“Why don’t you spend much time with your sister?” he asked.
“I couldn’t spend time with her before. It’s a long story, but if others had known how much she meant to me, it could have gotten her killed,” she replied. “I’m a monster to my clan, including my family—all except my sister.”
“You’re no monster,” he assured her.
“Don’t bet your life on that,” she warned. “I’ve done monstrous things.”
“And it haunts you,” he pointed out. “I sense it, and that’s how I know you aren’t a monster. True monsters feel no remorse for what they’ve done. I knew plenty of monsters in my life before coming to the coven.”
When Kish met his gaze, she saw the darkness—the same darkness people saw in her eyes. Whatever he’d experience still haunted him, and that made her feel a certain kinship to him. Misery loved company.
“What’s your name?” Kish asked, finding it strange that they were having such a personal conversation without even knowing each other’s name. She’d never felt such an instant connection to anyone. The closest she’d come was when she’d met Abram, but even that had come nowhere near what she experienced with this man.
“Rowan,” he replied.
“I’m Kishara,” she told him. “Just about everyone calls me Kish.”
“I know,” he said with a slight smile. “Everyone knows who you are.”
“That is the story of my life,” she muttered. “It’s never a good thing.”
“You aren’t a monster,” he told her.
“You’ve already said that,” she pointed out.
“I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
“Who said I don’t believe you now?” she asked.
“I already told you that I’m an empath,” he replied. “I can sense the emotions of others, and I sense you don’t like yourself, Kishara. You believe the lies you’ve heard your entire life.”
“You can call me Kish,” she told him, ignoring what he’d said about her not liking herself.
He shook his head. “You told me others call you Kish. I don’t want to be like the others in your life. I want to be special.”
“Why?” Kish demanded. “Why do you want to be special to me? Why are you even talking to me?”
“I wanted to,” was his simple reply. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No one told you to find me?” she asked.
He hesitated, proving her distrust was warranted.
“Don’t lie to me,” she whispered. “I’m tired of people lying to me.”
“Lucida asked me to find you,” he admitted.
“So, I’m just a job assigned by your coven,” she muttered.
“No,” he insisted. “I told her no when she asked me to help you because I don’t like using my gift that way. What I said about being drawn to you is true. I’m here by my own choice. Do you still want me to leave?”
Kish was about to ask him to stay when she remembered the last time a near-stranger had offered her friendship, pretended to care about her. That betrayal still hurt, and she wasn’t interested in being used again. “Yes,” she replied quietly, looking down at her bare feet. “You should go.”
“Okay,” Rowan agreed with a sigh. “I’ll leave, but I’m around if you want to talk more. You don’t have to feel lonely.”
Kish said nothing as he stood and walked away. Rowan might pretend to care, but he didn’t. He couldn’t care for someone like her. Anger bubbled to the surface briefly as she silently raged at Rowan for making her want to trust him. She wanted to believe someone saw good in her, someone cared, but it was a lie. She needed to remember who and what she was.
“I am a monster,” she whispered as she pulled her legs against her chest and fought back the tears she refused to shed.
Chapter 56
After the glorious slaughter of the jaguar shapeshifters, excitement hummed through Terigin’s veins. Nothing compared to knowing that he’d caused the end of something that had taken centuries to build.
For all he’d enjoyed about the recent killings, it didn’t lessen his rage at being unable to locate the half-breeds. Arzalina was scouring the forest for traces of the magic used to transport Kishara from the area. Assuming she hadn’t gone to a different dimension, locating her shouldn’t be beyond Arzalina’s abilities.
When he saw Arzalina returning, Terigin stalked toward her. “You’d better have good news for me. I’m tired of waiting around this wretched jungle.”
She scowled. “The portal let out in the same dimension and time, but on a different continent.”
“Then it shouldn’t take long to find them,” Terigin mused. “I wonder if the creatures who created the portal can open more elaborate ones. I’m dying to see if my offspring can make a portal on his own. It’s rare for any halfling to possess that kind of power.”
“The portal they created was crude, but I imagine they’ll be able to open something more elaborate later,” Arzalina explained. “I’ve heard of this sort of thing happening before. They’re harnessing Fae, witch, and mage magic to create the portal. It’s an intriguing combination. Few other species could do something like this. They have to rely heavily on the Fae magic to make it happen.”
Terigin frowned. “Fae magic? I thought the portal was opened using demon, mage, and witch magic?”
She shook her head. “I sensed traces of demon magic, but they were weak. Those traces match the recent energy surges, so your half-breed was with them. Maybe he’s half-Fae.”
Terigin snorted in response. “Impossible. I have no children with any member of the Fae.” As the words left his mouth, a memory resurfaced. Fire raced through his veins as his one Fae tryst came to mind. “That bitch,” he ground out.
“I take it you know who the mother is?” Arzalina asked, showing no emotion. “If we can find her, it will be easier to trace your son.”
He waved off the possibility. “She was a weak Fae. I thought she was only half-Fae at the time. I’m shocked that she could produce a powerful child. It must be my blood that’s made him so strong.”
His anger at her deception hadn’t faded. How dare she keep the existence of one of his bastards from him? She’d have had no reason to assume he’d harm the child since he’d been posing as a low-level demon. The bitch had been too stupid to recognize his power, or perhaps she’d lied about that. It didn’t matter. If she was trying to hide his son from him, he’d track her down and kill her.
“Can you trace the portal to where it let out?” Terigin asked.
“What’s in it for me?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“You’re already being paid to help me,” he reminded her.
The thing he truly hated about working with Arzalina was that she didn’t fear him. The bitch wanted to negotiate for better terms. “Based on what you’ve told me, you don’t want Satan hearing about your search,” she stated.
“Are you threatening me?” he asked.
“Not at all,” she assured him. “I’ve already helped you enough to be guilty by association. I’m simply pointing out that you can’t exactly go looking for another tracker. If I’m going to risk spending an eternity in one of Satan’s dungeons, I expect a suitable reward for my efforts.”
Terigin considered what she’d said before responding. “If things go according to plan, I’ll be your new king very soon. I will reward those who helped me get to the top.”
Her sharp bark of laughter preceded her answer. “I don’t think so. You can give me more details, or I’ll walk away without helping you. You’ll never find another tracker. I already know your last one died in one of Satan’s prison cells. So, why don’t you tell me how you plan to make risking my neck worth my while?”
He was torn between respect and anger. She’d worked with him just long enough and given him enough information to make her indispensable—for now. It was a smart negotiating tactic even if her manipulation pissed him off.
“If you h
elp me, I’ll let you rule over the fourth quadrant of Hell,” he began, watching her reaction to determine if he was making the right offer. She seemed interested, but not sold on the idea. “You’ll also be the top tracker.”
Arzalina’s eyes narrowed. “Drezzoth will never go for that,” she insisted, referring to the head tracker in Satan’s elite guard.
Terigin shrugged. “He won’t have much choice once he’s imprisoned for treason.”
Arzalina’s eyes lit up. “That smug bastard should be imprisoned for the way he treats the other trackers.”
He didn’t give a damn about how Drezzoth treated the other trackers, and he doubted Arzalina would be any kinder when she was in charge. None of that mattered. He needed her agreement.
“Are you going to help me?” he asked. “This is the only offer I’m going to make.”
She nodded. “I’ll help you after you sign a blood oath.” She laughed at the look of shock on Terigin’s face. “Did you honestly expect me to take your word for it?”
“I did,” he confessed. “You’ve impressed me. You’ll be a good leader, and I’m glad you’re working for me. Let’s get this blood oath out of the way so you can find my weapons.”
Chapter 57
Talking to the members of her coven left Vexx feeling more drained than usual. It seemed everyone was right about her becoming less impulsive in the last year. Usually, when she first arrived for a visit with her coven, she felt energized and excited about the adventures her cousins suggested. Either her cousins had come up with crazier suggestions than the last time she’d visited, or she’d changed. It could also be that the danger they faced made her less inclined to embrace her wild side. Then again, she wasn’t sure that risk would have prevented her from giving in to her cousin’s suggestions, which ranged from trying to make a flying broom and jumping off a cliff to traveling to the coast in search of mermaids. This visit was different from those in the past, but she wasn’t convinced she’d want to join her cousins even if this was just a social visit. She’d changed since her last trip to the coven.
“Hey!” Jase called out as he jogged after her.
She stopped and waited for him to catch up to her before speaking. “I was wondering where you were.”
“You don’t need to lie to me, Vexx,” he told her. “I already know you weren’t looking for me.”
She bristled at his accusation even though he was right. “This place has me out of sorts.”
“Are you always out of sorts when you visit?” he asked as they both started walking again.
She shook her head. “Not at first. Usually, I’m glad to be away from the structure of my clan. I love my father, but his rules often feel stifling.”
“Making you even more concerned about accepting me as a mate,” he added with a sardonic smile. “No matter what happens, I won’t feel like I own you or have the right to bark out orders to you. That doesn’t mean I won’t try barking out orders at you sometimes. It just means you need to tell me where to go when I try.”
“You’ve said that before, and I’m trying to believe you. It’s hard since you wanted me to change before,” she pointed out.
“I know,” he replied. “Maybe Abram’s right.”
She laughed in response. “Abram? Did you just say that you think Abram is right about something?”
“I’m even more surprised than you,” he replied. “I guess he can’t always be wrong about everything.”
“Just most things,” she added.
“Definitely,” he agreed.
“So, what’s he right about?” she asked.
“He said it might be a good thing that we’re no longer true mates,” Jase explained.
“How can it possibly be a good thing?” she demanded. “It hurt losing you. It felt like you’d died, and I spent months going over all of my regrets. I still go over them. How could Abram possibly think it’s good that I died and lost that link with you?” Had she not died, her link to the bastard jaguar who’d marked her would have prevented her from truly being with Jase, anyway. Still, that didn’t mean she was happy about suffering the pain of losing Jase.
“Abram thinks it’s good because your witch side may not be as comfortable with monogamy,” Jase explained. “He thinks that may have caused you to react poorly to finding your true mate in the first place.”
“I don’t think my reaction has to do with an aversion to monogamy,” she argued.
“Abram may be off with his reasoning, but I still agree it might be best to start without that pressure,” he stated. “You worried I was only interested in you because of the bond, so you were afraid I’d have issues when I learned more about you. You didn’t know me back then, and you don’t fully trust in the whole true mate thing to guarantee your happiness.”
Vexx stopped and cocked her head to the side as she considered what Jase had said. “I think that may be true. That never occurred to me before now.”
“If Abram hadn’t said something, I don’t think I would have considered the reasons it’s better that we aren’t true mates now,” he admitted.
“Do you truly think that?” she asked. “I know how hard losing that bond was for you. How can you possibly see it in a positive light?”
Jase stopped and caught her hand to pull her closer. Leaning in, he cupped her cheek and brushed his lips against hers. “I’m glad because I don’t think we’d have made it to this point before. Between my pride and your fears, we were both making it impossible. Now, I have a chance to prove you’re right for me.”
“And you seriously don’t mind waiting?” she asked. “It could be weeks before I’m ready to commit to more.”
“Weeks?” he asked with a laugh. “That isn’t very long at all. I know that would seem like an eternity in Zane terms, but I’m a patient lynx. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Cam had a hard time convincing Claire to give him a chance.”
Vexx nodded. “My dad told me that he offered to help Cam kidnap her, and I wasn’t the least bit amused.”
“I’d forgotten all about that,” Jase admitted. “Do you think he’d offer to help me kidnap you?”
Vexx smacked his chest. “Not funny.”
“It was a little funny,” he argued, grinning when she glared at him. “I’m not thinking about kidnapping you.”
“You’d better not be,” she warned.
“Back to the point I was trying to make,” he continued. “I can be patient. That’s one of the good things about me. I rarely act hastily when it comes to making a decision. Before I met you, I would have argued that I never act rashly. Sometimes, you bring out a side of me I didn’t realize I have.”
“Not a good trait for a leader,” she pointed out. “I’d think you would be counting that as a reason to avoid me.”
“Nah,” he replied before leaning in to nip her lower lip. “I feel younger around you. With you, I feel like I can let go and have fun sometimes.”
Vexx tried to focus on Jase’s words and consider what he was saying, but it was hard when his lips were moving along her jaw. She moaned when he nipped her neck.
“Jase,” she said in a breathy voice. “I can’t think when you’re doing that.”
He pulled away and asked, “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” she assured him. “Thinking is highly overrated.”
Jase grinned, and his head dipped toward hers.
“There you are!”
Vexx let out a soft growl when she heard Lucida approaching.
“Am I interrupting something?” Lucida asked with a saccharine smile.
“Yes, but that was your intent, right?” Vexx asked.
Lucida frowned. “I am your coven leader.”
“I know,” Vexx agreed. “Sorry for snapping at you, but we were in the middle of something.”
Vexx expected Lucida to make one of her typical snide remarks. Instead, Lucida simply continued. “I’m arranging places for everyone to sleep, and I wanted to know who’s sharing sl
eeping quarters.”
“Why are you handling the arrangements yourself?” Vexx asked since it seemed like something her aunt should delegate.
“I’m not used to being in charge,” Lucida admitted, continuing before Vexx could comment. “To be honest, even though I was groomed for this position, I never expected to take over. The council of elders handled everything up until a month ago.”
“I know how you feel,” Jase told her. “Recently, my father stepped down as the leader of my clan, and I took over. Even though I was raised knowing I’d one day lead my clan, it never seemed real.”
Lucida frowned. “You left your clan behind?”
Jase nodded and laced his fingers through Vexx’s before bringing her hand up to his lips. “My father agreed to take charge for a short time so I can help Vexx. I needed to be with her.”
Lucida nodded. “Relationships are strange.”
“You don’t have people in your life you’d go to the ends of the Earth to help?” Jase asked.
“Not really,” Lucida replied. “I’m responsible for my coven, so, naturally, I’d do anything to keep them safe, but I wouldn’t leave my coven for any one person.”
Vexx didn’t feel that monogamy was the only way, and she knew there were those who had successful polyamorous relationships, but the witches from her coven weren’t polyamorous. They didn’t fall in love. The closest they came were relationships with their offspring, and even then, witches didn’t often have children. Thinking about her relationship with her mother, she thought it was probably best that the majority of witches avoided motherhood. Only a handful of them had what it took to commit to raising a child.
“I’ll sleep with Jase,” Vexx told her.
“Mitchell and Abram will probably also share a bed.” Jase didn’t sound happy as he made that statement.
“Yes,” Lucida said with a huff. “It seems they will. Mitchell should find someone who wasn’t born human. He’s much too powerful for a diseased human.”
“Some of my closest friends are vampires,” Jase said with narrowed eyes. “The mate of one of my brothers is a vampire, and I consider her part of my clan.”
Inevitable Darkness Page 25