Four by Sondheim
Page 31
ANTHONY (Shaking himself free): But, sir, I beg of you —
JUDGE (To TODD): And as for you, barber, it is all too clear what company you keep. Service them well and hold their custom — for you’ll have none of mine.
(He strides out and down the stairs)
ANTHONY: Mr. Todd!
TODD (Shouting): Out! Out, I say!
(Bewildered, ANTHONY leaves. Music begins under, very agitated. TODD stands motionless, in shock. As the JUDGE hurries off down the street, MRS. LOVETT, with a new bottle of gin in her hand, sees him. She glances after him, then goes into the back parlor where TOBIAS is now asleep. She looks at him, puts down the bottle and hurries out and up the stairs to TODD)
MRS. LOVETT: All this running and shouting. What is it now, dear?
TODD: I had him — and then ...
MRS. LOVETT: The sailor busted in. I saw them both running down the street and I said to myself: “The fat’s in the fire, for sure!”
TODD (Interrupting, sings):
I had him!
His throat was bare
Beneath my hand — !
MRS. LOVETT (Alarmed, pacifying): There, there, dear. Don’t fret.
TODD:
No, I had him!
His throat was there,
And he’ll never come again!
MRS. LOVETT:
Easy now.
Hush, love, hush.
I keep telling you —
TODD (Violently):
When?
MRS. LOVETT:
What’s your rush?
TODD:
Why did I wait?
You told me to wait!
Now he’ll never come again!
(Music becomes ferocious. TODD’s insanity, always close to the surface, explodes finally)
There’s a hole in the world
Like a great black pit
And it’s filled with people
Who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world
Inhabit it —
But not for long!
They all deserve to die!
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett,
Tell you why:
Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett,
There are two kinds of men and only two.
There’s the one staying put
In his proper place
And the one with his foot
In the other one’s face —
Look at me, Mrs. Lovett,
Look at you!
No, we all deserve to die!
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett,
Tell you why:
Because the lives of the wicked should be —
(Slashes at the air)
Made brief.
For the rest of us, death
Will be a relief —
We all deserve to die!
(Keening)
And I’ll never see Johanna,
No, I’ll never hug my girl to me —
Finished!
(Turns on the audience)
All right! You, sir,
How about a shave?
(Slashes twice)
Come and visit
Your good friend Sweeney — !
You, sir, too, sir —
Welcome to the grave!
I will have vengeance,
I will have salvation!
Who, sir? You, sir?
No one’s in the chair —
Come on, come on,
Sweeney’s waiting!
I want you bleeders!
You, sir — anybody!
Gentlemen, now don’t be shy!
Not one man, no,
Nor ten men,
Nor a hundred
Can assuage me —
I will have you!
(To MRS. LOVETT)
And I will get him back
Even as he gloats.
In the meantime I’ll practice
On less honorable throats.
(Keening again)
And my Lucy lies in ashes
And I’ll never see my girl again,
But the work waits,
I’m alive at last
(Exalted)
And I’m full of joy!
(He drops down into the barber’s chair in a sweat, panting)
MRS. LOVETT (Who has been watching him intently): That’s all very well, but all that matters now is him!
(She points to the chest. TODD still sits motionless. She goes to him, peers at him)
Listen! Do you hear me? Can you hear me? Get control of yourself.
(She slaps his cheek. After a long pause, TODD, still in a half-dream, gets to his feet)
What are we going to do about him? And there’s the lad downstairs. We’d better go and have a look and be sure he’s still there. When I left him he was sound asleep in the parlor.
(She starts downstairs)
Come on!
(TODD follows. She disappears into the back parlor and reemerges )
No problem there. He’s still sleeping. He’s simple as a
baby lamb. Later I can fob him off with some story easy.
But him!
(Indicating the tonsorial parlor above)
What are we going to do with him?
TODD (Disinterestedly): Later on, when it’s dark, we’ll take him to some secret place and bury him.
MRS. LOVETT: Well, of course, we could do that. I don’t suppose there’s any relatives going to come poking around looking for him. But ...
(Pause. Chord)
You know me. Sometimes ideas just pop into me head and I keep thinking ...
(Sings)
Seems a downright shame ...
TODD: Shame?
MRS. LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste ...
Such a nice plump frame
Wot’s-his-name
Has...
Had...
Has...
Nor it can’t be traced.
Business needs a lift —
Debts to be erased —
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift ...
If you get my drift ...
(TODD stares into space)
No?
(She sighs)
Seems an awful waste.
I mean,
With the price of meat what it is,
When you get it,
If you get it —
TODD (Becoming aware, chuckling): Ah!
MRS. LOVETT:
Good, you got it.
(Warming to it)
Take, for instance,
Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop.
Business never better, using only
Pussycats and toast.
And a pussy’s good for maybe six or
Seven at the most.
And I’m sure they can’t compare
As far as taste —
TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, What a charming notion, Eminently practical and yet Appropriate, as always. Mrs. Lovett How I’ve lived without you All these years I’ll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable. MRS. LOVETT:
Well, it does seem a Waste ...
It’s an idea ... Think about it ... Lots of other gentlemen’ll Soon be coming for a shave Won’t they? Think of All them Pies!
How choice! How rare!
TODD:
For what’s the sound of the world out there?
MRS. LOVETT:
What, Mr. Todd,
What, Mr. Todd,
What is that sound?
TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air?
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd,
Yes, Mr. Todd,
Yes, all around —
TODD:
It’s man devouring man, my dear, And who are we To deny it in here? MRS. LOVETT:
Then who are we To deny it in here?
TODD: These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for.
(S
he goes to the counter and comes back with an imaginary pie)
MRS. LOVETT: Here we are, hot from the oven.
(She holds it out to him)
TODD:
What is that?
MRS. LOVETT:
It’s priest.
Have a little priest.
TODD:
Is it really good?
MRS. LOVETT:
Sir, it’s too good,
At least.
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh,
So it’s pretty fresh.
TODD (Looking at it):
Awful lot of fat.
MRS. LOVETT:
Only where it sat.
TODD:
Haven’t you got poet
Or something like that?
MRS. LOVETT:
No, you see the trouble with poet
Is, how do you know it’s
Deceased?
Try the priest.
TODD (Tasting it): Heavenly.
(MRS. LOVETT giggles)
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but not as bland as curate, either.
MRS. LOVETT: And good for business — always leaves you wanting more. Trouble is, we only get it in Sundays ...
(TODD chuckles. MRS. LOVETT presents another imaginary pie)
Lawyer’s rather nice.
TODD:
If it’s for a price.
MRS. LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow
It twice.
TODD:
Anything that’s lean.
MRS. LOVETT:
Well, then, if you’re British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal
Marine.
(TODD makes a face)
Anyway, it’s clean.
Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been.
TODD (Looking past her at an imaginary oven):
Is that squire
On the fire?
MRS. LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir,
Look closer,
You’ll notice it’s grocer.
TODD:
Looks thicker.
More like vicar.
MRS. LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer — it’s green.
TODD:
The history of the world, my love —
MRS. LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors ...
TODD:
— is those below serving those up above.
MRS. LOVETT:
Everybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors ...
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know —
BOTH:
— that those above will serve those down below!
MRS. LOVETT: Now, let’s see ...
(Surveying an imaginary tray of pies on the counter)
We’ve got tinker ...
TODD (Looking at it): Something pinker.
MRS. LOVETT: Tailor?
TODD (Shaking his head): Paler.
MRS. LOVETT: Butler?
TODD: Subtler.
MRS. LOVETT: Potter?
TODD (Feeling it): Hotter.
MRS. LOVETT: Locksmith?
(TODD shrugs, defeated. MRS. LOVETT offers another imaginary pie)
Lovely bit of clerk.
TODD:
Maybe for a lark ...
MRS. LOVETT:
Then again, there’s sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark.
(Another)
Try the financier.
Peak of his career.
TODD:
That looks pretty rank.
MRS. LOVETT:
Well, he drank.
It’s a bank
Cashier.
Last one really sold.
(Feels it)
Wasn’t quite so old.
TODD:
Have you any Beadle?
MRS. LOVETT:
Next week, so I’m told.
Beadle isn’t bad till you smell it
And notice how well it’s
Been greased.
Stick to priest.
(Offers another pie)
Now this may be a bit stringy, but then, of course, it’s fiddle player.
TODD: This isn’t fiddle player. It’s piccolo player.
MRS. LOVETT: How can you tell?
TODD: It’s piping hot.
(Giggles)
MRS. LOVETT (Snorts with glee): Then blow on it first.
(TODD guffaws)
TODD:
The history of the world, my sweet —
MRS. LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
What does it tell?
TODD:
— is who gets eaten and who gets to eat.
MRS. LOVETT:
And, Mr. Todd,
Too, Mr. Todd,
Who gets to sell.
TODD:
But fortunately, it’s also clear —
TODD: MRS. LOVETT:
That everybody Goes down well with beer. But everybody Goes down well with beer.
MRS. LOVETT: Since marine doesn’t appeal to you, how about rear admiral?
TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.
MRS. LOVETT: With or without his privates? “With” is extra.
(TODD chortles)
TODD (As MRS. LOVETT offers another pie):
What is that?
MRS. LOVETT:
It’s fop.
Finest in the shop.
Or we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd
On top.
And I’ve just begun.
Here’s the politician — so oily
It’s served with a doily —
(TODD makes a face)
Have one.
TODD:
Put it on a bun.
(As she looks at him quizzically)
Well, you never know if it’s going to run.
MRS. LOVETT:
Try the friar.
Fried, it’s drier.
TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy.
MRS. LOVETT:
Then actor —
That’s compacter.
TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone.
I’ll come again when you
Have Judge on the menu ...
MRS. LOVETT: Wait! True, we don’t have Judge — yet — but would you settle for the next best thing?
TODD: What’s that?
MRS. LOVETT (Handing him a butcher’s cleaver): Executioner.
(TODD roars, and then, picking up her wooden rolling pin, hands it to her)
TODD:
Have charity toward the world, my pet —
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love —
TODD:
We’ll take the customers that we can get.
MRS. LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love.
TODD:
We’ll not discriminate great from small.
No, we’ll serve anyone —
Meaning anyone —
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!
(Music continues as the two of them brandish their “weapons. ” The scene blacks out.)
The Prologue’s front drop depicting in a honeycomb the class system of mid-19th Century England
“The Worst Pies in London” Mrs. Lovett (Angela Lansbury) and Sweeney Todd (Len Cariou)
“My Friends” Sweeney (Len Cariou)
Johanna (Sarah Rice) and Anthony (Victor Garber)
“Wait” Mrs. Lovett (Angela Lansbury) and Sweeney (Len Cariou)
“Pretty Women” Sweeney (Len Cariou) and Judge Turpin (Edmund Lyndeck)
“By the Sea” Mrs. Lovett (Angela Lansbury)
/>
“Not While I’m Around” Tobias (Ken Jennings) and Mrs. Lovett (Angela Lansbury)
Sweeney has his revenge Judge Turpin (Edmund Lyndeck) and Sweeney (Len Cariou)
In the Final Sequence, Sweeney (Len Cariou) cradles the body of the dead Beggar Woman (Merle Louise) as a now demented Tobias (Ken Jennings) avenges Sweeney’s victims
Bob Gunton as Sweeney Todd and Beth Fowler as Mrs. Lovett in the 1989 Circle-in-the-Square production
Sheila Hancock as Mrs. Lovett and Denis Quilley in the original London production
ACT II
Thanks to her increasing prosperity, MRS. LOVETT has created a modest outdoor eating garden outside the pieshop, consisting of a large wooden table with two benches, a few bushes in pots, birds in cages. At rise, contented customers, one of whom is drunk, are filling the garden, devouring their pies, and drinking ale while TOBIAS, in a waiter’s apron, drums up trade along the sidewalk. Inside the pieshop, MRS. LOVETT, in a “fancy” gown, a sign of her upward mobility, doles out pies from the counter and collects a few on a tray to bring into the garden subsequently. TODD is pacing restlessly in the tonsorial parlor. The BEGGAR WOMAN hangs around throughout, hungry and ominous.