by T. M. Hart
I didn't stop him. I desperately wanted to feel something for him. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had to give it another chance.
His kiss was gentle, coaxing. It was as if he didn't want to frighten me away. I could feel the hunger and ferocity churning just below the surface, but he held back. His lips brushed over mine with the softest pressure while his hand caressed my neck. He left a sliver of empty space between us instead of crushing my body into his, which was what I knew he longed to do.
When I took that one little step into him and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck, he let out a deep groan. The leash he had on his impulses snapped. He pushed me back against the brick wall of the alley, caging me in with his large body.
He placed his hard thigh between my legs applying deliberate pressure right at my core. The center of my low-cut halter was shoved to one side, freeing my breast to the cool night air. He placed his rough hand over it, rubbing his thumb across the nipple.
With his other hand, he freed my hair from the long braid I wore while fighting, before running his fingers through it. Then he caressed my throat, jaw, and cheek. All the while his hot, wet tongue delved into my mouth over and over again with an insatiable hunger.
Any normal woman would have reached down to rip open his fly and release his straining erection, wanting to stroke him into such a lather that he shoved down her pants and thrust into her mercilessly. Any normal woman . . . but not me.
I felt no building lust. No throbbing ache at my center. No mindless need to have him. Just . . . nothing. Not even the slightest flicker of desire spread through me. I knew it was futile.
I thought about continuing with him anyway. I so badly wanted to give him what he sought. I truly cared for him and wanted to give him the happiness he deserved. Maybe I could just go along with it for his benefit. So what if I didn't feel desire for him on my end? He clearly felt it enough for the both of us.
But I realized that wouldn't be fair to him. I knew him well enough to know he would not want anything less than full and utter surrender. He deserved nothing less than to be worshiped and appreciated. A pity fuck would be the worst kind of insult I could bestow on a strong proud male like him.
I pulled my lips from his and rested my forehead against his chest. Killian slowly removed his hands from me and disentangled his leg. He rested his fists against the brick along either side of my head and bent his head down to bury his face in my hair.
His voice was raw and his breathing short and rapid. "Violet?"
I didn't know what to say. I shook my head against his chest.
I wanted to cry. I knew I wouldn't. I never cried, but I wanted to. The old familiar disappointment and confusion flooded my emotions. My shoulders shuddered from the sob I swallowed.
"Hey." Killian gripped my chin forcing me to look up at him. He searched my eyes with such concern. After a moment, he let go to discreetly adjust my top so that I was no longer exposed before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. He rested his cheek on the top of my head. "I'm sorry. I lost control. It won't happen again. I promise we'll go slower next time. I'm . . . I'm so sorry."
I pulled back to look up at him. The guilt and shame on his face was too much to bear. "Killian, no. It wasn't that. You didn't scare me. I—"
I took a deep breath. "I scared myself. There's something wrong with me."
"Violet, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect."
"Killian listen to me." I pulled out of his embrace to side step away and lean back against the wall while I stared at the ground. I was embarrassed to meet his eyes. "I am incapable of those feelings. I don't know why, but I can't get . . . aroused."
My cheeks flared with heat at the humiliating confession. After no response from Killian, though, I chanced a glance up at him.
He had a slight smile on his lips and was looking at me like I had said something cutely naive.
"It isn't a joke," I snapped.
His expression turned serious. "Of course not. But Violet I lost control just now and was pawing at you like some feral animal after you were attacked mere moments ago by a filthy night-walker who said vile things to you. It's understandable that you weren't turned on by my advances."
He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his voice softening. "Let me take you home. I'll draw up a warm bath for you in front of a nice fire. I'll have dinner brought in. I need to get you cleaned, warmed, and fed." He took my hand, twining his fingers in mine. "I need to lay you down in my bed and take things slowly. To treat you the way you deserve."
His thumb brushed over the back of my hand in soft strokes. I wished it was that simple. But this was an issue that I had been dealing with for years.
"Killian, that won't change anything. I honestly am not capable of becoming aroused."
"Violet, look at me." He curled his finger under my chin, tilting my head up. "You are capable of it. You just need to have the right circumstances and the right male. Let me take you home. I'll show you."
I turned my head away from him, "No, I'm not. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. Even when alone, I can't . . ."
Killian straightened. "So maybe you have some intimacy issues. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means you need to take things slow with someone you trust." His voice grew gravelly and almost pained. "I want you. You know I want you, but I will wait for however long you need."
I let out a sigh. He would be waiting forever. But I didn't tell him that. Killian was and would always be a knight in shining armor. It was just his way. I knew there was nothing I could tell him that would sway him from his belief that we would end up together. So, I let it drop for the time being.
I cleared my throat. "Thanks, Kil." I gave him a quick hug. It was the awkward kind, where you stick your butt out to make sure that your lower halves don't touch. Killian, however, would have none of that and pressed me flush against him in a tight embrace. When he finally let go, I told him I was leaving.
"Let me drive you home," he said falling into pace with me.
"No, really it's alright. I'm fine."
"Look, you'll be doing me a favor. I drove in with Watts. The last thing I want to do is sit with him while he rails at me for losing my shit over you with that night-walker."
I felt Killian's leather coat drape over my shoulders. It rankled. I hated being coddled. But it was Killian, so I took a deep breath and let it go.
Like I said, though, if it had been anyone else, I would have knifed him.
"Besides, I feel like a complete tool for what just happened. If we leave things the way they are I am going to feel awful all night. At least let me drive you home. It will make things seem a little more back to rights."
We had arrived to where my black Maserati was parked. I just wanted to be alone. And I wanted to drive my own fucking car. But I wordlessly tossed Killian my keys. He followed me to the passenger door and opened it for me. It took everything I had not to snap at him. Don't get me wrong there is a time and a place for chivalrous acts. But this wasn't what I wanted.
I wanted Killian to accept there never was and never would be an us. I wanted to continue being his friend without hurting him. I wanted him to treat me the way he did every other member of our special forces unit. He had to stop treating me like I was his female.
For the time being, I held it all in. I wanted to give him what he needed, and if doting on me would help him cope with the night's events, then I would keep my mouth shut.
Once we had taken off, Killian called Watts. "Don't wait around for me. I'm taking Violet home." He hung up before Watts could respond. His phone began to ring immediately, but he silenced it.
I knew it was Watts. Watts wasn't quite as tall as Killian, but he was wider, bulkier, stacked with hard muscles. With his shaggy white blond hair and broad planes of his face, he looked like some virile Norse god. And I knew if he had the abilities of a Norse god, he would strike me down where I sat. Plai
n and simple, he didn't like me.
Although he never admitted it to me, he blamed me for Killian's unrequited love. Whether he had an issue with me not returning Killian's feelings or he thought I was leading Killian on, I didn't know. And really it didn't matter. The point was, in his eyes, I was hurting Killian.
Watts was fiercely loyal to Killian. They were partners in our unit. When we went out to hunt at night, it was always in pairs. I was the one and only exception. I fought alone. It was the only way I agreed to fight. It was yet another reason for Watts (and basically all the men in our unit aside from Killian) to dislike me.
I wasn't technically a member of the unit at all. Our operative leader, Anders, trained and recruited members of our covert fighting squad. Since I had been training with him from the time I was sixteen, he knew very well how capable I was having witnessed my abilities over the last twelve years.
However, as the heir to the throne, my parents and pretty much everyone in the royal court would have lost their shit if they knew I was out battling Shadows at night.
My parents believed that I spent my evenings "working out," which is what I told them. It wasn't a complete lie. I was, in a sense.
Killian glanced over at me. "Is that why you train so much? To relieve pent up tension?"
I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "I don't know. Maybe. I'd never thought about it."
At my laugh, Killian's attractive face broke out into a smile. It was incredibly sexy on him. Even I could recognize that. I sighed, wishing again that I could feel something beyond friendship for him.
"Killian, you should take the day off tomorrow. Go out. Have fun. You need a break. Alexander can fill in for you and babysit me all day."
The charming smile faltered. "Do you want me to take the day off? I understand if after what happened tonight, you don't want to see me."
"No, that's not it at all. I just . . . you're by my side every single day all day long and then out chasing Shadows all night. You don't have any time in your life to socialize and meet people." By people I meant women, and he knew it.
He reached over and grasped my hand in his big warm one. "I meant what I said before. I'm not going anywhere, Vi."
"Thank you for your support. I appreciate it. I really do. But I can't give you anything more than friendship, Killian. And I honestly don't believe that will ever change. I'm afraid that you're not accepting that."
He gave my hand a squeeze before bringing it up to his mouth for a kiss. "I understand."
I turned away to rest my hand against the window and peer up into the night sky. He clearly didn't.
As we approached the front of the mansion, where my family resided, firelight was ablaze in the first floor sitting room. It was odd that a formal room intended for the visitation of guests was occupied in the middle of the night. Everyone should be sleeping.
Killian and I exchanged a glance. Instead of continuing to my private wing around the side of the estate, he parked the car at the grand entrance and got out with me.
"I just want to make sure everything is all right," he said by way of explanation.
I didn't expect anything less from ever dutiful Killian. As my personal guard, he was as involved with my family as anyone could be. So, we walked inside together.
Had I known what was waiting for me, though . . . I would have run.
Chapter 3
We entered to find my parents, the P.R. representative for the royal court, my mother's personal advisor, and the ambassador for the Council of Elders all meeting with a Shadow.
Killian immediately put his arm across my chest, halting my steps.
The stranger was well dressed in an expensive tailored suit. He was impeccably groomed and sat with graceful manners, balancing a teacup and saucer on one knee. Although he was not dressed for fighting and did not have the stink of aggression wafting around him the way those we usually fought in the night did, he was still a Shadow. He could not hide the telling signs of his fair skin, black hair and grey eyes behind an air of refinement.
As all conversation ceased, he looked up at Killian and me with a genial smile.
"Violet," my mother said with surprise, "you're home early."
My father stepped up behind her to place his hand on her shoulder. "It's all right, Adriel. She should be here for this."
"Davis, I don't think—"
"She should be allowed to make up her own mind, love." He gestured to the open couch. "Violet, Killian, won't you please sit?"
When my mother opened her mouth to object once more, my father said, "He's her personal guard. He should be aware of the situation at hand. And he is trustworthy. Killian will not repeat what he hears tonight."
My mother's eyes widened as she looked at me, and I realized I hadn't changed my clothes. Usually when I returned home from my nightly activities, I went straight into my own private wing of the manor without being observed. Fortunately for me, she decided not to say anything about my skin-tight leather in front of all her guests. At least I had had the good sense to quickly secure my tousled hair into a simple braid before we had entered.
Once we had all settled in, my father introduced the Shadow. "Violet, Killian, this is Barrister Corbett. He is here on behalf of the Shadow Court. We have been discussing how to find an accord between our two races. It seems that both the Radiant and the Shadow Court wish for peace."
I let out a disbelieving snort at that.
"Violet!" My mother's tone was mixed with embarrassment and censure.
I turned to the Shadow. "Barrister Corbett, I apologize for my outburst."
He inclined his head. "No need to apologize, your highness. I understand that such a declaration might sound disingenuous. It is hard to overlook the long standing . . . history between our two courts. I am also aware that certain splinter cell organizations have terrorized your lands and aggressed your people as of late with a renewed fervor. Part of the reason for my visit is to alert the Radiant Court of our desire to work together in disassembling and eradicating these rogue factions."
Killian leaned forward. "Rogue factions? They aren't operating under the instruction and support of the Shadow Court?"
"No. For some time, the Shadow Court has been without a ruler, and parliament officials have been running the Dark Nation, or rather letting the Dark Nation run itself. Our society was crumbling under the absence of a monarch. That is part of the reason for my visit here this night. As I have informed my gracious hosts earlier," he inclined his head towards my parents, "the one true heir has been found. The Shadow Prince is finally seated at the Dark Throne."
"It was my understanding that the bloodline was lost eons ago. How could your people be certain of a rightful heir after so much time?" Killian interjected.
"He bears The Mark. It is certain." Barrister Corbett's tone was grave.
I was somewhat aware of that which the barrister spoke. It was believed in Shadow lore that their true prince would one day return to lead their people from the darkness. He would be identified by The Mark, although I didn't know specifically what that was supposed to be. I was tempted to ask the barrister, but his grey eyes found mine and his already serious air grew more intense.
I fought the urge to shiver. Something was going on. There was a nervous tension permeating the room. Whatever it was, my parents and the others already knew, and I had a feeling I was about to find out.
The barrister placed his saucer and teacup on the coffee table before capturing my gaze once more. "Your grace, The Shadow Prince proposes a union between the Light and Dark Courts. A gesture to the people of both races. One of goodwill and unity. A conclusion to the unending strife between our peoples. And through this union, he desires to enter into a new era of peace and prosperity for both our lands." He paused, looking at me expectantly.
When I didn't respond, Killian asked in halting words, "What exactly are you saying, barrister?"
My heart had begun to beat rapidly, and my palms had turned clammy. I was
afraid I knew precisely what he was saying, and it terrified me.
Barrister Corbett reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box. He pulled back the lid and set it on the coffee table in front of me.
"You can't be serious!" Killian lost his composure, whipping up from the couch and turning to my parents. "As Violet's personal guard and head of her security, I request permission to remove this Shadow from the manor grounds at once."
My father was the one to respond. "As Violet's personal guard and head of her security, you will act as such—with detached logic and reasoning, leaving any personal feelings and bias out of this. The barrister is our guest and you will treat him as one."
My eyes had not left the box in front of me. I was horrified and transfixed by what I saw. Nestled in the black velvet was what I knew to be an engagement ring.
An oversized black cushion cut diamond sparkled and reflected the firelight from its many facets. Although the stone was obsidian, it seemed to have an inner luminescence, creating a mesmerizing shimmer. It was surrounded by white diamonds and mounted on a thin simple band.
"You cannot seriously be considering this," Killian insisted.
My father placed his hand on my shoulder from where he stood to the side of the couch. "You are correct. We are not considering this proposal, as it is not our decision to make. Violet is an adult. She will be the one to consider and then accept or reject the offer."
When I was finally able to tear my gaze away from the hypnotic black diamond, I looked around the room at all the individuals gathered there. Everyone was motionless, staring at me.
I turned back to the barrister. "Why?" It was all I could manage.
"Officially speaking as a representative for the Dark Throne, we wish for peace and unity." He leaned forward. "However, if I may speak candidly and off the record for a moment, our society is in turmoil. The Dark Prince must take bold actions to rally allegiance and cooperation. If you agree to this accord, many will see their prince as one who is powerful and bold. If he is able to make the Princess of Light, his consort—a feat seemingly impossible—there will be little he cannot do in the eyes of our people."