by CORY CYR
“Hey, Nic, you flying home with Pru and me?” Dee asked as I pushed out a chair for her with my foot. She took in the gesture and sat.
“Not sure. Maybe. I don't know. I may take a later flight. It depends,” I replied as I casually passed a glance toward Cass while moving my pancakes from side to side on my plate.
Dee scooted out her chair and stood. “Can I talk to you privately?”
“Go ahead, Nic. I'm just about done here. Then we'll take that walk,” Cass said, shifting his eyes between Dee and me.
I grabbed my coffee and walked with her toward the outdoor dining area.
“Look, I know I've been a royal bitch and there were things said. I know I drink too much, and maybe I was a little envious that you got Cass’s attention. But Jesus, Nic, I can see what's going on and I'm afraid for you. I watched your life crumble when Chris died, and now you're what… with him? You have to know for him it's just sex—nothing else.”
I spoke quietly. “Dee, he's not like that. Cass isn't an escort. He's a guest of his cousin. He didn't get paid to be with me. He chose to.”
Dee suddenly had tears in her eyes, and I grew worried because she never got sentimental or sappy.
“What do you think will happen when you two part? He's in his twenties, for God's sake. Both Pru and I wanted you to get laid, not fall in love. But, Nic, he's not what you think he is.”
“I don't understand what you're trying to say. And while we're being honest, we didn't have sex.” There was no way I would confide in her about indulging in every other kind of sexual pleasure, and I was being truthful. We hadn't had actual sex, not for lack of trying—on my part. At least not what I deemed sex to be, so technically it wasn't lying. Dee looked shell-shocked at my confession.
“Okay, if you say you didn't have sex, what is it, Nic…? Why him? I can see it on your face. You know the last time I ever saw you look the way you do right now was when you were with Chris. I'm terrified because I only meant to bring you out of your shell. I never expected you to fall in love—least of all with someone like him.” Dee's voice sounded sad.
“I don't understand what it is you're trying to tell me. Look, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm a big girl and I'll deal with consequences. You needn't be concerned. I know what the deal is with Cass. He's only the fill-in until I find the one.” It took all the energy I had in my body to speak those words, but Dee had shown genuine concern. There was no way I was going to confess how stupid I was and how I’d indeed fallen in love with a twenty-six-year-old freelance writer from New Hampshire.
Dee squeezed my shoulder. “Do me a favor. I know you think she's the French bitch,”—Dee chuckled—“but talk to Lorraina. She'll fill in all the blanks regarding Cass. Please, just do that for me.”
“Maybe later. You know there's a storm coming so we'll all be penned up in the main house. So if I have a chance, I'll touch base with her,” I said assuredly as I strolled back to Cass.
“Everything all right with you two? Did you women have it out and get it all straightened out?” he joked.
“Yeah, all is calm in Dee-land, and it will stay that way as long as the booze is hidden.”
“Not much hope for that in a brothel. You ready? I need to work off this huge breakfast.” I watched him stand up as he patted his toned stomach.
“I hope you're talking about walking and not something else.”
“For right now, but there are no guarantees once we get to the waterfalls. The walk there might make me hungry again, and you know how I love to eat.” He smiled devilishly.
“Come on. Let's drop these dishes off at the kitchen and go, pervert.”
“Hey, I'd rather be called deviant extraordinaire.”
I shook my head and smiled as I loaded his arms with our empty dishes and prodded him toward the door.
39~Caspian
Do I tell her the truth? Do I ruin everything between us? She's so happy right now. I did reveal some truths, things I'd not shared with anyone before, but would that matter when she found out about me? Would all those insignificant, tiny truths even be relevant when they were compared to my ultimate betrayal? Was there any reason I should care? In a few days, I'd be home, doing revisions on my research notes for the book. I'd never see her again. Once I was back in my own environment, all those feelings I had would dissipate and I'd be back to my old self. Without her.
I watched as she sashayed in her shorts down the stairs to the beach, tugging on my arm and laughing. The muscle located in my chest, also known as my heart, was being squeezed by invisible fingers. I needed to tell her. I owed her that much. Maybe when she found out she was no longer a chapter in my book and our friendship had been more important to me than the research, that would appease her. I told her she could trust me, and if she were anyone else, maybe these lies wouldn't matter, but she believed every word I said and had faith in me.
“Come on, Cass. Quit dallying,” Nic said as she pulled me with her into the water.
“Whoa, not dressed for swimming. Neither are you,” I said, looking down at the hem of my now wet sweatpants.
“Whatcha got under those, mister?” she asked as her fingers pinched my waistband.
“Nothing,” I whispered. “It appears I may have rushed to have breakfast with a certain someone and forgotten my briefs.” I laughed as I gripped her wrists lightly.
“You mean you’re commando? I'm shocked.”
I chuckled as Nic feigned dismay.
“Whatever will we do about that?” she cooed into my chest.
My cock recognized the vibration and took notice, causing my sweats to tent. Nic rolled her eyes at me while she brushed her hand against the fabric covering my erection.
“Makes my mouth water.” She giggled as she dragged one fingernail across my cock.
I groaned softly as I grabbed her wrists again. “Let's go to the falls where it's more private. I want to be naked with you,” I teased as I pushed her away playfully. I watched as she pouted. “Come on.” I put my arms around her and swung her out of the water, setting her feet on the white sand.
We walked through the thick vegetation until we came to the falls. The water looked warm and inviting as I stripped off my clothes. Nic went over to some trees to remove her clothing. She still had that innocence and shyness about her, and I prayed she never became sexually jaded.
My breath stuttered and for a second I felt like I wasn't getting enough air. She walked toward me, carrying a small palm frond. She was completely nude except for the frond, and the way she moved made her appear ethereal. My hands dropped the sweatpants I’d removed to reveal my thickening shaft. Jesus, she was too breathtaking for words and I had a million of them ricocheting in my head, but I was rendered speechless.
As she came closer, she dropped the palm leaf and placed her head on my chest. I widened my legs so she could fit between them even though my cock was separating us with its hardness. My heart pounded, and for a moment, I wondered if she heard it. I splayed my fingers across her back and breathed the scent of her hair deeply. I would miss this—I would miss her.
“I notice something wants attention,” she said, backing up as she gazed at my cock that was now almost pointing straight at her.
“I could go into the whole physiology of men, but frankly, you'd have to be a genius like me to comprehend what I was telling you.” I laughed as I spun her around toward the water.
“I already know: wind blowing equals hard-on,” she replied, laughing as she strolled down the small embankment to the water's edge.
“Who told you about the wind blowing theory? Chris?” I asked because I knew he’d been the only man in her life before me, and regardless of the sex and the laughter we shared, I always felt he was with us.
The water was tepid and felt amazing. I stood in front of her. Her nipples appeared to float on top of the water, and I licked my lips in anticipation.
“Yeah, Chris and I spoke about all kinds of things. I suppose he kind of m
entored me in life… You know he was fifteen years older.”
Chris appeared to have been a good man. It was obvious he cared and cherished Nic. I wished I’d met him. Who was I kidding? We would have never run in the same circles. My life had always been academics. Nic and Chris, they’d been the influential couple, he the wealthy executive and her the doting wife who strived to do charity work. No, we would have never known each other, and that was a good thing because if Chris were as smart as I imagined, he would have warned Nic away from any man like me.
“When you go back home, Nic, are you going to be all right? I mean, you're not planning to pick up where you left off before you got hijacked and continue doing the whole recluse thing?” I asked as I cupped water in my hands and poured it over her breasts.
Nic shook her head, but when her eyes met mine, they were deep with melancholy.
“I'm sorry I brought up Chris. It was insensitive of me. I just wanted to make sure you weren't planning to live your life like you did before. I hoped your stay here—I mean what happened between us—might affect you enough to convince you to step outside into the real world.”
She shifted so close to me her body was pressing into my cock as she stood on her toes to cup my cheek.
“I have no plans to live shut off from the rest of the world. I think I've had enough of the dark and now I want some light. I can't really explain the depth of the feelings I had for Chris, because no matter how genius you are, you lack empathy—and maybe that's a good thing. I would never want you to know true pain, the kind of sorrow that burns a hole straight to your soul and dying would be welcomed relief. I'm sorry you aren't able to feel other emotions… joy, happiness, love, but unfortunately, they come in a mixed bag, and if you ever know the one, there will come a time when the others make an appearance. Maybe lack of feeling is ultimately a good thing, because when someone you love leaves you, it leaves a fracture that can never be mended.”
I pulled her into my arms and mentally forced my cock to deflate, because right here and now had nothing to do with sex. “Aww, Nic, Chris didn't leave you. He died. There's a difference. From what you say, he was the perfect man. And you are beautiful, sexy, and funny. There's not a chance in hell he left of his own volition. Quit punishing yourself because he died. It wasn't your fault. Chris loved you—he would never have left you willingly.” Because I wouldn't.
I blanketed her with my body as she softly sobbed. This outing hadn't gone as planned and now the mood was sullen.
“Come on, let’s go back to the house,” I said as I walked her out of the water. The sky was now littered with graying clouds and the breeze felt slightly cooler and stronger. We quickly got dressed and headed back to the brothel.
As we arrived, I noticed some of the staff were boarding up the windows and tying down the outside furniture.
“Need any help?” I asked as we came to the front door. I had my arms around Nic, her head leaning against my chest.
“No, sir, thank you, but all this…” The staff member indicated with his hands to the windows. “It's just precautionary. We'll probably only get the very tail of this storm, but just in case those weather reports are wrong, we'd rather be safe than sorry.”
I watched as he left, going out to help another person with the pool furniture.
As we made our way into the house and down the hall, we heard quite a few voices coming from the movie theatre. Watching movies sounded like a good way to spend a stormy afternoon, but there were too many people in there and I had an inkling Nic wasn't in the mood to share her space.
“Want some alone time, baby?” I said as I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
Nic nodded as we got to her room.
“I'll come to your room later? I think a long, hot bath is what I need.”
I had this sudden urge to kiss her—again. What the fuck am I doing? I couldn't do that. She was already confused enough. Hell, I was confused. I didn’t even know what I was doing anymore.
“See you later, then.” I unwrapped my arms from around her as I opened the door.
She bowed her head and padded past me into her room. After she closed the door, I leaned against it, my mind reeling with indecision. I was like a fish out of water. I had no idea what to do or if I should do anything. I had told her she was mine… What did that actually mean? Was she mine as long as we were at Acquiesce, or did I want her farther down the road?
This shit had gotten complicated, and every bit of intelligence I had was now bottoming out. I didn't know what to do. For the first time in my life, I was mentally divided. Nic was right when she said the fourteen-year age difference did matter. Not to me personally. The first time I witnessed her touching herself, I’d known we were compatible—as friends.
There had never been an instance when I’d thought what we had would develop into more, into this. She’d been just another woman, a study into the psyche of an older woman. This wasn't meant to be anything more. And I couldn't blame Nic.
She had followed all the rules; she’d never crossed any of the lines I’d drawn. All of this was my fault. I’d asked her to stay with me last night, something I never did with anyone unless my partner was too inebriated to leave, and even then, I’d never been inclined to share anything that resembled intimacy.
There had been too many times I wanted to kiss her; I hadn't even contemplated kissing anyone in years. Even actual fucking had plagued my mind. But I’d known those things would confuse her. None of what we felt really mattered, because eventually, the truth would come out and the one thing I’d hoped for all along would happen. She would loathe me.
And that would make two of us.
40~Nicola
I filled the tub with bubble bath and let the luxury envelop my body. I shoved the bath pillow behind my head, wishing I could take this bathtub with me. I would have to ask the French bitch who designed it, because it was worth checking into.
The walk to the falls hadn’t been what I expected. Instead, it had turned emotional, and I knew how Cass despised “emotions.” He’d surprised me with his kind words and tender gestures. That was the man I fell in love with, if only he could see what I saw, if only he knew what I knew.
Cass wasn't all intellect and sex; he was so much more. I’d seen his dark and sexually charged ways, but I’d also witnessed a kindness, a softness, one I'm sure he didn't embrace willingly, but it was there. He was capable of strong emotions. Whether or not he considered it, it was true. I believed he was a man that could love, but he refused to go against the grain he’d designed for himself.
I sighed. It didn't matter because in a few days, he and I would leave and no amount of wishful thinking would change that. Once you shed all his layers, that cold, callous, and stony exterior became a different man underneath, one I didn't fully understand and, worse yet, one Cass didn't even realize was there.
Maybe we had helped each other. I already knew what he’d given me, but I hoped I'd given him some things to ponder. I knew the scholar in him would want to dissect every ounce of sex we had and every word we said, but I was praying the man would just savor the memory and remember I wasn’t the only one who had a chance at possibilities.
What Dee had said gnawed at me. I wasn't sure if it was curiosity or just me wanting to know the true man. If he was hiding things, surely he had his reasons.
I mean, how bad could it be? Surely a relative wouldn't allow someone dangerous or criminal to stay at her business establishment, regardless of how shady I thought a male brothel was. Would what she said alter my feelings for Cass? There was a sliver of me that hoped whatever it was just might burst my bubble, because my heart was going to be broken either way. At least this might be a better reason than him not loving me.
I dried off and put on some clean shorts and a tank top, stopping for five minutes to re-braid my hair. Once I finished, I grabbed my flip-flops and went to find Lorraina. My stomach actually felt nauseous with anticipation.
I began to turn ar
ound, deciding it was better not to know, and just enjoy these last few days, when I saw Lorraina come out of the library.
“Mrs. Barrington,” Lorraina said with a bitter tone.
“Lorraina, please call me Nic. I haven't been a Mrs. for a very long time.” I was trying my best to virtually extend an olive branch, even though I had politely asked her to stop calling me that before.
Lorraina appeared perturbed, then reluctantly ushered me into another room. Once inside, I realized it was her office. She directed me to a chair and motioned me to sit.
“So what is it I can do for you, Mrs.—Nic?” Her voice sounded menacing and she had a calculated look on her face.
“I… I…” I stammered, realizing this was a mistake, that whatever secrets Cass had, he’d hidden them for a reason, and it wasn't my place to have someone like Lorraina divulge them.
She leaned against her desk and drilled me with a cold stare. Whatever she knew, it would give her pleasure to tell me. It suddenly became clear how Dee and she became acquainted. They were both bitches, only this one didn't need alcohol for inspiration.
“You obviously came here for a reason. Is it about Cass, or should I say Caspian”" My eyes widened as I heard her refer to him by another name. “Shall I tell you all about him, since he obviously didn't share his biography with you?”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Cass could be short for Caspian. I mean, what kind of name was that anyway?
“His name is Caspian Vance and he is the youngest tenured professor at one of the most prestigious universities in America.” I saw the contempt in her face as she continued. “You know he's writing a book about human sexuality and emotions? That the entire reason for his sabbatical here at Acquiesce was to get research for the book?”
I nodded my head in response, suddenly realizing that whatever he planned to write had nothing to do with romantic fiction.
“Who knows? Who can keep up with Caspian's brain? You did know he's written two others and he made a deal with his publisher for a third one about older women and their silliness for love and other such nonsense?”