by Katey Lovell
A man sat down next to me, smiling apologetically as his two sons bickered loudly over the plastic toys that came in their boxes of food. The older boy, a freckly red-head with a gappy grin, eventually gave in, handing his sibling the more-coveted toy, which looked to me to be identical to the other, but orange, rather than yellow.
I was shoving another handful of fries into my mouth when Darius appeared at the top of the stairwell. His eyes skimmed the crowds before falling on me and a grin broke out on his face.
With his wavy dark hair and his prominent features he looked handsome, and he was, as ever, immaculately dressed. His pristine white shirt was unbuttoned at both the top and the bottom, which would look knobbish on most men, but Darius pulled it off because he was annoyingly attractive. The same went for his shorts – knee-length and a sandy shade a designer would probably describe as camel – which should by rights be hideous. Darius managed to make them look stylish. I barely noticed the tray he was holding, I was too busy taking in the familiar contours of his face.
As they drew closer I caught my first glimpse of Summer, dressed in clothes as bright and sunny as her name would suggest. She was noticeably taller than the last time I’d seen her. Her glossy dark hair was shorter; no longer well past her shoulders, instead cut level with her jawline with a gigantic red bow clipped to the crown of her head. She looked older than seven, and I deserted my lukewarm fries and half-empty drink to run and greet her.
“Summer!” I pulled her into my chest, dumbfounded to find she was so tall that her head propped up my breasts. “I’m so glad to see you.”
I didn’t want to let her go, but stood back to appraise her. Everything about her was exquisite, from her dark eyes to the deep pink of her lips. She looked like the children you see in adverts for kids clothing. No grubby hands, no ketchup stains on her sunshine-yellow T-shirt. She was pure and sweet, and bright as the proverbial button, and seeing her in the flesh was acutely painful.
“I’m staying with Daddy this weekend,” Summer said, matter-of-factly, her accent pure Liverpudlian. “Mummy and Daddy Rob are on holiday.”
Darius interrupted before she could elaborate. “Come on then, Summer, let’s dig in before our lunch goes cold.”
We sat around the plastic-topped table; Darius and Summer wolfing down their burgers as though they’d not eaten in weeks, whilst I nibbled at my chips, which were far less appealing cold. Even their appearance was disappointing; soggy and saggy and limp, adjectives that are never positive no matter what they’re describing.
“I thought we were going to talk.” I nodded pointedly in Summer’s direction, knowing we’d not be able to openly discuss Nadia if Summer was sat with us. Summer was a clever girl who picked up on everything, and from the information Darius had given me over the phone, the conversation wouldn’t be suitable for little ears.
“I thought we could go somewhere afterwards. Summer can burn off some steam and we can catch up properly.” The way he said it, slowly and purposefully and with his eyes lingering on me, caused my stomach to flip. I couldn’t decipher if it was with lust or fear.
When we’d been dating, Darius and I would take Summer to soft play whenever she was in Newcastle. She’d loved the ball pools, and I’d find myself climbing in with her, pushing the disturbing stories of toddlers who weren’t yet toilet trained having accidents amongst the rainbow-coloured balls out of my mind. At first I’d been sure people could tell I wasn’t her mum, but I soon realised people don’t scrutinise for a family resemblance. If they see a woman of child-bearing age with an infant they make assumptions, and although I knew it was wrong, I’d let them. I would never have introduced myself as Summer’s mum – that would have been weird – but I didn’t correct those who’d said “oh, isn’t she a darling! You must be so proud” or, “I bet she gets away with murder with that cheeky smile, doesn’t she?” I was only playing a role, but it was one I loved.
“Can we go to the trampoline park? Please, Dad. You know I love it there.”
Summer pressed the palms of her hands together as though praying. Her voice carried the merest hint of whininess. She knew how to play the game. Where Darius was concerned, Summer could get away with murder.
“Whatever you want, precious girl.” He grinned before taking a bite of his Big Mac. He swallowed down the burger before turning to me and saying, “And I’d like to see Sophie on a trampoline.”
“What? No! I’m not dressed for bouncing.” I was wearing a plain white balconette bra rather than the industrial-strength support I’d have gone for if I’d have known trampolines were on the cards. I’d only chosen it because it wouldn’t show through my T-shirt.
“You’ll be fine. It’s only a bit of fun. It’s not like you need a gym kit. They’ll let you bounce in your everyday clothes.”
“I wasn’t about to dig out my old school leotard.” My voice hissed through my teeth. “I was thinking of…” I stopped short, thinking better of mentioning my boobs around my ex, but my eyes automatically looked down at my chest, and Darius’s followed.
“Oh…” He dragged the word out so it sounded like it had twenty-two letters rather than two, and raised his eyebrows suggestively before saying, “I don’t really see the problem.”
Of course he didn’t. There was probably nothing he’d like more than watching my unrestrained puppies jumping freely like… well, like unrestrained puppies.
“How about the soft play? Are you sure you don’t want to go? You used to love it there, Summer.” The desperation was obvious in my voice, and Darius smirked as I squirmed.
Summer didn’t notice my discomfort, instead adding stickers to the plastic toy that had come with her meal. “I’m too old for soft play, So-So,” she said, as though it was an absurd suggestion. “I’m not a baby anymore.”
My heart melted as she used the nickname she’d given me the first time I’d met her. She’d been two, with a lisp, and Darius and I hadn’t been dating long. Sophie had morphed into Sosie, which in turn had been shortened to So-So. There was no one else in the world who called me it. It was music to my ears.
“I know you’re not, pet. I was just thinking of how much fun we used to have in the ball pools, that’s all.”
“And we’ll have fun on the trampolines, I promise. I’m really good,” she said, with a child’s innocence. “I can even do somersaults. Daddy Rob taught me how.”
Darius flinched, and I felt his pain.
“Okay,” I found myself saying, despite my better judgement, “we’ll go trampolining.”
I needed to know exactly what was going on. Whatever it was sounded serious. Serious enough, even, to risk giving myself a black eye from bouncing around on a trampoline with insufficient support for my knockers.
The trampoline park was exactly what I expected – loud, dark and overrun with excitable kids. My legs were like jelly after five minutes on one of the small square trampolines that lined the floor, and I resorted to tentatively bouncing with my arms tightly folded over my chest to stop my boobs jiggling.
Darius watched with amusement as he bounced up and down, barely breaking a sweat. I on the other hand, felt like I’d had a real workout.
“Relax a bit,” he encouraged. “It’ll be far more fun if you throw yourself into it.”
Far more fun for him, he meant, copping an eyeful.
“We’re not here to actually trampoline,” I reminded him, bending my knees as I landed to bring myself to a standstill. “We’re here to talk.”
“You’re right.” He executed one final piked jump before coming to a faultless stop. Show-off. “Let’s grab a drink.”
He swept his hair out of his eyes as we moved to the café area. It was an action that used to send me weak at the knees. They weren’t the most stable at that moment either, but I was putting that down to the trampolining and using muscle groups that had been in long-term hibernation.
The café was typical of the place, selling brightly coloured slush drinks and undrinkable c
offees for way over the going rate. I opted for a can of Sprite. At least then I knew what I was going to get.
“This is hard to talk about,” he said when we sat down. The table we’d found was covered in rings from who-knows-how-many customers’ cups. “But thanks for saying you’d meet me. I thought you were still pissed off with me.”
A woman bouncing a baby on her lap tutted at his choice of language, as though her child was suddenly going to start spouting obscenities.
Darius carried on regardless. “Nadia’s trying to push me out. When she first got with Rob she said I’d still get to spend time with Summer the way I always have, but now she’s threatening to move in with him.”
“It must be hard for you, but you can’t expect her to live like a nun. She’s pretty.” It pained me to pay the woman who was always looking down her beautiful ski-slope nose at me a compliment. “It’s surprising it’s taken her this long to start a relationship, when you think about it.”
“That’s what’s making it hard. It’s been so long that I kind of thought she wouldn’t find anyone else.”
The comment made me wonder if Darius might be jealous of the muscular man dating his ex. No one likes to feel replaceable. I knew that from experience.
“Have you met him? Is that the problem?”
Darius laughed wryly. “Oh yeah, I’ve met him all right. She invited him to Summer’s birthday party. That wasn’t awkward at all, having the woman at Build-A-Bear Workshop not knowing which of us to call Daddy.”
I winced. “Ouch.”
“Yeah, made me feel like I wasn’t even needed at my own daughter’s birthday.” His lips pursed tightly together, his chin dimpling like a golf ball. “Nadia kept draping herself over him. I know what she was doing, trying to make me uncomfortable.”
“And he was acting like a knob too?”
Darius shook his head. “That’s the worst thing, he was as nice as pie. Can’t fault the guy, and Summer loves him to bits. Of course she does, he’s buying her everything she asks for. He spent a fortune at that party on accessories for the teddy she chose, told the staff to let her get whatever she wanted. Clothes, sunglasses, shoes… I mean, did you know teddy bears needed shoes? Because apparently they do nowadays.”
I nodded sympathetically, but didn’t understand what any of this had to do with me. I wasn’t a part of their lives anymore. What was Darius expecting me to do?
“It sounds as though he just wants to treat her. She’s a lovely girl. It’s not surprising that he’s taken a shine to her.”
“But she’s not his daughter, she’s mine! And if Nadia moves in with him, then Summer won’t need me. She’ll have ‘Daddy Rob’.”
“You’re always going to be Summer’s dad. No matter what. And you’ll still get to see her just as often, maybe even more. If things go well then I bet Nadia and Rob would be glad of some time alone.”
Darius sneered, his nose crumpling. It was a rare moment when he looked ugly. “I don’t want to think of their alone time, thank you very much.”
“I was only saying…”
“Well, don’t. They can swing from the chandeliers wearing gimp masks and bondage gear for all I care. What does bother me is Nadia moving Summer to the other end of the country.”
That startled me. Could Nadia do that? I worked for a family law firm, but only in the office. The extent of my input was typing up notes and keeping on top of filing. My legal knowledge was hazy to say the least.
“Rob’s house is in Devon. Fucking Devon! You can’t get much further away from Newcastle than that. If Summer’s there then I’ll have no choice but to move down south. Commuting there and back every other weekend would be impossible. It’s six hours’ drive each way and that’s on a good day. Longer still during the summer months when all the holidaymakers are there.”
Darius’s expression had changed, less crumpled and more crushed. I knew him well enough to tell he was defeated, and no wonder he was so upset, if what he said was true.
“That’s terrible. What would you do? Would you really move down there? You’d have to get a new job, and it’s an expensive part of the country to live.” I sounded like a property expert when the only experience I had of the field was watching Phil and Kirstie on Location, Location, Location. Darius, on the other hand, knew about house prices. Johnny’s company led the property development field, and Darius’s role in the firm was directly related to sales.
“Exactly, and jobs aren’t easy to come by. Not decent ones. That’s why I needed to speak to you.”
“I can’t help you get a job at the other end of the country, if that’s what you’re hoping for.”
“It wasn’t. I’m happy working with Johnny.”
Darius licked his lips until they were shiny and slick. It was disconcerting thinking of the places that tongue had been. The memories made me clench my thighs together.
I diverted my eyes and studied the can of Sprite, trying to ignore the sensation that the action stirred, but it was difficult. I hated myself for even thinking it, but my body’s instinctive reaction had me wondering if Tawna was right after all, maybe I should give him a second chance.
But if that was the case, then why had I still been thinking about Max? He obviously wasn’t interested – he’d have asked for my phone number if he was – but still, when I remembered how it felt to have my hand knotted in his at the pub, the downy hairs of his arm skimming against my skin, it eclipsed my nostalgic Darius-induced tummy-flutters tenfold.
The silence between Darius and me was uncomfortable, but drowned out by the noise of children screeching with delight as they sprung up and down.
“Nadia did give me another option. A way of ensuring her and Summer stay in Liverpool. That’s what I wanted to speak to you about. I hoped you’d be able to help.”
I caught his eyes once more, the same eyes I’d lost myself in so many times before. Then I looked across at Summer, bouncing on a nearby trampoline, her hair following half a beat behind her body. She might be growing up fast, but she’s still so small in the scheme of things. Her life is in other people’s hands.
The thought of her being taken so far away from Darius hurt my heart. He was her father, and he adored her. Newcastle to Liverpool was one thing, but Newcastle to Devon was another altogether.
“I’ll do whatever I can to help stop her being taken further away from you.”
His posture loosened, the tension in his body melting away. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say. Thanks, Soph. Thank you.” What he said next filled me with panic. “Nadia has said she’ll stay in Liverpool on one condition – that I pay her mortgage on top of the money I already give her for Summer. Six months’ payment upfront.” My mouth was dry. I knew where this was heading. “I wondered if you’d loan me the money. I wouldn’t ask, but it’s not just for me, it’s for Summer.”
He looked at me, his puppy-dog eyes pleading, and I inwardly groaned. If there was one thing Darius had always been good at it was pushing my buttons.
Chapter 12
Eve tightened her hold on my arm as she let out a long, pained sigh. “My feet are killing me already. These heels aren’t meant for walking.”
“Car-to-bar shoes,” Tawna said cheerily. “Mine are pinching too, but just think of the alcohol. Johnny’s hired cocktail makers for the night. We thought we might have a cocktail hour at the wedding, so this is their trial run.”
It was the night of Johnny’s birthday celebration. His annual bash was a legendary affair, as much a chance to network with the North East’s most powerful business people as a social event. The Indian restaurant he’d hired out had been getting rave reviews. It boasted a rooftop terrace bar with stunning views over the Tyne, and the warm, bright evening was the perfect opportunity to try it out. Johnny was footing the bill, naturally, and the champagne would be freely flowing until the last person stumbled into a taxi. It should be the perfect night with my friends. There was just one potential spanner in the works. Darius wou
ld be there, and bound to ask if I’d come to a decision about loaning him the money. He’d said Nadia had given him a deadline – seventeenth June – and I’d promised myself that rather than rush into a knee-jerk response I’d think things through. I was determined not to let my heart rule my head.
“Is it a significant birthday for Johnny this year?” Eve asked. “I know he’s older than us, but he’s not forty yet, is he?”
“No he’s flaming not! He’s thirty-four!” Tawna gasped, insulted. “As if he’d be forty. He’s not got a single grey hair, and he’s in amazing physical shape. You should see his stomach. Proper washboard. There’s no middle-age spread with Johnny.”
Of course there’s not. Johnny’s the golden boy. Good-looking, charismatic, hard-working and self-motivated. Funny, but not a dickhead. Financially secure. Tawna doesn’t realise how lucky she is.
“Sorry,” Eve said. “I was only asking.”
Her grip tightened on my arm as she walked gingerly over the uneven paving and I was relieved when the restaurant came into view at the end of the road.
“And you’re sure I look all right? I’m not sure about this eyeshadow,” Tawna said, batting her eyelashes to show off the glittery gold eyeshadow I’d persuaded her to try. The way it swept almost up to her eyebrows might seem excessive on some people, but Tawna had such distinct features – almost modelesque – that she pulled it off. With the eyeshadow, fake lashes and shimmering contoured highlights along her cheekbones, Tawna looked as though she’d come straight from the catwalk.
“It’s gorgeous,” Eve replied magnanimously, “and I love that dress too.”
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Tawna stroked her hand against the unmistakably expensive fabric. “Johnny told me to treat myself. ‘No expense spared’ were his exact words, so I took it literally.” She name-dropped the designer, who’d been responsible for dressing an Oscar-winning actress earlier in the year.
My outfit was another charity shop find, but it was designer, one of the limited edition runs for a high street store that caused mini riots between fashionistas and bidding wars on eBay.