by Cass Kim
Alyssa snatched her hand again, holding it firmly. “No, my hands are fine. I’m not scared of touching you Renna. They have a cure now.”
“It’s not a cure. It’s the start of one. But nobody knows how long it will work, or if it will have other things happen. Like its own mutation. You gotta be careful, Lyss.” Renna thought that maybe Alyssa wanted to be infected. She was always reckless and never seemed to think twice about the dangers of hanging out with her and Emerson. She was the only person other than Sydney not infected in their small group of friends.
“Fine.” Alyssa pulled away and began grooming Tim Tam’s long fur. His motor-like purr immediately started, the sound softening the slight tension that had crept back between them.“I miss that, you know?” Renna gazed longingly at her cat snuggling up to her best friend.
“There are a lot of things I miss.” Alyssa planted a big kiss on Tim Tam’s head. “But we still have each other. And we’ll get Jammin back, somehow. Then, after the government comes and sorts everything out, we can go back home and scare the living hell out of our parents by still being alive.” She stood and held Tim Tam’s face close to Renna’s. “Here, give him a kiss. We’ll get him sitting in your lap before I go on this supply run thing. I promise. Everything will be great. We just gotta hang in there until the government people come and make things right.”
“Yeah.” Renna scrunched her eyes shut and breathed in Tim Tam’s cat smell before he started to squirm away. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Lyssie.”
“Of course I’m right. Maybe tomorrow you can get up early and we can spend some time getting Tim Tam snuggly?”
Renna felt immediate guilt at the hesitation in Alyssa’s voice when she asked the question. “Yes! Yes, of course. I’ll come straight to the main area when I get up.”
“Great! Perfect. Alright, I’ve gotta take this dude to find some carnivore food. But Rennoodle… let’s do better, okay? No more secrets.” Alyssa bent over the table to snag the glow stick without dropping Tim Tam.
Renna nodded. “Yes. No more secrets.”
As Alyssa walked away, Renna watched, still and silent. She should have known her friend would understand she couldn’t keep setting Benjamin back just to feel like a good sister. Just to have that connection, that hope that he’d be back to making Mrs. Grass soup and teasing her. Holding back that secret had built up resentment. But that was something Renna loved about Alyssa; she could let go of all that anger in one big rush. When she said they’d move forward and do better, that was it for her. They really would.
With timing too perfect to be coincidence, Emerson approached the table just as Alyssa exited the tent.
“Were you watching us?” Renna tried to raise one eyebrow as perfectly as he could but was pretty sure her forehead just kind of wiggled around a little.
“I guess that depends on what level stalker that might make me if I say yes.” Emerson returned the single raised eyebrow effortlessly.
“Maybe around a category six.” She gathered up the bowls from the table as he pushed in the chairs.
“That’s not so bad.”
“On a scale of one to five.” She pursed her lips to keep from giggling at her own joke. These light moments were so needed, but she still felt guilty. She shouldn’t be allowed to be happy when Benjamin was a monster and their mother was probably heartbroken thinking they were both dead. Who even knew how bad it was in town? Even knowing how Syd liked to be queen of information, Renna suspected she wasn’t updating them more to protect Renna from knowing what was happening in the small community she grew up in.
Afterall, a fast-paced virus breaking all the usual rules of safety? She didn’t know exactly what was going on, but for them to have quarantined the town, things must be bad. How many of her childhood friends had died? How long were they going to sit around and wait for the government to eventually show up?
She started at her thoughts. Of course! The quarantine must be run by the government.
“Emerson, why don’t the scientists just go to the CDC people running the quarantine?”
“Huh?’ He looked from a few tables away, where he was pushing in more chairs left askew. The dining tent was almost empty now as humans headed to bed and the other science experiments like herself and Emerson went about their nightly activities.
“Why don’t people from camp just get the doctors who are running the quarantine to come here and see the vaccine? To see us? Why are we waiting forever for the ones from Washington D.C.?”
“Oh.” Emerson paused in his movements before continuing. “I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think it has to do with going to people they can trust. Most of this is pretty dang illegal, but the plan is to get the information to the people who will use it fast, but also not go ahead and arrest us for treason or illegal drugs or I don’t know really what they might call it.”
Renna joined him at the final table to straighten up, waving politely as the last late-night diners left the tent. “Okay, yeah, I guess that’s a good point. But, if things are getting really bad out there, wouldn’t faster be better?”
He shoved the last chair into the table, studying its placement before looking up and meeting her eyes, copper pupils dancing in the darkness. “It won’t be better if we get shot on sight by a bunch of scared National Guard soldiers called in to control an outbreak.”
Renna flinched, the memory of her father’s violent death surfacing. “Do you think that’s what would happen?” She focused on letting go of the chair back before she bent it in her newly strong hands.
He softened his voice. “I don’t know. But I know we can’t count on it not happening.”
Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure they’ll be here soon anyhow. The group that went to Washington left weeks ago.”
He nodded, gesturing her past the tent flap and into the cold night. “We have to count on that. Who knows, maybe they’ll even get here before Thanksgiving.”
“They better. That’s still a month away. Who knows how bad the outbreaks will be by then.”
“Alright Chicken Little, let’s stop thinking about the sky falling and focus on what we can control.” His teeth flashed in the moonlight. Syd had been right before, when she’d said he liked to show off sometimes. “Strength and endurance training.”
Renna adjusted her sports bra and unzipped the fleece she was wearing before taking off after him. What would have been a flat out sprint for her in her human days was now a light jog, perfect for warming up before starting strength training. Dr. Kim had given instructions to Emerson to start her training a week ago, and already she felt the changes. Her bones needed to strengthen and thicken to support the new growth in her muscles and pain tolerance
When she caught up with him, she started in, “I know you told Alyssa about Benjamin.” She might be glad about how the situation had worked out with Alyssa, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t mad at him for telling her.
He picked up speed. Probably hoping to avoid the conversation by running fast enough that she couldn’t comfortably talk.
Pushing through the ever-present ache in her hips, she closed the distance. “You’re going to have to apologize to me at some point.”
“Apologize?”
“Yeah,” She puffed out between gasps, dodging a low tree branch. “For you know, breaking my trust.”
He turned to look at her, pushing faster still. Feet sure and comfortable on the small trails he’d spent years creating. “Is it really that big of a deal? I made a judgement call.”
“You broke my trust!” She gasped in air, starting to fall behind. “It wasn’t your call to make.”
“She would have found out eventually. I just thought this was for the best.” His voice was
still easy, unstrained by the pace.
Renna gritted her teeth against resentment. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t get blood and
marrow draws anywhere near as often as she did. “Ugh! You sound just like your Father
.” She almost regretted the words as they came out. She did regret them when he stopped short in front of her, causing her to dodge to the left to avoid plowing into his back.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking off into the trees.
Renna stood at his side, torn between the need to catch her breath and wanting to hold it, waiting for his reaction.
“You know what? Maybe we should take a break tonight. You shouldn’t be squatting heavy with your hip bothering you anyhow.” Without a look back he stalked away, toward the area she knew others like them would be training.
Renna frowned. Did he mean take a break from training or did he mean take a break from each other? She remained rooted in place, waiting for the tears to start. Surely, at some point, she’d finally be able to cry. She hadn’t when she’d found out she was a Wilder. She hadn’t when she’d found out Benjamin was still a Wild type of Wilder. Not even when she’d been told she couldn’t go home for any reason. For a moment, when Alyssa had yelled at her in such an embarrassing outburst in the middle of dinner, she’d thought maybe that would be the moment. But it hadn’t been.
She stood there, long after Emerson’s footsteps faded and the forest grew quiet. She stood still, waiting, until even her extra-warm body began to shiver in the cold night air. But still, the catharsis of tears remained out of reach.
6
Alyssa
“Okay, Timmy Tammy, here’s the deal. You gotta be nice to Renna. Like, not just don’t hiss at her, but actually be nice to her. She’s still your Renna. She fed you your whole life. She scooped your cat litter. She’s the one who always put a blanket on her lap for you to snuggle into, even when it was summer. You remember?” Alyssa felt a little silly talking to the cat so sternly, but he needed to get his act together. She’d overheard the cook talking to one of the camp leader types while she’d been doing the breakfast dishes this morning, so she knew they had only a day or two before the supply run team had to leave. Which meant she had only a day or two to get Tim Tam to be normal again with Renna.
She rubbed the top of his head then grabbed the old hand towel hanging on the edge of her bed and dampened it with the water bottle. Showers were now on hold except after significant rainfall or the supply run. Well, she didn’t want to take a cold shower in a gross outdoor shed anyhow. Running the towel over her face and shoulders, then quickly over stomach and chest, she frowned. Maybe she’d ask to put a huge case of baby wipes on the list. Those would smell better and be easier. Then again, she thought, wiping her armpits carefully before applying a thin layer of deodorant and hoping the remaining stick would last the whole upcoming trip, the scientists would probably say the wipes weren’t eco-friendly enough.
Who cared if she stunk anyhow? Not like she’d be making out with anyone anytime soon. Alyssa quickly redressed in her layers and peeked out of the small tent. The grass had been crisp with frost that morning, but the slight warming from the occasional peek of the sun through the clouds had melted it before breakfast was finished.
“Alright Timmo-Mc-Tammo, let’s go talk to Jammin before Renna wakes up and comes over here.”
They set off into the wilderness, making the daily trek a few hours earlier than usual. The forest was pretty in the afternoon. Sometimes she forgot to take notice of it, walking through the sunset and shadows so much of the time. Primarily evergreens, the trees were still fairly dense, but a few brightly leaved maples and oaks were heralding the end of Autumn, one falling leaf at a time.
Having hashed things out with Renna, Alyssa felt lighter walking toward the reinforced Wilder tents. Heck, by the time she got back from the supply run, they’d probably have Benjamin talking and safe to be around. Janeece and Soo had been working insane hours on the newest serums.
Tim Tam slowed his trot as they came closer to the tents, swishing his tail with whip-like vigor.
Alyssa shrugged at him. “You can stay here. It wouldn’t hurt you to try a few steps closer, though, mister.”
The cat plopped down onto his haunches, bushy tail clearing a circular path in the pine needles around his feet.
She walked the final bend in the path alone, popping out of the forest mere feet from Benjamin’s tent. Knowing she’d left her phone in her own tent, she tucked her hands deep in her hoodie sleeves and settled to the ground.
“Well, Jammin, for once I have new things to report.” She addressed the tent canvas, waiting to hear movement inside. When none came, she continued doggedly on. “Of course, Tim Tam is back there trying to see how many pine needles he can force me to comb out of his tail in one day. So, that’s nothing new.”
At the cat’s name, something stirred. Alyssa nodded to herself. Yep. Jammin was still in there somewhere.
“So, the cool news! Well, I’m going to leave camp for a while. Not like super long, but maybe for a week or two. Actually, I guess I don’t know how long for sure, but I think it won’t be too long. I’m kind of nervous about leaving Renna.”
Another stirring, and then the shadowy outline of a body stood near the reinforced canvas.
“She’ll be okay. She’s got Syd here, and that girl’s a dragon. She won’t let anything bad happen. Just wait ‘til you meet her. And I know now. I know there’s something about Renna that sets you off. That’s why she doesn’t come. She loves you. We all do.” Alyssa shifted her butt on the hard ground, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her jean-clad legs.
“I think they’re close to getting this final serum ready. I mean, I don’t really know all the sciencey crap they spit out when they all talk at meals, but I try to listen. Soo, that’s Emerson’s Mom, was saying that Dr. Kim, that’s Emerson’s Dad, has high hopes for this batch. And Janeece, that’s Syd’s Mom, was saying how he’s usually pretty on target with his timing hypotheses. So, yeah.” She rested her chin on her knees for a minute before tilting her head.
“Don’t you think it’s weird how Dr. Kim is the only one who’s a super jerk about being a doctor? I mean, they’re almost all doctors here. But whatever. I kind of feel bad for Emerson, having that strict Dad.”
The shadow shifted and grew larger as it came closer to the edge of the tent wall.
Alyssa stood and inched forward. She hadn’t seen this before. Maybe it was because more light was shining into the open top of the tent, feet above their heads. The last time she’d come during the brighter parts of day had been weeks ago, when Benjamin was still restrained in the bed. The thrashing shadow had been terrifying enough even knowing he was restrained.
This stillness though. Had he been up and listening before? Had he stood just feet away, still and silent like this, and she’d never known?
Holding her breath, Alyssa shuffled closer to the tent. Almost in touching distance. She reached out a shaking hand, holding it just off the shadowed canvas. If she could see him, could he see her?
The shadow shifted closer again. Alyssa’s breath caught in her throat. She rested her fingertips delicately on the side, dizzy with fear and adrenaline. This was it. This was the moment.
“Jammin?” She breathed his name, as much a prayer for his return as a true question.
Behind her, Tim Tam growled low in his throat, and the shadow threw itself at the tent wall.
Alyssa stumbled back, heart pounding, eyes tearing.
“Shit, Tim Tam! What was that about?”
The moment was broken, the shadow now retreating away from the wall, issuing a wordless grunt.
“It’s cool, Jammin. We’re good. I’ll check in tomorrow before I leave.” She tried to keep her voice casual and smooth.
With a sigh, she snapped her fingers at the cat, and they started back toward the camp. Lots to do still.
7
Renna
Renna stretched for a long moment in the bed, before dragging the covers down. She’d promised to meet Alyssa in her small tent toward the center of camp. She stood and rolled her neck from shoulder to shoulder. Alyssa’s tent was close enough to the ce
ntral generators that it would be a painful hour or two. At this point, so much of life was painful, it didn’t really matter. It would be worth three times the pain to have her relationship with her cat and her best friend back where they belonged.
Renna tossed the fleece back on, not bothering to zip it up. She was still in the same clothes as yesterday. With no showers was it more or less important to change your clothes? Stretching down to touch her toes and then slowly rolling back up, vertebrae by vertebrae, she focused on deep breathing. Tried to clear her mind. Underwear. Yeah, it was still important to change that. She did so quickly and exited the tent, sunglasses firmly in place.
Even though her eyes hurt, the afternoon sunlight felt good on her skin. She’d been keeping such late hours, it was easy to forget that the human part of her still needed the sunlight, and the vitamin D it provided.
She jogged the rest of the way, trees flashing by in her peripheral vision, solid shadows against a too bright backdrop. She didn’t need her vision to tell her when she was nearing camp. The generators running the coolers and science equipment gave off enough energy that Renna’s skin tingled just before the first outer circle tent came into view. As she pushed through that sensation and into the camp, she slowed to a walk. There were plenty of people moving between tents this time of day. It would be rude to run.
The sensation progressed as she walked toward Alyssa's tent. When it reached a muscle-stiffening vibration, her heart started to beat a wild staccato onto her ribcage, and her teeth threatened to grind each other to dust.
“In through the nose, and out through the mouth,” She mumbled to herself, trying to channel Soo’s calm demeanor. She took long, deep breaths in, holding them for a few moments before exhaling through her mouth, exactly as Soo had instructed during their practice sessions.