by Jessie Cooke
“I guess I don’t tell you this often enough, but you’re going to make one hell of a president when I’m gone.” He stood up and Wolf stood up after him and said:,
“So, when are you going?” Coyote laughed again and Wolf said, “No really, when? I got this, old man.” Coyote was still laughing as they went out the door.
When they got back to Fresno that afternoon, Coyote made sure everything was running smoothly and then he took off for Madera. He told Manson he was meeting with a real estate agent about some property he wanted to buy and he’d be back in the morning. He realized the more he thought about it, that he owed Talia a big apology for standing her up on New Year’s Eve. He also realized that if she didn’t give up the pussy soon, he was going to have to resort to one of the club girls. Coyote hated dipping his wick where other candle-makers were constantly dipping theirs.
On his way to Madera, the wheels in his head started turning. He was tired of lying. Sabrina was fifteen years old and the guys at the club would never make a move on her even if they were creepy enough to have a thing for kids. They would all know, without Coyote’s even telling them, that she was off limits and he would kill them if they even looked sideways at her. If Sabrina was Talia’s only reason for not wanting to be his old lady, then he was ready to blow that out of the water. He was tired of being alone all the time. He was sick to death of going to bed and waking up in that big, empty house. He was sure that was why he was in such a bad mood all the time. He stopped at a jewelry store as soon as he got to town and bought what he hoped would be the final key to getting Talia and Sabrina out to the ranch.
He hadn’t called first, so when he drove up in front of the house, he was a little disappointed to see a car in the driveway. He always called, and Talia always made sure no one was stopping by. He started worrying, on his way up to the door, that the car belonged to a man. What if she was seeing someone and that was why she’d been putting him off for so long? He almost had himself convinced to come back later, but as usual, Talia had heard the bike. She opened the door…and she didn’t look happy to see him.
36
“Coyote…what are you doing here?”
“I missed you, and Sabrina.”
She sighed. “Now is not a good time.” He looked at the car in the driveway.
“Why? Do you have company? Are you seeing someone? Is that why you haven’t wanted to see me?”
Again, she sighed. “No, of course not. I would have told you if I was. The car belongs to Sabrina’s date.”
He frowned. “Sabrina’s date?”
“Yes, and she was nervous enough about introducing him to me. She’s not going to be happy she has to introduce him to you too. Maybe you could come back later?”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said no. What is she going on dates for anyway? She’s not old enough to date, especially someone with a car.”
Talia put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow. “She’s almost sixteen, I’m her mother and I said she was old enough.”
“Oh, I see. So, I have no say so about it?”
“Coyote! We haven’t even seen you for six months.”
“Whose fault is that? I’ve been calling but you’ve always got something going on.”
“You have called exactly three times in six months. I’d hardly say that was a huge effort. And of course the last time I planned on seeing you, you didn’t bother to show up…nor did you apologize for not showing up. So no…you don’t get a say.”
“Mom? What’s going on?” Sabrina stuck her head around the corner and when her eyes landed on Coyote she said, “Oh hell no.”
Coyote looked at Talia in shock. “Maybe I need to have a say. Are fifteen-year-old girls supposed to talk like that to their fathers?”
“Oh, all of a sudden you want to be my father?”
“I’m confused. We were getting close, all of us. It felt like a family. What the hell happened?”
Sabrina looked at her mother and when Talia didn’t say anything she said, “You happened. Do you have any idea how much trouble she went through for you on New Year’s Eve?”
“Sabrina…”
“I know, Mom, okay? I came home early and saw everything. I saw the champagne and the ruined dinner…the ashes in the fireplace and the candles and the present…”
“Sabrina, please.” Talia had tears in her eyes and Coyote suddenly realized why she hadn’t wanted to see him for the past six months.
“Oh damn, Talia…I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t know…”
“You knew she was waiting for you. You thought I was too, and you just didn’t show up. What kind of asshole does that?” A teenage boy with shoulder-length brown hair appeared behind Sabrina.
“Maybe I should go.”
Sabrina had tears in her eyes too. Coyote felt like the biggest asshole in the world…and then he opened his mouth and made it worse. “Yeah, you should.”
“Oh my God! Who do you think you are?” Sabrina grabbed the boy’s hand and said, “Come on, Danny, let’s go.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her mother’s cheek and said, “You don’t have to listen to anything he has to say. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.” Talia looked at the boy. It was easy to see then that she knew him pretty well. “Danny, you drive safe and have her home by ten.”
“I will.” All eyes were on Coyote then. He was blocking the door. He had to make a snap decision about how big of an asshole he wanted to be. Sabrina’s eyes were shooting fire, but Talia’s were pleading. He took two steps back and let the kids pass. He watched them get into the boy’s car and back out of the driveway. When he turned back to Talia she said:
“I think you should go, Coyote, okay?”
“Baby, please, I’m so sorry. I wish I had an excuse, but I don’t. I was depressed and overwhelmed, and I just needed a few minutes to myself. Please…don’t throw this all away because of one bad decision on my part.”
Talia chuckled and the tears in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. “One bad decision? Coyote, your whole life has been one bad decision after the other.” She might as well have kicked him in the stomach. Her words almost knocked the breath out of him.
“Is that what you think of me, really?”
“I need to sit down,” she said, turning and going back into the house. She left the door opened, so he followed her. He found her sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. He knelt down next to her and said:
“We never really talked about my life, because I didn’t think you wanted to…but I hate that you think my whole life has been a bad decision, because that’s just not true.”
She pulled her head up and looked at him. “I don’t know what’s true and what’s not, Coyote. I don’t know anything about any of it…because you never talk to me. You say it’s because you think I don’t want to know, but have you ever tried to tell me about your life?”
He got up and sat next to her on the couch. “No, I guess I haven’t. When I was Sabrina’s age, I burned down our trailer…with my parents in it.”
Talia gasped. “Oh, Coyote…I’m…Oh my God, I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose, but it felt just as bad either way. They put me in foster care and I ran away. I lived on the streets until I was picked up by a rich guy that needed young men to train as fighters. He trained me and used me to make a ton of money. I lost one night…bad…and ended up waking up in the Hudson. I passed out and when I came to, the first thing I saw were a pair of crystal blue eyes. I thought it was God…and you want to know something?” She nodded and he said, “He may as well have been. It was like I was born that night, Talia. He took me in, fed me, clothed me, treated me like a human being…and that man, taught me how to read and write. I never had any formal education. All I knew was what I’d been taught on the street and by bad people. Doc Marshall was the first person on earth to really treat me like I was worth something. So from then on, the only important things I
learned came from him. He was my creator, Talia…and the club, it was my home. The men in the club, my family, my brothers. It was the only place I ever belonged.
“When Doc sent me out here, I thought my life was over. I thought I’d never be able to do this on my own. But something inside of me rose up, and I did survive…I did better than survive, Talia. I married the love of my life. I created a son that’s ten times smarter than me. I have supported dozens of families. You might frown on my means…and I can’t say I’m proud of a lot of them…but at the end of the day I know that I made the world a little bit better by not dying that night…and Doc Marshall and the Skulls saved my life, literally.”
Talia put her hands on the side of his face and kissed him on the lips. He was surprised. It wasn’t the reaction he was expecting, “I love you, Coyote. I think I’ve loved you since that first night we met. But before New Year’s Eve, I was living in some kind of fantasy world, thinking we could somehow make this work and be a family…”
He was shaking his head. “Don’t say it, Talia.”
“I was,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, at least not while you were around so much. Once I put some distance between us, I was able to connect with my rational thoughts. This thing, Coyote…you and me, it would never work.”
“It can if we try. I promise not to ever stand you up again. I love you too, Talia. I want you to be my old lady. I want to make it legal…” Her eyes were filling with tears again and Coyote already knew what her answer was going to be. She didn’t answer him right away; instead, she tried to explain why they couldn’t ever make it work.
“I listen to you talk about Colleen and I think what an amazing person she must have been. She gave up her way of life for yours and that’s incredible. And, if I didn’t have Sabrina, I might be willing to do the same. But I want so much for her, Coyote. I want her to go to college—she wants to go to Harvard someday. She’s smart enough and she’s strong enough to do that and have a career and a family and all the things I never had. She’s smart and most of the time, she’s sweet and caring and kind. She gets so angry with you, because she’s so confused about you. She doesn’t understand why you’re not just here with us all the time now, or why she and I aren’t there with you. Being angry with you is easier than being hurt all the time. Someday, when she’s old enough, I believe she will choose to have a relationship with you. But right now, the lifestyle you live…that’s not what I want for my daughter. I don’t want her to be exposed to it at such an impressionable age. I don’t want her to fall in love with a biker.”
Coyote’s guts felt like they had been twisted inside out. “Okay,” he said. “I understand. I’m sorry for rushing you. I’ve just been such a mess since Colleen died. When she was sick for so long, I had that to keep my mind occupied. We were fighting, together. Once she was gone, I poured myself into work…and you…”
“Once who was gone?” Sabrina was in the doorway. Talia and Coyote were startled. “I forgot my phone,” she said. She walked over to the coffee table and picked it up. Then she turned back to her parents and said, “Who was Colleen?”
Coyote looked at Talia and then at his daughter. “She was my wife.”
Sabrina narrowed her eyes. “Was she your wife when the two of you made me?”
Again, he looked at Talia. This time Talia spoke. “Yes, Sabrina, but…”
“Wow. Your parents are supposed to be people to look up to, and model yourself after. What a fine pair you two are. The biker who pops in four times a year for a booty call, and the woman who cries herself to sleep every night over someone that’s not worth it. A cheater.”
Coyote’s energy was almost gone. He was having fluttering pains in his chest. He was sure it was anxiety…but chest pain was scary. He put his hand over his sternum and pushed on it. He’d been having the pains off and on for a while, and pushing on his chest seemed to help. He stood up and felt the blood drain out of his face and the room spin. For a second, he was hit with a wave of nausea. “Sabrina, please…” Talia started.
“No,” Coyote said. “She’s right, and you were right. I should go.” He reached into his vest pocket and took out a card that had the address and phone number of the club on it. He held it out to Sabrina. “Will you take this, and promise you’ll call if you ever need me?”
Sabrina was still shooting daggers at him out of her eyes, but she took it. He turned to Talia then and said, “If you need me, you know where to find me.” Talia had tears streaming down her face like a curtain. Coyote wanted to comfort her, but he knew that he was the cause of it, and he would only make things worse. He didn’t say anything else. He turned and left the room, and the house, passing Danny, who was waiting on the porch. The impulse to take all his anger out on the young boy was strong, but he fought it. He got on his bike, telling himself that he had met and married the most wonderful woman in the world. To expect that to happen twice was just being greedy. That didn’t make it any easier to leave…but he did anyway.
37
May, 2011
“Mr. Lee, when was your last physical?” Coyote sat on the table in the small room in the back of the doctor’s office. He hated being there, and he wouldn’t be…if Trisha weren’t blackmailing him.
“Never.”
The doctor jerked his head up from the paperwork he was studying to look at Coyote’s face. “You’re fifty-four years old.”
Coyote chuckled and said, “Thanks, Doc, I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone who never had a physical in their life. When was the last time you saw a doctor?”
“That would be never too, sir.”
The doctor frowned and a wrinkle appeared between his eyes over the bridge of his nose. “How in the world have you never been to a doctor?”
He shrugged. “I’ve been to the doctor, a lot of times. My wife died from cancer a while back so we spent a lot of time at the doctor. My son went for all his shots and school physicals…but me, I just haven’t ever been sick.”
The doctor shook his head, still in disbelief. “Okay, then, I guess we’re starting from scratch. Your blood tests and EKG are back.”
“Am I gonna die?”
The doctor nodded. “We all are, but you probably won’t go today…at least not related to your health. But…your blood pressure is high, your cholesterol is off the charts, your liver panel is…”
“Doc, just cut to the chase.”
“You’re going to have a stroke, or a heart attack, if you don’t make some changes in your lifestyle. How much do you drink, Mr. Lee?”
Coyote shrugged. “Some days too much and other days not enough.”
The doctor sighed. “You obviously came here because you were worried about the episode you had the other day…”
“No. I came here because my housekeeper saw me have the episode and said if I didn’t come in for a physical, she’d tell my son. He’s got enough to worry about. He doesn’t need to worry about me.”
“Well then, I’d start taking care of myself if I were you. What is your exercise routine like?”
“I ride my Harley, sometimes I run, but only when the cops are chasing me.” The doctor didn’t even crack a smile. Coyote rolled his eyes and said, “Look, just tell me what I need to do and write me a prescription or something and I’ll be on my way.”
“You need to change your diet. You need to stop eating fatty foods and stop drinking caffeine. You need to stop drinking alcohol and stop smoking, you need to exercise…”
“Jeez, Doc, just kill me now.”
“Like I said, you probably won’t die today…but soon, if you don’t make some changes.”
Coyote left the doctor’s office with a prescription for blood pressure pills, one for his high cholesterol, and a pill that he was supposed to put underneath his tongue when his chest hurt. That was the big problem lately. For about two years he’d been feeling pain in his chest on and off, but lately, it had gotten worse. A
bout a week before he saw the doctor, he’d stood up from his couch and had one of those pains. He doubled over, maybe moved too fast, and he felt like he was going to black out. He lost his balance and fell to the floor, and that was when Trisha walked in. She cleaned the house three days a week. It was just his luck she was there when that happened. She started out trying to talk him into seeing the doctor, but when he refused, she had flat-out told him she would snitch to Wolf if he didn’t go. Little blackmailer even insisted she drive him there. When he got into the car now she said:
“So, how’d it go?”
“It was a pain in my ass. He said I’m dying, but not today.”
Trisha started the car and shook her head. “We’ll stop and get those prescriptions filled on the way home.”
“Suit yourself,” he said. He leaned back into the seat and closed his eyes. He was tired. Lately he could hardly get through the day without a nap. He fucking hated getting old.
Coyote took a nap through the drive home and didn’t get out of the car at the pharmacy. He only opened his eyes when he heard Trisha talking to the prospect at the front gates. He opened the door and she said, “Where are you going?”
“Walking.”
“Why?”
“Don’t want to be seen getting driven around like an old lady.” He heard her laugh as he closed the door. He started walking toward the club and on the way, his phone rang. When he pulled it out and saw the number, he came to a dead stop. It was Talia. He hadn’t heard from her since the day she told him it would never work between them…the day he was thinking of proposing to her. He missed her, and he missed Sabrina, but he wasn’t going to force himself on anyone. Putting the phone to his ear and trying to sound calm he said, “Talia, everything okay?”