by Bella Jewel
“We both know you were too fuckin’ messed up by your father at that point to do that, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Not a fuckin’ thing. Because that man, he’s the worst of them. The fuckin’ worst. And you were just a kid.”
“But I wasn’t,” she protests. “I wasn’t just a kid. I was nearly eighteen years old, I could have very easily walked out of there, called the police, and done it without anyone knowing. Instead, I wasted time by going home, telling my father I saw a girl, and then going to the police. It was too late by then. And because of me, the only chance Ellie had, she’s now probably been living an entire decade in hell.”
I roll, shifting her so we’re face to face. Her eyes are glassy, and I can see this is fucking bothering her in a big way. I get that. I’ve felt guilt. Lived with it for so many fucking years. So, yeah, I get it better than anyone. Also know it will eat you alive if you let it, and that’s what’s going to happen to Charlie if she doesn’t take it easy and understand her position in this.
It wasn’t her fault.
“Listen to me,” I say, my voice hard, but not cruel. “You could have walked out and called the police. Hell, they might have even come in and saved her. But the reality of that, is very fuckin’ slim. Big men like that, rich, with money, he would have had her out the second he heard sirens. He’d have a plan. A back up. Something in place, I can promise you that. All that would have done is turned the heat on to you, and you know exactly what your father would have done to you when he found out it was you, and he would have found out. You and I both fuckin’ know that.”
She looks away, and I reach up, grabbing her chin. “Eyes, Charlie.”
She hesitantly looks back.
“Not your fuckin’ fault. You went to the cops. You got your father locked up. You did the best you could in a situation where you were surrounded by big fuckin’ brick walls.”
“But, after he got locked up, I forgot about her, Koda. For a while, I forgot. What kind of monster does that make me? I’m not different to him. I should have kept looking ... I should have ...”
“Should haves ain’t goin’ to get you anywhere, Charlie. You and I both know it. I should have done a fuckin’ lot of things, too. But I didn’t, and life is the way it is now because of that. Don’t let guilt eat you alive. Trust me. Help Slater, get involved if you need, find Ellie. But do not fuckin’ live blamin’ yourself. You understand me?” She opens her mouth to argue, but I snap out, “Do you fuckin’ understand me?”
Her mouth snaps shut, and she nods.
“Good girl.”
She stares up at me. “Anyone ever told you that you’re a complete dick sometimes?”
I grin at her, and her face breaks out in one, too.
“All the fuckin’ time, babe.”
Her cheeks flush.
“I like it when you call me that.”
I grin at her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Know what I like?”
She rolls her eyes. “If you say sex, I swear ...”
“Like the way your fuckin’ smile hits me right in the heart.”
Her smile is wiped clean from her face and replaced with a soft expression. “You do?”
I nod.
“Well, that’s good.” She smiles softly, the warmest I’ve seen from her. “Because I like the way your smile hits me right in the heart, too.”
And just like that.
We’re both fucked.
~*~*~*~
THEN – KODA
I spit blood on the floor and glare up at the man in front of me. Easily six feet tall, scowling expression, dark hair and blue eyes, big motherfucker. And he’s getting a fuck load of satisfaction kicking the shit out of me. Two days they’ve been kicking the shit out of me. Beating me. Torturing me. Fucking me over in any way they can. But I won’t break. Fuckers will have to kill me damned slowly before I ever tell them where Braxton is.
“Think you’re tough, little boy,” the man taunts. “You’re not tough. We’re only just getting warmed up here.”
I grin at him, teeth bloodied. “Can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store.”
Frustration bubbles in his chest and his boot connects with my jaw, sending me stumbling backward into the wall, smashing against the bricks. Pain radiates through my body, and I find it hard to breathe, fuck, I find it hard to do anything. But I don’t make a sound. Not a grunt. Nothing. My ribs are broken, my arm, and I have a fuck load of internal injuries inside me. I can feel them.
No doubt I’ll die here.
Fine by me.
So long as Braxton finds a way out.
Fuck, I hope he finds a way out.
The big man strides toward me just as the door opens and Shanks steps in. “Enough, Lorenzo. I have a surprise for our boy Dakoda here.”
I look over to the man I now despise and spit blood in his direction. He grins at me, raises a hand, and clicks his fingers. Two men appear, Braxton in between them. For a single fucking moment, my heart stops beating. I want to bellow and wake up from this fucking nightmare, but I can’t. I can’t fucking stop what’s happening right in front of me. My stomach twists with a sick feeling, and my fists clench, broken or not.
“Say hello to your brother, Dakoda. Turns out, he wasn’t that hard to find after all.”
No.
Fucking no.
“He was stupid enough to let himself out of the rehab center he was hiding out in when you hadn’t showed up with your little plan of running away. It didn’t take us long to find him. What a wonderful ending, don’t you think?”
“Go to fuckin’ hell,” I spit.
“Oh, I’m going. But not before I take him down for crossing me.”
They throw Braxton onto the ground and he rolls a few times. He’s beaten, battered, and bruised. I notice he’s missing two fingers on his left hand. They’ve had him, and they’ve tortured him. It must not have taken him long to come after me when he realized I didn’t show. Stupid fucking idiot. He should have stayed where he was safe.
“Why did you come out?” I hiss at him. “Fuckin’ why, Brax?”
He looks at me, with bloodshot eyes and a fucked-up face. “Because you’re my brother, Dakoda. I was never goin’ to fuckin’ let them have you. That’s what brothers do.”
“Aw.” Shanks laughs. “How sentimental. You know, I’ve thought long and hard about this. I’ve thought, maybe I’ll kill you both, but that just wouldn’t scratch my itch, you know what I’m saying?”
I glare at the fucking devil standing before me.
“So, I decided, I’m going to kill Braxton. I’m going to let you watch, Dakoda. Watch, and sit in here with him until his body starts to rot, and then I’ll let you go. Let you live every day with that image, so you know what fuckin’ happens when you cross me.”
No.
My stomach coils and I glare at the man in front of me, wanting, somehow, to fucking blow his head off.
Only I know I can’t.
And he knows I can’t.
“You fuckin’ touch him ...” I warn.
“What?” Shanks laughs. “What are you going to do to me? Me? Nothing, boy. That’s what.”
“You fuckin’ do a single thing to him, and I’ll come after you. I’ll spend my fuckin’ life chasin’ you until I find you and kill you. I promise you that.”
Shanks bellows with laughter, shaking his head as he holds my eyes. “Please, I deal with people like you—heroes—daily. A lesson will be learned here today. I suggest you take it, because if I see you again, you’ll wish you were never born.”
Shanks raises his hand and one of his men steps forward, putting a gun in his hand. I don’t think, I just lunge, my broken body hurling toward him. I don’t get far enough before three of his men toss me back, but not before they take hold of me and beat me to a bloody pulp. By the time I land on the ground, I’m barely conscious, but I won’t give up. I can’t give up.
Braxton.
My bro
ther.
My life.
My twin.
I look over to him and start dragging my fucked-up body over. I reach him and grab hold of him around the back of the head and look into his eyes. “Fight, Brax,” I hiss.
He shakes his head, and a lone tear runs down his cheek. “I can’t fight this, you know I can’t. I’m going to die here today. But know this, Dakoda, you did everything you could. This, it isn’t on you. It is on me. It is my fault. I don’t ever fuckin’ want you to live with guilt. But promise me you’ll find him, and you’ll make him suffer for what he’s about to do. I get out of this easily, you’re the one he’s going to torment forever.”
Tears, bloody, burst forth and run down my cheeks. I don’t fucking care if I’m crying. Because I’m helpless. So fucking helpless. I have no way out. I can’t stop what’s about to happen to my brother. I can’t stop it, no matter what I do, I can’t fucking stop it. I can’t save him. I’m his brother, and I can’t save him. Pain explodes in my chest, and I bring my forehead to his. “I’m sorry, Braxton.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Do not carry guilt. I love you, Dakoda. Fuckin’ forever.”
“That’s enough,” Shanks growls, and two of his men haul me off Braxton and pull me away.
I fight, thrashing, my body in that much agony I can barely breathe, but I fight anyway. One last pathetic attempt at saving my brother. Shanks steps forward, pointing the gun right at Braxton’s forehead. “Should have made you suffer more, but it pleases me to know your brother is going to see you die, and he’s going to suffer enough for the both of you.”
“No,” I bellow. “No!”
Braxton kneels, all the fight gone out of him, and my bellows of agony fill the room as Shanks pulls the trigger. Braxton slumps backward, the life being sucked out of his eyes as he lands on the floor. My roars of pain fill the space, and the two men toss me to the ground, and I crawl, brokenly, toward him.
“Enjoy that.” Shanks laughs.
Then they’re gone.
I pull Braxton’s bloodied head into my lap and cry, so fucking hard I can’t breathe.
I’m so sorry, Braxton.
I let you down.
I fuckin’ let you down.
I’ll never forgive myself for this.
And I won’t rest until Shanks is dead.
I will not rest.
I’ll do whatever it takes.
I will find him.
And I will kill him.
-21-
NOW – CHARLIE
“Go out and see who is at the fuckin’ door, Charlene,” Carl growls at me, and I get up off the sofa, more than ready to run out of here and walk to the door.
If it wasn’t for the fact that Oliver is working day and night to bring my father down, I wouldn’t be here, but I have to act normal. I have to pretend everything is as it always was, nothing can change. I can’t act any differently. If my father got wind of what I’m doing, I’d be dead.
Dead.
I open the door and three men are standing, all about Carl’s age, maybe a little older. Early twenties, I guess. Carl told me they’re all selling for my father, all working for him and running his operation on the streets. I’ve never met them before, but I don’t really care to, either. Anyone who has anything to do with my father, is nothing to me.
Two of the men walk past me, not acknowledging me at all.
The third one glances at me as he walks by, and I notice he’s quite good looking. Better looking than most men I’ve seen working for my father. Dark blond hair and the most gorgeous honey-colored eyes I have ever seen. It’s his eyes that make him striking. He’s probably a little too skinny, clearly whatever drugs he’s selling he’s also using, and his skin is a little greyish. But I imagine that when healthy, he’d be an incredibly good looking man.
“Hey,” he murmurs as he walks past.
I don’t see him again after that.
But I don’t think I’ll ever forget those eyes.
I bolt upright with a gasp, my hand flying to my chest. No. It can’t be. How the hell didn’t I realize this sooner? I glance over beside me and see Koda staring over at me and those eyes, the color of soft honey, stare back at me. I start panting as realization hits. It all comes crashing into my mind, into my body, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
And I was just too stupid to see it.
I’ve met Braxton. Briefly, yes, but I met him once at Carl’s house. I had forgotten that face, I had forgotten meeting him, and how seeing Koda didn’t trigger this memory sooner, I don’t know, but it’s real.
And that means everything I’ve believed in the last few weeks is so incredibly wrong.
Tears, tears that I haven’t allowed out for so long, burst forth and run down my cheeks, and I shove out of the bed, panting and upset, horrified at how utterly stupid I’ve been. How naïve, how fucking dumb.
“Charlie,” Koda says, getting out of bed, his eyes on me, narrowed with concern. “What’s goin’ on?”
“You ... you ... you ... liar!” I scream.
He startles and takes a step back.
“What the fuck is goin’ on?”
“You’re not here to protect me because you’re passionate about protection, you’re not here because you care, you’re not with me because you genuinely like me, you’re fucking here because of my father, you asshole!”
He stares at me, but I don’t let him keep talking.
“I had a dream, and in that dream, I had a memory. A memory of meeting a young man that looked exactly fucking like you. A young man who was working for my father. A young man that was selling drugs.”
Koda’s face hardens, and I know, I know in that instant that I’m right. I’m so damned right. He knew all along who I was. He knew all along who my father was. And he knew all along exactly why he wanted to be close to me. Because he wants my father. He wants revenge. And he used me to get it.
“You knew ...,” I whisper through my tears. “All along, who my father was. You knew who put the hit out on me. You knew who I was.”
His fists clench.
“You fucking jerk!” I scream.
“He fuckin’ killed my brother,” Koda roars, swinging his fist into a nearby lamp and sending it flying until it shatters against the wall. “He fuckin’ killed him, right in fuckin’ front of me, and left him there to rot for five fuckin’ days before lettin’ me go. Knowin’ I’d live the rest of my fuckin’ life with that image. So yeah, I fuckin’ knew who he was the minute I heard your name. And yeah, I wanted in on this so I could find him and fuckin’ kill him.”
My bottom lip trembles, and my heart does break for Koda for having to see first-hand the kind of heartless monster my father was, but what he did to me was unfair.
“You let me sit here,” I cry, “and tell you the deepest, darkest parts of me, when all along you already knew most of it. You lied to your club, you lied to me, and you fucking betrayed me. I thought this mattered ... I actually thought we had something ...”
“We fuckin’ do,” he roars. “I didn’t expect to care for you, but I fuckin’ do ...”
“Bullshit,” I scream. “You’ve probably been waiting for the perfect moment to use me, to toss me over to my father so you can play out your revenge. You ... God ...”
I turn and run out of the room.
I need to get out of here.
I can’t be here anymore.
“Charlie!” Koda roars, but I’m running.
Hard and fast.
I run out of the cabin and straight ahead into the trees, getting as deep as I can before taking a sharp turn to the left. I can hear Koda’s roars through the trees, telling me to stop, to come back, it’s dangerous.
But I don’t care.
I thought he cared about me.
But he didn’t. He fucking didn’t. He just wanted revenge, and he was willing to do whatever he could to get it.
Tears burn my eyes and run down my face as I run so hard
I can barely breathe, my lungs are burning that much. Still, I run and I run until I reach the road, I flag down a car, and for about five minutes nobody stops. I know that in a few minutes, Koda will roll past and find me. Finally, a car comes to a stop, and two girls wind down the window.
“Hi, I’m a bit lost, and I can’t get any signal on my phone,” I sob pathetically. “Can you give me a ride into town?”
The girls look to each other, glance down at their phones and thank god, they have no signal, and then they nod. “Yeah, get in.”
I climb in and whisper a broken, “Thank you,” Before giving them the address to the bar that’s just down from the club. I won’t lead them right to the club gates, I wouldn’t do that. They’d probably freak out. But that’s where I’m going, to Malakai, to tell him I never want to see Koda again in my life, and he needs to give me new protection.
We reach the bar in about twenty minutes, and I thank the girls, who both nod and smile at me. Then I climb out. I swipe the backs of my hands over my eyes and turn, walking in the direction of the club. It’s about four blocks away and traffic is heavy, moving down the main highway. Morning traffic. Everyone heading to work.
I put my head down and walk.
And I don’t hear them approach.
I’m not paying enough attention, and I should be.
God. I should be.
Out of nowhere, a hand curls around my mouth and I’m hauled off the road and into an alley beside an old, unused red brick building. I scream and fight, but there is no use, whoever has me is bigger and stronger, and god, what the hell is wrong with me? In my hurt, I didn’t, for a single second, think of my safety. I didn’t think anyone would be watching the club. I didn’t think everything could change in a few blocks.
“Hello, Charlene.”
I know that voice.
I’m spun around, and three men are standing behind me, but it’s the first one I recognize. It’s Carl. He’s aged a lot in the last ten years, but there is no missing him. After my father got locked away, I never knew what happened to him, but I guess he stayed loyal after all. I stare at the man that at one point I had been intimate with, and my eyes must give away my surprise.