“I just want it to end,” he whispers. My chest aches. I hate feeling this useless. I should be able to help him but I can’t. “Please.”
There’s not much I can do, but I can at least give him peace from his agony for a short while. I dig into the glove compartment and pull out a tranquilizer gun. I remove a dart and hold it up for him to see.
“This will knock you out for a couple of hours. I’m sorry but that’s all I can offer you right now,” I say.
He nods and I lean forward to stick the needle into his thigh. He gives a sharp intake of breath then eases back into his seat and closes his eyes.
Once he’s out, I rest my hand on his shoulder. I think of Hawk, of that horrible pain I fear he’s experienced from the serum before, and let it fuel me. Heat rolls off my skin and I will the magic that’s in me to fix Jason somehow. I’m pouring out everything I’ve got. A little bit of color returns to his face. Come on, just a little more. I can cure him. I have to.
My arm starts to shake but not from the cold. A tingling crawls up my spine and heat blossoms around me. Even though there’s no sign to tell me otherwise, I know it’s not enough. I need more. I need more power, more energy, more something. Chills start to race over me. How hard can I push myself? How far can I go? I dig deeper and I feel warmth in my nose as a trickle of blood runs down to my lip. It’s too much.
Jefferson is still arguing with Ashley outside and doesn’t notice. Good. He’d probably yell at me if he knew that I’m pushing myself over the edge. I can feel it. This isn’t like before in school, all those months ago, when I was just trying to calm werewolves. I’m trying to burn the disease clean out of Jason and wash away the serum poisoning his body. I don’t want to stop, but eventually something gives out deep in my chest and my hand falls from Jason’s shoulder and I collapse in my seat breathing hard.
I try to catch my breath and curl in on myself as fever chills wrack me while Ashley and Jefferson continue to duke it out. Even though there’s no way of knowing for sure, I know I’ve failed. I’m not strong enough for the disease, and I don’t know how to beat it.
Jefferson eventually leans into the vehicle and I hastily run my gloved hand under my nose to wipe away the blood evidence that would clue Jefferson in to what I tried to do. He stares at Jason’s unconscious form then raises his eyebrows at me.
“Tranquilizer,” I say. “He wanted it.”
He sighs and gestures with one hand for me to get out. I slide out of the SUV and hug my arms around myself. My feet are freezing and my shakes are worse than ever. I need to eat something and soon.
“Walk Ashley back to her house,” Jefferson says as he climbs into the driver’s seat. “I’ll take care of Jason. Keep an eye on her, will you? And watch out for yourself.”
“Jefferson.”
He stares straight ahead through the windshield and doesn’t look at me. “Yeah?”
I lean in through the passenger door. “Are we going to talk about what just happened? Have you ever heard of anyone reacting like that before to the serum?”
He swallows and moves his thumbs in circles on the wheel. “I’ve heard rumors, but I’ve never seen it firsthand.” His gaze is distant and the weight of his years settles on him, each weary wrinkle prominent. “Set it aside for later, Phoenix. You’ve got a job to do.”
I roll my eyes and slam the door of the SUV, staggering back from the force of doing so. Jefferson peels out a second later, leaving Ashley and me alone on the salted road. Ashley glares at me but doesn’t say a word before she starts marching back to the house. I follow in her wake through the trail I had made earlier. Duke races around us and whines occasionally when he tries to lick Ashley’s hands.
When we reach the house, Ashley’s mother yells at us both for running off and how we need to be more responsible. We just take it and then hide in Ashley’s room. I strip off my wet shoes and socks immediately, throwing on a fresh pair of socks from my bag, and dry the ends of my jeans in front of a portable heater at the foot of her bed. I’m not going to bother changing into pajamas in case I need to run outside again. I take up my perch by the window once more, chowing down the candy bars Hawk stuck in my bag, and Ashley ignores me completely. Well, there’s another burned bridge.
“I’m sorry,” I say at last when she’s tucked herself into bed and turned away from me, Duke curled up along her back. Ashley doesn’t respond even though I know she’s still awake. Feeling miserable about everything, I pull the portable heater over, prop my feet up against the window sill, and try to make myself comfortable on a chair I pull over from her computer desk.
I text Hawk a few times to let him know where I am and asking when he’ll be back from Duluth. He doesn’t respond. I need to talk to him and I hate waiting. The light from the kitchen below turns off and I hear the Nelsons move up the creaky stairs to their bedroom. Night closes in and breathes in silence but I can’t fall asleep. I keep thinking of Jason’s desperate plea. I just want it to end. Please.
The light of my phone nearly blinds me in the darkness as I flip through pictures of me and my brother to pass the time. A smile slowly creeps on my face at each memory—there’s one of Hawk half-buried in a snow bank (I had pushed him into it), the pair of us wearing stupid 2010 glasses during the New Year, Hawk way up in a tree after he insisted on climbing it. If what Jason said was true, none of this would have happened if Hawk had been on the serum. That thought gnaws away at me.
My phone buzzes in my hand with a new text from my bother. I’m outside.
Quietly as I can, I tip toe out of Ashley’s room and to the front door. Our SUV is parked out on the road with the lights on. I slip out of the house and hurry down to it. Hawk exits when I get close and meets me at the end of the driveway. It’s too dark to see, but with what little light comes from the SUV I can make out Hawk’s hunched shoulders and bowed head. He looks about as good as I feel.
“Hey,” he says, the word heavy as it passes his lips.
Without a second thought, I wrap my brother in a hug and rest my chin on his shoulder. We stay that way for a long while with no teasing or joking this time. I’ve had a very bad day and I can’t even imagine what Hawk went through up in Duluth with that body chopped into pieces.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He lets out a shuddering breath. “It was horrible.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” He steps back and pulls a hand down his face. “But the body wasn’t human. It was a vampire.”
I blink. “So it was the pink-scarf girl?”
“We think so. Melody’s still . . . trying to piece the body back together with the doc.” He swallows and shakes his head. “Why would anyone, or anything, do that to someone?”
“I don’t know and I really don’t want to think about it to be honest.”
“Well, we’ll have to if we want to figure out what the heck these vampires are doing. This is not normal for them.”
“I know.”
We fall silent and gaze up at the stars in the velvety night sky. I need to get the truth from Hawk but he’s never wanted to talk about those days when he was forced to take the serum in Underground. We even ran away so he wouldn’t have to take it anymore. I did it without question back then. I trusted my brother. I still do, but I need to know.
“Hawk, why did you stop taking the serum?” I ask quietly.
Even though it’s dark, I can feel his eyes lock on me. “You’ve never asked before.”
“I’m asking now.”
He lets out a sharp breath. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t,” he snaps.
Taken aback, I lean away from him. “Hawk, it’s me, remember? You can tell me anything.”
“Why is this such a big deal?” he growls.
“Are you kidding me?” I throw up my hands. “Why is this a big deal? Really? How about because not taking the serum is a serious offense? How
about because we just arrested Jason for taking off his probation ring? He said the serum was hurting him. It was driving him mad. Is that what happened to you when—”
“You arrested Jason?” he asks sharply.
“Jefferson took him off for treatment and to be monitored, but yeah. He took off his ring, and according to the protocol—”
“Screw the protocol,” he snarls and spins around to slam a fist into the side of the SUV. He’s breathing fast, raking his hands through his hair, and starting to freak me out. I don’t know if his fit is because he’s been away from my bubble of anti-crazy the whole day or because how much this topic affects him.
“Hawk, what’s been going on with you?” I ask.
His response is a little too fast. “Nothing’s going on.”
“Well, I hear you got into a fight with Matt because he was ragging on Jason. Was that nothing too?”
He turns around and his eyes glint in the darkness. “You think I’m cracking, don’t you?”
“Are you?” I say, voicing my true fear.
“I don’t need to be a psychotic werewolf to get angry when some low life picks on someone constantly,” he throws at me. “So maybe I’ve been a little on edge. Maybe I’d like to kick Matt’s butt and send him packing. I’ll admit it. I’ve wanted to hit something for a while.”
“That’s not it, is it?” I draw away as I put together the clues I’ve been trying to ignore, the ones I don’t want to be true. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew Jason was having problems with the serum.” Now that I say it, it all makes sense. “That’s why you always volunteer to do his probation checks. Have you been altering his data? Has he even been taking the serum, Hawk?”
The color drains out of his face and his hands clench into fists at his sides. “Do you honestly think I would do that? Put everyone at risk by covering up for a loose cannon?”
“Hawk, what do you think we do every day?” I gesture angrily between the pair of us. My insides become a twisted mess. “It’s not much of a stretch to think you’d try doing the same for someone else!”
“Not for him!” He throws his arms out wide and we’re both trying to hold in our shouts. “Not for the guy that almost got you killed! Twice!”
“Then why always volunteer to help him out? Defend him against Matt? Be his buddy and—”
“Because I didn’t want him to end up like me!” He’s blue in the face and when the words leave his mouth we both lean back like neither of us can believe what he just said. He runs his hands through his hair while I try to think of something to say but my thoughts bleed dry as I wrap my head around Hawk thinking he’s a person to be ashamed of.
“I thought if I was nice to him, gave him some moral support, was his friend, that he—somehow he could, I don’t know—” He heaves a shaky breath. “The only reason I kept sane during the time I took the serum as a kid was because I had you. I had a friend I could lean on even if I couldn’t tell you that the . . .” Another deep breath. “I thought if he had a friend, he could get through it. You don’t know what the serum’s like, and now you’ve shipped Jason off to the hole where the people like me go and never come back. This was personal, Phoenix. Jason was me without you. That’s what’s been going on.”
He stalks around the SUV, gets into the driver’s seat, slams the door shut, and floors it down the road. I’m left in the empty darkness with a crushing weight settling on my shoulders, making me feel more alone than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Chapter 14
I hardly sleep that night. Hawk’s words repeat over and over again in my head. We don’t fight often and it bugs me to no end whenever we do. So, I lay spread out on Ashley’s floor and stare up at the ceiling listening to Duke whine as he chases something in his sleep. The morning can’t come fast enough and I’m pacing out on the porch by the time Ashley is ready to go to school. I buzz Jefferson to check up on Jason and learn what the plan is for the day. He lets me know Jason has already been picked up by another agent and is currently in Underground getting looked over.
“I’m heading up today to help out Agent Boyd,” Jefferson says. “You and Hawk have already missed so much school that it’s getting noticed. Just keep your head down and get through your classes without threatening anybody.”
I grimace. “I don’t threaten people.”
“Uh-huh. Keep ‘em in line,” he says. “Just don’t over do it, maverick.”
“Are you approving of my threats of bodily harm, Jefferson? It’s hard to tell.”
“Make good choices,” is his response and he ends the call.
When Ashley hurries outside, she brushes right past me as if she doesn’t even see me. That hurts. I jog after her and slide into the passenger seat of her old beater with my go bag before she can pull away without me. She turns on the radio and cranks it up so loud that the bass makes my teeth vibrate. There’s no chance I can even try to apologize again over the music. Then the second we reach the school, she flies out of the car and leaves me in the dust. I sit there for a minute and take measured breaths in and out through my nose, willing myself not to punch a hole through anything. Everything just had to go to crap. Wonderful.
I don’t want to get out of the car. Leaving its safety means a day of going over material I’ve already learned, enduring high school stigmas, and interacting with people I want to punch in the face. I’m in a mood and seriously consider ditching despite Jefferson’s warning.
Someone knocks on the window and I jerk away from the sound. Hawk peers in from the outside and his breath fogs the glass.
“You taking a nap in there or what?” he says, his voice muffled through the closed door.
I roll my eyes and climb out, hauling my go bag over my shoulder. Hawk takes it off my hands and exchanges it for my backpack. He’s acting normal, though maybe a little tired. There are shadows under his eyes.
“Are we talking again?” I ask, feeling rather irritable. “Or should I punch a car and drive off in a grand huff?”
His eyes narrow. “How about we not fight and you don’t patronize me?”
“Maybe I’m in a mood so I don’t give a crap? I’ve already ruined one friendship. Why not a familial one next to keep it interesting?”
He rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh. “You didn’t get a lot of sleep, did you?”
“I never get a lot of sleep,” I mutter and sling my backpack onto my shoulder before ripping my go bag out of Hawk’s hands. “Where did you park?”
“Why should I tell you?” he says. “I thought you were ruining our familial relationship. For all I know, you’ll go punch a hole through it to spite me.”
“Well, that’d be stupid. The SUV isn’t yours.”
“Oh, good point. In that case,” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder. “I parked it on the west corner.”
“Thank you.”
He presses a hand over his heart. “Pleasantries now? I don’t think you understand how this whole ‘ruining relationships’ thing works.”
“Oh, shut up,” I say and shove past him to march to the SUV. After I dump my go bag in the back for safe keeping and slip my machete out of my jacket to tuck it under the passenger seat, I walk towards the school. Hawk falls into step beside me.
“I’m not going to apologize, you know,” he says.
“Great. Then neither will I.”
“Status quo. I like it.” He bumps me with his shoulder. “I did miss your snoring last night, though.”
I throw him a dirty look. “I snore? I’m surprised you can even hear me over the train engine coming from your bed every night.”
He hoists his chin and sniffs indignantly. Drama queen. “That train’s a one way trip to dreamland where I get to pet raptors and poop rainbows. You’re not invited.”
I bark out a laugh despite myself. Then I catch Hawk’s eye and keep on laughing, the sound booming out of me. He grins and throws an arm around my shoulders.
“You can’t burn this bridge, sorry,” he says.
“This bridge is made of pure awesome.”
“Well, then I guess I better stop trying.” I nudge him in the ribs with my elbow and he leaps out of reach.
The crushing weight in my chest floats away and I take a deep breath. Hawk’s still holding out on me but maybe he’s got a good reason to. I shouldn’t push him to open up about what the serum does to him. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. I don’t want to be at odds with my twin.
We part ways as he makes for the office to explain his absence. I watch from a distance and laugh to myself when he glares at me over his shoulder through the glass door. I guess he doesn’t like saying he has diarrhea as an excuse either. Once he comes back with the cheery announcement that he, too, will be meeting with the truancy officer, we head to English together.
The school day goes by like any other. We get assigned lots of homework neither of us wants to do, there’s gossip about who’s dating who, the werewolves nod their acknowledgment in our direction when we pass by, and at least two girls flirt with Hawk. Whenever that happens, I tend to move away as quickly as possible. We espy Matt in biology and each give him death glares. Lunch rolls around and we sit amongst a group of werewolves. Ashley is still avoiding me and I guess her attitude has passed on to her friends because they give me dirty looks. I’ve been shunned in school before so I know the feeling well. Doesn’t mean I like it, though.
Hawk acts like his normal self with no violent outbursts or grimaces of pain. He tells me about pestering Charlie when he got home the other night and interrupting him when he was trying to read a book. Apparently Charlie ended up locking himself in the bathroom for a while to get away from him and finish his book. We laugh and joke with the others around us. And yet, there’s a feeling like we’re in the eye of a storm waiting out the calm until all hell breaks loose again.
We don’t hear from Jefferson until the end of the school day. He sends us a text letting us know they don’t have any new leads but they did find something interesting on the chopped up body. The vampire had track marks on the inside of her elbow. They almost missed it because the body had been mutilated as if to cover up the evidence. Hawk and I share a significant look after we read his message. What’s with the track marks? I might understand a vampire stocking up on selkie blood, but why would they take some from their own? It doesn’t make any sense.
The Bite of Winter (International Monster Slayers Book 2) Page 20