Four by Sondheim

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Four by Sondheim Page 10

by Stephen Sondheim

And the cooing of the dove,

  At the House of Marcus Lycus, Prince of Love.

  (Speaks, as a very tall girl enters)

  And now — Gymnasia! A stadium of delight. A province of mystery. A challenge to the intrepid explorer.

  (Sings)

  Expansive, explosive, exquisite and excruciating,

  Exceeding exciting, exhausting but exhilarating . . .

  Wait until the day she’s fully grown —

  She’ll be useful on safari.

  You could purchase her for shade alone

  And never be sorry.

  (Speaks)

  What’s that you say? “Hold! Enough! I am dazzled!” And to that I say, but wait . . .

  (As twins enter)

  May I present the Geminae. A matched pair. Either one a divinely assembled woman, together an infinite number of mathematical possibilities.

  (Sings)

  A banquet, a bargain, placed end to end.

  A lifetime’s provisions — invite a friend.

  Feast until you’re fully satisfied,

  Gorge on gorgeousness compounded.

  Face the future side by side by side,

  Completely surrounded ...

  PSEUDOLUS:

  LYCUS: Completely . . .

  No taxes . . .

  A lifetime’s . . .

  Don’t handle ... GIRLS:

  Unblemished . . . You can feast until you’re satisfied

  One birthmark . . . A banquet . . . At the House of Marcus Lycus.

  A bargain . . . Exhausting . . . Face the future side by side by side

  Don’t do that! A lifetime’s . . . At the House of

  Marcus Lycus.

  For a sense of

  sensuality

  And a plethora

  thereof...

  LYCUS:

  One is ecstasy,

  One is mystery,

  One is six foot three,

  Two is company —

  At the House of Marcus Lycus,

  Merchant of Love!

  (Speaks)

  And need I add, as all who are of the House of Lycus, these beauties are well-versed in the arts, proficient at needlework and surprised at nothing.

  “Your Eyes Are Blue”

  This song was written for Hero and Philia when they first meet in Act I. We used it during the New Haven tryout, but cut it when our two young leading players, Pat Fox and Karen Black, were replaced by Brian Davies and Preshy Marker.

  HERO:

  Once upon a time

  It happened there lived a boy

  Who loved a girl . . .

  Your eyes are blue . . .

  And every single night

  He’d see her across the way.

  I’d want to say —

  He’d want to say,

  “Your eyes are blue

  And I love you.”

  But never had they spoken,

  Never had he dared.

  Beautiful as she was,

  I was —

  He was

  Scared.

  Then suddenly one day

  He met her, and he could see

  Her eyes were blue

  As they could be.

  What did he do?

  Well...

  You tell me.

  Once upon a time —

  PHILIA:

  Let me try —

  “There lived a boy . . . ”

  HERO:

  “Who loved a girl . . . ”

  PHILIA:

  “Whose eyes were —

  Blue!”

  And every single night

  She’d see him across the way.

  She hoped he’d say,

  “Your eyes are blue

  And I love you!”

  And yet she knew . . .

  There was a wall between them

  Built around his heart.

  This was their dilemma,

  Keeping them apart,

  When suddenly one day

  She met him ...

  He looked so tall . . .

  HERO:

  He felt so small . . .

  PHILIA:

  What did he do

  To break the wall?

  HERO:

  What could he do

  To break the wall?

  (They kiss)

  BOTH:

  And that was All.

  “I Do Like You”

  This number was to be sung by Hysterium and Pseudolus in Act I just before Hysterium goes off to the country to snitch on Pseudolus. It never got beyond the early stages of rehearsals for reasons too dimly buried for me to remember. It was replaced by Pseudolus’s “erotic pottery” speech.

  PSEUDOLUS:

  Friend, HYSTERIUM:

  Oh, today it’s

  Good “Friend” . . .

  Friend and true, Yes,

  It’s always

  I worship “Friend” ...

  You.

  When you need a

  I Friend.

  Want to do,

  Want to be

  Like my

  Friend. “Friend, friend, friend, friend,

  Do Friend” . . .

  What you must. That’s

  What I in-

  I’m Tend . . .

  Happy just Well, goodbye, old

  Being Friend ...

  A copy of the one I

  Trust.

  PSEUDOLUS:

  I like to do like you like to do,

  ’Cause I like you . . .

  HYSTERIUM:

  Oh, Pseudolus!

  PSEUDOLUS:

  You do a deed,

  I follow your lead,

  ’Cause I like you.

  HYSTERIUM:

  Oh, Pseudolus!

  PSEUDOLUS:

  You climb a tree,

  I climb with you.

  You give a smile,

  I smile.

  You take a journey,

  I’m with you!

  Whatever you’ll do,

  I’ll.

  No one is perfect,

  You have your flaws,

  But I don’t care.

  I have the flaws

  That you have because

  I want to share.

  You’re all the things

  I most admire,

  All I aspire

  To.

  I do like you

  Because I do like you.

  HYSTERIUM:

  PSEUDOLUS: Friend,

  And the best you

  Have . . . You’ve touched me

  Yes, So.

  I thought I

  Would . . . I didn’t

  No, you never Know

  Do ... Such deep devotion

  Existed and

  Deeper than you Friend,

  Think . . . I’d rather

  You don’t have to Die

  Die . . . Than say good-Bye.

  I know how you

  Feel . . . Friend, just as

  Soon as I get back I’ll cry.

  PSEUDOLUS:

  I like to do like you like to do,

  That’s how I feel.

  You ruin me, and I ruin you,

  You’re my ideal.

  We each have had a fling

  Or two

  Nobody knows but we.

  You tell a little thing

  Or two,

  I tell a thing or three.

  You keep a secret, I keep a secret

  Like I should.

  You tell a secret, I tell a secret

  Twice as good.

  Since you’re the model I take after

  That’s what I’d have to do.

  I have to do like you like,

  Only because I do like

  You.

  PSEUDOLUS and HYSTERIUM:

  Reciprocation in the end

  Is why a friend

  Is true.

  How could I ever doubt you?

  Knowing so much about you.

  I do li
ke you

  And still I do like you.

  “There’s Something About a War”

  This never even got into rehearsal. Burt felt that there should be no political or satirical edge to any of the songs, since the show was to be strictly a domestic farce and not a commentary. It was replaced by “Bring Me My Bride” (which, incidentally, used the only line in the show directly translated from Plautus: “I am a parade”).

  MILES (Entering, with the PROTEANS dressed as SOLDIERS):

  Stand aside there, I take large steps!

  SOLDIERS:

  One-two, one-two!

  MILES:

  We not only fought but we won, too!

  SOLDIERS:

  One-two, one-two!

  Left-right, left-right!

  MILES:

  There’s none of the enemy left, right?

  SOLDIERS (Confused):

  Right! Left-right, left-left-uh-right!

  MILES:

  Halt!

  (Front)

  I don’t know how to say it,

  But there’s something about a war.

  Mere words cannot convey it,

  But there’s something about a war.

  It’s noisy and it’s crowded and you have to stand in line,

  But there’s something about a war

  That’s divine!

  You march until you’re bleary,

  But there’s something about a war.

  The company is dreary,

  But there’s something about a war.

  Your fingernails get broken and the food is often vile,

  But there’s something about a war

  Makes you smile.

  The rain may rust your armor,

  Your straps may be too tight,

  But decapitate a farmer

  And your heart feels light!

  There’s something about a war,

  Something about a war,

  Something about a war

  That makes this little old world all right.

  MILES and SOLDIERS (Variously):

  Oh, it’s tread, tread, tread

  Through the mud, mud, mud

  And it’s shed, shed, shed

  All the blood, blood — yich!

  MILES, then SOLDIERS:

  There’s something about a war.

  MILES and SOLDIERS (variously):

  Oh, it’s plunge, plunge, plunge

  Through the dust, dust, dust

  And it’s lunge, lunge, lunge

  And it’s thrust, thrust — oooh!

  MILES, then SOLDIERS:

  There’s something about a war.

  ALL:

  You know it isn’t massacres and laughter all day long,

  Still there’s something about a war —

  A SOLDIER:

  Like a song!

  MILES:

  A warrior’s work is never done,

  He never can take a rest.

  There always are lands to overrun

  And people to be oppressed.

  SOLDIERS (Variously):

  There’s always a town to pillage,

  A city to be laid to waste.

  There’s always a little village

  Entirely to be erased.

  And citadels to sack, of course,

  And temples to attack, of course,

  Children to annihilate,

  Priestesses to violate,

  Houses to destroy — hey!

  Women to enjoy — hey!

  Statues to deface — hey!

  Mothers to debase — hey!

  Virgins to assault — hey!

  MILES:

  Halt — hey!

  (Front)

  It’s hurry, hurry, hurry,

  But there’s something about a war.

  It’s worry after worry,

  But there’s something about a war.

  It isn’t all the drama and heroics it may seem —

  ALL:

  But there’s something about a war

  That’s a scream!

  MILFS:

  There’s never time for reading,

  Yet there’s something about a war.

  The elephants keep breeding,

  But there’s something about a war.

  You frequently feel lonely when the enemy has gone,

  Still there’s something about a war

  That goes on!

  ALL:

  And on! And on!

  MILES:

  You sulk when someone’s suing

  For temporary truce,

  Then another war starts brewing

  And soon breaks loose!

  ALL:

  There’s something about a war,

  MILES, then SOLDIERS:

  Something about a war —

  MILES:

  It isn’t just the glory or

  The groaning or the gorier

  Details that cause a warrior

  To smirk.

  SOLDIERS:

  Left-right!

  ALL:

  It’s the knowledge that he’ll never be out of work!

  “Echo Song”

  “Echo Song” was cut in New Haven during the tryout because the whole show wasn’t working properly and this number (among many others) didn’t make enough impact on the audience. It was replaced by “That’ll Show Him, ”which was transferred from Act I to Act II. Burt Shevelove and I decided to resuscitate “Echo Song” for the 1971 revival, where once again it didn’t work. It did seem, however, to be more effective than “That’ll Show Him” if for no other reason than that it offered some funny staging opportunities.

  Cue into “Echo Song” (replacing the one into “That’ll Show Him”):

  HERO: I hate him.

  PHILIA: So do I.

  HERO: What shall we do?

  PHILIA: If you ask the Gods for guidance, they sometimes answer you by echoing your words.

  HERO: Echoing your words?

  PHILIA: Instead of those other things. Like thunder.

  (Music under)

  HERO (Looking at the roof, getting an idea): Perhaps if you were alone the Gods would listen more closely.

  PHILIA: Perhaps. I shall pray.

  (As she starts to sing, facing front, HERO clambers to the roof to answer her hollowly as a god)

  Tell me . . .

  Dare I ask it? ...

  Should I love him? ...

  Shall I leave with him? ...

  Tell me . . .

  Should I leave right now? ...

  I hear my heart say,

  “Let him live with me!”

  Should I hear my heart and go?

  (Turns away discouraged, tries again)

  Tell me . . . HERO (Sings):

  (Tell me . . . )

  Dare I ask it? ...

  (Ask it.)

  Should I love him? ...

  (Love him!)

  Shall I leave with him? ...

  (Leave with him, leave with him!)

  Tell me . . .

  (Tell me . . . )

  Should I leave right now? ...

  (Right now!)

  I hear my heart say,

  “Let him live with me!”

  (Live with me, live with me!)

  Should I hear my heart and go?

  (Go! Go!)

  Or should I, worthy, wait here

  Till I meet my fate here?

  Tell me, tell me, I must know.

  (No, no, no . . . )

  Tell me . . .

  (Tell me . . . )

  Should I hold him? ...

  (Hold him!)

  Or forget him

  (Get him!)

  And forego my love?

  (Go, my love! Go, my love!)

  Thank you!

  I believe, now! (Thank you!)

  (Leave now!)

  I must hurry,

  (Hurry!)

  So I’ll say goodbye.

  (Say goodbye, say goodbye!)

  Only one more question, please —

/>   (Please! Please! Please!)

  Does he want me?

  (Does he!)

  Would he miss me?

  (Would he!)

  Must I pay the debt I owe?

  (Oh ... Oh . . . )

  Or may I go with Hero,

  My beloved Hero?

  Tell me yes, so I may know.

  (Ye — N — Y - N - Yes!)

  (At the end of the song, PHILIA realizes that it is HERO she has been Listening to, and looks up to see him)

  PHILIA: Oh, Hero, you have enraged the Gods!

  HERO (Jumping down): I don’t care!

  PHILIA: But they will strike you down.

  HERO: Oh, let them. I would die for love of you!

  PHILIA: You would die for me?

  HERO: Die dead.

  PHILIA: Oh, Hero, if you could get the contract from the Captain, I would go with you.

  HERO: Dare I dare believe what you are saying?

  PHILIA: You dare dare.

  (PSEUDOLUS enters from LYCUS’s house)

  “The Gaggle of Geese”

  This song never got into rehearsal. It was cut because the situation that gave rise to it was cut when we were shortening the script. The situation: Pseudolus, for reasons too complicated to explain here, had drunk a knock-out potion and was lying unconscious in front of Erronius’s house, wearing the ring with the gaggle of geese. While Hysterium is trying desperately to bring him back to life, Erronius stumbles on, trips over the body, sees the ring and assumes that Pseudolus is his long-lost son, stolen in infancy by pirates.

  ERRONIUS (Suddenly emits a series of inarticulate cries, to music): Eeeeh! Aaaahh!

  (HYSTERIUM reacts; ERRONIUS staggers)

  Aaahh! Eeeeh!

  HYSTERIUM (ad lib): What’s the matter?

  ERRONIUS:

  Aahh . . . eeehh ... aahh . . . eeehh . . . eeehh . . . aahh ...

  The ring! The ring!

  HYSTERIUM: What ring?

  ERRONIUS:

  He’s wearing the ring!

  The ring with the gaggle of geese!

  HYSTERIUM: Gaggle of what?

  ERRONIUS:

  It’s proof! You see?

  There only are three!

 

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