by Nicola Jane
“Love isn’t impossible Vass. Just because you haven’t felt it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I’m sure if you found the right girl then you’d do anything for her.”
“Right that’s enough talk of make believe happy ever afters, lets order some food. I’m thinking Cantonise or Sushi?” he says patting my leg.
“I say pizza,” Vass screws up his face, “Look if you are wanting to experience a real night in then it has to be pizza. No one orders Sushi.” Vass groans dramatically, “Vass you’ve had a pizza before haven’t you?” I ask. I’m not surprised when he shakes his head no. “Oh my god, you really haven’t lived.”
An hour later I watch as Vass takes a slice of the cheesy delight that is pizza. He sniffs it and screws up his face again. He takes a bite and I watch in anticipation as he chews it slowly. “Well?” I ask.
“It isn’t bad,” he says, “I prefer Sushi but I could eat this.” I smile triumphantly. The sight of Vass enjoying junk food and sitting here with me warms my heart.
“You know next time we hang out like this you really need to lose the posh clothes,” I say. Vass looks down at his pale pink shirt and dark blue trousers and then my pyjamas.
“Who said we’ll hang out again?” he asks with a smirk, “And I have lounge wear here, it’s upstairs.” I watch as he disappears upstairs. Again I wonder why he has clothes here. He returns in a pair of shorts and a T-Shirt looking relaxed.
“Do you sleep in Clarisse’s room, Is that where you keep all of your clothes?” I ask.
“Are you jealous?” he asks, a small smile playing on his lips.
“No of course not,” I say a little too quickly.
“I have the spare room here. Sometimes I need to get away from everything and I hide out. Me and Clarisse are great friends, I love her but not in a romantic way.”
“But you’ve had sex?” I ask and he almost chokes on some popcorn.
“No, I mean, yes but when we were a lot younger, it didn’t work out but we remained good friends. I’ve had other women and she’s joined in as the third person but I haven’t done anything with her in over twelve years at least. Clarisse is bi-sexual and we both like threesomes. It works,” he shrugs. I don’t like that thought so I change the subject.
“Are you an alcoholic?” I blurt out.
“Yes,” he confirms without hesitation, “I haven’t had a drink for five years.”
“That must be tough.”
“Growing up I was always having women throw themselves at me, with that lifestyle came parties, sex and alcohol. Before I knew it I was spiralling and every night became a party.”
“How did you stop?” I ask.
“I was out of control, luckily I had good friends to save me. Another film?” he asks passing me the remote for the television. I feel happy that he’s opened up a little, even if he did shut it down pretty quickly. I find our next film, Love Actually, and press play.
“Why did you kiss Annalise?” I ask quietly.
“I didn’t, she lunged at me and a second after her lips touched mine I shoved her away from me. It was a setup; she’s pissed that she isn’t you right now.”
“I hate that the press make me out to be a loser, it isn’t fare.”
“You know, they do that to put pressure on. If I settle down and live happily ever after who will give them their daily gossip? A married man rich or not is a boring headline. They will get board eventually, we just have to ride the storm.” He takes my hand and squeezes it reassuringly.
I fall to sleep. I wake feeling uncomfortable and hot. Vass is laying on the couch behind me, his arm is thrown over my waist and I am curled into his side. I wriggle free trying not to wake him. The film we were watching is finished so I turn off the television and then grab a blanket, placing it carefully over Vass. He looks so peaceful and relaxed. I wake in the morning to Vass bouncing on my bed, “Wake up we need to go shopping,” he says.
I groan, “Not more shopping.”
“Why do you hate shopping so much?” he asks sitting at the end of my bed.
“I don’t hate shopping; I hate it with you.”
“I promise not to make you go in any store that you hate. Take me to the places you go to, show me what things you like.”
“In the budget shops? Vass Fletcher on the high street,” I say with a smile.
“It might boost the economy, if people see me doing it then everyone will do it,” he says pulling the sheet from me, “Now get up.”
Vass
Alivia takes me in to so many shops that I am starting to regret asking her. She doesn’t let me spend a penny on her and insists on buying everything for herself. She then takes me into a men’s high street store and when I pick up a shirt I like the look of she takes it from me and purchases it. That’s never happened to me before and what surprised me most is, I liked it. After an amazing night with her last night and an interesting insight in to her world I’m finding that I really do like it. We laugh and pose for photo’s on Alivia’s phone, trying on silly hats and over sized sunglasses. I realise that it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve felt so relaxed and comfortable and not once have I thought about needing a drink.
Alivia makes no fuss when I ask her to come to my grandmothers for dinner. It’s her birthday and she always holds a family dinner. I pull on a pair of jeans and the T-Shirt that Alivia purchased for me today. I don’t often go anywhere dressed in casual clothes because I always end up back at The Luxe where jeans or casual dress is not allowed.
“You look amazing,” I say as I enter Alivia’s bedroom. She spins around in fright; I should have knocked. Her chequered short skirt flares out and reminds me of a school uniform, it’s hot.
“Is this okay for dinner or am I too under dressed?” she asks turning back to the mirror. I have the sudden urge to wrap her in my arms but instead I fold them across my chest.
“It’s perfect.” I like that she isn’t dressed in the expensive dresses I purchased for her, she’s right, that was Annelise’s style, I prefer Alivia’s style much more.
We approach my grandmother’s large country manor and as I ring the doorbell I take Alivia’s hand. The butler opens the door and ushers us inside and to the sitting room. My mother sits awkwardly with a glass of wine, she’s chatting to my aunt, my fathers sister whom she hates. My grandmother didn’t make it easy for my mother once she split from my father but over the years they have learnt to get along, mainly for my sake. They came together to get me in to rehab just over five years ago.
I kiss them both on the cheek and when my grandmother breezes in with my cousins Jenny and Alison I greet them in the same manor. I introduce my aunt and cousins to Alivia and then we head into the dining room for dinner.
The conversation flows well, so much better than when I brought Annelise over for dinner. My grandmother asks about the marketing for The Luxe and I listen as Alivia speaks passionately about what she’s done so far. After dinner my grandmother pulls me to one side. We head into her office where she hands me a water and she pours herself a whiskey neat.
“I like her Vass,” she says, taking a seat.
“Me too, she’s like a breath of fresh air. She made me watch movies last night, you know I’ve never watched a movie with a woman before. Today she took me high street shopping, I think I actually preferred it over places like Harrods. She’s done some amazing things for The Luxe and…” I pause when she smiles wide and laughs.
“I’ve never seen you so besotted before Vass. She’s good for you,” she says. It hits me suddenly, taking my breath, I am besotted, my grandmother is right. I didn’t have to force those things from my mouth, they flew out without me thinking about them. I didn’t create lies to appease my grandmother it all came from the heart.
“She’s a keeper Vass, don’t blow it.”
The journey home is silent. My head is reeling from the realisation that I really do like Alivia and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’ve never felt like I’ve want
ed to settle down or stick with one person. I thought it would feel suffocating and boring but all I feel is free and happy, if this is how it feels all of the time then would it be so terrible to give it a go.
“I’ve been thinking Vass,” she says, interrupting my thoughts, “I want to step into your world a little.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, taking my eyes off of the road briefly to look at her serious face.
“Well you tried my stuff and I want to try yours.”
“Alivia, watching films and shopping is not the same as you trying my world. It’s not something you just suddenly turn up to, usually people know that they want those kinds of things.”
“I’ve never been exposed to kink before, I wouldn’t know if it’s something I want unless I try it for myself.”
“I showed you around The Luxe when we first met. If you could have blushed anymore then you’d have been redder than a stop sign. You hate being told what to do so you couldn’t sub for anyone. Have you even watched porn?” I ask with a laugh.
“I did once but I found it funny rather than a turn on.”
For the first time in my life the thought of seeing Alivia in the playroom with all of those other men pisses me off instead of turning me on. “It’s not something I want you to try.”
I stop the car outside her home and she turns to me, “Aren’t you coming in?” she asks, “Clarisse is home tonight.” I shake my head, if I go inside I might act on these feelings and I’m not sure that’s a great idea because once I do there will be no turning back. She looks disappointed. “Okay well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’ve had a great weekend Vass, thank you,” she says and then she leans towards me placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. Without thinking I turn my head so that our lips touch and she gasps slightly. We pause, lips almost touching and our breaths mingling in the close space. I press another kiss to her lips, she leans in closer, taking it deeper. Her hand presses against my cheek and I swear that this is the first time I’ve ever gotten an erection from a damn kiss. When she pulls away she looks shocked and without saying a word she gets out of the car and goes inside.
I stay exactly where I am, gripping the steering wheel hard so that I don’t follow after her. What the hell is happening to me.
When I get back to The Luxe I call Clarisse. “Hey gorgeous, how was dinner?”
“It was good, great in fact. Did Liv not tell you?” I ask.
“No she didn’t say much, she went straight bed so I thought it’d gone bad.”
“No, my grandmother loves her. I kissed her tonight,” I blurt out and the line falls silent whilst Clarisse processes what I’ve just said.
“A kiss for show or a private moment between you both that felt more than pretend?” she asks.
“The second one. Definitely the second one,” I confirm.
“What does that mean Vass?” she gasps.
“That I’m fucked Riss. This doesn’t happen to me, right about now I’d be fucking her and tomorrow I’d be handing her a ‘you’re fired’ letter.”
“Vass is it so bad if you like her?” she asks.
“Yes its bad.”
“Alivia is a really great girl,” she says.
“So everyone keeps telling me,” I groan.
“If you regret the kiss then be honest with her, she’s a big girl she can take it.” The problem is, I don’t regret it at all but I don’t tell Clarisse that.
I spend the next few days away from the office as much as possible. I visit Ella again even though my back is not completely healed from the last time. She insists on taking it easy this time even though I ask for hard. She’s got to feel comfortable too so I don’t push it. By Friday afternoon I’m struggling. Clarisse spots me in the doorway of the bar and places a hand on my shoulder, “Let’s take off,” she says.
“To?” I ask.
“Anywhere, Lets get Alex and go somewhere, just for the weekend. Take your mind off whatever is going on in here,” she says tapping my head. We used to take off at short notice all of the time. It’s been a while since that’s happened and so agree. The space will do me good, I need to get a handle on my feelings and find my self-control again. We agree to go and pack a weekend bag and then I’ll collect everyone. When I get to Clarisse’s she’s standing outside with Alivia, both holding a bag each. Alivia opens the car door and sticks her head in, “About time,” she smiles.
“Riss what’s she doing here?” I whisper hiss.
“Alivia?” she asks and I nod, “I invited her.”
“Jesus Riss why would you do that, you said us two and Alex.”
“Do you want me to tell her she can’t come?” she asks and I shake my head no, how can I be that harsh when she’s doing so much for me.
I drive the entire way to Southend in silence. Clarisse and Alex make up for it with none stop chatter of childhood tales, telling Alivia all about our teenage years. All I can think about is how I’m going to get Alivia off my mind now she’s here with us.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Alivia
I’ve never been on a holiday with friends. Me and Daniel went away to Scotland with his parents once and then we travelled to Greece with my parents but we never went alone or with a group of friends. Clarisse said that her, Alex and Vass used to go off on weekends away all the time before Vass stepped up and took charge of The Luxe. I feel like they have the weirdest friendship, they have threesomes with other people but then act like the best of friends. How do they look each other in the face after seeing each other naked and at their most vulnerable? Vass has booked us into a small cottage overlooking the sea. It’s beautiful here as I sip my coffee and stare out to the water. The others have gone on a walk but I felt like I should sit it out because Vass hasn’t spoken a word to me since he saw me. Clarisse said this weekend was about helping Vass and so I’m guessing he has things going on but still, it’s no reason to ignore me. All I can think about is that kiss, how amazing it felt, how soft yet demanding his lips felt against mine. I was tempted to text him to see where his head was at afterwards but I felt like a school girl and decided against it. If Vass wants to talk about it he will and so far I get the impression it’s the last thing on his mind.
When the guys get back we get dressed for dinner and head to a local bar that Vass insists we try. It’s within walking distance and so we agree. He’s right, it’s a cute little place with an open fire, not that its needed right now but I imagine that in winter its cosy. We place our order and then take a table by the window.
“How was your date the other night Alex?” asks Vass. Clarisse looks up with interest.
“You went on a date?” she asks.
“Yeah, from the dating site you told me to sign up to.”
“Oh, right, fantastic, did it go well?” she asks.
“Yeah very well. She’s into soft kink, we get along, she laughs at my crap jokes,” says Alex.
“Will there be a second date?” asks Vass, eyeing Clarisse with interest.
“We are on the fourth date actually. I saw her almost every night this week,” says Alex with a smile. Clarisse and Vass exchange surprised looks, “What?” asks Alex defensively, “I told you both it was time I looked to settle down.”
“We didn’t think you would though,” says Vass, “Is this the only woman you’ve taken past date one?”
“Yes. Have you guys set a date for the fake wedding?” asks Alex. I glance at Vass who nods which takes me by surprise.
“We have?” I ask my stomach tying itself in knots.
“Two months time. We’d better get ourselves out there and looking like we are in love.”
“How are you both finding it?” asks Clarisse, “It must be weird acting like that.”
“The press are making it slightly complicated by trying to put me back with Annalise but once we get them on side it will be easier. In the meantime we need to kiss and hold hands in public, all the things I’d never normally do so that they point out that this i
s different.” His words run through my mind, kissing in public, a part of me is excited about that.
Once we have eaten, Alex announces that he’s going to walk off his meal on the beach, Clarisse goes with him and leaves me and Vass sitting awkwardly together. After a few minutes of silence I can’t take it, “Vass should we talk about the other night?”
“What’s to talk about?” he asks.
“Well it feels awkward between us since we kissed, you’ve avoided me,” I say. Vass laughs and frowns at me like I’ve imagined the whole week of zero contact.
“I’ve been busy Alivia, it was a meaningless kiss, caught in the moment. Are we going to analyse every kiss or touch because there will be lots of that if we want to pretend we are in love?”
I feel silly, like I’m making something big out of nothing, I shrug my shoulders, “Okay sorry, I thought you were avoiding me when I didn’t see you all week.”
“When we get back to London we will need to step up the game. Lots of nights together, I’ll stay in Clarisse’s spare room but let the press think we are sharing. If they ask you things then talk to them.” I nod, suddenly I feel overwhelmed by the whole thing. When I agreed to it I didn’t take in to account Vass’s popularity and the fact that the press are interested in him. “No more slipping off for dates with other men,” he adds.
“And no more sex at The Luxe with other women,” I point out.
“The press aren’t inside The Luxe and people aren’t allowed to take mobile phones inside so I’m safe in there,” he says with a wink.
“So I can’t have dates but you can still do what you want,” I ask. I’m pretty sure that was not in the agreement.
“But no one will see me, besides the press already hate you, do you want to risk them catching you with another man?”
“I quite like the thought of being the one that cheated on the great Vass,” I say with a smirk, “Maybe I can date at The Luxe then?”
“It’s expected of me to perform there and show my face, if people see you there then they will talk and besides, everyone knows I don’t share so guests would not go near you.”