by Lauren Runow
Connor is becoming my driving force. I’m not really sure what’s going on but, God, I love every minute I get to spend with him. He’s my calm, my one thing to look forward to, but I worry I’m being selfish. Is it wrong of me to think I deserve this? I want to be a normal girl, finally getting to spend time with her lifelong crush. Is that too much to ask?
Mackenzie
Mackenzie
"I swear, I'm going to invest in ear plugs today," I announce when I exit my room.
Robin laughs, handing me a cup of coffee. "Just give it some time. You were out late last night. Would that happen to be with a cute boy upstairs?"
"No, but he took me to lunch," I reply, hoping this news will take the question of where I was off the table. I already feel guilty not telling them everything. The fewer lies I have to tell, the better.
"And?" she squeals.
"It was nice. Quick, but nice." I shrug.
"Ugh, and here I thought I would get some juicy news. Fine, I'm out. Will you be here tonight?"
"Yeah, no big plans today. Just run some errands,” I lie again. “Then I'm just going to finish unpacking the rest of my things.”
"Oh, how did that job interview go yesterday?"
"Um, yeah, I got it." Shit. I’m the worst new roommate ever.
"Sweet. Congrats, girl. See you tonight."
"Someone get the door. It's probably Steve," Chantel yells from her room.
We're heading out for drinks, and she invited a guy she recently started seeing.
I hop off the couch. "I got it."
"Hey Ste—" I stop short when I see it’s Connor, dressed in a fitted white dress shirt with a skinny black tie that I have the sudden urge to grab so I can pull him near me.
"Are you expecting someone?" he questions, and I swear I see disappointment cross his face.
"Oh, no, not me. Chantel's new guy is coming over. We thought you were him. Want to come in?"
“Um, nah, it's okay. I didn’t get home till late last night. I was, um, seeing about getting my jacket back," he says like he's slightly uncomfortable.
“Ah, crap. Sorry. Let me go get it. Come in." I motion to him before I run to my room.
I ended up wearing his jacket the entire day, loving the smell of his cologne that lingered on the collar. I was tempted to sleep in it and would have if I hadn't thought it would wrinkle too much.
When I return, he’s nervously tapping his hands and searching for what he should do. I want to laugh. This is so different from the cool Connor I always saw while growing up.
"Here you go," I say, handing it to him as Katy exits her room.
"Hey, Connor. You coming with us?" she asks, walking past him to the kitchen.
"I, um, no, I was just getting my jacket," he stutters, unsure what to say.
"Come with us! We're going for drinks to celebrate Kenzie moving in. It's only fitting you come too," Katy says making my eyes go big.
Connor turns to me, and I quickly recover my expression.
"Well, I mean, I don't want to impose," he says directly to me.
I wave him off. "Stop. Of course you aren't. Come with us."
He looks around before shrugging and says, "Why not. Let me go change."
"Please don't. This shirt and tie thing you have going on is hot. Give our girl here some eye candy while we're out," Katy replies, winking at me, and I want to kill her for it.
He tilts those sexy lips up into a half smile, and my heart pitter-patters at the sight.
"Let me get my purse." I excuse myself so I can hide the embarrassment creeping up my face.
We walk to the corner bar with the girls and Steve in front of us. Connor hangs back with me.
"How are you liking it so far?" he asks with his hands in his pockets.
"I really like the girls. I can't thank you enough for setting me up with them. How was work today?"
"Same ol’, same ol’. My brain is fried, and a drink sounds really good. After you." He holds the door open, smiling at me as I walk in.
The girls grab a table in the corner, and I know they purposely left the two seats up against the wall and across from each other for us. I glare at Katy, knowing this was her doing, and she grins. Any other seats would have felt normal but these two are tucked away, giving you only one view—the one in front of you.
A waitress comes, and Robin yells, "We're celebrating our new roommate, so shots all around. What do you think, a little Sex on the Beach or a Screaming Orgasm, or how about we all do Blow Job shots? That is, except Connor and Steve."
She laughs and they join in, chanting Blow Job. I'm going to die from embarrassment.
I glance up and have to close my eyes when I see the look Connor's giving me. His cocky smile along with the way his eyes darkened made the temperature in here feel sweltering.
When I open them, he's still staring and raises one eyebrow at me in question.
I bow my head, laughing at the situation, knowing I'll have to give in to the drink.
The shots quickly arrive, along with Connor's Sierra Nevada and Steve's rum and Coke.
"Okay, girls, hands behind your backs," Chantel announces.
My eyes widen. I’ve never done shots, especially ones where you can't use your hands and instead wrap your mouth around the glass, taking it back. To my surprise, Connor comes to my rescue.
"Wait. I want to be part of Kenzie's first Blow Job," he states, getting up to round the table and stand next to me.
The girls cheer, and I'm positive this will be the most embarrassing moment of my life. I make a mental note to add another box to my list to check off.
Connor struts up to me, pulling my chair out so I'm facing him, and picks up the shot, bringing it to his mouth first where he licks a tiny bit of the whipped cream.
"Sweet, like something else I remember" He winks at me.
I turn bright red, covering my eyes, but he pulls my hands down.
"’kay, girls. One, two—" Robin counts.
"Three," Connor finishes, holding the shot up to my mouth, placing a hand behind my head, tilting it back, and pouring the liquid down my throat.
I swallow and raise my head. When our eyes meet, he stares directly into them before moving his thumb across my lips to retrieve any leftover whipped cream, then licking his thumb.
I sit, speechless as he winks and returns to his side of the table. He’s trying to seem unfazed but I notice his need to adjust himself.
Robin's eyes go big and her smile even bigger from what she just witnessed go down. Literally.
Two regular drinks later, the girls get up to dance, but Connor and I stay seated, discussing songs the DJ plays. There's been a mixture of different genres, and I'm quickly learning that Connor and I don't necessarily agree on our choice of music.
"But rock music means something. If you listen to the lyrics, they are pure genius," he argues.
"And country music isn't?" I counter.
"What's the joke about playing a country song backward?" He raises his eyebrows. "You don't hear jokes like that about rock."
I laugh, remembering the joke about getting all pieces of your life back when you play a country song backward.
"Come on, that was told when we were like, what? Ten? Country music means something now."
"Okay, explain it to me then. Let me see your phone," he says holding out a hand.
"Why?" I sit back, guarding it to my chest.
"Show me your playlist. Prove to me there's a country song that has just as much meaning as a rock song." He wiggles his fingers, silently requesting my phone again.
I hold it tighter. "No way. Someone's playlist is the most personal thing you could ever see about them."
He tilts his head. "Really? I think we already know each other pretty personally.” He winks and my heart speeds up. “Come on, Kenzie. Show me."
I let out a small giggle, loving that he can joke about us. "That's different," I state, sitting taller.
"How? I want to see in
side your music world." He leans in, placing his hands on the table and lowering his body so it's closer to mine. "Come on. Show me," he teasingly whispers.
I can't help but laugh as I slowly drop my phone, sliding it across the table, baring my music choices for him to scrutinize. "Fine, but you have to show me yours."
"Oh, I like a little show me yours, and I'll show you mine," he jokes, handing over his phone.
I sit back, feeling like I'm holding a buried treasure in my hand. The lock screen has a picture of a snowy mountain and tracks running through it. I know he used to ski when we were little, but I'm surprised he still does.
Turning the phone to him, I ask, "You still ski?"
"Hell yeah, any chance I can. Those are my tracks." He points at the figure-eight lines that are his.
"Let's see," he huffs, scrolling through my playlist as he leans back in his chair. "Dolly Parton?" he questions with one eyebrow raised while turning the phone to show me the screen.
"Hey, that's Jolene, her most amazing song. Miley Cyrus sang it on The Tonight Show at a subway station in New York, and it was amazing, so you can't knock that song."
He laughs, holding up his hands in defeat. "Okay, no making fun of Jolene. I get it." He continues scrolling. "My god, woman, you are the queen of country and pop. I need to introduce you to some new artists."
"What, like Thousand Foot Krutch?" I ask. "What kind of band name is that?"
"They kick ass. You'll love them. I promise."
I roll my eyes. "We'll see about that."
"Is that a challenge?" he sits up, leaning over the table.
"Maybe," I counter, leaning equally in as far.
"My place, tomorrow. We'll go song for song and see who can convert whom."
"You got a deal, but you have to play fair. No going in, saying you'll hate it, because then you won't give it a chance."
"Don't worry. I always play fair." His eyes meet mine, and he raises his hand to push my hair behind my ear. "You better bring your A-game, because I'm about to blow your mind," he states, handing back my phone and reaching for his.
I want to say he already has, but I refrain.
When the waitress asks for our next round, Connor declines. “I have to work in the morning so I shouldn’t,” he says.
I knew he worked a lot but I’m slowly seeing just how much.
“Connor Hayden, what, you think you get a life now that you left work?” I hear a guy say as he approaches our table. Connor shakes his hand and instantly the guy’s eyes fall on mine. “Sister’s friend my ass. Hi, I’m Nick, the guy this douchbag left hanging today when he had lunch with you.”
My eyes widen as Connor lets out a small laugh. “Nick, this is Mackenzie, Mackenzie, this is my co-worker Nick.”
“And by co-worker he means the better, harder worker, than Connor here, but nice to meet you.”
His hand reaches across the table when I feel Katy kick me softly from under the table, motioning for me to introduce her. “These are my friends, Chantel, Scott, Robin, and Katy here.”
His eyes land on Katy who’s sitting next to Connor. “Nice to meet you, Katy,” he says in a cocky voice.
“Same here. You want to join us?” Katy says giving his attention right back to him.
Connor stands, offering his chair to him before heading to my side of table to pull up a seat directly next to me. Without a drink in his hand, he leans back in his chair, wrapping an arm leisurely around the back of mine.
When I turn to acknowledge his gesture, eyes that are both welcoming and seductive shine back at me.
As the night ends, we all walk back to our place, including Nick. Him and Katy seem to hit it off and when a nightcap was suggested he happily tagged along.
I’ve noticed Connor checking his watch a few times. It tears at me knowing he’s worried about being up too late, yet he’s staying.
“Do you have to get up early?” I ask as we enter my apartment.
He shrugs. “I do but I haven’t been able to just hang in awhile so don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”
Chantel heads for our liquor cabinet and pours out drinks for everyone except Connor and Nick.
“Is this how your life always is?” Katy asks of Nick, playfully pulling on his shirt.
“No, normally I don’t even get to do this. So yay me.” He pulls Katy into him closely.
Robin and Chantel clink their drinks together while Connor saddles up next to me at the kitchen bar stools.
“What about you,” he nudges me with his knee. “Is this a normal Friday night for you?”
“I’ve been in law school, you know how life truly is.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, not much different than my life now. Only I get paid, though I don’t have much time to enjoy that fact.”
“So it’s not just your mom giving you a hard time that you work too much?”
He turns his head to peek at me over his shoulder but keeps his elbows on the table. “It won’t be like this forever. Nick and I are making a name for ourselves at the firm. A big case we’ve been killing ourselves on starts Monday so hopefully things will slow down now.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know. Right now I have a date with a pretty girl and her iPod so we’ll see where that goes.” His hand moves down to touch mine for a brief second. That’s all it took to make my heart pound.
“Okay you guys! Who wants to play a game?” Robin yells out getting everyone’s attention. “Let’s play never have I ever. One person says what they’ve never done and if you’ve done it then you have to take a drink.”
“Um, but…” I nod my head to Connor and Nick.
Nick replies, “I can have one more beer.”
Connor turns to me. “It’s okay, I can still play. I have an idea of what I can do.” The look he gives me could melt the panties off a dead woman, and sends chills down my spine.
Chantel raises her eyebrows at me and I feel the blush rise up my face. “I’ll start. Never have I ever, gone down on a girl.”
Scott and Nick proudly take a drink but to my surprise, Katy does also and everyone cheers around her with Nick pulling her onto his lap. “I think I may be in love,” he says.
She hits his chest, trying to cover her own blushing. “My turn,” Katy quickly says, trying to change the subject.
“Wait,” Chantel interjects. “Connor. You didn’t do anything. Have you really never gone down on a girl?” I bite my lip, trying to keep quiet. “Just by my girl’s face here I think she begs to question that fact.”
Connor turns to me. “I just didn’t get a chance to take my drink yet.”
My chair tips back against the wall when his lips crash against mine, lightly swiping his tongue out before pulling back.
I sit in awe until the girls cheer. He stares into my eyes, searching for approval. A smile spreads across my face as he sits back in his seat, turning his attention back to Katy for her turn in our game.
I take a sip of my drink to calm the fire slowly brewing inside me.
Katy fans herself. “Well, let’s see if we can make that happen again. Never have I ever, had sex with someone in this room.”
My eyes open wide to her and Connor laughs. “Oh, so they know then?” My eyes meet his as he stalks toward me, lifting me out of my seat and pinning me against the wall, giving me the kiss of a lifetime.
“I knew you were lying. You owe me, fucker,” Nick states.
When Connor pulls away it takes me a few seconds to get my bearings and sit back down. He looks completely unaffected but when he adjusts his pants I have to bite back a laugh.
The night continues with a few more kisses but he keeps them quick, making my heart rate spike out of control.
8
Dear Diary,
How did I get here? I’m over the moon excited but at the same time I’m completely terrified. And why are my dreams coming true when everything else is a nightmare? Figures, right? Isn’t that how life always goes? Two steps f
orward, one step back… Let’s hope these steps forward don’t end in something I regret down the road. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Is that even possible?
Mackenzie
Connor
Last night was more fun than I've had in awhile. There was something freeing about sitting with Mackenzie. She had me laughing at the smallest things, and to my surprise, when I got the bill at the bar, I was puzzled when I saw I’d only had two beers. Yes, I cut myself off early because I had to work but normally a night like that comes with a hefty bill attached. I never had that I-need-a-drink sensation sitting with her.
When I invited her over tonight, it seemed so natural, I never second-guessed it, but now I'm panicking slightly. She's my little sister’s best friend. When I kissed her last night that thought completely left my mind.
The first night at the club was unreal. I thought it was my head playing tricks on me. I hadn’t been with anyone since Amy and every single part of being with Mackenzie felt better, even when I had no clue it was her. From that first kiss, it felt like more than the random sex the club normally offers.
I still can’t decide if I should be faltered or pissed that she tricked me like that.
When I walked in the club the next night and saw her sitting at the bar, talking to that jackass pilot, I almost lost my shit. I told her I was only trying to protect her, but really it was because I was protecting myself.
The thought of her playing with someone else made my pulse spike to a level I've never experienced. I figured it was because I envisioned my sister sitting there, but after last night, I realize exactly what's going on.
I don't remember a time in my life when she wasn't there, the smiley girl with braces I used to catch staring at me from afar. I thought it was cute then, but when I caught that same look last night, I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my arms. Knowing that felt both really wrong and really right.