by Jo Goodman
He simply stared at her, taut with need. Her cool beauty and the passionate promise of her eyes blended into a single vision. He could not imagine wanting her more. His hands cupped her face, and when her mouth parted and her lower lip trembled, he bent his head until he was touching her. He strove for tenderness and quickly realized he could not deliver. He lowered her to the floor and rolled so that he was supporting her. Pulling her close, his hands gliding over her skin, Logan encouraged her to take the same license.
Katy did so willingly, aching with her own needs. He whispered in raw, husky tones that he wanted her, had always wanted her. The pleasure of listening to him was enough for her for a time. He guided her hands to his waist, then lower, between his legs. She cupped him and slowly moved down his body, making a trail with the moist edge of her tongue. She pleasured him with her mouth the way he had once pleasured her and only stopped because of his rough command that she do so.
Startled, afraid she had done something wrong, she warily searched Logan's face when he turned and hovered over her. The planes of his face were hard with self-denial and she understood then that far from being displeased with her, he was balancing anticipation and frustration.
Katy's hands rested lightly on his shoulders. Her thighs parted at the first nudging of his knee. "Come in me now," she urged him.
"You are not—"
"Yes, I am."
She was ready for him. Logan buried his face against the curve of her neck as he thrust into her. She took all of him and the heat generated by his caresses seemed to scorch her. Her sensitive breasts created heat and tension in her whenever he touched them. His body rocked against hers and Katy's hips rose and fell in response to the rhythm of his thrusts. Her nails dug into his shoulders, and the tiny sounds of pleasure and need that came to her lips drove him harder and faster.
Their bodies glistened in the lamplight and his dark hair mingled with the honey of hers. She climaxed first, as he had intended, and cried out her satisfaction when she cried out his name. Katy arched, pushing herself against Logan, meeting his thrusts until the tension in every line of his body collapsed under the impact of his shuddering pleasure.
Katy thought their breathing sounded too loud in the stillness of the room. Beneath her the floor was incredibly hard, and Logan's leg felt very heavy where it lay across hers. "Oh, God," she said mournfully, staring at the ceiling.
Logan slipped an arm under her head, cradling her. His bare toes nudged the blanket he had carried into the room. He slid it toward him until he could reach it with his hand, then he opened it up and placed it over Katy's flushed, perspiring body. She accepted the covering without comment. Logan saw a sheen of tears in her eyes. As he watched, she tried to blink them away, and failing that, one slid past the corner of her eye, past her temple, and disappeared in her hair.
"I don't know if it will help," Logan said quietly. "But wanting is not enough for me either. I love you, Katy."
Chapter 12
"You don't have to pretty it up," Katy whispered. Her throat felt thick with tears. She swallowed hard and wiped impatiently at her eyes with the heel of her hands. "I am not crying rape."
"God!" The single word exploded from him with soft menace. "You make me want to crawl under a rock when you talk like that. Am I really so vile? Will I have to forego touching you the rest of our lives because you are ashamed of what you feel?"
"Why shouldn't I be ashamed? The first time you came to me, you made certain I knew how deeply you despised me—and I still responded to you. Later, on the day of my husband's funeral, I went to your home and betrayed his memory by giving myself to you. And yesterday—it was only yesterday, Logan—you stepped in here with your demands, your threats, and your questions, and I stood up to everything except your touch. How is that supposed to make me feel?"
Logan's fingers twisted in the soft, curling tendrils of her hair. "Doesn't it make any difference that I love you?" he asked.
She looked at him with sad, rebellious eyes. "Why should it if I don't love you?"
Logan's cheeks puffed slightly as he exhaled a lungful of air. He was silent for a long time. Finally, he said, "You are not satisfied with plunging the knife in, are you? You make certain you twist it." He eased his arm out from under Katy and sat up, pushing the blanket toward her. He grabbed his trousers, stood, and jammed his legs into them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Katy sit up slowly, draw the blanket around her like a cocoon, and press her forehead against her folded knees. She was trembling, alone suddenly and afraid. Frowning, Logan turned and stared down at the crown of her bent head. Then he staked his soul on the hope that she had just lied to him.
"Katy... why did you keep the box all these years?" he asked gently, hunkering down beside her.
She did not look at him. She couldn't. The fight had drained out of her, and she heard herself answering his question honestly. "It was all I... all I had left of you."
Her eyes were closed, her lashes spiky with tears. "I have loved you for such a long, long time." She swiped at her tears and darted a glance at him. Her smile was self-mocking. "You carried me away from Stone Hollow on your horse. That was not... was not fair of you, Logan. I was twelve years old. You were my knight, my dragon slayer. How was I not supposed to fall in love?"
"Oh, Katy." His smile was infinitely tender. He remembered a young girl with flyaway braids, a frank, open stare, and a giggle that invariably made him smile.
"Did you know then?" she asked.
"No" he said. "I didn't know."
She sighed, relieved. "I was so afraid you would guess the truth," she said quietly. "When you were around, I followed you everywhere... I could not seem to help myself."
"I didn't mind. I liked you, Katy."
"Not quite the same thing. I loved you."
"Have your feelings changed?" he asked.
The admission came as if torn from her. There was pain in her voice. "A dozen times since then."
"And?" Logan held his breath.
"And I always come back to loving you."
Logan dropped to his knees and pulled Katy into the circle of his arms. His mouth rested against her hair. "Oh, Katy... Katy. Why did you lie to me before? Why keep it from me?"
She drew back stiffly, moving out of his embrace. Her eyes were unhappy. "Because I do not want to love you." Keeping the blanket protectively about her, Katy stood. "Victoria and I were making our own way without you. It has been almost a year since I last saw you, Logan. Don't you see? We were doing all right." She thought she would say more, but nothing occurred to her. Either he would understand or he wouldn't. Ducking her head, she left the room and quietly mounted the stairs.
Love was all that Logan thought he had wanted from her. Now, as he picked up her robe and nightshift and slowly followed in Katy's footsteps, he realized he wanted and needed her trust.
When Logan walked into her room, Katy was putting the items he had dumped on her bed back into the lacquered box. She replaced the box in the bottom of her wardrobe precisely where he had found it.
"May I have my shift?" she asked.
Logan gave her the robe and the shift. She hung up the robe and turned her back on him to put on the nightgown. The blanket lay at her feet. She stepped over it to get to the bed and turned down the covers. She adjusted the wick on the oil lamp at her bedside, turning it back so that it provided only a thin finger of yellow light.
Logan's thumbs were hitched in the waistband of his trousers. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked.
Katy did not answer because she did not know the answer. In her mind's eye she tried to capture Victor's image and found she could not do it.
Logan sat down on the edge of the bed and drew up one leg. "Is loving me so terrible?" he asked.
One of Katy's arms rested under her pillow, elevating her head a few degrees. A strand of hair had fallen across her cheek when she turned on her side and she flicked it back. She was aware of Logan's steady regard. "It isn't fair," she said
softly. "I should have loved Victor this way and I couldn't. I wanted to, Logan."
"You did love him."
"But not as he loved me. I never gave him enough... never. I did not understand it then, but I do now." She returned Logan's gaze. "It was you," she said miserably. "All the time it was you holding my heart. I think Victor knew that."
"Then he knew more than either you or I did," Logan said gently. "I was not so wise about my feelings back then. Were you?"
She shook her head. "I was afraid of you."
"I gave you reason to be." His hand rested on Katy's shoulder. "You never betrayed Victor. You were honest about your reasons for marrying him, and he accepted them. You always paint such a noble, unselfish picture of Victor, but the marriage was not one-sided at all. I think you made him very, very happy, and I do not believe he would begrudge you happiness now." He saw her eyes cloud, her thoughts turn inward. "You never betrayed him, Katy," repeated Logan. "In fact, I don't think you have ever betrayed anyone."
Katy understood then that he had accepted the truth of why she had come to him that morning so many years ago. "Victor once asked me if I was going to tell you about the baby, and I said no. But then he said that if I ever changed my mind, I had his permission to tell you. The way he said it sounded as if he was giving more than his permission. It sounded like a blessing."
"It may have been," Logan said quietly.
A whimper from the other room caught their attention. They were both silent, waiting for the sound to come again.
"I will go to her," Katy said when Victoria began to cry heartily. She started to rise, but Logan held up his hand and stopped her. He was out of the room before she could protest.
Logan scooped his daughter out of her basket and cradled her against his chest. Her tiny body was warm and her cheeks were damp with tears.
He cooed softly in her ear and wiped her cheeks with one corner of her blanket. The sound of his voice had an almost immediate effect. Victoria snuggled against Logan, a beatific smile on her face.
Watching from the doorway, Katy thought: like mother, like daughter. She turned around and went back to bed.
At first Logan thought she was asleep. The covers on the other side of the bed had been turned down. It was not an invitation he intended to ignore. Logan took off his trousers and slipped in beside Katy. After a moment's hesitation he turned on his side and conformed his body to the contour of Katy's. He grinned in the darkness. Katy had taken off her nightgown.
"Witch," he whispered, sliding an arm around her waist.
To Katy's ears it sounded like an endearment. She fell asleep smiling.
She woke up the same way. Logan was placing small, tasting kisses along the line of her neck. One hand was stroking her hip while the other was smoothing her hair against the pillow. Katy stretched languidly and turned toward him. "Mmm."
Logan's chuckle was deep in his throat. He kissed her eyelids. She hummed her pleasure again and adjusted her position, stretching sinuously so her entire body rubbed against his. "Are you awake?" he asked softly.
"Only just," she said.
"Just enough?"
"Mmm."
He took that as a yes. In contrast to the previous night, it was a gentle sort of loving they shared now. Caresses were maddeningly slow, part of an exploration, part of the learning. Touching was discovery.
She liked to have his fingers just brush the nape of her neck. He could actually feel pleasure shimmer through her when he did. She made a tiny sound of enjoyment when he placed his mouth on the curve of her shoulder and later traced the line of her collarbone with his damp edge of his tongue. His lips pressed hotly to the side of her arching throat and the love words he whispered against her flesh were like tiny brands.
He liked it when her leg insinuated itself between his. Her mouth traveling down his chest made his breath catch in anticipation of a more intimate touch. He hadn't known about the twin dimples at the base of his spine until she found them with her tongue. He hadn't realized his skin could be so sensitive, yet he responded wherever she touched.
They both liked kissing. They teased each other with soft, sweet, light kisses that kindled their senses by promising more than they delivered. They sipped delight. Kissing was a prelude.
Logan pulled Katy on top of him so that she straddled his hips. Sliding his hands under her buttocks and lifting her slightly, he communicated his desire. Katy's eyes widened momentarily. Then she smiled a siren's smile and guided Logan into her, sheathing him with the warm velvet walls of her body. His hands slid up her ribcage until his palms cupped the underside of her breasts. The tip of her tongue touched the center of her upper lip and she drew in a sharp quick breath as his thumbs brushed her nipples.
Katy's ivory skin was a canvas for the pale colors of dawn. Morning dappled her body with light. She moved slowly over Logan, lifting, falling, lifting again, all the while watching his gray eyes mirror the pleasure of her darkening ones. She leaned forward, bending her head to kiss him, and her hair parted at the back, and fell across her shoulders. The silky curtain on either side of her face threw her features into shadow.
Logan filled her and yet the sharing was more than physical. She touched his soul. He was her heart.
Katy cried out his name as sensation rippled through her. A moment later she was on her back and her legs were curled around him as he directed the last seconds of his pleasure. She cradled him with her body and murmured loving words in his ear. Her fingertips ran the length of his spine and paused just as his taut muscles shuddered with the force of his release. Her hands resumed their movement, keeping him close to her when he would have lifted himself away.
"God, Katy," he said softly. "I love you."
She nodded. "I think you really might."
"I wish... I wish I had never..."
Katy placed a finger over his lips, stopping him from completing his sentence. "There are so many things I wish were otherwise," she said. "Let's not dwell on them."
He kissed her fingertip and turned on his side. He stroked Katy's soft cheek. "Victoria will be awake soon."
"If she is not already." Katy made an abrupt little yawn that brought a smile to Logan's face. "I should go to her."
"No, stay here. I'll bring her in when she wakes. I want to watch you feed her. You cannot imagine how beautiful the two of you look together."
Katy's eyes dropped away shyly. "I should have told you about the baby after Victor died. When I left New York I felt as if I was running away, but I thought then that I was running from—" She stopped, catching herself before she said Michael's name. Shrugging carelessly, as though what she had been about to say was unimportant, Katy continued. "I realize now I was running from you... running from myself."
Logan's comment was forestalled by Victoria's babbling in the next room. He grinned, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "She is asking for you." His toes found his trousers on the floor and he flipped them in the air. He caught them with his hand. When he glanced back at Katy, her gaze was directed heavenward and she was shaking her head. He planted a quick kiss on her mouth before he slipped into his trousers.
Logan returned to Katy's bedroom a few minutes later. Victoria was in a new diaper but decidedly cranky about the delay with her morning meal. He gave her Katy and asked if he could get her anything. She asked for a glass of water.
After he brought it to her, he stood leaning against a bedpost and watched her.
"Liam O'Shea told me she was born at the theatre," he said suddenly.
Katy smiled, smoothing a lock of Victoria's dark hair behind her tiny ear. "Yes, she was born there. Not much escaped Mr. O'Shea, did it? I hope he got a great deal of money from you."
"He did," Logan said, not a bit regretful. O'Shea had been worth every cent. "I asked him to tell me everything he could."
She nodded. Days ago that would have infuriated her. Today it made Katy feel very warm. In Logan's voice she heard the longing he'd had to
know about her. She had been important to him then. Her baby had been important. He had wanted to know all about Victoria even when he had not realized he was the father. "I hadn't planned to have her there," she said. "But Donna Mae took over and it didn't seem to matter what I wanted."
"I am glad you weren't alone."
Katy's eyes lifted to Logan's. "Donna Mae says I called for you."
Logan could not find the words to tell her how much her simple confession touched him. She could have kept that secret, and he would have been none the wiser. That she had asked for him at Victoria's birth made his heart swell. He left the room quickly before he made a complete ass of himself.
"He loves us very much," Katy whispered to her daughter when Logan was gone. "More than I ever thought we might be loved."
Mrs. Castle arrived at ten o'clock, minutes before Katy was due to leave the house for rehearsal. "Didn't you straighten this out with Mr. Marshall yesterday?" Katy asked as she fastened her bonnet. Behind her she heard Logan coming down the hallway from the kitchen. "Logan? I thought you said that Mrs. Castle would not be—"
The housekeeper interrupted Katy. "Mr. Marshall and I have a satisfactory arrangement," she said. "He talks nonsense to Victoria all day long, and I do everything else." She marched down the hallway, past Katy, past Logan, and disappeared into the kitchen.
Katy raised an eyebrow at Logan and leveled him with a suspicious stare. She remembered how clean the house was yesterday when she arrived home. When she put Victoria to bed there had been a neat stack of laundered diapers on her dresser top. And when she had taken her bath last night there had been the lingering smell of fresh-baked bread. "You were going to let me think you'd done it all, weren't you?"
Logan lifted Victoria so that her tiny body partially hid his sheepish expression from Katy's view. "I told you Mrs. Castle could not be counted on to keep the secret," he said to his daughter. "Let's go see what the old harridan's up to now." Victoria giggled as he spun on his heel and hurried back to the kitchen.