“What are you talking about?” Abram asked.
“You’ve had a strong attraction to Kishara from the moment you saw her,” Mitchell reminded him. “I’m her cousin. You must sense a similarity between us. Not to mention, you’ve already told me that you feel the connection between me and her. You feel it with Vexx, too, but it’s stronger with me. You feel closer to Kish when you’re with me.”
“There is no similarity between you,” Abram ground out. “I don’t think about Kish. I don’t dream about Kish. It’s beginning to piss me off that you keep accusing me of having a thing for her and using you as some replacement. I get why my attraction to you bothers you, but stop pretending it’s not real. Just say that I’m a dick and that’s why you don’t want anything to do with me. No one will blame you for feeling that way. I sure as hell won’t blame you.”
“That’s not why I said that,” Mitchell snapped. “Why do you always have to be so negative about everything?”
“Because I’m an asshole,” Abram reminded him.
“Not as much of one as you’d like the world to believe,” Mitchell argued.
“Really?” Abram asked. “I was attracted to Kish because I liked that she was even more of a mess than me. As messed up as that reasoning is, my reasons for being attracted to you are worse. You’re like this blinding fucking beacon of goodness. Whenever I’m around you, I can see that you’ve struggled, but you’re still good. I turned my struggles into an excuse to be a total bastard, and they were nothing compared to what you went through.”
“You don’t know anything about my struggles,” Mitchell argued.
“I probably know more about them than you do,” Abram admitted before running his hands through his hair and muttering several expletives. “Fuck me. I wish I didn’t know anything about your struggles.”
“What are you talking about?” Mitchell asked cautiously. “What exactly do you know?”
“We’ll talk on the drive,” Abram replied as he walked toward the jeep a vampire had brought for them.
Mitchell nodded and got into the jeep. They drove several minutes before Abram spoke again. He’d started to wonder if Abram planned to avoid saying more.
“My dad was a high-ranking guard back on the old island settlement,” Abram began.
“I’d heard that,” Mitchell replied. His friend, Nate, had grown up around Abram and given him a little background. Nothing Mitchell had heard about Abram was good. “You spent more time in the main building than the other kids.”
“Only a small group of us kids spent any time in the main building,” Abram explained. “Very few of the guards for the leaders on the island had families. They saw how fucked-up the world truly was and didn’t want to bring any more kids into it. Kids weren’t allowed to wander around the main building. We had classes there a few days a week and lived in homes close by. I think we were isolated so we wouldn’t make friends with the others on the island.”
“So, you spent your time with the same kids, isolated from almost everyone else on the island,” Mitchell concluded.
Abram nodded. “It was smart of them to do that. As I said, we went into the main building sometimes but weren’t allowed to wander around. I’m not great at taking orders, so I knew the building like the back of my hand.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Mitchell responded.
“I saw you,” Abram confessed.
Mitchell froze, almost afraid to breathe. Memories of his captivity—the time when he’d been infected and changed into a vampire—had come back to him over the years. When he’d first come to Connor’s settlement, after being captured, he’d had little memory of who he was or what had happened. As the memories returned, he tried to push them to the back of his mind. Some nights, he still woke up in a cold sweat from a dream about his days locked in a small cage. He’d been treated like nothing more than a science experiment as he listened to the screams from his family. One memory he wished had never returned involved his sister’s screams after being infected. For hours, she’d shrieked and cried until her throat was raw. Then came the worst part—the silence. A little while later, he’d watched her lifeless body being dragged away like trash. So, no, he didn’t want to remember any of that.
Still, he found himself asking, “What did you see?”
“I saw you sitting in that cage, reciting your name and the names of your family members over and over again,” Abram admitted. “You looked starved for blood.”
“Did you see what happened to my family?” Mitchell asked, looking over to gauge Abram’s reaction.
“No, but I can guess,” Abram replied. “I snuck over there a bunch of times to watch you, but I think they were already gone by then.”
“Why did you watch me?” Mitchell asked. Nothing was ever simple with Abram, so he couldn’t assume Abram hadn’t gone simply because he enjoyed Mitchell’s pain or because he felt sorry for Mitchell. When Abram said he acted different with people he liked, it was true. It was easier to maintain his distance from those he didn’t know, and Mitchell had been a stranger.
“Your heart should have stopped beating,” Abram said in amazement. “Like the others, you weren’t getting enough blood, so you should have already been undead with no memories of your life. Back then, they thought the undead ones forgot everything.”
“They don’t?” Mitchell asked. He’d always heard undead vampires were mindless killers with no memory of their lives or those they loved.
Abram shook his head. “From what I can tell, that’s the way it is with the original virus, but the new one is different. The undead vamps don’t usually remember anything. All they think about is their need for blood. The reason Roger liked them so much is that they’re extremely biddable when it comes to the person feeding them. They can also be dangerous when they're starving. I’ve learned a lot about them since taking over as leader. It’s not simple or pretty. Their memories pop up at the strangest times.”
“Do they know what they’ve become?” Being forced to become a vampire had been hard for Mitchell. His whole life revolved around getting enough blood to keep his heart beating. If he didn’t, he’d become undead—the outcome he feared above all else. Mitchell couldn’t imagine having moments of clarity where he realized the monster he’d become.
“That’s hard to say,” Abram responded with a shrug. “When their memories come back, they remember what they did. Some remember tearing apart their own family. One of them is a father who remembers draining his infant daughter dry before killing his wife. He’s the one who remembers most often, and I’ve been tempted to put a stake through his heart to end his misery.”
“That’s horrible,” Mitchell uttered. “I can’t imagine living like that.”
“It’s for the best that they rarely remember anything,” Abram told him. “Their memories quickly fade again, but it’s hard to watch the lucid moments.”
“Is that why you haven’t destroyed them?” Mitchell asked. “I’ve always wondered why you keep them alive.”
“You and everyone else,” Abram stated.
“I don’t usually see things the way others do, but from what I can tell, many believe you keep them as a potential weapon to use in a war against us. Connor used to think that, but now he says you have your reasons, and we should let it go.”
“Connor knows my reasons,” Abram agreed. “Why did you think I keep them around?”
“In case we came after you,” Mitchell replied. “You know it could happen—know there are plenty of people who want you dead. I figured the feral vampires were a back-up plan.”
“That is an added benefit,” Abram agreed.
“But you do it because you’ve seen the humanity in them,” Mitchell replied.
It wasn’t a question, so Abram didn’t reply. They both remained silent for several heartbeats.
“Did you only come back to watch me in that cage because of some morbid fascination?” Mitchell asked quietly.
“I was drawn to your
strength, and the light in you, the same as I am now,” Abram admitted. “I keep telling you that, but you don’t want to believe me.”
Mitchell said nothing, not sure how to respond. It’s not that he saw himself as weak. He’d merely never expected someone like Abram to admire his type of strength. Abram’s praise made him oddly uncomfortable. He liked it, but he still didn’t trust Abram’s attraction to him.
Mitchell cleared his throat. “We should talk about something else.”
“Because I’m making you uncomfortable?” Abram asked.
Mitchell nodded. “I’m not ready to deal with any of this today.”
“Are you mad that I watched you?” Abram asked with a hint of vulnerability in his voice.
“No,” Mitchell replied honestly. “I’m tired from opening the portal, and I hate thinking about that time.” He hated thinking that Abram had seen him. “Can we talk about something else? Something light?”
Abram hesitated so long that Mitchell began to wonder if he was going to refuse to change the subject. Finally, he nodded and asked, “How about if I burn the shifters’ clothes for you?”
Chapter 25
Among the things Jase hated about being the leader of his clan, having someone shadow him on runs rated close to the top of the list. Even his annoyingly impulsive youngest brother argued that he needed to take someone with him when he went out. Before, Jase had been able to take off whenever he wanted, but now the clan counted on him. Neither of his brothers was in any position to take over, and he hadn’t named a next in line yet.
Since his last meeting with Vexx, he’d been on edge. His lynx side urged him to find her and claim her, especially after their previous encounter. Vexx was warming up to him. Unfortunately, the problem with Kish was preventing them from simply focusing on what was between them. Vexx had spent the last few days working with Mitchell and Winter as they tried to recreate the magic they’d used to bring Kish back to the jaguar land. Jase had also been busy getting things in order with his clan for his absence, though having Max take over temporarily made things easier. Their clan had been under his rule for hundreds of years before he’d handed the reins over to Jase.
Edgy and cooped up after days in his clan territory, Jase had been ready to snap when Zane suggested they go for a run. Once he shifted into his lynx form, his mind focused on one thing—finding Vexx. He didn’t question it, just followed the faint traces of her scent with Zane and Cade at his side.
When they stopped by the creek, Jase breathed in deeply. She was close, and he wanted her. The lynx side of him wanted to stalk her and mark her. He needed to change forms before he acted on that urge, yet he remained in lynx form as first Zane and then Cade shifted.
“Vexx is nearby,” Zane remarked. “You look like you’re going to mark her. That’s a good idea. Grab her while she’s in cougar form. Her cougar will love it.”
With an internal sigh, Jase decided he’d have to shift, or Zane would continue encouraging him to act on his instincts. He wouldn’t need that much encouragement.
“Marking Vexx sounds like a bad idea,” Cade stated.
Jase shifted and joined the conversation. “It would be a terrible idea. Aside from pissing off Vexx, Winter is with her.”
“You won’t be able to use that excuse when you follow her to her coven,” Zane taunted. “How long do you think it will be before you snap and take her? I’m going with to watch the show.”
Before Jase could answer, Cade said, “You shouldn’t leave the clan just to chase after a cougar.”
“Don’t question my decisions,” Jase ground out. “I am your leader, and I decide what’s best for the clan. Max will be in charge during my absence. Are you insinuating Max is no longer a competent leader?”
“He’s suggesting that Max doesn’t want to rule the clan,” Zane answered for Cade. “That’s only partially true. If Max could find a way to rule the clan and be with Eleanor, he would. This trip is good from Max’s perspective. He’s delaying leaving because he wants to see Jase settled first. If Jase marks Vexx, then Max will feel like he can leave.”
Cade looked thoughtful. “He does need a mate, and the cougar female is a good choice. She’s the daughter of the cougar’s leader.”
“And she makes Jase crazy,” Zane added with a laugh. “It’s good for Jase to have someone around who can make him lose his precious control sometimes.”
“I suppose.” Cade didn’t sound convinced. “It’s good to let go sometimes, but Jase is our leader, so he needs to maintain more control than others within the clan.”
“Enough!” Jase snapped. He took several deep breaths before continuing. “Zane, you don’t need to explain every detail to Cade. You talk too damn much.” His attention shifted to Cade. “I realize that me taking you under my wing may have led you to believe you can question me. You might suddenly believe we’re buddies. Maybe you think we’re so close I won’t kick your sorry ass. You are sadly mistaken if you believe any of that.”
“Dick,” Zane muttered.
Cade did his best to keep a straight face, but Jase saw his lips twitch. He decided against kicking anyone’s ass since he’d often laughed when Zane’s irritating antics had been aimed at their father. It wasn’t quite as amusing when he had to put up with Zane’s bad behavior, but he suddenly understood his father’s patience.
Before anyone could say more, Winter and Vexx surprised Jase by trotting out of the brush and heading toward them. He’d honestly expected Vexx to avoid him as was her norm. They’d talked more since he’d decided to seriously pursue her, but she’d never actively sought him out. Vexx was small for a cougar. Standing beside Winter in jaguar form, she looked even smaller. Winter immediately shifted while Vexx regarded him in cougar form.
“This saves us some time,” Winter told Jase.
“Couldn’t stay away from me?” Jase asked Vexx with a smirk.
Vexx shifted, her eyes locking with his, and he had to bite back a grin. That she wasn’t trying to avoid meeting his gaze spoke volumes for how much their relationship had improved. Her expression held no challenge, no defiance, just confidence.
“No,” Vexx replied with a saucy smile. “I had to see you.”
Jase’s gaze remained locked with Vexx’s. She was teasing him, and he liked it. He stepped closer until she had to look up to continue holding his gaze. “You’re seeing me. What can I do for you?”
“We should be ready to leave within the week.” Vexx’s voice was a little strained. “Mitchell still needs to talk it over with Connor. It seems Connor is having trouble finding people who won’t be a problem traveling with Abram.”
Mention of Abram cooled his blood some. Jase didn’t like the idea of the bastard traveling with them or getting anywhere near Vexx.
“I think the best Connor can hope for is people who won’t try to kill Abram,” Zane added.
“We should leave Abram behind,” Jase stated. “It’s foolish to bring him with us when everyone hates him.”
“Not everyone,” Vexx said with a sigh. “He’s going with no matter what we say. The only way to stop him would be to put a stake in his heart before then.”
“That’s not a terrible idea,” Zane mused.
“It’s a horrible idea,” Vexx argued.
“Killing Abram would upset Mitchell,” Winter added. “What about you, Jase? Are you still planning to travel with us, or have you decided to send some of your lynxes?”
“I’m going,” Jase replied. “Max has agreed to run the clan while I go with you.”
“Max?” Winter asked. “He stepped down.”
“He’s still the best choice, and he offered,” Jase stated.
“You don’t need to go with us,” Vexx assured him.
“Of course, he has to go with you,” Zane argued. “You’re his mate.”
A long, uncomfortable silence followed that announcement. Zane’s feelings on the subject were no secret to Jase.
Winter finally broke the silence,
only to make things more awkward. “They aren’t mates yet. Jase still needs to mark Vexx.”
“True,” Zane agreed. “We were just talking about that before you got here.”
“You were?” Vexx asked Jase.
Before he could answer, Zane continued. “I told him to mark you in cougar form now. Cade thought it was a bad idea, but it would make things less complicated.”
“It might be a good idea,” Cade added. “In some ways, I think you were smart to mark Lexi right after you found her. If you know she’s your mate, why wait to take that step?”
“Exactly!” Zane agreed. “When you find your mate, Cade, do it. Make her yours.”
“Zane is lucky that Lexi is so understanding. A different female might have neutered him before he could enjoy the benefits of having a mate,” Winter told Cade as she glared at Zane.
Zane shrugged and flashed a sheepish smile. “It worked for us. Jase and Vexx need to get to that point.”
“I’m not as nice as Lexi,” Vexx told him. “Since Jase wants to have kittens someday, he’d do well to avoid taking your advice.”
Jase chuckled, surprised by how much he enjoyed her threat. He’d never agreed with Zane’s methods with Lexi, and while his instincts told him to mark Vexx every time he saw her, he knew it was the wrong thing to do. He wouldn’t mark Vexx until she was ready. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t work hard to convince her she was ready.
“You find my threat to castrate you amusing?” Vexx asked.
Jase shook his head. “No, I don’t find it amusing at all. I agree with you, and I like seeing you tell my brother he’s an asshole. It gets tiring having to do it myself all the time.”
Chapter 26
Vexx blinked twice, not sure if she’d heard Jase correctly.
“You look shocked,” Jase remarked.
“You shouldn’t be,” Zane chimed in. “Jase was pissed when I marked Lexi. He said I should have given her time to get used to the idea.”
“You should have,” Vexx agreed.
“Really?” Zane asked with a laugh. “You’re going to be the voice of reason? That’s not normally your thing, is it?”
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