TODD: A madhouse! A madhouse!
(Swinging around, feverishly excited, buzzing music under)
Johanna is as good as rescued.
MRS. LOVETT (Bewildered): She is?
TODD: Where do you suppose all the wigmakers of London go to obtain their human hair?
MRS. LOVETT: Who knows, dear? The morgue, wouldn’t be surprised.
TODD: Bedlam. They get their hair from the lunatics at Bedlam.
ANTHONY: Then you think — ?
TODD: Fogg’s Asylum? Why not? For the right amount, they will sell you the hair off any madman’s head —
MRS. LOVETT: And the scalp to go with it too, if requested. Excuse me, gentlemen, I’m out!
(Exits)
TODD (Excitedly, to ANTHONY): We will write a letter to this Mr. Fogg offering the highest price for hair the exact shade of Johanna’s — which I trust you know?
ANTHONY: Yellow.
TODD: Not exact enough. I must make you a credible wigmaker — and quickly.
(Sings)
There’s tawny and there’s golden saffron,
There’s flaxen and there’s blonde ...
(Speaks)
Repeat that. Repeat that!
ANTHONY: Yes, Mr. Todd.
TODD: Well?
ANTHONY:
There’s tawny and there’s golden saffron,
There’s flaxen and there’s blonde ...
TODD: Good.
(Sings)
There’s coarse and fine,
There’s straight and curly, ANTHONY:
There’s gray, there’s white, There’s coarse and fine,
There’s ash, there’s pearly, There’s straight and curly,
There’s corn-yellow There’s gray, there’s white,
Buff and ochre and There’s ash, there’s pearly,
Straw and apricot ... There’s corn-yellow ...
(They exit. As the lights dim, a quintet from the company appears and sings)
QUINTET (Variously):
Sweeney’d waited too long before —
“Ah, but never again,” he swore.
Fortune arrived. “Sweeney!” it sang.
Sweeney was ready, and Sweeney sprang.
Sweeney’s problems went up in smoke,
All resolved with a single stroke.
Sweeney was sharp, Sweeney was burning,
Sweeney began the engines turning.
Sweeney’s problems went up in smoke,
All resolved and completely solved
With a single stroke
By Sweeney!
Sweeney
Didn’t wait,
Not Sweeney!
Set the bait,
Did Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
(During this, TODD appears on the staircase, accompanied by a strange figure; they enter the tonsorial parlor. We soon realize the figure is ANTHONY, disguised as as wigmaker)
ANTHONY:
(Finishing his catechism)
With finer textures,
Ash looks fairer, TODD:
Which makes it rare, Good.
But flaxen’s rarer —
No! No!
Yes, yes, I know — The flaxen’s cheaper ...
Cheaper, not rarer ...
(Music continues under)
TODD: Here’s money.
(Hands him purse)
And here’s the pistol.
(Hands him a gun)
For kill if you must. Kill.
ANTHONY: I’ll kill a dozen jailers if need be to set her free.
TODD: Then off with you, off. But, Anthony, listen to me once again. When you have rescued her, bring her back here. I shall guard her while you hire the chaise to Plymouth.
ANTHONY: We’ll be with you before the evening’s out,
(Clasping both TODD’s hands)
Mr. Todd. Oh, thank you — friend.
(He hurries off. TODD goes to a little writing table, picks up a quill pen and starts to write. The quintet sings what he writes)
QUINTET (Variously, as TODD writes):
Most Honorable Judge Turpin —
(TODD pauses reflectively)
Most Honorable —
(TODD snorts derisively)
I venture thus to write you this —
(He resumes writing)
I venture thus to write you this —
(Thinks, choosing the word)
Urgent note to warn you that the hot-blooded —
(Thinks)
Young —
(Grunts with satisfaction)
Sailor has abducted your ward Johanna —
(Stares off sadly)
Johanna — Johanna —
(Resumes writing)
From the institution where you —
(Thinks)
So wisely confined her but,
Hoping to earn your favor,
I have persuaded the boy to lodge her here tonight
At my tonsorial parlor —
(Dips the pen)
In Fleet Street.
If you want her again in your arms,
Hurry
After the night falls.
(He starts to sign, then adds another phrase with a smile)
She will be waiting.
(Reads it over)
Waiting ...
(Dips pen again, writing carefully)
Your obedient humble servant,
Sweeney
(A flourish of the pen)
Todd.
(Music continues under as TODD hurries across the stage to JUDGE TURPIN’s house, knocks on the door, which opens, and hands in the letter)
TODD: Give this to Judge Turpin. It’s urgent.
(As he disappears, lights come up on the eating garden. It is early evening. The garden is deserted. MRS. LOVETT is sitting on the steps knitting a half-finished muffler The bells of St. Dunstan’s sound. After a beat, TOBIAS emerges from the shop with a “Sold Out” sign, puts it on the shop door, and goes to MRS. LOVETT)
TOBIAS: I put the sold-out sign up, ma’am.
MRS. LOVETT: That’s my boy.
(Holding up the knitting)
Look, dear! A lovely muffler and guess who it’s for.
TOBIAS: Coo, ma’am. For me?
MRS. LOVETT: Wouldn’t you like to know!
TOBIAS: Oh, you’re so good to me, ma’am. Sometimes, when I think what it was like with Signor Pirelli — it seems like the Good Lord sent you for me.
MRS. LOVETT: It’s just my warm heart, dear. Room enough there for all God’s creatures.
TOBIAS (Coming closer, hovering, very earnest): You know, ma’am, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. If there was a monster or an ogre or anything bad like that wot was after you, I’d rip it apart with my bare fists, I would.
MRS. LOVETT: What a sweet child it is.
TOBIAS: Or even if it was just a man ...
MRS. LOVETT (Somewhat uneasy): A man, dear?
TOBIAS (Exaggeratedly conspiratorial): A man wot was bad and wot might be luring you all unbeknownst into his evil deeds, like.
MRS. LOVETT (Even more wary): What is this? What are you talking about?
TOBIAS (Sings):
Nothing’s gonna harm you,
Not while I’m around.
MRS. LOVETT: Of course not, dear, and why should it?
TOBIAS:
Nothing’s gonna harm you,
No, sir,
Not while I’m around.
MRS. LOVETT: What do you mean, “a man”?
TOBIAS:
Demons are prowling
Everywhere
Nowadays.
MRS. LOVETT (Somewhat relieved, patting his head): And so they are, dear.
TOBIAS:
I’ll send ’em howling,
I don’t care —
I got ways.
MRS. LOVETT: Of course you do ... What a sweet, affectionate child it is.
TOBIAS:
No one’s gonna hurt you,
No one’s gon
na dare.
MRS. LOVETT: I know what Toby deserves ...
TOBIAS:
Others can desert you —
Not to worry —
Whistle, I’ll be there.
MRS. LOVETT: Here, have a nice bon-bon.
(Starts to reach for her purse, but TOBIAS stays her hand in adoration)
TOBIAS:
Demons’ll charm you
With a smile
For a while,
But in time
Nothing can harm you,
Not while I’m around.
(Music continues)
MRS. LOVETT: What is this foolishness? What’re you talking about?
TOBIAS: Little things wot I’ve been thinking and wondering about ... It’s him, you see — Mr. Todd. Oh, I know you fancy him, but men ain’t like women, they ain’t wot you can trust, as I’ve lived and learned.
(She looks at him uneasily)
Not to worry, not to worry,
I may not be smart but I ain’t dumb.
I can do it,
Put me to it,
Show me something I can overcome.
Not to worry, mum.
Being close and being clever
Ain’t like being true.
I don’t need to, I won’t never
Hide a thing from you,
Like some.
(Music continues under)
MRS. LOVETT: Now Toby dear, haven’t we had enough foolish chatter? Let’s just sit nice and quiet for a bit. Here.
(She pulls out the chatelaine purse, which is now immediately recognizable to the audience as PIRELLI ’s money purse, and starts to fumble in it for a bon-bon)
TOBIAS (Suddenly excited, pointing): That! That’s Signor Pirelli’s purse!
(MRS. LOVETT, realizing her slip, quickly hides it)
MRS. LOVETT (Stalling for time): What’s that? What was that, dear?
TOBIAS: That proves it! What I’ve been thinking. That’s his purse.
MRS. LOVETT (Concealing what is now almost panic): Silly boy! It’s just a silly little something Mr. T. gave me for my birthday.
TOBIAS: Mr. Todd gave it to you! And how did he get it? How did he get it?
MRS. LOVETT: Bought it, dear. In the pawnshop, dear.
(To distract him, she lifts the unfinished muffler on its needles)
Come on now.
(Sings)
Nothing’s gonna harm you,
Not while I’m around!
Nothing’s gonna harm you, Toby,
Not while I’m around.
TOBIAS: You don’t understand.
(Sings)
Two quid was in it,
Two or three —
(Speaks, music continuing)
The guvnor giving up his purse — with two quid?
(Sings)
Not for a minute!
Don’t you see?
(Speaks, music under)
It was in Mr. Todd’s parlor that the guvnor disappeared.
MRS. LOVETT (With a weak laugh): Boys and their fancies! What will we think of next! Here, dear. Sit here by your Aunt Nellie like a good boy and look at your lovely muffler. How warm it’s going to keep you when the days draw in. And it’s so becoming on you.
TOBIAS (Sings):
Demons’ll charm you
With a smile
For a while,
But in time
Nothing’s gonna harm you,
Not while I’m around!
MRS. LOVETT: You know, dear, it’s the strangest thing you coming to chat with me right now of all moments because as I was sitting here with my needles, I was thinking: “What a good boy Toby is! So hard working, so obedient.” And I thought ... know how you’ve always fancied coming into the bakehouse with me to help bake the pies?
TOBIAS (For the first time distracted): Oh yes, ma‘am. Indeed, ma’am. Yes.
MRS. LOVETT: Well, how about it?
TOBIAS: You mean it? I can help make ‘em and bake ’em?
(MRS. LOVETT kisses him again and, rising, starts drawing him back toward the pieshop)
MRS. LOVETT: No time like the present, is there?
(She leads him through the pieshop into the bakehouse)
TOBIAS (Looking around): Coo, quite a stink, ain’t there?
MRS. LOVETT (Indicating the trap door): Them steps go down to the old cellars and the whiffs come up, love. God knows what’s down there — so moldy and dark. And there’s always a couple of rats gone home to Jesus.
(She leads him across to the ovens)
Now the bake ovens is here.
(She opens the oven doors. A red glow illuminates the stage)
TOBIAS: They’re big enough, ain’t they?
MRS. LOVETT: Hardly big enough to bake all the pies we sell.
Ten dozen at a time. Always be sure to close the doors properly, like this.
(Closes doors. Draws him to the butcher’s-block table)
Now here’s the grinder.
(She turns its handle, indicating how it operates)
You see, you pop meat in and you grind it and it comes out here.
(Indicates the mouth of the grinder)
And you know the secret that makes the pies so sweet and tender? Three times. You must put the meat through the grinder three times.
TOBIAS: Three times, eh?
MRS. LOVETT: That’s my boy. Smoothly, smoothly. And as soon as a new batch of meat comes in, we’ll put you to work.
(She starts for the door back into the pieshop)
TOBIAS (Blissful): Me making pies all on me own! Coo!
(Noticing her leaving)
Where are you going, ma’am?
MRS. LOVETT: Back in a moment, dear.
(At the door she turns, blows him a kiss and then goes into the pieshop, slamming the door behind her and locking it, putting the key in her pocket. TOBIAS, too fascinated to realize he has been locked in, starts happily turning the handle of the grinder)
TOBIAS: Smoothly does it, smoothly, smoothly ...
(As he grinds and MRS. LOVETT appears at the foot of the stairs to the tonsorial parlor, unseen by her the BEADLE enters the back parlor)
BEADLE: Mrs. Lovett! Mrs. Lovett!
MRS. LOVETT (Climbing the stairs, looking for TODD): Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd!
BEADLE (Notices the harmonium, sits down, and sings from a song book, accompanying himself):
Sweet Polly Plunkett lay in the grass,
Turned her eyes heavenward, sighing,
“I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass in Canterbury.
‘Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
’Tis a row dow diddle dow dee ...”
MRS. LOVETT (Enters, clapping): Oh, Beadle Bamford, I didn’t know you were a music lover, too.
BEADLE (Not rising): Good afternoon, Mrs. Lovett. Fine instrument you’ve acquired.
MRS. LOVETT: Oh yes, it’s my pride and joy.
BEADLE (Sings, as she watches him uneasily):
Sweet Polly Plunkett saw her life pass,
Flew down the city road, crying,
“I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass loves another lad
Who once I had
In Canterbury.
‘Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
’Tis a row dow diddle dow dee ... ”
(He speaks, leafing through the pages)
Well, ma’am, I hope you have a few moments, for I’m here today on official business.
MRS. LOVETT: Official?
BEADLE: That’s it, ma’am. You see, there’s been complaints —
MRS. LOVETT: Complaints?
BEADLE: About the stink from your chimney. They say at night it’s something foul. Health regulations being my duty, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to let me take a look.
MRS. LOVETT (Hiding extreme anxiety): At the bakehouse?
BEADLE: That’s right, ma’am.
MRS. LOVETT (Improvising wildly): But, it’s locked and .
.. and I don’t have the key. It’s Mr. Todd upstairs — he’s got the key and he’s not here right now.
BEADLE: When will he be back?
MRS. LOVETT: Couldn’t say, I’m sure.
BEADLE (Finds a particular song): Ah, one of mother’s favorites...
(Sings)
If one bell rings in the Tower of Bray,
Ding dong, your true love will stay.
Ding dong, one bell today
In the Tower of Bray ...
Ding dong!
TOBIAS (Joining in from the bakehouse):
One bell today in the Tower of Bray ...
Ding dong!
BEADLE (Stops playing): What’s that?
MRS. LOVETT: Oh, just my boy — the lad that helps me with the pies.
BEADLE: But surely he’s in the bakehouse, isn’t he?
MRS. LOVETT (Almost beside herself): Oh yes, yes, of course. But you see ... he’s — well, simple in the head. Last week he run off and we found him two days later down by the embankment half-starved, poor thing. So ever since then, we locks him in for his own security.
BEADLE: Then we’ll have to wait for Mr. Todd, won’t we?
(Sings)
But if two bells ring in the Tower of Bray,
Ding dong, ding dong, your true love will stray.
Ding dong —
(Speaks)
Since you’re a fellow music lover, ma’am, why don’t you raise your voice along with mine?
MRS. LOVETT: All right.
BEADLE (Sings):
Four by Sondheim Page 34