by McKayla Box
For any of it.
THIRTY SEVEN
“Get in, loser,” Gina yells. “We're going shopping!”
I'm standing in my driveway. I've just gotten home from school and she's leaning out of the passenger side window of Maddie's car.
“I...I don't think I can,” I say.
“Why the fuck not?” she says. “You aren't going inside there and wallowing. We'll come break down the door.”
I know she means well, but I'm not feeling it. “I don't think so.”
The rear passenger door opens. Bridget gets out and walks over to me. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“I know this is probably the last thing you want to do right now,” she says. “But we thought we should go find dresses for prom.”
I start to object, but she holds up her hand.
“And, I know. That's probably the furthest thing from your mind right now,” she says, correctly reading my mind. “You aren't exactly feeling prom right about now.” She smiles. “But we also don't want you sitting in your house alone, stewing about everything. I'm here to tell you we aren't going to let you do that.”
I'm grateful for her thoughtfulness, but I have no energy to shop.
“You don't have to talk if you don't want to,” Bridget says. “Or shop. We don't care. But just com with us. Just so you aren't alone. Maddie said she'd drive over to Old Valley to the mall over there so we won't run into anyone we know.” She grabs my hands. “Come with us. If you're absolutely miserable, we'll bring you back. I swear.” She smiles again. “But you don't get in the car, I'm pretty sure Gina isn't kidding about breaking down your door.”
I laugh and sigh. “Okay. I can't promise to be much fun, though.”
“You don't have to promise anything,” she says, squeezing my hands. “Just come with us.”
I take my bag inside the house, use the bathroom, and walk back out to Maddie's car. Gina is leaning out the window with a hammer. “I was totally fucking serious about breaking down your door!”
I can't help but laugh.
My friends are pretty great.
The drive to Old Valley takes about a half an hour and they chat while we drive. I mostly listen. They don't ask me questions about the day or if I'm okay. They don't ask about Trevor or Athena or Shanna or Derek. They just let me sit there and participate when I want to. I mostly look out the window as we drive, but I'm grateful that they are just letting me...be.
The mall isn't terribly crowded when we get there and it's nice to stroll around without worrying if anyone is looking at me. We don't see much of anything in the first few stores we go in, but Gina hits the jackpot with this amazing orange, sexy dress that looks exactly like something she'd wear. Strapless and short, people will be staring at her because she'll be gorgeous. Like usual.
We get coffees and continue on our quest. Maddie and Bridget find ones they like. Maddie buys an ankle length black dress with spaghetti straps that makes her look like a magazine model. Bridget finds an emerald green one that brings out the color in her eyes and looks absolutely perfect on her.
I'm the only that hasn't found anything.
I haven't even tried anything on. Nothing looks right. I find something wrong with everything I see. I know it's my mood, but I can't help it.
Bridget links her arm with mine as we walk. “Doing okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. Thanks for dragging me along.”
“You're welcome,” she says. “I wish there was more I could do.”
“This is enough,” I tell her. “Really.”
She shrugs. “Doesn't feel like it. This should be fun for you. It's fucking prom. And I know this has all just put a damper on it for you. That sucks. Because it feels like they all took even that away from you.”
It's exactly how I feel.
“But you can't wear shorts and a T-shirt to prom,” she says. “Well, I guess you could. But that might be weird.”
I laugh and lean into her.
We walk for a little while longer and nothing catches my eye. I've pretty much lost hope that I'll find anything and wonder how weird it actually would be if I just went in shorts and a T-shirt. Then Maddie suggests hitting the last store that has dresses, the only one we haven't been in.
And I see it immediately.
It's powder blue. It's strapless and floor length, with a slit over the left leg nearly up to the waist. There's a slight ruffle around the waist.
The color reminds me of Trevor's eyes.
Bridget sees it, too, and makes a beeline for it. “This one.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I'm gonna get the sales lady,” she says.
“That is hot,” Gina says. “Like, flaming hot.”
Maddie nods. “It looks like you, Presley. Legit.”
Bridget comes back with the sales lady, who has the same dress in her hands on a hanger.
“I told her your size,” Bridget says. “Try it on.”
The lady smiles and motions for me to follow her to the changing room. She leads me to a well-lit area and opens the door to the first room. She hangs the dress on the hook inside the room and steps back. “Let me know what you think.”
“Thank you,” I tell her.
I step into the room and pull the door closed behind me. I shrug off my purse and set my phone down on the small seat. I slip out of my shorts and T-shirt, take the dress off the hanger, and slip it on over my head. It weighs nothing. I reach behind and manage to wiggle the small zipper upward. Then I turn around.
The mirror image doesn't even look like me. There are dark circles beneath my bloodshot eyes. The pony tail I pulled my hair into earlier in the day has come loose, shooting strands in multiple directions. There's less color in my face than the last time I checked the mirror.
But the dress is beautiful.
The color is perfect and it fits me exactly the way it should. I turn slowly in a circle and the bottom billows around my ankles, like the breeze caught it. The slit through the skirt comes up just high enough to feel sexy, but doesn't give away everything.
Even in my state of disarray and gloom, I love it.
I love it.
“Get your ass out here,” Gina calls. “We wanna see.”
I push the door open and walk out to the floor.
“Holy shit,” Gina says. “Trevor's gonna shit himself.”
“That looks incredible,” Maddie says, shaking her head. “Turn around.”
I spin around.
Maddie nods. “Yep. You're crazy if you don't get it.”
“Do you like it?” Bridget asks. “It looks amazing on you.”
I catch my reflection in another mirror.
I nod. “Yeah. I love it.”
“Sold!” Gina yells.
The sales lady smiles, waiting patiently.
I go back into the changing area, slip out of the dress, and put my clothes back on. I grab my stuff and the dress and walk back out. I hand the dress to the lady. “I'll take it.”
She nods, smiles, and takes it from me. She turns and heads to the counter.
I unzip my purse and dig around for my wallet.
Bridget puts her hand on my arm. “Nope.”
I look at her.
Gina and Maddie hustle past us, heading for the counter.
“What?” I ask.
“We're buying,” Bridget informs me.
“What? No. Why?” I say, confused.
“Yes and you can shut up about it,” Bridget says, smiling. “We already decided and pooled our cash. We're buying it. For you. It's our gift.”
“Your gift?” I ask. “For what? I don't need a gift.”
“We think you do,” she says. “You've had a shitty week. Actually, you've had a shitty few months. And you need to know that we love you and care about you and that we're still sorry we temporarily fucked things up.”
“You don't have to buy my dress,” I say, shaking my head. “Really.”
“It's happening, bitch,” Gin
a yells from the counter. “Get over it!”
Bridget laughs. “See? It's out of your control.”
I shake my head. “I don't know what to say.”
“You don't have to say anything,” she says. “We want to do this. For you.”
“Thank you,” I say.
She hugs me. “You're welcome.”
Maddie and Gina return, the dress now sheathed in a gray, plastic cover.
Maddie holds it out. “All yours.”
I take it from her. “Thank you. All three of you. Thank you.”
Maddie smiles and nods.
“Trevor's the one who's gonna be thanking us,” Gina says.
We all look at her.
“Because that boy's gonna be hard all night long when he sees you in that thing.”
We all laugh and, for the first time in days, I get a sense of what's been missing from my life.
Normalcy.
THIRTY EIGHT
It's two days before prom.
And no one's been arrested.
And it's freaking me the fuck out.
“Don't you think it's odd?” I say.
Trevor looks at me. “I don't know what the fuck odd is anymore.”
We're sitting in the sand after an hour on the water. We drove straight over from school because the waves were firing and because I was craving the ocean. The water feels slightly warmer and while I feel stiff and rusty, I manage to not embarrass myself for the hour we are out.
“I mean, she rushes into talking to everyone,” I say, leaning back on my hands. “Literally starts the night I go in. Spends the next couple of days talking to everyone. And now it's...nothing.”
He rolls the wetsuit down to his waist and shrugs. “I don't know. My dad says it's because they're probably trying to figure out what to do. The one time he's spoken to me.”
Things have been tense at their house. His father is furious with him. Over everything. Trevor hasn't wanted to talk a lot about it, but I can tell it's bad.
One more thing I feel responsible for.
“My dad said that, too,” I tell him. “But it just feels weird to me. Like it's hanging over anything.”
He leans forward and hugs his knees. He chuckles. “At least it's kept the assholes away.”
He's right about that. Since Derek came up to me in the parking lot, none of them have come for me. Athena is back at school, but I've seen her one time and that was from behind as she was walking to class. Shanna has given me one dirty look in passing, but she's mostly stayed away from me. I haven't seen Derek at all.
None of that bothers me. If anything, it gives me one less thing to worry about it.
But it still feels weird.
“Did you go talk to the attorney?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah. We're basically in wait and see mode.”
Detective Gentry showed up at Trevor's when we were dress shopping. His dad tells her he won't speak without their attorney. So they arrange to go in the next morning. He tells her about everything, answers her questions, and she probes hard about what happened between him and Derek at Derek's party.
She doesn't mention a thing about Santa Barbara.
When they're done, she tells him she'll be in touch.
But they haven't hear from her.
And either have I.
“I'm tired of waiting to see,” I say, digging my fingers into the sand. “I wanna know. I don't even care anymore what happens. If she decides she can't do anything, fine. Whatever. At least it's over. And if she is going to do something, then just fucking do it. The waiting is killing me.”
He laughs. “My girl is so impatient.”
I poke him in the ribs and he leans away.
“Look, see it from their point of view,” he says. “The detective lady doesn't want to put in all this time, screw something up, then have it all fall to shit because they missed something. The fact that she's taking awhile probably means there's something going on.”
“I wanna know what it is.”
“You aren't a cop,” he says, eyeing me. “Or a detective.”
“I don't care.”
“Impatient and unreasonable,” he says.
I go to poke him again, but he catches my wrist this time. He pulls my hand into his and intertwines his fingers with mine. He smiles at me.
Damn.
“Whatever is going to happen is going to happen,” he says. “I know that sounds like some philosopher bullshit, but it's just the facts. We can't stop anything from happening. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about the unknown. You shouldn't either.”
I know what he's saying makes sense. I'm just not sure I can get it through my thick head.
“Why is your dad so mad?” I ask.
He snorts. “Why isn't he?” He shakes his head. “I don't know. He has all of these expectations for me, but he sets them without ever talking to me about them. I honestly don't know what he cares about. It's super fucking frustrating, but oh well. I can't change him, either.”
“I'm sorry,” I say.
“Why? You didn't make him an asshole.”
“I'm sorry that you have to deal with that,” I say. “I'm sorry it upsets you.”
“Who says it upsets me?” he asks.
“You don't have to say it. I can see that it does.”
He shrugs. “It's always been that way. It's nothing new.”
We sit there for awhile watching the water.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe I just need to stop thinking about all of it and be present in the moment. Stop worrying about what might happen and focus on what is happening. Like me and him and prom and graduation and college. Those are known things. I can make decisions about those. I can't make decisions about things that haven't happened yet.
The sun reaches the edge of the water and shoots out rays of pinks and oranges and yellows.
It's beautiful.
I lean over and put my head on his shoulder.
He squeezes my hand.
Being in the present, right at this moment, feels pretty damn good.
THIRTY NINE
It finally starts to happen.
It's the next day, the day before the prom. Classes are pretty much useless because people are excited and already looking ahead to the dance. Teachers recognize it and most of them don't fight it. They show movies and use class time as study halls. It's easier than trying to get a bunch of seniors to pay attention.
And I'm actually starting to feel excited about it.
After all of the anxiety over Santa Barbara and talking with the police, I've managed to let go a little bit and look forward to the dance. I'm going out to dinner with the girls, then we'll head to the hotel for the prom, and then Maddie's dad was able to set up a hotel room for us afterward.
I'm in the parking lot after school, waiting on the girls. We have an appointment to go get our nails done. Which will be a first for me. I've never been a nails girl. Seems like too much work. But they are all going to get theirs done and they want me to come, so I agree.
Bridget makes it out first. “I don't even know why they have us come to school during prom week. No one does anything.”
“I know,” I say. “My classes dragged.”
“I heard Athena left in the middle of the day,” she says. “Do you know anything about that?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Still total silence on my end.”
She shrugs. “Maybe she left to her back waxed for tomorrow night.”
I laugh. “Gross.”
Maddie and Gina emerge from school.
“I'm getting my mom to call me out tomorrow,” Gina says. “This day was a fucking waste.”
“I just said the same thing,” Bridget says.
“I'm not sitting through it again tomorrow,” she says. “No fucking way.”
“Well, that's interesting,” Maddie says.
“What? That I'm not coming to school tomorrow?” Gina asks.
Maddie shakes her h
ead and points across the lot. “No. That.”
We all turn and look.
A police car is pulling into the lot, followed by a blue sedan. They slow once they're into the lot, then pull around to the edge of the lot, idling at the curb. The passenger door of the sedan opens and Detective Gentry gets out.
“Oh shit,” I say. “There she is.”
“What's she doing here?” Bridget asks.
“I think we're gonna find out,” Gina says.
She holds a phone to her ear and scans the parking lot. Two officers get out of the car in front of hers and come around to her. She says something to them and they start walking down the aisles of the parking lot, checking the cars.
“What are they doing?” Maddie asks.
I have no clue.
But the hair on the back of my neck is standing up.
People are still pouring out of school. They are stopping on the sidewalk, watching the cops. They are impossible not to notice.
The one in the middle aisle stops, then leans into the microphone attached to his shoulder. The other cop makes his way toward him and Detective Gentry heads in that direction, too.
Butterflies dance in my stomach.
I look down the sidewalk.
And I see Shanna, standing there, watching them. Lisa and Jessica are next to her, saying something that I can't here. Shanna shakes her head slowly, then steps off the curb slowly. She stumbles for a moment, like she didn't expect the ground to be there when her foot hit it.
I look back at the cops.
And that's when I realize they are standing behind Shanna's car.
“It's her,” I say.
All three of the girls look at me.
“What?” Bridget asks.
“They're here for her,” I say. “For Shanna.”
“No fucking way,” Gina says. She pulls out her phone. “I'm so getting this on video.”
Shanna walks slowly across the lot and Detective Gentry spots her, then starts walking to meet her. One of the officers trails behind Gentry. The other stays near Shanna's car, talking into his shoulder mic.
Gentry says something to Shanna.
Shanna nods.
Gentry says something else.
I can't hear any of it. They're too far away.
Shanna nods again.