FREDRIK: Don’t you remember your manifesto in the bedroom? A coherent existence after so many years of muddle? You and me, and of course, Fredrika ...
(They kiss. The music swells. Sings)
Make way for the clowns.
DESIRÉE:
Applause for the clowns.
BOTH:
They’re finally here.
(The music continues)
FREDRIK: How does Malmö appeal to you? It’ll be high sunburn season.
DESIRÉE: Why not?
FREDRIK: Why not?
DESIRÉE: Oh God!
FREDRIK: What is it?
DESIRÉE: I’ve got to do Hedda for a week in Halsingborg.
FREDRIK: Well, what’s wrong with Purgatory before Paradise? I shall sit through all eight performances.
(They go slowly upstage. FREDRIKA wakes up)
FREDRIKA: Don’t you think you should go to bed, Grandmother?
MADAME ARMFELDT: No, I shall stay awake all night for fear of missing the first cock-crow of morning. It has come to be my only dependable friend.
FREDRIKA: Grandmother —
MADAME ARMFELDT: What, dear?
FREDRIKA: I’ve watched and watched, but I haven’t noticed the night smiling.
MADAME ARMFELDT: Young eyes are not ideal for watching. They stray too much. It has already smiled. Twice.
FREDRIKA: It has? Twice? For the young — and the fools?
MADAME ARMFELDT: The smile for the fools was particularly broad tonight.
FREDRIKA: So there’s only the last to come.
MADAME ARMFELDT: Only the last.
(MADAME ARMFELDT dies. We become more aware of the underscoring, the same used under the opening waltz. HENRIK and ANNE suddenly waltz on, and then all of the other couples, at last with their proper partners, waltz through the scene. The trees close in, and MR. LINDQUIST appears at the piano. He hits one key of the piano, just as he did at the opening. And the play is over)
Costume Designs by Florence Klotz
Anne Egerman
Countess Celimène de Frances de la Tour de Casa
Desirée Armfeldt
Desirée Armfeldt
Two of Boris Aronson’s Set Models for the original Broadway production
ADDITIONAL LYRICS
with Commentary by Stephen Sondheim
“Two Fairy Tales”
Written for the characters of Henrik and Anne Egerman to sing in the first act, “Two Fairy Tales” was cut during the first days of rehearsals as the act was running overlong.
ANNE:
Once upon a time HENRIK:
Once upon a time
There lived a princess
There lived a knight
Who was exceedingly beloved,
Who was devout,
Who had a kingdom
In a kingdom
Which was perfect,
Which was wretched,
Which was carpeted with jewels.
Which was under someone’s curse.
She was beset on every side
On every side it was beset
With handsome princes
With giant trolls,
And lesser nobles
And with dragons,
Bearing gifts and begging marriage.
Bringing famine.
She would spurn them,
He would pray,
And they would kill themselves in duels.
And it constantly got worse. Of course the knight was much inspired
But the princess soon grew tired
By the misery at hand.
Of all the fires she had fanned.
And as time went on,
As time went on,
He thought,
She thought, “I must wed someone
”I must do something
To alleviate the sorrow in the land.“ To alleviate the sorrow in the land.”
Now there were three
There were three
Princes
Dragons
In particular named Virtue, In particular named
Falsehood,
Kindness,
Greed,
And Excellence,
And Lust.
But she could not
He could not
Choose
Refuse the call.
At all.
He bade his wife
She bade the three appear.
Farewell, for go he must. Then to the west
She got her wizard to suggest
The knight set off upon his quest.
A sort of test.
He bore his crest
At her behest
As if possessed,
The princely suitors did their best,
Nor did he rest!
And who’d have guessed?
He was obsessed.
All three were tested and they passed.
He found a priest,
She was depressed,
He made a fast and was confessed.
To say the least,
He never ceased,
But she got dressed
Until at last he had laid waste
And served a feast Where she was faced
And turned to dust The dragons
With princes Virtue,
Falsehood,
Kindness,
Greed,
And Excellence.
And Lust.
After many years
After many years
The king her father,
The noble knight,
Who’d been abroad in search of truth,
Who’d lost an arm,
Returned to find
Returned to find
The kingdom wretched,
The kingdom perfect,
All activity suspended.
All activity resumed.
To his dismay, He also found
He also found, To his dismay,
His daughter mad
His wife had died
With indecision.
With the waiting
She had lapsed into a coma,
And his children,
While her suitors
Left alone,
Had grown restless and offended.
Had been starving and were doomed.
And so the king to ease her sorrow
So the court upon the morrow
Passed a curious decree
Proclaimed a holiday to be,
That she could marry all three suitors.
And the day was named for him.
Did she feel guilty? Did he feel guilty?
No, Oh yes,
And it was wonderful to see! And it was wonderful to see!
So she lived So he lived —
Not for long —
Ever after
Ever watchful for
With Virtue,
Falsehood,
Kindness,
Greed,
And Excellence.
And Lust.
That’s a tale
That’s a tale
Which was read me by my father, Which was read me by my mother,
BOTH:
And there’s probably
A moral to be
Pointedly discussed,
But it’s always been
My favorite,
And I read it when I’m gloomy,
And though fairy tales are
Foolish, that’s a
Fairy tale to trust.
“Silly People”
This number, sung in Scene 5A of Act II, was cut during the show’s Boston tryout because it was felt that the character it was written for, Frid, wasn’t important enough to spend some four minutes with.
FRID:
Lie here with me on the grass.
Let the wind be our words
As the night smiles down.
Don’t they know, don’t they?
No, they don’t, do they?
Silly people, silly
people, silly people.
Voices glide by, let them pass.
Let them float in their words
Till they slowly drown.
Don’t they know, don’t they,
What they want?
Silly, silly people!
Patient and polite,
Crying in their teacups,
Shying from the night —
When now it smiles it smiles for lovers.
When next it smiles it smiles for fools.
The last it smiles it smiles for them,
The others, the rememberers,
The truly silly people.
Them and us and all ...
Lie then with me, closer still.
You can float in my arms
Till we gently drown.
Don’t they know, don’t they,
What it means, dying?
Silly people, silly people ...
Float and flow,
And down we go
To drown.
“Bang!”
To have been sung by Count Carl-Magnus and Desirée in Desirée’s digs, this song was cut in rehearsal because it didn’t have the transition Hal Prince needed to make the set change that would get the Count from Desiree’s digs to his next scene with Charlotte. “Bang!” was replaced by “In Praise of Women,” which neatly moved the scene to Charlotte’s breakfast nook.
CARL-MAGNUS (To himself, eyeing Desirée):
The war commences, the enemy awaits
In quivering expectancy.
The poor defenses, the penetrable gates,
How terrible to be a woman.
The time is here,
The game is there.
The smell of fear,
Like musk, pervades the air.
The bugle sounding,
The pistol steady,
The blood is pounding,
Take aim and ready ...
(Unbuttoning his tunic, one button at a time, with each
“Bang!”)
Bang!
Twenty minutes small talk,
Thirty at the most.
Bang!
Two or three to pour the schnapps.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Half a minute to propose
The necessary toast.
Bang!
The tunic opens,
Bang!
The trousers fall,
Bang!
The foe is helpless,
Back against the wall.
Bang!
An hour and a quarter over all,
And bang! DESIRÉE (To herself):
Twenty minutes to arrange Those bloody awful flowers.
Bang!
Can I get away with more?
Bang! Bang! Bang! Then I have to brush my hair,
And that could take me hours.
Bang!
A fit of vapors —
Bang!
No, that’s too quaint.
Bang! A wracking cough, And then a graceful faint...
Bang!
A lengthy lecture
Bang!
On self-restraint...
Bang! Bang!
QUINTET:
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
The battle rages.
Bang!
Whatever ground I gain I fortify remorselessly.
Bang! Bang!
The foe engages
Bang!
By shifting the terrain —How pitiful to be a woman.
Bang!
Attack,
Bang!
Retreat,
Bang!
Lay back,
Bang!
Reform.
Bang! Bang!
Outflank,
Bang!
Deplete,
Bang!
Move up and then restorm.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
The siege succeeding,
Bang!
The time grows shorter,
Bang!
She lies there pleading,
Bang!
I give no quarter ...
Bang! Bang!
Foray at the elbow, Salvo at the knee!
Bang! Bang!
Fusillades at breast And thigh!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Then when she’s exhausted, Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang!
A fresh sortie!
Bang!
I taste the conquest,
Bang!
The taste is sweet.
Bang! Bang!
She lays her arms down, Welcoming defeat.
Bang! Bang!
Both sides, content,
Bang!
Secure
Bang!
Positions.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
All passion spent,
Bang!
Discuss
Bang!
Conditions. How terrible,
Bang!
How pitiful,
Bang!
How glorious to be a woman.
DESIRÉE:
He is a peacock, I keep forgetting ...
The quarry senses A momentary pang.
It’s all so foolish —Why am I sweating?
The war commences. Bang!
“My Husband the Pig”
“My Husband the Pig” was written to be sung in Act I, Scene 5 by Charlotte, angrily trying to enjoy her breakfast after Carl-Magnus has ordered her to pay a visit to the Egerman household. It was replaced by the second half of “In Praise of Women.”
CHARLOTTE:
Fop.
Lout.
What am I, a prop
To order about?
Adulterous lowlife!
He seems to assume I have no life
Of my own.
Well, he isn’t alone!
I lie on the shelf at my station
To bolster his self-adulation.
I have no objection
To passing inspection,
But who can contend with an endless erection
That falls on its knees when it sees its reflection?
My husband, the pig,
The swaggering bore
I’ll do anyting for,
What a pig!
The air of disdain is appalling,
The level of decency nil.
If he thinks that I’ll always come crawling,
Ha! I will.
My husband, the pig.
I worship the ground
That he kicks me around
On, the pig.
A stunted affront to humanity,
A vat of gelatinous vanity,
The stamp of my rampant insanity:
My husband the —
Ugh!
There’s a clot in the cream
And a fly in the jam
And I think that I’m going to scream.....
Yes, I am!
But would anyone here give a damn?
No.
Ah, well.
Every day a little death
In the parlor, in the bed,
In the curtains, in the silver,
In the buttons, in the bread.
Every day a little sting
In the heart and in the head.
Every move and every breath,
And you hardly feel a thing,
Brings a perfect little death.
Every day a little death,
On the lips and in the eyes
In the murmurs, in the pauses,
In the gestures, in the sighs.
Every day a little dies
In the looks and in the lies,
And you hardly feel a thing ...
Ugh!
There’s a leaf in the cup
And a crack in the pot
And I think I’m about to throw up.
But I’m not,
’Cause I have to go out, and for what?
A pat on the hand and I’m suet.
I don’t understand why I do it.
While I’m in abstention
In every dimension,
His horse and his whores and his wars get attention
And I decompose like a rose with a pension!
My husband, the pig.
I loathe and deplore
Every bone I adore,
He’s a pig!
He throws me a crumb to be cruel
And then expects humble delight.
Does he think a duet is a duel?
Ha! He’s right!
My husband, the pig!
My swain is a swine
Or, to further refine
It, a pig!
It’s ghastly and vastly ironical,
A cynical, clinical chronicle:
“The woman who married a monocle.”
My husband, the pig!
Ugh!
“Night Waltz” (“Love Takes Time”)
As the opening for the motion picture, these lyrics were written for “Night Waltz.”
DESIRÉE, CHARLOTTE, ANNE, PETRA, MADAME ARMFELDT, FREDERICKA, ERICH, FREDERICK:
Love takes time,
Entirely too much but sublime.
Frightening, love is.
Full of quicksand,
Enlightening, love is,
Full of tricks and
It does take time,
Which really is rather a crime.
Curious, love is,
Self-tormenting,
Embarrassing, love is,
Unrelenting,
A labyrinth, love is.
Just resenting
The time love takes
Compounds the confusion it makes.
One muddles the facts with the fakes.
And love is a lecture
On how to correct your
Mistakes.
(Individual voices)
What shall I wear?
Where is my parasol?
Do I compare?
(Overlapping)
Have I missed it?
Will I ever?
Did he notice?
What will they say?
Should I care?
How does one start it up again?
Why can’t we stay just the way — ?
Will I ever?
Was I ever?
Can I ever?
MADAME ARMFELDT: I have no questions ...
OTHERS:
Love comes first.
It matters the most at its worst.
You always feel underrehearsed.
One sets the conditions,
Then finds the positions
Reversed.
The time love takes
Awakens the heart that it breaks.
Consider the new friends it makes.
Yes, love is a lecture
Four by Sondheim Page 22