by Cary McNeal
“Reports To The Nation: The North American Monsoon,” National Weather Service, Climate Prediction Center, www.cpc.noaa.gov.
* * *
538
FACT : For the last fifteen years, Indonesia has been plagued by so many wildfires that breathing air near the burn sites is at times equivalent to smoking eighty packs of cigarettes a day. But for Indonesians on a budget, it’s a lot cheaper.
“Six Worst Raging Fires and Explosive Volcanoes,” WebEcoist, www.webecoist.com.
* * *
539
FACT : The most destructive volcanic eruption of the twentieth century occurred in 1991 at Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines. The blast was so powerful that it caused a global sulfuric haze and a temperature drop of almost one degree Fahrenheit around the world. But don’t worry, global warming took care of that temperature drop within a day or two.
“Six Worst Raging Fires and Explosive Volcanoes,” Web-Ecoist, www.webecoist.com.
* * *
540
FACT : Heat waves are one of the most lethal types of weather phenomena, claiming an average of 1,000 lives in America’s fifteen largest cities each year. Heat is especially deadly for senior citizens, who are often too frail or afraid to leave their homes. Or unwilling to miss the thrilling conclusion of Matlock. He’s something else, that Matlock.
Lori Sharn and Carol J. Castaneda, “Human Nature Adds to Weather Death Toll,” USA Today, July 8, 1999, www.usatoday.com.
* * *
541
FACT : The 1988 heat wave and drought across the eastern United States cost the country $61.6 billion in damages and caused an estimated 5,000–10,000 deaths. Luckily, we’ve gotten better at estimating death numbers since then.
Lori Sharn and Carol J. Castaneda, “Human Nature Adds to Weather Death Toll,” USA Today, July 8, 1999, www.usatoday.com.
* * *
542
FACT : A four-month heat wave in the summer of 1980 led to an estimated 10,000 deaths and $48.4 billion in damages. Four months is not a heat wave—it’s a heat tsunami.
Lori Sharn and Carol J. Castaneda, “Human Nature Adds to Weather Death Toll,” USA Today, July 8, 1999, www.usatoday.com.
* * *
543
FACT : In July 1995, a sudden and severe heat wave killed over 700 people in Chicago in just three days. Come January, they’ll be begging for that heat in Chicago.
Lori Sharn and Carol J. Castaneda, “Human Nature Adds to Weather Death Toll,” USA Today, July 8, 1999, www.usatoday.com.
“BusinessWeek: Storm Watch,” BusinessWeek, www.images.businessweek.com.
Paul Douglas, Restless Skies: The Ultimate Weather Book (Sterling Publishing Company, 2007).
* * *
544
FACT : Excessive heat causes not only physical stress, but psychological stress as well, to a degree that causes an increase in violent crime. “My client pleads not guilty by reason of global warming, your honor.”
Eric Klinenberg, Heat Wave: A Social Autopsy of Disaster in Chicago (University of Chicago Press, 2003).
* * *
545
FACT : Scientists have discovered evidence of an asteroid collision 3½ billion years ago that likely created a massive tsunami which swept around the Earth several times, flooding everything except the highest mountains and wiping out nearly all life on land. So just about the time you get your cave dried out and recarve all those stick figures on the wall, here comes the fucker again.
“Tsunami Facts: How They Form, Warning Signs, and Safety Tips,” National Geographic News, April 2, 2007, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
* * *
546
FACT : Mount Washington, New Hampshire was the site of the highest recorded wind velocity in the United States clocking in at 231 miles per hour in 1934. I’d heard that New Hampshire blows.
Sabrie Soloman, Sensors Handbook (McGraw-Hill Professional, 1998).
* * *
547
FACT : In February 1959 a single storm dumped 189 inches of snow on the Mount Shasta Ski Bowl, the greatest snowfall ever recorded. The area is now known as the Mount Shasta Ski Dome.
“Sierra Snowfall Records,” Sierra Nevada Virtual Museum, www.sierranevadavirtualmuseum.com.
* * *
548
FACT : Tsunami waves can be as long as sixty miles, occur as far apart as an hour, and be powerful enough to traverse entire oceans without losing significant energy. The Indian Ocean tsunami in 2004 traveled as far as 3,000 miles to Africa and still arrived with enough force to kill people and destroy property. Who sticks around for an hour after the first tsunami hits?
“Tsunami Facts: How They Form, Warning Signs, and Safety Tips,” National Geographic News, April 2, 2007, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
* * *
549
FACT : Tsunamis can travel unnoticed in deep water as fast as 500 miles an hour, and cross an entire ocean in less than a day. Sneaky bastards.
“Tsunami Facts: How They Form, Warning Signs, and Safety Tips,” National Geographic News, April 2, 2007, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
* * *
550
FACT : The 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami could be the deadliest in history, killing more than 200,000 people, many of them washed out to sea. Hopefully they were already dead by the time they were taken to sea.
“Tsunami Facts: How They Form, Warning Signs, and Safety Tips,” National Geographic News, April 2, 2007, www.news.nationalgeographic.com.
CHAPTER 12
You
Animals!
Beastly Tales of
Creatures That
Outnumber Us
* * *
551
FACT : If you urinate when swimming in a South American river, you might encounter the candiru, a tiny fish that will follow a stream of urine to its source, enter the body, and flare its barbed fins, keeping it firmly embedded in the flesh until it can be surgically removed. I need some of those in my pool.
Ross Piper, Extraordinary Animals: An Encyclopedia of Curious and Unusual Animals (Greenwood Publishing Group, 2007).
* * *
552
FACT : Electric eel cells can generate and release pulses of more than 500 volts. Scientists are hoping to use these cells to power medical equipment, which sounds to me like something out of “The Flintstones”: your sleep apnea machine stops, you open a compartment on the side, and there’s an eel with his feet up, having a smoke. “What? I’m on a break!” he says, and slams the door.
Eric Bland, “Electric Eel Cells Inspire Energy Source,” Discovery Channel, www.dsc.discovery.com.
* * *
553
FACT : The sea lizard is a type of sea slug that will eat venomous cnidarians like the Portuguese Man of War, swallowing its stinging cells whole, and collecting them in its outer extremities to act as a defense against predators. Sea lizards are such users.
Edmund D. Brodie and John D. Dawson, Poisonous Animals (Macmillan, 2001).
* * *
554
FACT : One of the most venomous marine creatures in the world is the box jellyfish. It can kill a human within minutes by uncoiling and firing its stinging tentacles into the victim, then pumping venom through the tentacles to paralyze him and cause cardiac arrest. If I were a box jellyfish, I’d work on getting a more badass name. “Box jellyfish” sounds like something you get for lunch at summer camp.
“The 10 Most Dangerous Animals in the World,” AOL Travel, www.travel.aol.co.uk.
* * *
555
FACT : The Australian blue-ringed octopus has potent venomous saliva that can cause numbness, paralysis, and death in humans. I once saw a nature program on TV that described the octopus as “affectionate.” I don’t think they were talking about this one.
Edmund D. Brodie and John D. Dawson, Poisonous Animals (Macmillan, 2001).
* * *
556
FACT : Lampreys and ha
gfishes are jawless, eel-like creatures that secrete toxic skin slime and blood that has a bitter taste, and can irritate the eyes and cause death from internal bleeding if consumed. The hagfish is a close relative of several other fish, including the Pimpled Fug and the Jersey Buttaface.
Edmund D. Brodie and John D. Dawson, Poisonous Animals (Macmillan, 2001).
* * *
557
FACT : The stingray uses a serrated spine on the upper surface of its tail to lash and cut into victims, injecting them with venom. Stings are intensely painful, and cause decreased blood pressure and erratic heart rate. At least they don’t bury themselves in the sand and wait for you to step on them so they can sting you. Oh, wait, yes they do.
Edmund D. Brodie and John D. Dawson, Poisonous Animals (Macmillan, 2001).
* * *
558
FACT : When threatened, the sea cucumber ejects sticky, long threads from its body to ensnare predators. Some species will contract their bodies, violently expelling internal organs that contain a deadly toxin. The sea onion, on the other hand, just falls apart and cries.
“The Sea Cucumber,” How Stuff Works, www.animals.howstuffworks.com.
“Sea Cucumber,” National Geographic, Animals, http://animals.nationalgeographic.com.
* * *
559
FACT : Up to 30 percent of Britain’s rats carry Weil’s disease, which can be fatal to humans. They’re the ones toting little boxes and acting suspiciously.
“The UK’s Deadliest Creatures,” AOL Travel, www.travel.aol.co.uk
* * *
560
FACT : A rat can compress its body to fit through an opening as small as a half-inch in diameter, making it almost impossible to rat-proof a building or home. I once compressed a rat even smaller than that—with a shovel.
“The UK’s Deadliest Creatures,” AOL Travel, www.travel.aol.co.uk.
“Norway Rats,” Illinois Department of Public Health: Prevention & Control, www.idph.state.il.us.
* * *
561
FACT : Male desert rats can copulate up to 150 times in an afternoon. God, I miss college.
Edward G. Long, Chimpanzees Don’t Wear Pants: A Retired Psychiatrist Takes a Second Look at Human Nature (Buy Books On The Web, 2001).
* * *
562
FACT : Ursodiol, a compound made from bear bile, is used in Western medicine to dissolve gall stones and treat cirrhosis of the liver. Getting the bile—that’s the tricky part.
Constanza Villalba, “Ten Lessons Medicine Can Learn from Bears,” Scientific American, January 6, 2009, www.sciam.com.
* * *
563
FACT : Of the world’s numerous species of bears, the most deadly are polar, black, and grizzly bears.
These species will attack, trample, and maul their prey until it is frightened off or dead, and will attack for a variety of reasons, including hunger. Or simply to impress their bear friends. “Hey, guys—watch me scare the shit out of this tourist.”
“The 10 Most Dangerous Animals in the World,” AOL Travel, www.travel.aol.co.uk.
* * *
564
FACT : The world’s longest snake, the reticulated python, can reach almost forty feet in length. Its cousin, the matriculated python, is several feet shorter, but a lot smarter.
Mark O’Shea, Boas and Pythons of the World (New Holland Publishers, 2007).
* * *
565
FACT : Australia’s Eastern Brown snake is one of the world’s most deadly. Even baby Brown snakes have enough venom to kill a human. What can Brown do to you?
Andrew Claridge and David Lindenmayer, Wildlife on Farms: How to Conserve Native Animals (CSIRO Publishing, 2003).
* * *
566
FACT : The small but venomous saw-scaled viper causes more deaths in North Africa and the Middle East than any other snake. When attacked, it can hurl its body at an aggressor and bite quickly. That’s exactly how I fight. They never expect the biting.
Ted Mertens and Helen Lucas, Deadly & Dangerous Snakes (Magic Bean, 1995).
* * *
567
FACT : If cornered, some horned lizard species can shoot blood from their eye sockets up to six feet. Though not toxic, the blood has a foul taste, particularly to canine predators like coyotes and foxes. You know, if I corner something that wants to live so badly that it’s willing to shoot blood from its eyes, I’d spare it just on principle.
Wade C. Sherbrooke, Introduction to Horned Lizards of North America (University of California Press, 2003).
* * *
568
FACT : Cone shells are a dangerous type of snail with hollow, venom-filled teeth that it can shoot like darts at its victims. Their deadly venom causes paralysis and can sometimes kill humans within minutes. Killed by a snail—that would suck. I need to tell my wife to lie for me if that happens, tell people I ate it hang-gliding or climbing Mt. Everest or something cool. Not by a snail.
Edmund D. Brodie and John D. Dawson, Poisonous Animals (Macmillan, 2001).
* * *
569
FACT : To fight off predators, poison dart frogs ooze a slimy neurotoxin from their colorful skin. One frog produces enough toxin to kill ten humans. “This season on Jon & Kate Plus 8, the kids get a pet frog and the entire family croaks.”
“Top 10 Deadliest Animals,” LIVEScience, www.livescience.com.
“Ten of the Most Bizarre Animal Defense Mechanisms,” WebEcoist, November 4, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
* * *
570
FACT : When threatened, the hairy frog, or “horror frog,” intentionally breaks its own bones to produce claws that puncture through the frog’s toe pads to become defensive weapons. I liked frogs better when they just peed in your hand and gave you warts.
“Top 10 Deadliest Animals,” LIVEScience, www.livescience.com.
“Ten of the Most Bizarre Animal Defense Mechanisms,” WebEcoist, November 4, 2008, www.webecoist.com.
* * *
571
FACT : A tiger shark’s bite is powerful enough to slice through a hard turtle shell. That doesn’t mean they will. That’s a lot of work for a little bit of meat—kinda like crab legs.
Mark Carwardine, Shark (Firefly Books, 2004).
* * *
572
FACT : Sharks can be dangerous even before they are born: while dissecting a sand tiger shark, one scientist was bitten by a pup in its mother’s womb. I’d bite him, too, if he killed my momma.
Walter Sullivan, “In Shark Womb, Fetus ‘Cannibalizes’ Rivals,” New York Times, December 7, 1982, www.nytimes.com.
* * *
573
FACT : In some species of sharks, embryos are cannibalistic, feeding on each other in the womb until only the strongest shark remains. Sibling rivalry starts early.
“Where’s your brother? And what’s that in your mouth?”
Walter Sullivan, “In Shark Womb, Fetus ‘Cannibalizes’ Rivals,” New York Times, December 7, 1982, www.nytimes.com.
* * *
574
FACT : If you swim in ocean areas known to contain sharks, avoid wearing yellow or orange: sharks have very good eyesight and find these colors particularly irritating. Which makes felons’ day out at the beach even more fun to watch.
“The 10 Most Dangerous Animals in the World,” AOL Travel, www.travel.aol.co.uk.