4 The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide
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"Brown captures the humor of working for a megalomaniac...[A] well-paced, entertaining story."
–Publishers Weekly
"A fine piece of literary work."
–New York Post, Page Six
"Josie Brown does an outstanding job capturing the glitz and glamour of Hollywood living yet illuminating the stark loneliness present beneath the façade. Filled with good-natured humor and witty repartee..."
–Romance Reader's Connection
"With tongue-in-cheek dialogue, True Hollywood Lies provides a fascinating look at the jet set lifestyle of the rich and for-the-moment famous.... You will laugh, cry, and wonder if it's worth it to be rich and famous."
–Romance Reviews Today
Impossibly Tongue Tied
"Brad, Angelina, Britney and Kevin may want to check out Josie Brown's new novel, Impossibly Tongue-Tied, for its ripped-from-the-headlines plot that mixes their scandals together..."
– New York Post, Page Six
"Josie Brown gives us another page-turning guilty pleasure."
– Marin Magazine
PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN
"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue makes for truly entertaining reading."
—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl
"Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heart wrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!"
—Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of the novel, Starlit
"The Baby Planner is as a delight. I wondered, as I was reading it, how I every managed without a baby planner, and by the end I wondered how I ever managed without its author, Josie Brown."
—Eileen Goudge, New York Times bestselling author of Once in a Blue Moon
"Josie Brown’s writing is whip-smart as well as wickedly funny, and just as you are enjoying the ride she takes you on, she shatters your heart with her insight into modern lives."
—Tatjana Soli, New York Times bestselling author of The Lotus Eaters
"I loved this juicy-as-it-it-is-heartfelt novel about love, marriage, friendship and sharp, manicured claws. Could not put it down!"
—Melissa Senate, author, The Secret of Joy
"Poignant and funny! Josie Brown's protagonist is strong, resilient, and unflinchingly honest: she has all the skills she needs to navigate the 'mean streets' of the gated community of Paradise Heights. A great read!"
—Wendy Wax, author, Magnolia Wednesdays
“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives is a probing, entertaining fishbowl of married life in a well-heeled, wayward neighborhood. Loved it!”
–Stephanie Bond, author of Body Movers series and Two Guys Detective Agency series
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
The Housewife Assassin’s
Relationship Survival Guide
A Novel by Josie Brown
© 2013 Josie Brown
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and authors assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein.
This is a work of fiction. All incidents and dialogue, and all characters with the exception of some well-known historical and public figures, are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Where real-life historical or public figures appear, the situations, incidents and dialogues concerning those persons are entirely fictional and are not intended to depict actual events or to change the entirely fictional nature of the work. In all other respects, any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. Capishe? Comprende? It ain’t you. It ain’t even about you. It’s about me. Always. Just sayin’.
Published by Signal Press / San Francisco, CA
For information, contact Signal Press via email: info@SignalEditorial.com
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S
RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL GUIDE
and Design are registered trademarks of Josie Brown.
© 2013 Josie Brown
ISBN# 978-0-9740214-5-4
Fiction_ General 2. Fiction_General_Romance 3. Fiction_Contemporary
Title produced in the United States of America
Note: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the authors and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance or advice, a qualified professional should be consulted.
The author and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal and otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request
Cover Design: Andrew Brown, ClickTwiceDesign.com
Table of Contents
The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide
Chapter 1 Dumping Mr. Wrong
Chapter 2 Finding Mr. Right
Chapter 3 Six Very Broad Hints You’re Dating a Serial Killer
Chapter 4 How to Dress for Successful Dates
Chapter 5 When and How to Kiss
Chapter 6 How to Handle His Promise, “I’ll Call You…”
Chapter 7 Five Telltale Signs He Wants a Commitment
Chapter 8 Is He a Player?
Chapter 9 When It’s Time to Meet the Parents
Chapter 10 Is He Lying to You?
Chapter 11 Your Mr. Right: Is He Housebroken?
Chapter 12 How to Deal with His Old Flame
Chapter 13 Learning His Lingo
Chapter 14 How to Read His Moods
Chapter 15 Planning Your First Weekend Getaway
Chapter 16 Flirting…. with Disaster
Chapter 17 Surviving a Bad Blind Date
Chapter 18 What to Do When You Don’t Like His Friends
Chapter 19 When to Say Y-E-S to S-E-X
Chapter 20 Will He Jump Through Hoops for You?
Chapter 21 Wedding Bell Blues
Next Up
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
HOW TO REACH JOSIE BROWN
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES
OTHER BOOKS BY JOSIE BROWN
PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION