“For what?”
“Tonight, I woke up for the first time in my life. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Oh, Rosie. This may be the first and last time I tell you you’re wrong. I didn’t do nothin’. You were well on your way before you even thought about me twice. And believe you me, I’m more than happy to hitch a ride on what promises to be a grand tomorrow.”
* * *
I crept back up to the penthouse quietly. Ivy, Viv and Maude were already back from Cat’s and sleeping; I could see their chests rise and fall. I was so drunk, everything was rising and falling...the room would not keep still.
I ran to the window and leaned out, thinking I’d retch...but the air hit my face and I was calmed.
Ivy woke, ran to me and slammed the window down.
“Rose? Where have you been?”
“Oh, Ivy! I’ve had the most wonderful night. Look!” I said, raising up my hand, showing her the small bit of fabric Santino had tied there.
“What’s that supposed to be? An engagement ring? Don’t fall for any of that, Rose. I hope you didn’t do anything untoward.”
An anger I didn’t understand came up and filled my throat.
“Oh, shut up!” I yelled. “You’ve been quiet and strange all week, why talk now? I’m so sick of worrying about you and looking after you. I’m sick of your insolence and that way you look at me, like I’m some terrible cross you must bear! You want to know what I was doing? I was getting more information about Asher. The Poet and I even went down to Washington Square Park to look for him. Did you know that Asher, Daisy and Santino grew up together? No, that’s right. You’ve been too busy ignoring me.”
“Rose, this is not the time to argue. Remember, we will find Asher and go home, right? That’s what we need to do. We’ll do that. Let’s get you into bed.”
“And where is this older brother of ours? The one you think will make your dreams come true?” I stood up, making a wide circle with my arms and then put my hand to my forehead pretending to scan the room. “I know why you want to find him. You think he’ll be like Father, and he’ll love you best. Asher the hero, Asher the great! Asher the...”
Ivy picked up a book by my bed and threw it at me. It hit me square in the chest. Drunk, I began to laugh.
“What’s goin’ on over there?” asked Maude from her side of the attic.
“I swear, if you girls get up and come nosing over here, I’ll pop you both. Leave us be,” said Ivy. Then she turned her full attention to me, her green eyes filled with so much hate, I lost my breath.
“Rosemary Adams. Quiet, perfect, boring Rose. Look at you now! Out at all hours, engaged with a piece of cotton to a common cook. Is this how it goes in those books you can’t get your nose out of? I have a question for you, one that doesn’t need an answer. Tell me, Rose, how it is that you stole all this from me? How did you connive your way into the hearts and minds of the people who were meant to belong to me? Was that the plan from the very beginning? How long have you plotted this coup, dear sister?”
My anger had faded, and the room was spinning relentlessly. I sat on the bed not able to answer her or fight back.
“At a loss for words, finally,” she continued. “You listen to me, sister. I have plans. Plans that don’t include you. I don’t care what you do or where this newfound awakening will take you. But there is something I know that you don’t know. See, I had a letter from Lawrence, and I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you so as to spare your feelings. Only right now I’m not concerned with being careful. Mr. Lawrence discovered something very interesting, Rose. Seems like Father’s papers state that if we didn’t find Asher after three weeks here in the city, that the house reverted to you. So there you have it. You are free. Save up the tax money and you can go home.”
I was stunned. “When did you find this out?”
“Last week.”
I stood up, walked to my sister and slapped her across the face.
She didn’t move an inch—standing there bathed in the moonlight. She was holding a hand to her cheek. Soon, she gained her composure and began throwing a few things into father’s rucksack.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“None of your business,” she said.
And then she was gone.
* * *
What does one do when the light of day pours in and you understand that you have erred in such a way that is never to be righted?
The day after I struck my sister and found out that my original search for Asher had been a moot quest from the third week we’d arrived, I went about my duties in a daze. When the clock in the foyer struck noon, Jimmy came by with a letter from Cat.
Dear Rose,
She’s with me, though she’d kill me if she knew I told you. Give her some time. I’ll come by Empire House to visit you, and I’ll make sure Jimmy comes to pick up the garments. Steer clear for a bit, pet.
Love,
Cat
“Hey, Jimmy? Can you wait a minute? I want to reply.”
“Sure, doll. I’ll go bother The Poet. I hear you two may be a permanent item soon.”
“Word travels fast.”
“You’re livin’ in Empire House—no one has secrets here.”
“That’s the biggest lie of all time,” I said.
“Yeah, maybe it is,” said Jimmy.
I ran upstairs and wrote to Cat.
Dear Cat,
I won’t ask about Ivy, not yet, and I know, between you and Jimmy, she’s well taken care of. The two of you, blindfolded and drunk, could protect her better than I did. She’d have been just fine if I wasn’t with her at all. I was so worried about her getting “loose” and “fast” in the big city that I never realized it would be me who would be the one to change. If you think it’s appropriate, tell her I’m not angry, and that I’m terribly sorry I slapped her. Tell her...you know.
Thank you, Cat.
Rose
* * *
It was hard to do my daily tasks after Jimmy left. I had too much to think about, so I tried to do what Ivy did when she was feeling antsy—I tried to sing. Only each note fell flat so I descended into silence instead.
That’s when I realized why Ivy had been silent on the train ride back from Coney Island and in the days that had passed since our trip to the hospital. She’d been worried, too! And I thought she was steaming mad at me. She wasn’t angry at me at all. She was angry at herself, and at Asher. She’d dreamed a dream so big it ate her up.
I cleaned as I thought, and I moved into Nell’s office to dust off her bookshelves and desk. I brought over a small stool to get to a higher shelf and found a large, leather-bound book that reminded me of scrapbooks our mother used to keep. Curious, I brought it down and opened the heavy cover. Old photographs peered back at me.
Young Nell and a beautiful little girl in the garden. Photograph after photograph of that little girl. I realized immediately that I’d found something that could hold another clue, and the first thought...I have to tell Ivy...sent me reeling.
Nell walked in shaking a piece of paper in front of me. I slammed shut the album and slid it behind me. “Did you see this?” she asked.
“What is it?”
“A note from your sister saying she’s no longer living here. You could have told me.”
“It all happened fast, Nell. I was going to tell you when I finished dusting.”
“Well, it is a bit cryptic, which worries me. And then there was the fact she didn’t tell me face-to-face.”
“That’s not easy for Ivy. Besides, Jimmy was just here. Seems Ivy is staying with Cat.”
“How very maudlin of her. Anyway, Miss Rose, we’ll talk more about this later. And thank the lord you didn’t decide to leave home, too,” she said.
The word home rang in my ears as I hurried upstairs to put the album away for further examination, and then finished the daily chores.
Claudia and I were peeling potatoes in the garden while Sonny was inside cooking the evening meal. I had her alphabet primer on the table in front of her.
“Practice,” I said.
“My hands are all dirty, miss.”
“Call me Rosie. And you don’t need your hands to read, you need your eyes!”
She rolled those pretty eyes at me and started. “A, apple. B, ball. C, cat...like Cat!”
“Yes, some words mean more than one thing...”
“It’s confusing.” She sighed.
“Everything is,” I said.
She put down the small paring knife and wiped her hands on her apron to turn the page of the primer. The starch is hard to get off, so she smudged the pages a little. “I’m so sorry, Miss Rosie!”
I put my hand over my mouth to stifle the laughter. “Oh, Claudia, all my books are stained! I think that means you love them. Don’t give it a second thought. Keep reading.”
“F, farm. G, gin.”
“That’s not in the primer, Claudia!” I laughed. She was catching on quickly. I knew she’d be reading soon.”
“You’re no fun,” she continued. “G, gold. H, house. Rosie, tell me about your house.”
“That’s not in the primer, either,” I said.
“I’m sick of the alphabet. Come on...tell me about your life before you came here.”
I took a breath, not knowing if I was ready to revisit memories at the same time as I knew I needed to make sure I didn’t push them away. Claudia had been, since the day I arrived, my little conscience. Always able to know what I needed a second before I needed it. So I decided to answer her as best as I could.
“Well, Adams House was rather big and full of secret nooks and crannies, but it was stunning and simply poured warmth and welcome out its windows. There were white painted clapboards and a picket fence. Old oaks lined the road with their leaves meeting in the middle, forming a canopy. There was a lake, too. And no sounds at night. No lights, either.
“The air out there is clean and crisp, with no notes or textures. Not like New York City at all, with its lovely, awful smells.”
“It must have been nice to grow up in a place like that.”
“Yes, it must have,” said Nell, who had slammed into the garden armed with pinking sheers. “Away from all the vermin, beggars and filth.”
“Are you teasing me, Nell?”
“Maybe so,” she said, snipping a stem so precisely I could hear it snap.
“Have you ever been to the country, Claudia?” I asked.
“Nope. And I don’t plan on it. All that quiet would scare me silly.”
“Terrible place, the country,” continued Nell. “Full of misfits and heathens pretending to be Christians. Humans forget to be human when they aren’t surrounded by comparisons.” She paused. “Not that you and Ivy are...”
“I know, Nell. I know what you meant. I am not offended.”
That’s when Nell turned pale and fell to her knees. Claudia ran to her and I yelled for Santino.
He knew just what to do. He had ice water and cold cloths. Maude and Viv had come home to change for evening shifts, and they were clucking over Nell, as well. My worry over her condition was startling. I’d felt myself growing closer to the city, and those who I considered friends, but Nell? I suppose she was part and parcel of it all.
“She’ll be fine,” said Santino, noticing my concern. “Claudia, take our Rosie out into the garden while I take care of Miss Nell.”
“You bet, Poet.”
She took my hand.
“Honey, aren’t we already in the garden?”
“Yeah, but that ain’t the one he’s talkin’ about. Come see.”
* * *
We walked around the side of the building that hid a surprise—a small square, sunny and filled with wildflowers. Claudia unlatched the gate, and it moaned open to reveal a wonderful, riotous world.
“I think fairies live here,” said Claudia.
“I wouldn’t be surprised.
“F, F is for fairy.”
I picked her up and hugged her tight. “You did it!”
“I been practicing...”
“Tell me, why is this garden all hidden behind here?”
“Cat likes it this way, all free. Drives Nell mad. But anyways, I gotta go finish the potatoes. Sonny won’t tan your hide, but he will mine.” She skipped away from me, leaving me with the flowers.
“Well, a clever girl would wonder why two women who aren’t related would spend so much time together,” I said to no one.
“Talkin’ to yourself, Rosie?” asked Santino.
“You scared me!”
“I’m sorry, it’s just... Nell’s askin’ for ya.”
I held my hand over the wild daises. They were waist high, and I let them tickle my palm.
He kissed me. “I could kiss you in the daisies forever,” he said.
“Though that sounds like heaven, we mustn’t keep the queen waiting,” I said, and I took his hand and led him back inside Empire House.
* * *
Santino stayed in the kitchen, and I walked down the foreign back hall toward Nell’s room. I pulled up my hand to knock on the door, but heard Cat speaking with Nell instead. Unsure of what to do, I listened.
“Have they found him, do you think?” Nell asked.
“No. At first it was fine, keeping things from them. But now I feel as if they are becoming part of this family. Soon, we’ll have to tell them everything.”
“Not yet. Daisy was so skittish when Seacrest closed, I’m afraid she’ll abscond with him entirely. Only those sisters can walk this road gently. They’re close. Give them some more time.”
“Another week, and that’s it. It never felt like lying before. Now it does.”
I couldn’t believe my ears—Cat and Nell did know about Asher, and had been keeping him from us all along, just like we suspected. And they were much closer to each other than they let on. I could have exploded with all the newfound clarity right there because I had no one to tell.
So I walked a few steps back down the hall and then stomped a bit before knocking.
Nell called for me to come in. She was sitting up in bed, and Cat was reading to her. The way their heads turned toward me at the same time and angle as I entered the room made me recall the ways I’d always noticed Cat and Nell’s similarities. How had their relationship—whatever it was—gone right over my head? Could the little girl in the gardens with young Nell be Cat? Or was that too long ago?
“Good, you’re here. I’ve got to get back to the shop. Hopefully, you and your sister will patch things up soon. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. Tell her...”
Cat smiled as she gently shut the door behind her, leaving the room. I was alone with Nell.
“Miss Neville, have you had your tea? I’ll get some for you,” I said.
“You may call me Nell. I know you do when you are not addressing me directly anyway,” she said.
I went to her then and sat on the side of the bed. The memory of the last night I cared for my father was heavy on my mind.
“Tell me, Rose—what is it? What is this all about? Why has Ivy left?”
“Everything will be fine, Nell. You need to rest.”
I was fluffing the pillows up behind her and easing her back into a sitting position.
“That’s lovely, Rose. Honestly, you’ve surprised me these past few weeks. I thought you a cold duck, I did.”
“I behaved like one, Nell. But lately I’ve been wondering about something. Did you ever wonder whether I real
ly was that person, or if I became that way because you decided on my constitution before you even met me?”
“The city has given you a sassy tongue, I see.”
“No, just a sense of humor, I think. Are you feeling better?”
“Just a bit of heatstroke. And my legs have been bothering me, arthritis or something. It can’t be your wildest dream, this life, cleaning up after people. I suppose you can’t wait to get your house back. You’ll be where you are most comfortable, alone with your books in the quiet of the country.”
A queer bit of nausea began rumbling in my belly. That didn’t sound like a very interesting life at all. I thought of telling her right there about Ivy’s revelation, only something held me back.
“Did Santino tell you that he’s decided I should marry him?” I asked instead, changing the subject.
Nell’s eyes grew wide, but they weren’t angry...they seemed almost happy.
“Rose, don’t kid an old woman.”
“See?” I said, holding up my hand with the now-limp piece of cotton.
“Well, well...here I was thinking you’d cut yourself. Does this make you happy?”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Nell. But I’m confused. Does my happiness matter to you?”
She turned her head from me and looked toward the door. A tear pooled in her eye.
“When you get to be my age, and you meet someone who reminds you of yourself when you were younger...you begin to care. If that bothers you, I have a hundred more closets for you to clean tomorrow.”
I paused, wanting to know everything—wanting to confront Nell about what I’d overhead. But I knew, instinctively, that I’d have to find my way back into my sister’s heart before I could unravel the rest of the mystery.
“I’ll get your tea, Nell,” I said, and tentatively touched her hand. She did not pull away.
* * *
The next day we were all gathered at the crowded dining room table.
Jimmy came to call. I was delighted to see him, but could not for the life of me figure out why he felt like an old friend.
Empire Girls Page 18