gone most of the time. Whenever he came home from fighting battles abroad she provided the welcome he had always needed. She had made him feel loved, important and desired. Things no one had ever made him feel before. Years later, after he’d told her that he loved her for the first time, in a teary confession she had admitted to always loving him. She’d said even in high school, when he hadn’t known she existed. That she’d had a crush on him and had loved him from afar. It had touched him that someone had actually loved him during a time in his life when he had felt the most unloved.
“I took military leave so I was able to stay with her during the first four months after our marriage,” he said. “I was there when we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, and I was there to get her settled into the house I bought with my own money for her and our baby. Then I got orders for a year in Afghanistan.”
“You had to leave?”
“Yes. Johanna was almost four months along when I was shipped out, but Johanna sent me pictures. Her best friend stood in as birthing coach in my absence.”
“Did you know you were having a girl?”
“No. We didn’t want to know. You’ll never know how happy I was when she called me overseas to let me know we had a daughter.”
He paused a minute and then said, “Although my marriage to Johanna was the result of an unexpected pregnancy, I never regretted marrying her. She was the best wife I could have asked for. She never complained about anything, even when I got out of the Marines and wanted to leave Waco. I got my BA degree while enlisted but wanted my master’s. She supported me in doing that as well. I worked during the day as a policeman and attended night classes at the university. Then I applied to be an FBI agent and was assigned to Reno. We’d been married a little over twelve years when she died of cancer. Losing her was hard on me and Jade. She was our rock.”
He took another sip of water, feeling both lighter and heavier after saying all that. “Anything else you want to know?”
She shook her head, her eyes soft. “No.” She then glanced at her watch. “It’s time for us to leave.”
“Okay, but don’t think you’re getting a pass,” he said, standing to his feet.
She did likewise. “What do you mean?”
“I have questions for you.”
She lifted a brow. “What kind of questions?”
“About your ex-husband.”
“Not much to tell. Scott and I were married for only three years and he was an ass. An unfaithful one. He was sleeping with his boss’s wife when we met and continued to sleep with her after we married. I discovered he was having an affair but didn’t know with whom. Honestly, at the time I didn’t care. All I knew was that the man I loved had betrayed me.”
“How did you find out the details of his affair?”
“Not long after I filed for a divorce, Aunt Shelby died. When Scott heard I’d inherited the inn, he got greedy and wanted half of my inheritance. That’s when I hired a private detective. By then I figured whomever he was involved with, it was important that he keep her a secret. I just didn’t know why. Scott has this high position at a firm on Wall Street and the last thing he wanted was for his boss to find out any details of the affair he’d been having with the man’s wife over the past eight years. He only married me for a front and I had all the proof to prove it. I used that as leverage in my divorce. He didn’t have a choice but to back off and take nothing from our marriage.”
“I’m sorry,” Sawyer felt the need to say. He just couldn’t understand a man not being faithful to his wife. “You deserved better.”
“Yes, I did. But that’s too late now. I’m two and through.”
“Two and through?”
“Yes. Scott isn’t the only guy I’ve loved that let me down. Therefore I can’t be one and done. I’m two and through.”
He figured that guy number one had been the one who’d gotten her pregnant at sixteen and didn’t have her back when it counted. Was two and through her way of letting him know she didn’t want to try again? He hoped she wouldn’t give up, believing all men were like the two who’d disappointed her.
He crossed the room to where she stood, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms. “Since I’ve cleared my name and character, what about repairing our friendship?”
“Repairing our friendship?”
“Yes. Similar to repairing one’s relationship.”
“And how is that done?”
“Same way. Kiss and make up.” He watched her eyes darken and the heat in them nearly seared him. There was no doubt in his mind that she was remembering their last kiss. If she had any idea how she made him feel, just what she did to him, when she looked at him that way, she wouldn’t.
“What about a handshake or hug?”
“I’d rather get a kiss. Do you have a problem with that, Vashti?”
* * *
NO, VASHTI THOUGHT, she didn’t have a problem with it. Nor did she have a problem with the little ball of fire burning in her stomach, or the sexual desire consuming her. Sawyer had the ability to do this. Make her want things she’d never wanted before. At that moment, total awareness was shooting through her and was even in the very air she was breathing.
Sawyer took another step forward and she felt even more heat, and an abundance of chemistry that had intensified to a degree where the muscles in her feminine core tightened. He stood there looking so darn sexy, that there was no way she could deny what he wanted. What they both wanted. “No, I don’t have a problem with it.”
“Good, because I don’t think you have any idea just how much I want to kiss you. I haven’t gotten over the last kiss, although I tried to tell myself you were the last person I needed to yearn for. I had a teenage daughter to raise and that was enough.”
She was tempted to tell him it should be enough and once she told him of her plans to return to the cove that he had no other choice but to make it enough. There was no way they could become involved when she moved back to Catalina Cove. The reason she’d stayed away from t
he cove for all these years was because of the scandal she had left behind. She refused to return and start tongues wagging as the sheriff’s lover.
“Talk time is over, Sawyer. I’m ready for that kiss.” She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Leaning up on tiptoes, she connected her mouth with his.
The way Sawyer all but plunged his tongue inside her mouth told her he was ready for the kiss as well. Immediately, memories of their last kiss, a kiss she hadn’t been able to forget, mixed with the reality of this one. The result was combustion so explosive that she felt ready to detonate.
Sensations she felt in his arms escalated all through her body. Locking her tongue around his rambunctious one fired her blood, made her just as greedy for him as he seemed to be for her.
Like before, he was proving that he was a master at kissing. A man who could give just as good as he could take. A man who knew how to make a woman purr. She was moaning and purring all over the place as he greedily mated with her mouth. He wasn’t just kissing her with his mouth—he was kissing her with his entire body by putting everything he had into it.
How could his mouth and tongue be so firm and strong, while his lips felt so gentle? He was reintroducing her to the power of passion and she loved every second. The moment he’d walked into her home he had brought an overload of sexual chemistry with him. She had felt it then and she was feeling it now.
* * *
SAWYER’S MIND WAS filled with the thoughts of just how many nights he had dreamed of kissing her again. How many times had he sat in his office daydreaming of having her body pressed so closed to his this way? Her taste was all woman, sexy and delicious all rolled into one. And she was kissing him back in a way that had his stomach rumbling in need.
Love in Catalina Cove Page 18