by HELEN HARDT
He gently pulls out the butt plug.
I whimper.
“Easy,” he says. “I’m going to slide the head of my cock into you pretty quickly. Getting past the elastic rim is the worst part.”
But wait…
“Wait!”
“What is it, Skye?” he asks.
“I… You… You didn’t paddle me. Like in the scene.”
“All right. I didn’t realize you wanted to completely mimic the scene.”
“Not mimic, but…”
“But what?”
“My neck, Braden. I want you to bind my neck.”
He doesn’t reply for a moment. A moment that seems like a year.
Finally, he speaks.
“No, Skye.”
Chapter Fifty-Three
No?
He won’t bind me around my neck?
Why not? I’m showing him the ultimate trust. Giving him the ultimate control. Everything he holds dear.
I don’t move. I’m facing the pole, my nipples still strained and aching.
My core is ready to shatter, ready to succumb to the ultimate bondage in this room.
Ready for—
Ready for anything. I open my mouth, ready to shout to Braden that I’ll give him what he wants. I’ll give him control over every aspect of my life, if he’ll only bind me around my neck—
My arms slacken. Braden has unhooked the binding to the pole.
“Turn around, Skye. Face me.”
I obey, looking down at the beautiful knotting across my chest.
“Look at me,” he says.
I lift my head and meet his gaze. His blue eyes, only a moment ago alive with sapphire flames, now look…
Different.
Not happy. Not sad. Not turned on.
Resigned.
And I don’t know why.
He touches the rope around my chest and loosens it.
No. I don’t want to be unbound. I want to lose control here. I want to go under. All the way under.
I want it because he wants it.
I want it because I want it.
“You’re not looking at me,” he says.
He’s right. My gaze dropped to his fingers at the rope. I lift my head and look into his eyes as he finishes unbinding me. The ropes fall to the floor.
Finally, I say, “I don’t understand.”
He picks up the ropes and brings them to the chest. Then he returns to me, takes my hand, and leads me to the bed. “Sit.”
Still naked except for my fishnets and stilettos, I obey.
He sits next to me. “You seem disappointed.”
“I’m okay.” The lie tastes bitter on my tongue.
“I want you to get dressed,” he says. “We’re leaving.”
“Leaving?”
“Yes.”
“But…why?”
“Because I have something to say to you, and I don’t want to do it here.”
…
Back at Braden’s penthouse, he seems distant. Finally, he asks me to sit next to him on the couch in the living area.
“I said something to you earlier. Do you remember what it was?”
“You said a lot of things to me earlier, Braden.”
He nods. “You’re right, but there was something that I said concerned me. That I was worried you were finding something at the club other than pleasure.”
Yes, he said that. And I remembered it at the club, but I chose not to think about what his words implied.
“Skye, why did you want me to bind you around your neck?”
“Because it’s what happened in the scene.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not the truth, and you know it.”
He’s right, and I only realize how right he is in this moment.
He bound me, made my nipples sing, was ready to take my anal virginity and paddle my ass until it was rosy and hot.
He offered me a beautiful scene—a scene any other woman in the club would love.
Indeed, I loved it, too.
But I craved more.
It was the neck binding. The collaring. The leading.
The…
I’m almost afraid to even think the words.
The…choking.
The ultimate loss of control.
I’ve gone from giving up control to losing control. From craving submission to needing the ultimate mark of it. But what does that all mean?
I lost my job. I lost my best friend.
I’ve lost control of my own life.
“I won’t force you to tell me, Skye, but if you want a relationship with me, you need to be honest.”
“I just…wanted it.”
“You wanted me to choke you.” His statement has no inflection. He’s not questioning. He already knows. “Why, Skye?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Aren’t you?”
“I mean…I have an idea.”
“And that idea is…?”
“I wanted to lose control. Completely. Give you complete control. Show you that I trust you.”
“I already know you trust me, and you’ve already given me complete control in the bedroom.”
“But I want—”
Braden reaches forward, lightly trails a finger over my forearm. “Giving me control is not about what you want. It’s about what I want.”
I hold back a shudder at his touch. “But—”
“Stop. It’s about what you want as well. But it’s for me to choose and for you to either consent or decline. Do you understand?”
I nod, swallowing, tears forming and pooling in the bottom of my eyes.
He rubs his forehead. “Damn it, Skye! Say yes or no.”
“Yes, I understand. Of course I understand, Braden.”
“Do you? Do you really?”
Before I can answer, he continues.
“Because I don’t think you do. You don’t understand me.”
I lift my eyebrows, my eyes turning to circles, the tears still threatening. “I don’t understand you? How am I supposed to understand you when you keep things from me?”
I expect him to flare up, lose his temper.
Instead—
“Point taken,” he says, even-tempered. “So let me enlighten you about something.”
“All right. I’m listening.”
“I told you once that I only have one hard limit.”
I nod.
“It’s neck binding. Breath control. Choking. I won’t do it. Ever.”
Oh? What are your hard limits?
I only have one.
What is it?
I don’t talk about it.
Don’t you think I should know? So I don’t bring it up?
Trust me, Skye. You will never bring it up.
Braden was wrong. I brought it up. Why did he think I wouldn’t?
Control. It’s the ultimate loss of control, and he assumed I’d never go there.
“Choking is taboo,” I say. “You told me once you love the forbidden.”
“I do.”
“Then why?” I ask. “Why won’t you do this?”
“Why? Perhaps I’ll tell you why…as soon as you tell me why you feel you need it.”
“I…don’t know.”
He inhales. Exhales. Inhales again. Is he thinking about how to reply to me? Is he angry? Sad? Does he feel anything at all?
Because I can’t tell.
“For God’s sake, Braden,” I finally say. “Can you show me some emotion for once in your life?”
He cocks his head as his nostrils flare. “You think I don’t show you emotion?” He stands. “How can you say that? I’ve shown you more emotion than I’ve ever shown anyone
. Anyone, Skye. If you don’t know that, you should.”
He’s right. I’m not being fair. He showed me a ton of emotion last night when my dinner burned and I lost it. “Braden—”
“No. You don’t talk. Not until I’m done. I told you who I was. I told you I wasn’t wired for relationships. But I made an exception for you. I made that exception because I love you, Skye. I wasn’t looking to fall in love. I knew it would put a dent in my life—”
I can’t help responding. I’m torn in half, and I’m angry. “A dent, Braden? I’m a fucking dent?”
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up, Skye. I will have my say, and then you can have yours. If you’re brave enough.”
“Brave enough? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what it means, and if you interrupt me again, this discussion is over.”
My lips tremble as I nod. I force the anger to dissipate.
He clears his throat. “I made an exception for you. I decided to have a relationship—or try, at least—but I fear this little experiment of mine has failed.”
Little experiment? I’m a damned experiment? I want to yell, scream, tear out his hair. Punch his smug face until it’s bruised and battered.
I want to cry, sob in his arms, and tell him I’ll do anything to please him.
I want to beg him to take me back underground, tie me up, choke me.
I want to bare my soul, confess my love, tell him I’ll do anything… Anything…
But I sit quietly. I sit quietly because I’m afraid. I’m very afraid of where this is leading.
If you’re brave enough…
I’ve lost so much already.
“The club is about pleasure,” Braden says.
“I know that. I get pleasure there.”
“You do. But you get something else, as well. Something that’s important to you, and that’s what you need to face before we can continue in a relationship.”
I finger his collar still around my neck. “Braden, please…”
“I love you, Skye.” He tunnels his fingers through his hair and then rubs his forehead. “I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another human being. But you want something I can’t give you. Something I’ll never be willing to give you.”
I gulp. “I can live without the choking.”
He trails a finger across my forehead and down my temple. “Can you? Because this isn’t just about the choking. It’s about more than pleasure. More than pain. More than my dominance over you and your submission to me. You’re punishing yourself, Skye, and I can’t be a part of it.”
I shake my head vehemently. “But you… You punish me all the time!”
“That’s my prerogative. Not yours.”
“I get that. And you’re wrong. I love everything we do. You know that. I’m not punishing myself. Why would I do that?”
He kisses my forehead.
A kiss goodbye?
That’s what it feels like, and a vise clamps around my chest so hard that I think I might actually die right here on this bed. Die of a broken heart.
He wasn’t sure I was ready for the club. I remember, watching his demeanor when he told me about his lifestyle here in New York, that he seemed to feel like he was making a mistake. That it was too soon for me.
How can I convince him he’s wrong? That I need this as much as he does?
Maybe more?
Maybe more…
Oh God. It’s the more that’s the issue.
That vise around my heart? I don’t feel it now. I’m numb. Completely numb. The irony of the situation is not lost on me. After my conversation with Betsy, I rushed into Braden’s office, afraid he’d end our relationship if I refused to do something he wanted.
In reality? Our relationship is ending because he refused to do something I wanted.
“Why would you punish yourself?” Braden finally says, staring past me and out the window. “That’s a question you need to answer.”
A sob lodges in my throat.
I want to answer. More than I’ve ever wanted anything, I want to open up and give him what he’s asking for.
But I can’t, because I don’t know.
I’m lost. So lost.
And I’m about to lose the man I love.
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Braden and Skye’s story reaches its thrilling conclusion! Be sure to preorder Follow Me Always, available May 25, 2021.
A Note From Helen
Dear Reader,
Thank you for reading Follow Me Under. If you want to find out about my current backlist and future releases, please visit my website, like my Facebook page, and join my mailing list. If you’re a fan, please join my street team to help spread the word about my books. I regularly do awesome giveaways for my street team members.
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Helen
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About the Author
#1 New York Times, #1 USA Today, and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author Helen Hardt’s passion for the written word began with the books her mother read to her at bedtime. She wrote her first story at age six and hasn’t stopped since. In addition to being an award winning author of romantic fiction, she’s a mother, an attorney, a black belt in tae kwon do, a grammar geek, an appreciator of fine red wine, and a lover of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. She writes from her home in Colorado, where she lives with her family.
helenhardt.com
Acknowledgments
I loved writing this story. Sometimes a book nearly writes itself. Follow Me Under was that type of book. I already knew Skye and Braden after writing Follow Me Darkly, and I delved so much more into both their characters in this sequel. They seemed to fly out of my fingers and onto the page all by themselves. I hope you love them as much as I do!
Of course, no story is complete without brilliant editing. Liz Pelletier, as always, you knew exactly where to place your red pen, and Stacy Abrams, you were the icing on the cake with copy editing. Thank you both!
Jessica Turner, thank you so much for all you’re doing to make sure everyone knows about this series. You rock!
Bree Archer, you’ve created another gorgeous cover! The art for this series is some of the best I’ve seen. Thank you!
Heather, Curtis, and Meredith—thanks so much for your contributions to this project. Your support is so important. A village is definitely required to bring a book into the world.
Thank you to the women and men of my reader group, Hardt and Soul. Your endless and unwavering support keeps me going.
To my family and friends, thank you for your encouragement. Special shout-out to Dean—aka Mr. Hardt—and our amazing sons, Eric and Grant.
Thank you most of all to my readers. Without you, none of this would be possible.
Braden and Skye will return soon in Follow Me Always!