by Jessie Cooke
She looked at the letter for a long time and then she said, “No, Xander, not because of that. Because of your other mistress. Your other love. It’s just taken too much out of you. You’re not the man you used to be…and you haven’t even noticed that we’ve been drifting apart for years.”
“I’m so fucking confused right now. Who are you talking about?”
“Not who, what.”
“Is this about my drinking? Because I can quit…”
“It’s not about that, although I’m glad to know that you realize it’s a problem. It’s about why you drink, Xander. It’s about this club. This place. It’s killing you, and it’s taking the rest of us down with you.” She turned to go toward the bedroom then.
“Colleen…”
She put her hand up and kept walking.
“Later, Xander, no more tonight. I’ll see you when you get back from Boston.”
He hadn’t told her about Boston. “How did you know I was going?”
“Wolf called me as soon as church was over. Thank you for not taking him with you.” She left him standing there then and he heard the bedroom door close.
Crumpling the letter up in his hand he’d left, planning on going to the clubhouse and drinking. When he saw there were still people there, he’d found the quiet spot behind the shop. He didn’t have a fucking clue what he would do without Colleen. If she left him, or if she died…either way. She had no idea how important she was to him, and that was his fault. But she was such a huge part of him. He was sure that he couldn’t function without her. If her heart stopped beating, his would too. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He brought his hand up to his chest and was reminded that he was holding the letter still. He looked up at the night sky.
“Is this my punishment, Lord? Is this how I pay for my sins?” There was no answer, of course. So, he took another drink and smoothed out the crumpled envelope in his hand. He took out the letter, smoothed it out, and then had to take out his cell phone and turn on the light. He didn’t have his glasses. He hated that he needed them. He hated getting old. He squinted at the letter:
“Dear Coyote, I am sorry for this. I pray that it won’t upset the balance of your life in any way. Please know that if I had any other choices at this point, I would make them. See…I was laid off from my job a few months ago. I’ve been living off unemployment and looking for a new one, but no luck yet. The thing is, I’ve gone through my savings and the unemployment is not enough to pay the bills. I went to social services and applied for welfare and that’s where it got tricky. Before they will approve it, they want me to exhaust all options. One of which includes having the father of my child tapped to pay child support. I didn’t want to do that, but because I won’t name the father, they are dragging their feet and I am behind on everything. If it was just me…I’d never ask, but…you see Coyote, that night we were together, I became pregnant. I have a daughter. We…have a daughter. Her name is Sabrina and she’s nine years old. If it weren’t for her, I’d never ask for help. I will have a new job soon, I promise. I’m looking hard. I was just looking for a loan…a small one, so I can pay my rent. I can’t be homeless with my girl. I can’t do that to her. If you can help at all, I will pay you back, I promise. Again, I’m sorry and I hope all is well with you.”
Coyote had a daughter. He knew that what he told his wife earlier might be true. She might be mistaken, and the girl might not even be his. They were only together that once. But somehow, he had a gut feeling that it was true. “Fuck my life,” he said right before finishing the last of what was in the flask and passing out in the golf cart.
18
Coyote and Bruf pulled up in front of the little house in Madera and Coyote got off his bike. He could already see Talia standing in the doorway; she must have heard the bikes. He looked at Bruf and said, “I’ll be back in a few.” Bruf nodded. If he was curious about who the woman was, he didn’t ask. Coyote supposed since Bruf and Wolf were such good friends, he should worry that the boy would tell his son, but somehow, he knew Bruf was more loyal than that. Coyote had his sunglasses on and he took the opportunity to look Talia over on his way up to the door. She didn’t look any older, but of course, she was a lot younger than him to begin with. He’d never asked her how old she was that night, but he was sure she hadn’t been much over twenty-one. That would make her barely thirty now.
“Coyote…I didn’t expect you to come here.”
“I thought it better to do this in person,” he said, taking off his sunglasses. He looked back over at Bruf and said, “Can we do this in the house?”
“Sure.” She went inside and he followed her. “Have a seat,” she said when they reached the little dining room. “You want some coffee…or…?”
“No, thank you. We’d best just get to the point. I have to get on the road.”
She sat and he did too. Her hands were shaking as she folded them in front of her. “I’m so sorry about this.”
He chuckled. “You know, I think I remember telling you all those years ago that I was the asshole. I reckon that still stands. How much money do you need?”
“Whatever you can spare will do…I’ll pay it back…”
“No, you won’t. I owe it to you.” He looked up at the wall where a picture of a beautiful, smiling, little blonde-haired girl looked down at him, almost accusingly, with eyes just like his. “I owe it to her,” he said. “Is she here?”
Talia shook her head. “She left for school already.”
“She’s pretty, like her mother.”
Talia smiled. “She has your eyes.”
“She a good girl?”
She smiled brighter. “The best. I’m so lucky. I love her so much.”
“Can I ask why you didn’t tell me…before?”
“I didn’t want one night to ruin your whole life.”
“What about yours?”
“She didn’t ruin my life. She saved it. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I’ll be forever grateful to you for her.”
Coyote took out his wallet and opened it. Before taking the money out he said, “I need you to make me a couple promises.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t feel like it’s right to just pop into this kid’s life at this stage…but promise me that she’ll never do without, okay? Promise me you’ll always call me, if she needs anything.”
“Coyote, I don’t mean any disrespect here…but I don’t really feel right taking your money. I was desperate this time, but…”
“Is it about what I do for a living?”
She nodded, slowly and then said, “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “I promise you that none of this money comes from drugs or murder or anything you might think you know about a motorcycle club.”
She smiled too. “I guess that makes me feel a little better. But honestly, I probably won’t ask again and I want to pay it back.” He closed his wallet.
“Then forget it. I’ll wait until the girl gets home and give it to her myself.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay. Just this once I’ll take it without paying it back. But I want you to know this won’t be an ongoing thing.”
“But you promise to call me if you need to?”
“Yes.”
“And if she ever gets hurt or sick or…”
“Yes, I promise.” Coyote took the money out of his wallet. He had taken three thousand dollars out of the safe that morning. He handed it across the table to her. Her eyes widened when she realized the stack was all hundred-dollar bills. “I don’t need this much.”
He stood up and said, “That’s only a fraction of what I owe my daughter for not being there for her, and you. Please, keep it. I have to go.” He turned toward the door and she said,
“Coyote?” He looked back at her. She had tears in her eyes. “Thank you.” He nodded and left before he did something twice as stupid as he had done ten years ago. He realized as he sat there and talked to her that he couldn’t see the girl. He c
ouldn’t come and visit her…because the second he saw Talia, he wanted her all over again. What the hell was wrong with him?
Bruf was waiting where he left him, and Coyote got back on his own bike and said, “Do me a favor and call the club. See if Trisha is around.” Trisha was one of the first club girls that had joined the club outside of the porn stars. She started hanging around with Shank, but they had broken up quickly and Trisha had just stayed. Coyote liked her. She was like a den mother to the young porn stars that hung around the club and she also got along with the old ladies. Colleen liked her too, which was good because Colleen was who he wanted to talk to Trisha about. Bruf was talking on the phone for a few minutes and then he held it out to Coyote and said:
“She’s on the line, boss.”
Coyote took the phone. “Trisha?”
“Hey, Prez! What’s up?”
“I need a huge favor.”
“Absolutely. Whatever you need.” She listened quietly as he told her about Colleen’s diagnosis. Again, he was aware that Bruf was also listening. He was sure Colleen hadn’t told Wolf about her illness yet, or he would have heard from his son. Still, he was also sure that Bruf wouldn’t tell him. When he finished talking, Trisha said, “Damn, Boss, I’m so sorry. I’ll get right over there, and don’t you worry, I’ll convince her to let me hang around and help out. Does Wolf know?”
“I don’t think she’s told him yet.”
“Okay, I won’t say anything to him.”
“Thanks, Trisha.”
“No problem at all. I love your old lady. Whatever she needs, I’m there.” Coyote ended the call, handed the phone back to Bruf and said:
“You ready?”
Trisha hung up the phone in the club after talking to Coyote. She had tears in her eyes. She wasn’t lying when she said she loved Colleen. All the women around the club did. She was one of those women that everyone wished they could be. She was a lady, but she wasn’t stuffy or stuck-up. She knew how to have fun and she didn’t look down her nose at anyone, although being the president’s wife she could get away with it if she wanted to. She’d always been kind to Trisha…which was why Trisha, despite loving her and wanting nothing more than to please their president, hated going up to the house and looking her in the eyes. She had done her best to avoid that since she had hooked up with Colleen’s son. Wolf was Colleen’s pride and joy. Colleen called him “X” and her entire being lit up when her son was in the room. He was her baby boy…no matter how big and hot he was. Trisha had kept her hormones in check as long as he was truly a boy…but when Wolf turned eighteen and he came knocking on her door, drunk and looking for love in all the wrong places, she had let him in.
As she walked out to Colleen’s and Coyote’s house, she ran that night over in her mind, the night that she’d taken the virginity from the prince of the Westside Skulls. It had been a turning point in her life. She was twenty-seven years old and her biological clock was ticking…but since that first time with Wolf, she hadn’t been able to take the thought of being with another man seriously. She smiled when she thought about how he’d tried to act so brave that night, but it was obvious that he was scared to death.
There had been a party downstairs that night for his eighteenth birthday. Wolf had been drinking—to his mother’s chagrin, Trisha noticed. Colleen left the party early, but it went on and Wolf drank shot after shot. At one point, he’d asked her to dance and while they were dancing he had shocked her by whispering in her ear, “I really want to kiss you.”
Trisha had looked around the room. There were way too many people, or she would have granted his wish. All she needed was for someone to tell his mother and for Colleen to have Coyote kick her out of the club. It was the first place in her life that she’d ever felt like she really belonged, and she didn’t want to lose that. She had laughed it off, but when she opened the door to her room and found a drunk Wolf standing there, she knew he had come for that kiss. She also knew she was going to give it to him. She had let him in and led him over to the bed where they sat, side by side. “You okay? Did you have fun at your birthday party?”
“Yeah, it was great. I…I’m kind of embarrassed about what I said earlier. I had a lot to drink tonight…and I smoked some stuff Crow had in a big pipe…”
She laughed. “Never, ever smoke anything Crow gives you,” she said, jokingly. “But hey,” she put her hand on the back of his neck, under his long hair, “it’s okay. I was flattered that you wanted to kiss an old lady like me.”
“You’re not an old lady. You’re the prettiest lady here.”
Trisha leaned in and pressed her forehead against his. “Thank you, sweetheart, that means a lot.”
“Trisha…do you think I’m…good-looking?”
She smiled and sat up straight. “I think you’re the best-looking guy here.”
“Really?”
She nodded and that was all it took for his lips to find hers. She could tell he was inexperienced. He kissed too hard and too much like he was starving for it. It took her a few seconds, but she was able to slow it down. She used her tongue to calm his and then she brought it out and slowly licked his lips. She liked his lips. They were big and soft. Wolf had his eyes closed and his breathing was ragged. She glanced down and she could see that he was growing a tent in the front of his jeans. She wanted to touch it, but she slowed herself down. She didn’t want to scare him. When she broke the kiss, she looked into his big, brown eyes and she could see the desire there. It was hot, but she’d never been with someone so young before and she wasn’t sure picking the president’s kid as her first young one was such a good idea. “Wolf, have you done this before?”
He shook his head. “Not like, all the way. I want you to be my first.”
“Oh, baby boy. I’m just not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure it would be okay with your dad and mom.”
He laughed. “I wasn’t going to tell them.”
She smiled. “You know how this club is. If you tell one person something, you just the same as tell them all.”
“I won’t tell anyone. This will just be between you and me. Please, Trisha, I want you so bad.”
“Don’t you think it would be better to be with someone not so…experienced…as me?”
“No. I don’t want to be with a girl. I want a woman…I want you.” It had been a long time since she was really wanted. She and Shank only dated for a short time and she’d been with a couple of the other guys around the club after they broke up…but she was competing with twenty-year-old porn stars, and that was hard to do. Hearing this handsome young man say he wanted her had gone straight to her head. She leaned in and kissed him again. His hands immediately went to her sides and she felt him begin to caress her, rubbing them up and down, stopping short of touching her breasts, but getting a little closer each time. Trisha had her hands on the bare skin just under his shirt above his belt. He was warm and his skin was smooth and his body hard. She began sliding her hands up and when she got them to his chest, she pressed her palms against it. His chest was as hairy as the rest of him, but she liked it. She ran her fingers through his chest hair and across the planes of his chest. If he was like the other guys, he’d shave it soon and cover it with tattoos. She liked that it was natural now…it actually turned her on.
Wolf was getting braver. He started to kiss her neck and while he did that, he slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders and let his lips slide across her shoulders. She got goosebumps all the way down her spine when he did that. She leaned her head back to give him better access and he took that as license to push the nightgown down further. She heard him gasp when her breasts were fully exposed and she opened her eyes and looked at him. She almost smiled at the awe in his eyes as he looked at her. She couldn’t remember anyone ever looking at her like that.
“Oh my God, you’re so pretty,” he said. “Beautiful. Can I touch them?”
Again, she suppressed
a giggle. “Yes,” she said, “you can touch them.” He put his hands up and gently, shyly, covered her breasts with his hands. She could feel her nipples grow as they pressed into his palms. He began to move his hands, gently massaging her breasts, that look of awe still in his eyes. She shuddered as the feelings began to take hold and her core began to tighten. He leaned in again and softly kissed her collarbone and then slid his lips down to the swell of one of her breasts. He opened his mouth and let one of her nipples slide into his mouth. She gasped when her hard nipple touched his tongue. He seemed to instinctively know what to do. He began to flick the nipple with his tongue and then he sucked the whole areola into his mouth. She brought her hands up and put them in his hair and held him to her chest while he sucked and licked. Again, he was a little over-excited but as she gently ran her hands through his hair, he seemed to calm down some…until she reached down and touched the bulge in his jeans. His breathing became completely erratic and she began to slide her hand back and forth over what seemed to be an extraordinarily large cock. He actually began to bite at her breast, and she pushed his face in harder, to let him know she approved.
Trisha let him suckle at her breasts for a while until she could see the moisture seeping through his jeans and she was afraid she was going to finish him off before she even got to touch his flesh. She began to unbutton and unzip his jeans and Wolf was the one that put the brakes on. He stood up and pulled off his shirt. His chest was hard and sculpted, with a patch of hair that ran across each breast and down the center of his chest and belly, disappearing down into his jeans. He kicked off his boots and while he was taking off his jeans, she pulled her nightgown all the way off. She was pushing down her panties when he finished undressing and helped her. He was so beautiful that she could hardly wait to get her hands on him. She didn’t have to wait long. He pushed her back on the bed, more assertively than he probably would have if he’d been sober. Trisha reached back and grabbed a pillow and tucked it under her head, and Wolf went back to work on her breasts. While he did that, she reached down between them and wrapped a hand all the way around his cock. He sucked in a hard breath and then groaned as she began to stroke him. He reached down and touched her pussy. The look on his face, when he felt how wet she was, was priceless.