by Maia Toll
Shame is the dream killer, because shame (or the possibility of shame) amplifies our fear of fear, keeps us from contributing, and short circuits our willingness to explore.
Seth Godin
Resurrection
California Poppy
Eschscholzia californica
Sometimes the day needs to disappear so you can sink into the lush blackness of night. Sometimes your eyes, whether open or shut, need the inky darkness of forgetting. Golden Poppy lives in both sun and shadow. She opens her petals in daylight and closes them when night comes, giving in easily, knowing resurrection will come with the dawn. It’s okay to sleep without dreaming, Poppy soothes, to fall deep and far. Have no fear. Day will come, and you’ll once again stretch and unfurl.
Ritual
True Dark
When was the last time you let yourself go? Released your day-walking personality and slipped fully into night? Forgot the rules of being yourself?
We no longer know true dark. Lights and electronics glow through the night and the stars are obscured. Still, with a little effort we can get a good approximation of darkness.
Choose a night to go dark. Turn off all the lights and all electronics. If you have streetlights near your windows, draw the curtains. Don’t use flashlights or electric lamps; instead, light a candle or use battery-operated tea lights.
Your Circadian Rhythms
Exposure to light at night suppresses your body’s production of melatonin, the hormone secreted by your pineal gland to regulate your circadian rhythms.
Reflection
Meeting Your Nighttime Self
As you let go of artificial light and step into true dark, observe yourself:
Do your thoughts change when you’re in true dark?
Are your movements different?
Do you find yourself wanting to be more truthful or less?
Do you find yourself wanting to be more sensual or less?
What is the rhythm of your conversations when the light is low?
Are you wanting sleep earlier than usual?
This is your nighttime self, a self you may have rarely met. Breathe into her and see how she complements the daytime self you know so well.
Between Dreams
Mugwort
Artemisia vulgaris
Mugwort lives in the space between deep rest and waking. She’s the daughter of moonlight and protector of those who travel the dreamtime. Mugwort curls around your mind, whispering your dreams into words and images that you can clutch as you climb levels of consciousness and return to your waking self. While Mugwort’s constant vigil makes her a bit waspish and bitter, she knows the many layered worlds and can guide you through the serpentine paths of the collective unconscious. Call on her to guide you through dreams or journey work. If Mugwort appears to you, she’s calling you to dip into these subtler realms.
Ritual
Remembering Dreams
Before sleep, sit on the edge of your bed. Plant your feet on the ground, anchoring into the earth. Stretch tall and imagine starlight reaching for your crown. Set the intention to remember your dreams and call on Mugwort to assist you. If you’re able, slip a fresh sprig or some dried Mugwort (in a pouch or wrapped in a cloth or a tissue) into your pillowcase.
Put a journal by your bed, opened to a fresh page. If you wake in the night, jot down anything you remember without turning on a light (your handwriting will be messy but you’ll lose the dream more quickly if you leave the darkness).
In the morning, before you’re fully awake, lie in bed with your eyes closed and pull your dreams into your conscious mind. Reach for your journal and write them down in the present tense, as though they are currently happening. It may take a few days of having the journal by the bed to encourage your subconscious to carry your dreams to the surface. Be patient with yourself!
Reflection
Differentiating Dreamscapes
Dreams have different textures, which indicate to the initiated whether a dream is a simple emptying of the unconscious mind or a passage into a different state of consciousness. Think back on your dreaming life:
Can you remember dreams that felt different from your usual dreams?
Perhaps the color was brighter or the sequences more realistic. Maybe you heard voices clearly or felt like you received a message. Maybe you inhabited a body not your own so fully that you could feel the texture of fabric against your skin.
Know that there are different spaces within which you dream. Track their contours and particularities. As you begin to differentiate dream states, you’re creating a map of your nighttime journeys that will assist you as you further explore Mugwort’s mysteries.
Nightmares
Bringing lucidity to your dreamtime can help lay to rest recurring night fears. Before you go to bed, choose a superpower that will help you during the nightmare. Picture yourself wielding the superpower you’ve chosen. Tell yourself you can call on this superpower while you’re dreaming. Need an example? If you have dreams of falling, give yourself the power of flight. If you have chase dreams, give yourself the power of speed then turn the chase around and become the chaser.
Cyclicality
Elderberry
Sambucus nigra
Elderberry traditionally lives at the center of the garden, telling stories of winters past and springs yet to come. Though often scraggly and a questionable centerpiece, her three faces embody the Goddess: Maiden in the spring, abundant with white petals; Mother in the summer, when wine-red berries adorn her branches; and Crone in autumn, when her leaves are falling away (she looks quite dead in winter — all bare branches and hollow bones). Elderberry’s yearly evolution teaches you to dance with the closely twined cycles of life, death, and rebirth. Wherever you are in your life, she reminds you that acceptance of life’s cyclicality is the key to earning your spot at the garden’s center.
Ritual
The Wisdom of Return
In the modern world, time can feel quite linear. We march from birth to death, forgetful of the the ancient wisdom of return. Living cyclically — with an awareness of the cycles that form the foundation of our existence — can change our perspective in profound ways.
Our breath is our first cycle: inhale, exhale. Next is the cycle of day and night, from dawn to dusk and back again. Beyond that is the 28-day cycle of the moon, and on and on.
Choose a cycle to celebrate. You might, for example, greet the sun each day and send her off in the evening, or you might commit to standing outside for a few minutes each night observing the movements of the moon. A cycle includes the next beginning, so if you celebrate dawn and dusk, celebrate the following sunrise as well. If you are a moon watcher, commit to following the moon past the beginning of her next cycle so you can witness repetition as she comes round again.
Reflection
The Upward-Climbing Spiral
Our evolution is an upward-climbing spiral: we repeat lessons, gaining wisdom as we go. But if we hop from thing to thing, never repeating, declaring things done after one go-round, we deny ourselves this growth, this ability to evolve into the goddess at the center of the garden.
Do you take the time to dive deep, allowing cycles of repetition to enhance your understanding?
Do you allow new knowledge to take root in your hands and your heart through practice, or do you hold knowledge only in your head (denying yourself true learning and wisdom)?
It is odd that we never question the feasibility of a football team practicing long hours for one game; yet in writing we rarely give ourselves the space for practice.
Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones
Fortitude
Lady’s Mantle
Alchemilla vulgaris
Lady’s Mantle will be there when you’re ready to wrap a blanket around your shoulders, call in her protection, and enter the dark forest. She whispers, You can make it through this lifetime. Your soul is whole, and no matter what pains or abuse the physical world th
rows at you, you have integrity of spirit. She’s particularly wise in cases of trauma, murmuring the names of the roads that will carry you through and out of those dark woods. Lady’s Mantle doesn’t demand; she waits, knowing you’ll find both bravery and fortitude within. She never loses faith in your strength, and with her help, neither will you.
Ritual
And Then?
To begin to build your fortitude, play the “And Then?” game by taking an imaginary journey through your own worst fears.
I have to pause here and reassure you that imagining scary things does not call them into being! While your thoughts do shape your reality, it’s because thought directs action, not because mere thinking shifts the foundations of the universe.
Back to your journey through the forest of your fears: This is both scary and enlightening. On the one hand, you will be imagining your worst nightmares; on the other hand, you’ll see that you have the skills and fortitude you need to make this journey. Ready?
What’s your biggest fear? Is it that a loved one will die? Or you’ll lose your house or job? Maybe you’re afraid of never finding love at all or of your partner having an affair. Whatever this thing is, imagine it’s happened. Then ask yourself, “And then?”
For instance, you might dread your mother’s death. Imagine this has happened. Ask yourself, “And then?”
“And then I can’t stop crying.”
“And then?”
Keep repeating “And then?” as you unpack your fears and unspool possible futures. The game isn’t over until you’re out of the woods and your answers no longer terrify you.
Reflection
Face Your Shadow
When we avoid our own shadows, it’s often because we feel we lack the strength to face them. We believe that they will overpower our light, or that our life will change irrevocably . . . and we doubt we have the fortitude to deal with that.
Lady’s Mantle knows this isn’t true. She knows unexplored dark spaces can become black holes, sucking at our happiness. Her faith in our strength is absolute.
Do you doubt your ability to visit the dark forest and come out stronger and more whole?
Finding Grace
Starflower
Borago officinalis
Some call this plant by her more common name — Borage — but she prefers Starflower (and wouldn’t you?). Her blue star-shaped petals shine among the garden’s more usual yellows and pinks, shimmering yet understated, like an old-time movie starlet. Starflower shares a timeless philosophy with these legends of the silver screen: Grace isn’t something you keep for yourself, she tells us. Grace, Starflower knows, is a gift you give over and over again to the world around you. If you’re thoughtful, caring, and true, grace develops a patina over time, becoming wisdom, cradling those lucky enough to be in your presence. How can you let a little more grace into your life?
Ritual
Going Fallow
Once Starflower graces our garden, it seems she’s always there. But she’s not a perennial. Each year she lets herself go to seed so she can return in the year that follows. Like Starflower, we all need time to go fallow — time when we’re nothing but seeds of potential lying dormant in the earth, when nothing is expected from us and we have no task but simply being.
Most of us have such busy lives that we have to schedule everything, even our downtime. Pull out your calendar and designate an hour a week as fallow time. It’s this downtime that will allow you, like Starflower, to truly shine.
Why Put It in Your Calendar?
This date with yourself is as important as picking up your sister from the airport or going to the dentist. When you schedule time to go fallow, you’re making your self-care time as important as everything else in your week.
Reflection
Shine in the Sharing
We all have gifts. Whether yours is being able to connect people with exactly whom they need to know, baking the perfect crème brûlée, or understanding the tax code, these gifts are meant to be shared. You shine in the sharing. If you find yourself trivializing or unable to appreciate your unique gifts, look to Starflower to find the gentle courage to shine.
Are you gracing the world with your special skills?
Remember, having faith means recognizing the value of what you are here to contribute to the world and allowing your actions to be grounded in that truth.
Marie Forleo
Tough Love
Lavender
Lavandula angustifolia
People think Lavender is soft, useful for shaping quiet space and calming rowdy children. But beneath her powdery scent is a hint of menthol. Smell it? That bite at the back of your palate? While Lavender appears to be the down-to-earth and gracious grandmother who’ll soothe your soul and sing you to sleep, you’re living a rare and blessed life if that’s all you ever need from her. If circumstances should change, call on Lavender. She handles emergencies with military precision, keeping a cool head and a stout heart. She’d make a fine spy, field nurse, or leader of the resistance, cloaking her steely strength under a sloppy gray bun and the familiar scent of summer. When Lavender appears, it’s time to ground yourself and dig into the task at hand.
Ritual
Foot Bathing
Foot baths are more than mere luxury — they open the blood vessels, helping to keep things flowing both literally and metaphorically. Treat yourself to a warm foot bath with some lavender flowers or a bit of lavender essential oil.
A warm, scented foot bath evokes Lavender’s nurturing side. If you want to experience her true might, though, set up both a warm foot bath and a cold one, side by side. Alternate your feet between the two: warm for 60 seconds, cold for 10 seconds, and repeat. This alternation causes your blood vessels to contract and expand, and it’s an excellent healing remedy. It also illustrates Lavender at her finest: healing even when it doesn’t feel quite like pampering.
Mixing Water and Oil
Remember the saying ”Water and oil don’t mix”? To keep Lavender (or any other) essential oil from floating on the surface of your bathwater, mix it with mineral or sea salt. Just 3 to 5 drops of essential oil in 1⁄4 cup of mineral or sea salt is enough for a foot bath. Mash it around with a fork or in a mortar and pestle and then add the mixture to the bathwater.
Reflection
Do You Cool or Inflame?
How do you handle the ups and downs of daily life?
Are you cool-headed and empathetic? Or do your own emotions rise up, keeping you from helping yourself or others?
Do you step in or walk away?
Do you thrive on drama, inflaming situations simply to watch them burn?
Lavender approaches every emergency with the same question: what can I do to create calm on every level — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual? How can you bring this Lavender lesson into your life?
What Needs Mending?
Comfrey
Symphytum officinale
Comfrey loves to mend — skin, bones, soil, there’s so much to do! She dives deep, magicking molecules, rebuilding broken chains, restacking cells into tissue and tissue into muscle. This is joyous work for Comfrey, so she tends to work quickly . . . sometimes too quickly! Her boldness can border on recklessness, and in her mad-scientist exuberance she can get ahead of herself and forget first steps. Comfrey is a reminder to work systematically, starting with the deepest layers and working your way out. Even creative endeavors need to be built on a solid foundation. If Comfrey appears, ask what needs mending, and then pause to assess and plan before diving in.
Ritual
Breaking Apart
The flip side of mending is breaking. We’re trained to appear strong and often feel guilt or shame when we break. But unmaking is as much a part of the cycle as making . . . and breaking can be incredibly liberating (if you’ve swung a sledgehammer during a home renovation project, you know this is true).
Find something you can (safely!) smash, hurl, stomp on, or pummel. Do it!
Allow yourself to scream (or at least grunt loudly!).
Nothing like that in your house? Beat up your bed with a pillow!
What you’re going for is the moment when your mind stops chattering and you simply release.
Reflection
Dissolution
It’s easier to break something than it is to repair it. And yet there’s a rare release in breaking — in dissolution — that we seldom let ourselves feel. Think of the caterpillar that turns into DNA soup during its time in the cocoon so it can emerge as a butterfly.