by Cary McNeal
503
FACT : Ebola is a lethal virus in humans and has no cure. The source of the disease is unclear, but outbreaks usually occur after droughts and downpours in central Africa, which will only increase as the planet warms. After droughts and downpours? So, it occurs whenever it’s raining or not raining. At least it doesn’t occur all the time.
David Biello, “Deadly by the Dozen: 12 Diseases Climate Change May Worsen,” Scientific American, October 8, 2008, www.sciam.com.
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504
FACT : Cholera bacteria thrives in warm waters and causes diarrhea so severe that it can kill someone within a week. With no improved sanitation, the rise in global temperatures will lead to deadly outbreaks. After crapping your brains out for a week, death is probably a relief.
David Biello, “Deadly by the Dozen: 12 Diseases Climate Change May Worsen,” Scientific American, October 8, 2008, www.sciam.com.
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505
FACT : As droughts caused by global warming bring livestock and wildlife into closer proximity as they compete for water, tuberculosis among both humans and animals is likely to increase. And the number of livestock is likely to decrease.
David Biello, “Deadly by the Dozen: 12 Diseases Climate Change May Worsen,” Scientific American, October 8, 2008, www.sciam.com.
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506
FACT : A malaria-like disease called babesiosis, which is carried by ticks and native to tropical climates, is spreading to cooler climes and has recently appeared in places like Italy and Long Island, New York. Babesiosis is rare in humans but that could change with increased global warming. Babesiosis sounds like something that would turn a plain woman into a hottie, but I don’t really think malaria has that ability.
David Biello, “Deadly by the Dozen: 12 Diseases Climate Change May Worsen,” Scientific American, October 8, 2008, www.sciam.com.
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507
FACT : One in four mammals is now threatened with extinction from deforestation, hunting, and climate change. Do we get to pick which ones? Because armadilloes seem pretty pointless, but we’re gonna need the cows.
“View: The Truth about Trash,” Scientific American, January 9, 2009, www.sciam.com.
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508
FACT : Hurricane Ike lasted thirteen days, took 114 lives, and caused $10 billion in damage as it rolled through Cuba, Haiti, and the United States in September 2008. That’s a lot more damage than Ike Turner ever did.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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509
FACT : In 2004, tens of thousands of people were displaced, injured, and made homeless when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. A combination of 175-mph winds, massive storm surge, lack of preparedness, and inadequate government response turned Katrina, one of the most powerful hurricanes in America’s history, into an epic disaster. In case you happened to miss it on the news. For a year.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” WebEcoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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510
FACT : Hurricane Katrina decimated New Orleans, but also affected 90,000 square miles of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, claiming more than 1,300 lives across the region. Dead bodies were still being found eight months after the hurricane. It must be delightful to find a corpse after eight months.
I might have to add that to my bucket list.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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511
FACT : Tornadoes are the products of thunderstorms that pop up suddenly and without warning.
They produce winds that can exceed 250 mph and can damage areas more than a mile wide and fifty miles long. For once I will resist the urge to make a fart joke here. Why? Because you’re probably expecting it, and I hate being predictable.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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512
FACT : Approximately 800 tornadoes are reported in the United States each year, causing eighty fatalities and 1,500 injuries. A tornado can happen in any season and at any hour, from mountains to urban areas. Even if you’re a mile underground, a tornado will drill its way down through the Earth to get you.
Even if you were on Mars, a tornado could fly up there and suck you up. Okay, not really, but they do sound pretty aggressive.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
“Tornadoes: Nature’s Most Violent Storms,” NOAA Severe Storms Laboratory, www.nssl.noaa.gov.
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513
FACT : Think most tornado deaths occur in the Midwest? Think again. Tennessee is the deadliest state for tornadoes, killing 110 people over the last decade. All of them related.
Adam Crisp, “Tennessee Tops for Tornado Deaths,” Chattanooga Times Free Press, April 22, 2009, KnoxNews.com, www.knoxnews.com.
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514
FACT : The Tri-State Tornado of 1925 was the deadliest in American history, killing almost 700 people across Illinois, Indiana, and Missouri. It also had the longest duration of any tornado before or since, taking almost 3 hours to cut a record 219-mile path of destruction. Sounds like my grandma driving to the beauty shop.
“1925 Tri-State Tornado,” National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration, National Weather Service, www.crh.noaa.gov.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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515
FACT : Lightning is a leading cause of weather-related injury and even death in the United States. Even when a thunderstorm is ten miles away and skies are blue overhead, lightning can strike, which most people do not realize and which puts them at risk. They probably realize it after it happens, though.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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516
FACT : Lightning strikes the Earth more than 5,000 times every minute. The trick is knowing where.
Kevin T. Pickering and Lewis A. Owen, An Introduction to Global Environmental Issues, 2nd ed. (Routledge, 1997).
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517
FACT : Your odds of being struck by lightning in America are 1 in 700,000 in any given year. You have a 1 in 3,000 chance of being struck in your lifetime. The odds of it sucking are 1 in 1.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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518
FACT : Lightning killed almost 4,000 Americans between 1959 and 2003. And scared the shit out of another 40 million.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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519
FACT : About 10 percent of lightning-strike victims are killed. Of those who survive, 70 percent suffer serious long-term effects from injuries that include severe burns and can also lead to personality change, permanent brain damage, and memory loss. I’m thinking death might be the way to go when it comes to lightning.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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520
FACT : Most people associate lightning with thunderstorms, but it can also occur in forest fires, volcanic eruptions, heavy snowstorms, large hurricanes, and surface nuclear detonations. Now that would suck. You narrowly escape a volcanic eruption and then: “Man, that was clo . . . .” BAM!
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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521<
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FACT : Take shelter when your hair stands on end in a storm: it often means that positive charges are rising through you, reaching up toward the negatively charged part of the storm and making you a target for lightning. Or it just means that you are Phil Spector.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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522
FACT : The July 4th holiday is a high-risk time of year for lightning strikes in America as people across the country take to the outdoors for activities like swimming, boating, golfing, picnics, etc. Hey, you wanted to see fireworks.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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523
FACT : Once lightning enters a structure, it may run through the electrical system, phone lines, plumbing, even TV and radio antennas and cables. It is also possible for lightning to pass through metal in concrete walls or flooring. Persistent little bastard, isn’t it?
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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524
FACT : Talking on the telephone during a thunderstorm is the leading cause of indoor lightning injuries in the United States. I pray for more thunderstorms over telemarketing centers.
“Flash Facts About Lightning,” National Geographic News, June 24, 2005, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
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525
FACT : More deaths and injuries from lightning have occurred in Florida than all other states combined. Carrot Top is from Florida. Call it karma.
Rachelle Oblack, “Top 10 of the Most Dangerous US States for Lightning Deaths,” About.com, www.weather.about.com.
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526
FACT : Global warming is increasing the threat of wildfires in this country, experts say, thanks to a continuing drying trend in the subtropics, including the American Southwest, and an increase in thunderstorms and lightning strikes, which are the primary cause of wildfires. Have you ever grown tired of having to type the same two words over and over again? Words like—and this is just an example—global and warming?
Andrea Thompson, “Is Global Warming Fueling Forest Fires?” LiveScience, October 24, 2007, www.livescience.com.
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527
FACT : Widespread drought conditions caused by global warming resulted in thousands of wildfires across the United States in 2008, with over 5.2 million acres burned and 1,000 homes and structures destroyed just in California. Global warming. Global warming.
Global warming.
Andrea Thompson, “Is Global Warming Fueling Forest Fires?” LiveScience, October 24, 2007, www.livescience.com.
“Billion Dollar U.S. Weather Disasters: Narrative/Map,” National Climatic Data Center, U.S. Department of Commerce, January 29, 2009, www.ncdc.noaa.gov.
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528
FACT : In 2003 and 2005, Portugal was ravaged by forest fires that killed dozens of people and destroyed 10 percent of the country’s forest land. The 2003 fire was attributed to global warming: higher overall temperatures in the region have lowered humidity, which has led to prolonged drought, hot winds, and dry air. Global warming? No way!
“Six Worst Raging Fires and Explosive Volcanoes,” Web-Ecoist, www.webecoist.com.
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529
FACT : One of the worst storms of the last century was the Great New England Hurricane in 1938, when 120-mph winds and water surge pummeled New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Rhode Island, killing 700 people and leaving 63,000 homeless. The cause was undetermined, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it had something to do with . . . yes . . . global warming.
“Terrifying Tornadoes, Wind Storms and Hurricanes,” Web-Ecoist, October 22, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
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530
FACT : Floods are one of the most severe weather events and a leading cause of weather-related deaths.
Just six inches of fast-moving water is enough to knock an adult off his feet. Unless that adult is Kirstie Alley or one of those contestants on The Biggest Loser— they require a little more.
Rachelle Oblack, “How to Stay Safe in a Flood,” About.com, www.weather.about.com.
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531
FACT : The deadliest type of flood is a flash flood, caused when heavy rain leads to sudden surges of water that can turn storm drains, river beds, creeks, and flood plains into raging torrents within minutes. These waters can destroy buildings and make roads impassable, preventing escape and assistance. This is why everyone should own a surfboard.
Rachelle Oblack, “How to Stay Safe in a Flood,” About.com, www.weather.about.com.
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532
FACT : In 2007, flooding on the banks of the Huai River displaced 2 billion rats in central China, which destroyed over 6,000 square miles of cropland and caused an estimated $3.13 billion in damage. Most of them relocated to New York City and are doing just fine.
“Chinese Floods Displace Billions of Rats, Mice; Raise Fears of Disease.” USA Today, On Deadline, July 12, 2007, http://blogs.usatoday.com.
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533
FACT : The flood that plagued the United States in 1993 was the most costly and devastating in modern history, lasting seven months and affecting 30,000 square miles of land around the Mississippi and Missouri rivers and their tributaries, resulting in $15 to $20 billion in damages.
“The Great Flood of 1993,” USGS Missouri Water Science Center, http://mo.water.usgs.gov.
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534
FACT : In March 1993, the U.S. East Coast was pummeled by what would be called the “Storm of the Century” because of its fierce gales, deep snow, and widespread impact. Record lows and wind gusts were recorded from Florida to Maine during the three-day storm, which caused $7 billion in damages and 270 deaths. 1993 was also the year that Mrs. Doubtfire came out. Bad things really do happen in threes, don’t they?
“The Great Flood of 1993,” USGS Missouri Water Science Center, http://mo.water.usgs.gov.
“Six Chilling Ice Storms, Tsunamis and Floods,” WebEcoist, www.webecoist.com.
“BusinessWeek: Storm Watch,” BusinessWeek, www.images.businessweek.com.
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535
FACT : Heavy rains and flooding in India, Bangladesh, and Nepal in 1997 to 1998 left thousands dead and another 30 million injured or displaced. All of them employed by Dell Tech Support.
“Six Chilling Ice Storms, Tsunamis and Floods,” WebEcoist, www.webecoist.com.
National Weather Service, Climate Prediction Center, Asia, www.cpc.noaa.gov.
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536
FACT : A 1998 storm pelted Quebec, Canada with freezing rain and enveloped the city in a layer of cement-like ice, causing thirty deaths and weeks of electric power outages for millions of Canadians. When did Canada get electricity?
“Six Chilling Ice Storms, Tsunamis and Floods,” WebEcoist, www.webecoist.com.
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537
FACT : The North American monsoon, also known as the Arizona monsoon or Mexican monsoon, can send a daily deluge of thunderstorms across parts of the southwestern United States and Mexico, causing flash floods, lightning strikes, and other potentially deadly conditions. I blame identity problems. The storm is probably just pissed because no one can decide on its name.
“Monsoons Strike Again: Dam Break in the Grand Canyon,” About.com Weather, August 17, 2008, www.weather.about.com.