Afterwards, they were ferried to the Star Bar. In the taxi Cathy gave Johnny a kiss saying, “This is the best day of ma life. Husband and wife at last!” She patted her stomach and added, “There’s nae doubt we are in love and this here proves it.” Johnny was lost for words, merely smiled and nodded his head. A further wave of paranoia swept over him. Was he really in love? Did he really want to become a father? Maybe a good bevvy at the reception in the pub and a patter with Malky would make his paranoia disappear. When they got to the lounge of the Star Bar, the place was jam packed. Although there had only been about 50 or so at the wedding, gate crashers and hangers on had boosted the number to 100.
There was a buffet laid on, sausage rolls, sandwiches and crisps. Cathy’s father had hired the whole pub for the night and there was a free bar. No wonder there were so many gate crashers. In the Gorbals there was nothing that people loved more than a free bevvy.
There was a man in the centre of the lounge with an electric guitar and amp. Johnny and Cathy had the first dance, Engelbert Humperdinck’s Ten Guitars, “I have a band of men and all they do is play for me...” After the dance Johnny sat down at a table with both sets of parents. Bobby McGee silenced the guitar player and made a speech. It was actually quite good, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am the proudest man in the world today. My lovely daughter Cathy has married the man of her dreams. Johnny is a bit of lad, mind you, but he’s got a heart of gold. What I like about him is he has a reputation in the Gorbals for being fearless. There is no doubt about it, he is a game guy who I know would defend my daughter to the death. He is just the man Cathy needs. She has had many suitors before but they were all weak willed characters. Johnny comes from a different mould.”
He lifted his glass and said, “To Cathy and Johnny, all the best for the future.” Johnny felt a bit embarrassed at such adulation, he had never been praised so much before. He was used to people running him down or even attempting to stab or slash him. This was a new ball game and he liked it. Praise beats violence any day, he thought. Cathy was joined by her two bridesmaids, Maggie and Fanny. They wore nice dresses but there was no disguising the fact that they were, in local parlance, “as rough as fuck.”
Maggie, a dark haired lady of 23, seemed to never have a fag out of her mouth. She also sported a Glasgow Celtic tattoo on her left arm with the declaration “Up the Tims, fuck the Huns.” “Smashing wedding, Cathy. Better than the one ah had wi’ that chancer who left me,” she said. Her pal, Fanny, a blonde in her 20s, agreed, “Aye, a good wee do, hen, when ah get hitched ah want it tae be just like this.”
Next up was Malky with his best man’s speech. He seemed half cut and he was. To ease his nerves, he had swiftly sunk six pints of Tennent’s lager before and it did the trick, it certainly boosted his confidence, “Ladies and gentlemen what a great day! Ma best pal Johnny getting married tae the beautiful Cathy. Days can’t get any better than this. Ah’ve known Johnny for years and he is the best pal any guy could hope for. He can be a wee bit wild at times, take last night, that’s how ah got this back eye!” The pub crowd laughed uproariously and Johnny went red with embarrassment.
Malky continued, “But, seriously, he has had found a lovely woman in Cathy and I am sure they will have a long and happy marriage.” He paused for a moment and raised his pint, “Here’s to Cathy and Johnny!” The crowd joined in on the toast.
But Malky was the kind of guy who did not know when to stop. He continued, “By the way, it’s time guys like me and Johnny settled down and ah’m ready, willing and able!” The pub crowd laughed and some of the prettier young birds smiled and nodded their heads in agreement, perhaps signifying they might well take up his dubious romantic offer.
As the guitarist belted out the tunes, the pub began to bounce. There were people dancing all over the place, even on the tables. There was also a queue of people outside trying to get in to the free bar. It was like watching camels line up at a Sahara oasis.
But Bobby McGee had premeditated this and placed some of his henchmen at the front door to repel any unwanted gate crashers. Johnny’s father danced with Cathy’s mother and Bobby McGee danced with Johnny’s mother. Cathy and Johnny also got up to dance several times. It was noticeable though that both Fanny and Maggie were making a play for Malky.
But during the course of the night, it looked like Fanny was leading the way, no doubt with Malky’s romantic offer still ringing in her ears.
One of the door men came over to Johnny and whispered in his ear, “There’s a drunk guy outside, says he want tae talk to you.” Johnny replied, “Tell him tae fuck off. Who is it anyway? What does he look like?”
“An old guy in his 60s, says he’s a pal of yours.”
“What’s his name?” Johnny asked.
“I don’t know but the old fucker is stinking of fish.”
Johnny sort of panicked, this was his worst nightmare. But being who he was, he had to confront the situation. He went outside and Lorraine’s father was slightly unsteady on his feet and reeking of fish and alcohol. The aroma made Johnny feel sick but he disguised it with bravado. “How’s it gaun? Ah heard ye wanted tae talk tae me.”
“Aye, too right,” the fish porter replied, “Are enjoying your fucking wedding do?”
“Aye of course I am. You don’t get married every do you?”
The fish porter’s face filled with drunken anger, “Well, you’d better tell that tae ma Lorraine. When she heard you were getting hitched she swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. She’s lucky she didnae die. She’s lying in hospital now. And dae ye know what else?”
“Nah””
“She’s lost the baby, all because of you, ya selfish bastard.”
He then pulled out what appeared to be a fish cutter’s knife and lunged towards Johnny. But he was too drunk and Johnny was too quick and wrestled him to the ground kicking the knife away.
He shouted to one of the doormen. “Get rid of this mad fucker. This is aw ah need on ma wedding day.” He went back inside the pub, visibly shaken. He downed a double whisky and sat down, “What’s the matter wi you, son?” his mother asked, “You look as white as sheet, like you’ve seen a ghost.” He replied, “You’re right, maw, ah’ve just seen a ghost fae the past that ah didnae want tae see.”
The wedding reception continued and got more raucous. There were a few punch ups but nothing of major significance.
Johnny and Cathy decided to leave in a taxi and headed back to the house in the high flats. Outside, the defeated fish porter had well gone. Before they jumped into the taxi, Johnny noticed Malky and Fanny kissing passionately at the street corner, definitely in pre humping mode.
“Look at those two!” Johnny said to Cathy in the taxi.
“Aye” she replied, “Love’s young dream!” They kissed and laughed as the taxi pulled away to their destination and their married future.
Chapter 46
BAWS
Johnny awoke with a slight hangover and an ache in his balls. He had still not recovered from his testicles being whacked in the Mally Arms. The throbbing in his balls meant the marriage had not been consummated. Cathy did not really care about that. In her pregnant state she was more than happy to be in Johnny’s arms in a state of married bliss. He felt quite content as well. But the events of the night before and the confrontation with the fish porter left him slightly perturbed. How the hell was he going to deal with the Lorraine overdose situation?
He would have at least a few days to think it over. Cathy’s parents had given them the use of the flat for a couple of days while they stayed with relatives in Govanhill. It gave the lovebirds some quality time together. Things were progressing with the empty flat just along the corridor. Bobby McGee told Johnny he had bunged somebody in the Corporation’s Housing Department “a hundred quid” to ensure the newly married couple had the accommodation they required.
Johnny left Cathy sleeping and leapt out of bed. He looked out of the window and admired the view of the rest of the Gorbals
and the River Clyde. His balls were still throbbing and he went into the kitchen to search for some painkillers to dull the pain. Perhaps the kick in the testicles had knocked some sense into him, a warning that life was short and not exactly pain free.
Suddenly there was loud banging on the front door. “Who the hell is that, Johnny? Cathy shouted from the bedroom. It was then he heard a voice shouting, “Johnny and Cathy, it’s me, Malky. I’ve got a wee present for you.” Johnny was bemused. He opened the door and looked at Malky, and he had obviously not been home from the night before.
He looked crumpled and dishevelled and reeked of last night’s booze. His black eye also seemed to have got darker overnight. It was a comical sight. Johnny thought Malky would not be out of place in an old Laurel and Hardy movie. He was clutching a large bunch of flowers, “Got you these,” he said, “Just to thank you and Cathy for making me best man.” Johnny beckoned his best man in for a cup of tea. Malky grimaced, “Nah, Johnny, have ye no’ got anything stronger? Johnny went into the living room and poured his pal “a large dram” from Bobby McGee’s crystal decanter. Malky’s hands were trembling, the symptoms of his night long bender. He knocked back the whisky and said, “Ah, that’s better.” Johnny poured him another and they sat down to talk. “So, how did it go? He asked in a mischievous tone. Malky pretended he did not know what his pal was talking about. Johnny knew he was taking the piss but carried on with the façade anyway, “How did ye get on wi’ Fanny? Did you have Fanny’s fanny?” Malky spat out his mouthful of whisky, “What do you think? She’s a smashing lassie and very passionate, if ye know what ah mean. In fact, ah now think we are an item!”
“An item! Surely you can do better than that. You and wee Fanny wi’ the big fanny!” Johnny joked. His pal looked temporarily irked, “So what dae you suggest, Johnny boy?”
Well, ah think Lorraine is your woman. She’s ten times better looking than Fanny and you never know she might end up giving you her fanny as well!” It was an absurd conversation but Malky knew his old pal was making an important point, a point that might take his life in a different direction. “So, should ah bomb out Fanny and take the chance that Lorraine might look twice at me?”
“Aye, that’s the battle plan, Malky. Look, Fanny’s a nice wee ride, that’s aw, but she’s no marriage material. Lorraine is, she’d suit you down to the ground.”
Malky sipped more whisky and looked more confused than ever. In fact, he suddenly looked a little frightened. The prospect of courting the beautiful Lorraine was a daunting task. It might be difficult, in comparison Fanny was easy meat in more ways than one.
“Awright Johnny what dae ye think ma battle plan should be?”
“Lorraine has no’ been well and is in a hospital ward at the Royal Infirmary”
Malky looked worried, “What the hell is the matter wi’ her?”
Johnny whispered, “Woman’s problems, if ye know what ah a mean.” Malky looked more confused than ever, “Oh aye, woman’s problems. Ah’ve heard of that but naebody knows what the fuck it is. A lot of women get it. In fact, ma auld man had women problems on and off for years. Ever since he married ma mother, she’s a big problem!”
Johnny laughed like a schoolboy he was always amazed that his pal could come up with a funny gag for almost every situation, good or bad.
“Right, Malky, what ah want ye tae do is take this bunch of flowers away with you and go up to the hospital and give them to Lorraine. She’s be feeling vulnerable at the moment and when you turn up wi’ a bunch of flowers, she’ll fall for you, hook, line and sinker.”
Malky contemplated the ideas and nodded his head, “Ah suppose you’re right Johnny, she might swallow the bait. Ah like Fanny, but when you compare her to Lorraine there’s nae contest.”
Malky left the flat clutching the bunch of flowers. He looked like a man on a mission. With those second-hand flowers he would try to win the heart of Lorraine and it could be well worth the gamble.
After his pal left, the throbbing in Johnny’s balls had subsided to such an extent that he now felt like making love to his wife.
He went back to bed, Cathy was amorous and waiting for him with loving arms, “What did Malky want?” she enquired. “Nothing really, doll. He was asking me if ah wanted tae come on a celebratory pub crawl.” She looked annoyed, “Oh aye and what did you say?”
“Ah told him the days of me and him going out on the razzle were over. After all, ah’m a married man now with a baby on the way. It’s time to grow up.” Cathy kissed him passionately, she believed his bullshit patter, “Ah’m so glad tae hear that. You have grown up at last.” They made passionate love and feel asleep.
A few days later they were on their honeymoon on the Ayrshire coast. The caravan was ideal and the weather was fine, great for a young couple in love. Johnny found the fresh air invigorating and it seemed to give him a new lease of life. The future was rosy after all. At one point the Gorbals and its shabby environment had almost stubbed out any positivity he had about life. But now it was coming back gradually, perhaps he and Cathy could escape the Gorbals forever and live by the seaside. Now that would be a Utopian existence, better than the dystopian existence he had experienced over the years in the Gorbals.
After five glorious sun-drenched days they were back. Bobby McGee greeted them with a big smile on his face and handed them the keys to their new flat. They got inside and discovered Cathy’s father had paid for it to be newly decorated and furnished. It really did look like home sweet home. A few days later Cathy and her mother went up the town to do some shopping to buy a cot and baby clothes etc. Bobby McGee took it as a chance to have a man to man talk with his new son in law. He dispensed two large whiskies from his decanter and said, “Here’s to you and Cathy, ah’m really made up that you’ve tied the knot.”
Johnny raised his glass. Suddenly Bobby McGee’s face changed from being the friendly father-in-law to aggressive gangster. He gritted his teeth in a semi violent way, “Now that the fun and games are over ah want you tae join the firm. Come and work for me, the money is good and as ah told ye, it can get a wee bit dangerous at times. But you’re a big enough boy to handle all that shite.” Johnny had been taken aback how suddenly Bobby had changed. It was like watching Jekyll and Hyde but he had been aware that Bobby McGee had a reputation for being a highly mercurial character, a psychopath in some cases. “So, what exactly do ye want me to dae?” Johnny asked.
Suddenly Bobby looked friendlier, his moods were changing faster than the weather. “Well a bit of money lending and collecting, and a bit of sorting people out, mostly cheeky bastards who owe me dosh.”
To be an enforcer was an interesting offer but Johnny had a gut feeling it would not be a good move for him. He had to use his cunning to get out of it. He was aware any refusal might be taken as an insult to Bobby and might even damage the friendly relationship they had, “Bobby, ah’ve got tae be honest. Ah would love tae work for you, but no’ yet. We’ve got a baby on the way and if ah get lifted by the polis it could upset the applecart. Ah don’t want the baby to grow up while ah’m behind bars in Barlinnie!”
Bobby mellowed when he heard this, “Ah suppose you’re right, son. Ah didnae think about that. Ok, we’ll wait after the baby is born and ah’m a grandfather, then we can make our minds up, agreed?”
“Agreed, Bobby.” They shook hand on the matter. It was a close shave but Johnny had got out of it intact.
Bobby asked, “So what are you gonnae do meantime? What you gonnae work at?”
“Ma pal has promised me a job at the South Side sawmills, twenty quid a week, it’s no’ a lot of money and it’s hard work. But I’ll take it in the meantime until after the baby is born.”
“Aye ok,” Bobby said, “But that sawmills is a bastard of a place.
They’ll work you to the bone for a pittance. But if that’s what you want to do son, ah’ll no’ stand in your way.”
Cathy and her mother arrived back from their shopping trip with large ba
gs. Cathy said, “We’ve bought lovely clothes for the wean.” She pulled out a tiny baby suit and handed it to Bobby. He examined it carefully, “Ah feel proud to be a grandfather. The baby will want for nothing as long ah’m alive. Is that no’ right Johnny?”
Johnny agreed, “You’ll be a great grandfather.” But in some ways is was an insincere reply, he knew in his heart he was not dealing with a nice grandpaw but a violent psychopath who would have no hesitation in killing him if he got on his wrong side. The next day he was walking along Crown Street and saw Malky approaching, “Hey Johnny,” Malky shouted, “Your plan wi’ the flowers worked. She fell for it big time. Lorraine says she gets out of hospital in the next few days. Then she’ll be ma bird.”
Johnny laughed, feeling relieved the Lorraine problem had been solved. She would no longer be a burden to him, neither would the fish porter. “But what about Fanny? Johnny asked his pal. Malky shrugged shoulders is a dismissive way, “Fanny? She can fuck off.” The two of them made off along Crown Street both looking like contented men who had found love in their lives.
Chapter 47
MIDGET
And so, it came to pass. Johnny took up the job at the sawmills. He did not even have to go for an interview. The foreman, nicknamed “the midget” had passed on a message via Malky that he “could start “Monday 8am sharp.” Johnny brought some overalls and working boots and arrived at the sawmills at the appointed time. There were a few minor formalities to go through. He had his name, date of birth and national insurance number registered with the personnel department and given his clocking in card with his name and workforce number on it. He felt sick inside knowing he was being inducted into some sort of working class slavery. Had he made the right move, or was it a giant mistake?
The Incredible Rise of a Gorbals Gangster Page 25