Damned

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Damned Page 12

by Bec Botefuhr


  “I am the Captain.”

  “Get a new line.” I spit.

  The crew appears on deck, possibly having heard our yelling. They pause and glance anxiously at Jax and I. I huff and fold my arms.

  “I am finished.”

  “I said, you’re not.” Jax snarls.

  I glare at him. “Don’t big note yourself in front of your crew, your nothing but a flimsy pirate.”

  I turn and begin walking downstairs, until he speaks. His words freeze me on the spot.

  “I might be a flimsy pirate, but tell me Jade, how does it feel to go from being a princess to a bastard?”

  I flinch; his words tear through my soul. I turn and run towards him, with a sharp kick to his stomach; he falls backwards. I leap on top of him, driving a punch into his face.

  “How dare you!” I scream.

  He rolls, flipping his body on top of mine. He takes hold of my hands and slams them down above my head, holding them firmly with one of his.

  “How dare you.” He snaps back.

  “How dare I what? I didn’t ask for your sour attitude Jax.”

  He spits the blood pouring from his lip and then glares down at me. “And I never asked for you to fall in love with me, when all you were was a terrific fuck.”

  I kick and squirm, shooting off a string of filthy curses.

  “I regret ever falling in love with you. In fact, I regret ever meeting you. My life was good, before you.”

  “Bullshit!” He roars, tightening his hands over my arms.

  “Get off me, I am leaving.”

  “No.”

  “Get the fuck off me.”

  Rusty walks over and hesitates a moment. “Cap…perhaps this isn’t the place.”

  “Shut it Rusty, get the crew below deck.”

  “I don’t know, it’s not safe for her…”

  “GET BELOW DECK!”

  Rusty nods and the crew slowly disappear. I squirm again.

  “Jax, get off me.” I say between gritted teeth.

  “So you can storm off, slam your door and chuck a fit?”

  “No, so I can pack my shit and leave.”

  “You are not leaving, and you know it.”

  “Get. Off. Me.”

  He lets my hands go and stands, I shove him harshly and turn to storm downstairs.

  “You have no way to leave.” He yells after me.

  I run into my room, throw my clothes into a bag, then storm back up on deck. Jax is still standing in the same spot, when he sees me, amusement flicks across his expression.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Leaving.”

  I tug on the rope that holds the life boat and pull. It doesn’t budge. I climb in, ignoring Jax’s rather rude laughing. As soon as I stand, the boat drops. I scream as it hits the water and I am flung out like a rag doll. I land in the freezing water and sink. I struggle furiously against the pull; I am a very poor swimmer. Panic washes through me, and I kick my legs, desperate to reach the surface. I feel an arm wrap around my waist, and within minutes we are above water. I gasp and take a deep breath.

  “God Dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jax pants.

  “I want to leave.”

  “Shit Jade, then leave when we stop. God.”

  “Just…leave me alone Jax. I beg you.”

  He grips hold of the ladder and pulls himself up, carrying me as though I weigh no more than a child. When we are back on deck, he puts me down. I am desperately trying not to cry, I don’t want him to see the pain.

  “Mate…”

  “No!” I snarl, “No, don’t you dare mate me. Just stay away from me Jax. I don’t deserve this. I don’t.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  I blink as the tears blur my eyes. “Then why are you being such a jerk?”

  “I am trying to stop the past repeating itself.”

  “There will be no repeat.” I scream, throwing my hands up. The tears flow freely now.

  “Ok, fine. I am sorry.”

  “You called me a bastard!”

  “I didn’t mean it.”

  I kick my bag on the ground, once, then twice. Then, I begin furiously shoving Jax. I am so mad, so hurt. He spins me around and wraps his arm around me, it presses against my chest and forces my back to his chest. His other arm goes around my waist. His mouth is by my ear, so close.

  “Enough.” He says softly.

  “I know I screwed up ok. I know that I made your life harder by falling for you, but you did not have to break my heart.”

  “There was no other choice.”

  “There is always a choice!”

  “I don’t know what you want me to do now, I can’t change it.”

  “No you can’t, but you can stop treating me like a worthless animal.”

  He tenses, his fist tightens across my chest. “Your…I don’t think you’re a worthless animal.”

  “Then stop this. Please.”

  He spins me around so I am facing him; I reach out to heal the small cut in his lip. He does not flinch or pull away. In seconds, it is gone. Our eyes meet, and we hold the gaze for a long, long moment. He finally looks away, and then turns and leaves. I blink; did he seriously just walk off? What an ass. I will never understand that man; his mind is far too confusing for me.

  I slowly make my way back to my room, where I stay for the rest of the day. When night falls, I hear the usual dinner noises. The pirates are a rowdy bunch, usually it lasted most of the night. How anybody managed a decent nights sleep on this ship is beyond me. I am curled up on my bed, reading a book when there is a light knock at my door.

  “Who’s there?”

  “It’s me.”

  It’s Jax, though his voice is placid enough that I’m not worried.

  “Jax please, leave me be.”

  I watch the door open, and Jax steps in. He looks mighty fine tonight, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a black shirt. It suits him.

  “Mate…I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a jackass.”

  “I know that Jax but what I also know is that we are through. You can’t even…you can’t even be my friend. I can’t handle this hostility between us. It’s better if I leave.”

  “I don’t want you to leave Jade.” He says in an almost shaky voice.

  “You don’t?”

  “I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want to hate you…I don’t hate you. I will be your friend; I will stop being so hard on you, but Jade, I can’t love you nor can I sleep with you. Can you understand that?”

  “I do understand Jax, even after you left I understood. I can’t help what I feel, but I don’t expect it from you. I didn’t back then either, but you never gave me a chance to tell you that.”

  “Jade I left because…I felt something too.”

  “You did?” I whisper.

  “I was falling for you, hard. It’s not me; I couldn’t have you, nor could I give you what you needed. So I ran, I am sorry I hurt you.”

  “And now?” I ask in a small, child like voice.

  “I don’t have any feelings for you.”

  “Right.”

  “Mate I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok. I understand.”

  “Do you still want to leave?”

  I sigh, laying back down on my pillow. He comes in and sits down on the bed beside me.

  “There are some things I want to do Jax, I have lived my life in that place and never had a chance to be normal.”

  “What sort of things?” He asks.

  “Oh Jax, everything. I want to ride on a rollercoaster, drink beer until I puke and I don’t know…eat hamburgers on a beach…”

  “You never ate a hamburger?”

  “Never.”

  “Hot dog?”

  “Nope.”

  “You never went to a fair, or a circus?”

  “No.”

  “Oh mate. I am a pirate and even I have done those things.”

  “Well I am never going to
get that chance, not here, not with you.”

  “I can give you those things, as a friend.”

  “Oh Jax, we both know it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.”

  “I can take care of you Jade, without the complications. You’re safe here, and until the hype wears down, you won’t be found.”

  “I know you’re right, just the thought of being stuck again. I need to feel alive.”

  “You will, just give it a go.”

  We sit in silence for a long moment, then he flips out his cell phone. It lights up the room enough for me to see him. He dials a number then holds the phone to his ear.

  “JR? Yeah mate, it’s Jax. I want to book my usual room. Yep, the executive suite and seven rooms for my men. Tomorrow night.”

  There is a long pause then he continues talking.

  “Three grand? Yeah mate, I’ll wire it through.”

  Then he flips the phone closed.

  “Jax…what did you do?”

  “We are going to town, nobody deserves not to experience those things.”

  “Y-y-you’re taking me to town?”

  “And to the fair and the beach…and a club so you can drink beer until you puke.”

  “Oh…Jax…but it costs so much.”

  “That’s just the accomodation.”

  “Three grand?” I cry.

  “It’s good mate, I got it.”

  “Are you loaded pirate?”

  His lips curl up into a wicked grin. “Darlin, I have more money than you can imagine.”

  “How?”

  “Selling treasures, things like that.”

  “Oh. Do you want more, I can pay for the room or…”

  “I don’t do relationships kid, but I am not heartless, ladies pay for nothing with me.”

  “Oh you do this often?”

  “No.”

  “Ummm…the rooms you booked, you stay there often?”

  “The men and I stop often enough for a break.”

  “Oh thanks. Will I stay with Sam and Margy then?”

  “No, you will stay with me.”

  I suck in a breath. “Oh, why?”

  “Because I said so. Pack your bags in the morning, we will get there around lunch time.”

  “Ok.”

  “Ok, well I will see you in the morning.”

  “Ok.”

  “Night mate.”

  “Night Jax, and…thanks.”

  “Yeah, anytime.”

  I feel overwhelmed with emotion once Jax has left. I don’t know if I want to cry or scream. I feel like we have not solved anything, and yet we have talked so much. I miss him; I want him to know that. I stand on shaky legs and walk out of my room, making my way towards his. When I reach his room, I open the door; and my world crumbles. On her knees in front of Jax, is Gazelle. It does not take a genius to know what she is doing to him.

  I make a strangled sound, which I didn’t intend on doing. Jax looks up sharply; I am unable to read the expression on his face. He shoves at Gazelle who stumbles backwards. It is too late; I turn and run. It should not hurt; I know that, but it does. Tears roar down my cheeks as I stumble towards my room. I make a last minute decision and go to the next best thing, Jack. I knock furiously on his door. He opens and his face tangles in a mass of concern.

  “Oh angel, what is the matter?”

  “I…can you just get me out of this hallway?”

  Jack nods and pulls me in, before shutting and locking his door. I crumble into his arms. He slides to the floor with me wrapped around him, and there we sit until I stop sobbing.

  “Want to tell me what happened?”

  “We talked; Jax and I. It was good. I went to…find him and saw Gazelle on her knees.”

  “I get the picture.”

  “It hurt so much. Jax has made it exceedingly clear to me, but it still hurt. I love him Jack; I don’t know how to cope.”

  “You have to move on Jade, if you don’t; you will crumble.”

  “It’s too late for that, I have already crumbled.”

  There is a loud thumping on Jack’s door.

  “Jack, open up.”

  I know it’s Jax, but I don’t want to see him.

  “I am busy.” Jack yells.

  “I know she is in there, now open up!”

  “Don’t Jack.” I whisper.

  “He will kick this door down Jade, you know he will.”

  “I don’t want to see him.” I whisper again.

  “She does not want to see you Cap, go away.”

  I hear Jax snort, then he kicks the door. It bursts open, and he steps in. His eyes fall on me, and he actually looks sorry.

  “We need to talk.”

  “No.”

  “Jade, I will carry you out of here if I have to.”

  “I said, no.”

  With a growl, he leans down and scoops me up; tossing me over his shoulder. I scream and kick, but it does no good.

  “I will come and find you soon.” Jack yells as Jax walks down the hall with me tossed over his shoulder.

  When we arrive at his room, he throws me onto the couch. I stand and begin storming for the door, but he puts his hand on my shoulder and shoves me backwards.

  “I am not going over this with you Jax, I want to go.”

  He stands at the entrance with his arms folded. “Why did you come and see me?”

  “What?”

  “Before, why were you coming into my room?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does matter, tell me why.”

  “It is beside the point. I saw something I did not need to, I hated it, and I want to go.”

  “She was only sucking me off Jade.”

  I gape. “Oh my god, do you have to?”

  “It was nothing, I couldn’t get anywhere.”

  “I don’t care Jax.”

  “Clearly you do, or you would not have run.”

  “Ok, I do care. So what?”

  “Why were you coming into my room?” He asks again.

  I sigh with frustration and cross my arms. “I was coming to say…I was coming to say…”

  “Spit it out.”

  “I was coming to say I missed you. All those years, I missed you like mad. I thought…maybe you wanted to know that.”

  He stares at me for a long, painful moment. “Why would you tell me that?”

  “Because, we have gone over all the hard stuff…I just wanted you to know, I missed my best friend.”

  He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them again. “I missed mine too.”

  I make a sound of relief. “You did?”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “Then...Jax, can I hug you? I have wanted to since I got back and…”

  He steps forward before I can finish my sentence and pulls me into his arms. I sink into him and lay my cheek against his chest. I can hear his heart hammering, did I make him nervous? He strokes a finger up and down my back and we stand holding each other for a whole ten minutes. When we pull apart, I look up at him through my lashes.

  “Thanks.”

  “Yeah, turns out I needed that too.”

  “I’m sorry about before, it’s your room and…”

  He puts a finger to my lips. “I thought…I needed it but…I hated her mouth on me Jade.”

  “I know.” I whisper.

  “You make this so hard for me.”

  “I know that too.”

  He kisses my head, then lets me go. “You should some sleep, we have to move out early tomorrow.”

  “Ok.”

  “Ok.”

  “Well, goodnight Jax.”

  “Night baby girl.”

  His words shock me, but I say nothing. I smile, and then walk out. Shutting the door behind me.

  CHAPTER 10

  I can not believe my eyes, the hotel he booked is enormous. The crew members share a few rooms and women get their own. Jax is extremely generous. When he takes me into the room we are going stay in, I ga
sp and stumble backwards. Ok I am a princess, but wow, this room is breathtaking. It’s so modern and fresh. Two large king sized beds sit beside each other in the main room. The kitchen is absolutely massive with black stone bench tops. A spa sits out on the secluded patio, with a little window to step through, straight into the bathroom. The views are absolutely beautiful; I cannot breathe for the longest moment.

  “Get dressed kid, we are going out.” Jax says, walking in behind me.

  “Oh Jax…it’s…wow.”

  “You’re a princess and you are gaping like that?”

  “I told you, I rarely left the castle.”

  “Well you are in for a treat. Get dressed.”

  I turn to face him and fling myself into his arms, he seems shocked for a moment but pulls me into a deep embrace after a moment or two.

  “Thank you Jax, I mean it.”

  “Alright, enough of that. Will you go and get dressed?”

  I smile and run over to the bed, leaping onto it and undoing my suitcase. Jax grins at me, his smile melting through my soul. He likes that I am happy; he is amused by my excitement.

  “You know for a princess, you are like a child on their first Christmas.”

  “Oh this is like Christmas to me. Where are we going first?”

  “That’s a surprise.”

  “What do I wear?”

  “Whatever you want.” He winks.

  I laugh and hurry into the bathroom, pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank top. It is a sunny day out, and I can’t wait to go adventuring. I come out, and Jax has changed. He wears a pair of faded denim jeans that sit low on those gorgeous hips and a black tee shirt that hugs his muscles. Damn, he is yummy. He pulls on a pair of black sunnies and waves a set of keys at me.

  “Ready to go?”

  “You look so impressive in sunnies.” I tease. I am so glad the tension between us has eased.

  “Right?” He grins.

  I shove him and then follow him as he leads the way down the stairs to the front door. The sun kisses my skin as we step out, and I sigh in satisfaction. That is until I see what Jax plans on getting around on; a motorbike.

  “Errr…you ride?”

  He laughs. “You know I do, come on.”

  “Oh Jax…A dirt bike was one thing, but that looks fast.”

  “Come on, live it up princess.”

  I frown at him. “Fine but if you kill me, I am totally coming back to haunt you.”

  He smirks and pulls on a helmet before tossing one at me. I slide it on, mumbling about how ugly it is and get on the back of the bike, wrapping my arms around him. Ok, so this is not a dreadful idea, it gives me a chance to touch him and boy have I missed that. He speeds off, and I let out a small scream. After a moment though, I relax and enjoyed the freedom I feel.

 

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