by CORY CYR
After I put on my panties and pulled on my shorts, I felt sated and sleepy. I stretched back out on the blanket, resting my eyes, remembering what had just happened. I’d never felt anything as incredible as the texture of his tongue and finger. I wished so much to just relish the moment, but what I was doing seemed wrong and completely out of character for me.
Barely a week and I’d handed over my body to another man. Cass did something to me. Even through all his stoic mannerisms, his intelligent diatribes he presented regarding love and any other various emotions—even through all of that, I found myself drawn to him. Everything about him filled my body with elation. He made me happy, sad, and angry—okay, pissed off—and most of all, he made me feel alive.
I knew he felt it too. I knew he did. He could deny it, but I sensed I was something new, something foreign to him. I appeared to upset his perfect balance of intellect and it drove him crazy. I chuckled, then frowned because maybe I’d just grabbed onto the first man I'd met. Cass had made no promises except one: that he would never love me. Maybe it wasn't in the cards for us to be more than friends with benefits. I knew I was a case study, part of his research, but in reality, he could have set me up with another man and viewed me through the two-way mirror, as he had the other couples the last few months.
He’d chosen to put me through my sexual paces as my partner—teacher. No matter what happened now, I knew I was capable of feeling something for another man. Maybe I would never love again, but I could be satisfied, and maybe that was enough.
“Hungry?” I heard Cass ask.
Surprised, I sat up. “Startled me. Didn't hear you come back.” My eyes went directly to his crotch, and I noticed he was no longer hard. “I’m starved actually,” I said, opening the picnic basket.
Cass sat Indian style on the blanket and helped me investigate the contents of the basket.
“Thought you would be. Throughout my research, I’ve found that appetite seems increased after orgasm, especially in females. Yet sadly, it’s true most men just want to nod off and take a nap,” he teased.
He grabbed the goblets and the silverware as I retrieved a loaf of French bread and cold case containers of fruit and cheese. I also found two smaller containers of dessert cookies and tiny cakes. I watched as Cass poured some red wine into a glass and handed it to me, then poured another for himself. I speared a few strawberries and some cantaloupe as we basked in the shade.
Cass leaned toward me and prodded my mouth open with a small piece of French bread and cheese. Having him feed me seemed a very intimate act. Chris would feed me breakfast in bed on Sundays. Chris… I quickly downed my glass of wine and reached for the bottle to refill my glass, but he stopped me.
“You know that's a Chateau Montelena Estate Cabernet. It's supposed to breathe,” he said with humor.
“Yeah, well, it had enough air. I'm thirsty, so fuck it.”
His expression was one of amusement with a hint of concern. He began to refill my glass, and I took another generous sip.
“What is it, Nic? You appeared content a moment ago. What changed? Have I done something?” Cass asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
I pinched one of the tiny cakes between my fingers before popping it into my mouth. The lemon flavor was a perfect combination of sweet and tart.
“I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know you, and all of this… is confusing me. It's making me feel happy and sad all at the same time. My emotions are a jumbled-up mess.” I looked over at him as I took another small sip.
He slid his hand through his hair and sighed. “You're doing this because you deserve a life, one that's filled with sensual pleasures and satisfaction. Quit denying your needs. Let go of him, Nic. You say Chris loved you. Then honor what you say you had with him by being happy again and finding fulfillment.”
Tears trickled out of the corners of my eyes, not because of what he said, but because his words had merit. I thought my life had been fulfilled, and I was okay until I came here. I had no idea how lonely I really was and how much I missed the intimacy of another until Acquiesce—until Cass.
He swiped the pad of his thumb under my one eye, catching the tear. He was so close to me I could feel his breath blowing on my face. If I wanted to, and I did, I could have tilted my head toward his and forced our lips to touch. I don't think I'd ever wanted anything more than to have this man devour my mouth the way he had my sex.
“Tell me something about you, Cass. You've been evasive about your life,” I said as I pushed myself away from him and continued to sip on my wine.
“Not much to tell. Freelancer and hope to be best-selling author.”
“Well, I know you’re brilliant and I have some idea of your job description and what you want to write about—all this sex stuff—but tell me something personal. We are friends, aren't we?”
I watched as he paused to eat a strawberry. As provocative as it was, I really wanted to know about this man.
“So I am brilliant. Can't dispute a fact. I've spent years getting an education in both academics and sexuality. I have no doubt you’re aware of both,” he joked.
I playfully smacked him on his arm as I rolled my eyes. “You really are an egotist.” I laughed. “No, tell me something about YOU. I want to know who you are. Being smart and having sex doesn't define you. I'm sure there's more.”
He took a deep breath, as though impatient, then spoke. “I spent most of my life in school, getting an education. Both my parents were scholars and it was their wish to see me excel beyond extraordinary.”
“Both of your parents are deceased? I am so sorry, Cass. I had no idea,” I said with deep sympathy. I couldn't imagine losing even one of my parents, let alone both.
“It happened years ago. Somehow you get past events that disrupt the natural flow of things.”
I was shocked at Cass's callous words regarding losing his parents. What kind of man has no emotions regarding the death of his parents? “Jesus, Cass, they were your mother and father. You sound as though they were casual acquaintances.”
“As I said, I spent a good portion of my life attending schools. I went to college at age fourteen, and I studied abroad at Oxford and a few others. I'm not like you, Nic; my parents didn't do family get-togethers or birthdays or even holidays. They traveled a great deal, giving lectures at different universities. Don't feel sorry for me. It was all I ever knew, and I was satisfied.”
I suddenly realized why Cass came across as insensitive and unfeeling… because he’d been raised in that kind of environment. My parents, though overprotective, were loving, kind, and nurtured me. I’d been taught right from wrong and brought up to have morals and values. I almost choked on my wine, thinking about what my mom and dad would say now if they knew how my morals had just flown out the window.
“How old are you, Cass? I never asked.”
“If it's important to you, I'm twenty-six.”
Oh God, I knew he was younger, but I’d hoped, or rather prayed, that he was in his thirties. I was fourteen years older. My cheeks got warm as I tried to look away.
“If it makes you feel any better, you're the first older woman I've been with. You may actually be the first woman I've ever truly liked.”
I stood and shook the cake crumbs off my shorts as I looked out over the ocean at the horizon. “Haven't you ever wanted more? Aren't you lonely? Don't you want to share your life with someone? I mean, not now, but when you're older,” I murmured.
He stood next to me with his wine glass in hand. “I've never given it much thought. You know my opinion on love and all the other illogical emotions that go with it. I don't believe it’s in my chemical makeup to have those kinds of feelings or needs.”
“But you felt something while watching me last night and performing oral sex on me today. I know you did. I saw you were aroused this afternoon.” I glimpsed down. “It was kind of hard to miss.”
Cass’s lips twisted in a cynical smile. “I was eating pussy. What did you
expect? My dick has a mind of its own. Feelings have nothing to do with it. Those are normal responses to sexual stimuli, nothing more.”
“God, do you have to be so crass? Is that how you'll be writing it in your little notebook? That you spent the afternoon eating pussy?” I was infuriated.
Cass gripped my upper arm and pulled me close to him. “Sometimes, Nicola, you say something that requires an immediate response. I'm sorry if the slang was a bit too insensitive for you. I can pretty it up if you like. I spent the afternoon performing cunnilingus.”
19~Caspian
After that conversation, we ended up packing the picnic basket and leaving. Nic was quiet on the boat ride back to Acquiesce. It was midafternoon now and quite hot. I kept my eyes on her as she proceeded to stare out into the water. Halfway back, I peeled off my tank top and wiped the sweat from my brow, then dipped my shirt into the water so I could cool my body. Of course, it was going to take a bit more than just getting my chest wet.
The feeling of guilt plagued my mind. I'd never felt this before. I was pissed, why? Because the oral sex was supposed to be just part of the study. But I enjoyed it. It stopped being research the minute my lips touched her sex. She had me second-guessing everything. I actually felt bad because I snapped at her. It was her constant badgering. She was driving me crazy.
Why the fuck did I tell her personal shit? I'd been lying to everyone for the last four months; I just assumed it would flow naturally. Somehow she’d managed to pull out private things about me.
I am an idiot.
I was torn between not caring and just fucking Lorraina or masturbating again in the shower. The pressure building in my balls made me realize my hand was never going to be enough. I looked over at Nic, who had turned to watch me trickle water down my pecs onto my abs and below. Holy mother of Christ, she just licked her lips. I sensed the swelling of my cock as it pressed roughly against my shorts. I quickly lay my shirt in my lap, attempting to cover the evidence.
What the hell is going on? I'd studied, researched, and recorded human sexual responses for years. Hell, I'd written two books, so how had I missed this one? And what was this one? If I were as brilliant as I said, I'd immediately stop whatever this was with Nic.
The man part of me was telling me to walk away, but the scholar in me was begging me to take this to the end. Maybe once I fucked Lorraina, this would pass. I'd always believed I never needed continuous sexual fulfillment and that I could go long periods without sex—obviously, I'd been mistaken. Maybe I’d suppressed my own release too long and that was what this was about. In my mind, I was currently waving my hands around like some crazy person. Sure, I'd had two orgasms by my own hand, but it hadn't been enough to relieve my frustration. I needed more.
I questioned my reasoning for being a part of this research. There were fifteen virile men here who could have serviced her well, and I could have watched and taken notes just as I had with the other case studies. However, I’d chosen to get involved, to take her sexual awakening into my own hands.
I barely knew her, but truthfully, I felt a closeness with her that I hadn't experienced with anyone else. We had an understanding, yet we didn't comprehend each other at all. I drove her crazy with my intellect, and she made me insane with her lack of experience. Honestly, the insanity was wondering why this little slip of a woman, fourteen years older and an inexperienced widow, was having such a profound effect on me… both physically and mentally.
***
When we got back to Acquiesce, I grabbed the basket and helped Nic out of the boat. The silence between us was deafening. I should have appreciated it, but it left me disconcerted instead.
“Will I see you tonight?” she asked, finally breaking her silence.
We walked up the stairs toward the resort. I sensed her fatigue and felt like a nap myself.
“Not tonight. I think maybe I'll stay in and grab some sleep—maybe read,” I replied, passing her on the stairs. There was no way I could look at her knowing I planned to fuck Lorraina as soon as humanly possible.
I heard her stumble and her voice quivered. “All right, I guess I'll see you at breakfast, then.” She paused. “Thank you for the picnic. It was… educational.”
She then rushed past me. I got the feeling she couldn't get away fast enough. I had caused her pain, again, and I questioned how and why that occurred.
I was programmed to solve problems, not cause them. I had absolutely no impression this would happen. Nic had been the perfect candidate: attractive, smart, she believed in true love and soul mates. Her belief system, although vastly different from mine, was still a good match for my final case study. She believed once you loved that one person, regardless of circumstance, loving someone else bordered on betrayal. She’d been the consummate person for completing my book, and even if she didn’t know, it convinced me that my study findings could actually warrant not only a best seller, but a scholarly paper.
I pulled open the sliding glass door and put the picnic basket in the kitchen. I came back and stood by the door, looking out by the pool. Most of the guests and escorts were either in the water or lounging poolside. I felt a dark shadow pierce my mind, and for the first time, I felt a sense of ambivalence. I didn't want to embrace what I was feeling. The entire premise sent a shudder up my spine.
I walked to my room, almost stopping at Nic's door on the way. I talked myself out of it because she couldn't give me what I wanted. Once I got to my room, I settled myself on the bed and thought about taking a shower. I took off my clothes and strolled into the stall, proceeding to bathe and wash my hair. I would then change and go find Lorraina. One night of intense fucking should take the edge off this need I had. I would be satisfied, and, well, Lorraina would be ecstatic.
I wrapped a towel around my waist and sat in the overstuffed chair, the one in which Nic had brought herself to orgasm. Fuck, just thinking about that night was causing my cock to rise. Why couldn't I just let her be a research subject and have her sleep with multiple men? Why did we have to become friends? Why did I have to help her? Why didn't I just leave it alone? Why, goddammit?
With sudden cognizance, I became aware of my surroundings and noticed my hands balled at my sides. This was a reaction to my thoughts of Nic sleeping with another man. I'd never allow it. It would never happen. I had no idea what I was currently feeling other than possessiveness, but what I knew with utter certainty was she belonged to me. She was mine.
20~Nicola
After another restless night, I dragged myself once again to the kitchen. I smelled coffee, and since coming to Acquiesce and meeting Cass, coffee had become my new best friend.
Ever since we first talked, I’d been restless and inundated with confused feelings and melancholy. I didn't think Cass was good for me. He left me feeling inferior and senseless. I was sure it wasn’t his intention, but he was more educated than I, and what's worse was he knew it and wielded that knowledge like a weapon.
He made me question my emotions, the ones I so carefully protected and cherished for all those years. I had known great happiness, comfort, and love. I also had lived through the worst loss imaginable, and somehow I'd survived—not lived, but still existed.
Damn Cass for making me want things again. I shouldn't blame him. I’d opted to be a research subject without knowing why, until now. Everything that happened was crazy. No one would ever believe the things I'd done or seen. Something besides loss happened to me in the last eleven years. There was no other explanation for my behavior. Undeniably, I was a little flattered and intoxicated by the thought of being in a sexuality study. But I hadn't realized what it entailed and how it would affect me in the end.
Cass was young and extremely good-looking. Back home, someone like him most likely would have never given me a second look, especially at my age. Well, maybe because of my wealth and status. There were other women here, including Dee and Pru, who were prettier and more sexually talented. I was a total layman compared to them. But he’d wan
ted me, and what made this all worse was I’d wanted him. I didn't think it would go as far as it did. Frankly, I didn't know what I expected, but masturbation and oral sex, those two things had never crossed my mind. Okay, truthfully, it had crossed my mind, among a dozen other things I’d read on that damn sex menu in my room.
I’d wanted him to touch me, to make love to me. Of course, I hadn't realized how adamant he was regarding the “love” thing. I could pretend he did love me, but I knew Cass would never go for that. Among all the traits he had, bad or good, the one thing I knew for sure was he would never lie to me. It appeared that's where the line in the sand was drawn. He would do everything else but intercourse and kissing. Those were our sexual boundaries. I had a little over two weeks remaining here, and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the time. He and I were at a sexual impasse.
I was afraid he was now going to expect me to carry on with someone else—one of the escorts here. I had no idea how I was going to do that. I supposed I could just say no and walk away from all of this, but I wanted this friendship, relationship—whatever the hell it was. I didn't want to lose the one person that, in eleven years, had made me feel like living again.
***
“Good morning, sunshine,” Pru greeted happily.
“Okay, I'll take your word for it. I see you're all filled with unicorns and rainbows.” I returned a weak smile as I dropped into the chair, coffee in hand.
“Yeah, she's been filled with something, or rather someone,” Dee remarked loudly as she sipped her customary Bloody Mary.
I gave Pru a small nod. “Good for you, Pru. I'm glad to see you so happy. I assume you're still seeing Milo?”
“Every night for over a week. He's very sweet and accommodating,” she replied, grinning.
Dee choked back a laugh. “Jesus, Pru, he gets paid to be accommodating. What did you think, he'd fuck you because you're so charming? He's a young man and you're a… well, let's see. Let me think… A well-seasoned woman.”