by Katie Cross
“Why did you call?” I asked through clenched teeth. “If this is the only reason, I'm hanging up.”
“Serafina also said . . . nevermind. Listen, I had my reasons, but now I don't. Doesn't matter. Just forget about it.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Nothing you need to hear anymore.”
The anymore was overly emphasized and irritated me to the point of pain. Before I could respond, the call ended. I dropped the phone to the counter to resist throwing it across the room, then stalked to the washer. A moldy smell drifted out of the basin the moment I opened it. I swore under my breath. I'd forgotten to put the washed clothes in the dryer last night and they already smelled rank.
With a slam of my palm into the button, I restarted the load on a heavy rinse cycle and tossed some detergent in with it. Any attempts to piece together what Maverick meant were shoved aside. He could be cryptic on his own time.
Ava appeared at my side.
“Where's the rest of my snack?” she asked.
“The rest of it? Didn't you just eat an apple?”
“Sera always has an after school snack for me.” She motioned to the counter. “She puts it right there. And it's more than just an apple, which tasted old so I threw it away.”
“Then eat something else.”
“The fridge is empty.”
I blinked, mentally extricating myself from the laundry. She wasn't wrong. Of course, I hadn't gone grocery shopping on the way home. We'd been thirty minutes late leaving the MMA Center and I'd completely forgotten in the midst of Ava complaining about being there again.
“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.” I crossed the room just in time for the rice to boil over, and barely slowed a swear word as I scrambled for a towel. “You'll be fine.”
“Dad!” She groaned, one hand on her stomach. “I'm hungry now! The apple wasn't enough.”
“Go play outside. It will distract you.”
“No!”
Her sharp reprimand was punctuated by the stamp of a bare foot against the wooden floor. A familiar glower, a near-perfect mimicry of mine, folded her face into harsh lines. Her eyes were tapered in fury. Memories of Sadie flashed through my mind, setting me on edge.
“Excuse me?” I whispered.
“I'm hungry now.”
“That doesn't mean you can speak to me like that.”
If possible, her glare deepened. Her hands propped onto her hips, leaving her elbows out like chicken wings.
“Sera gives me a snack.”
“Sera isn't here.”
“Why not?” she whined. “I like Sera's food better!”
My jaw clenched shut as I closed my eyes, pulled in a long breath, and let it back out. Impatience warred with annoyance in my chest yet again. Sera wasn't here and wouldn't be here again today, probably. Ava acting just like Sadie sent a whirl of bad memories through me. Distantly, I knew my wrathful response had nothing to do with Ava, but her attitude didn't make it any easier.
“Sera isn't here today,” I muttered. “You have to deal with me.”
“Will she be here tomorrow?”
“No.”
“When will she be back?”
Ava had tilted her head back, a nagging pitch in her tone that set my teeth on edge. It rang of her mother and ran along my nerves like a cheese grater. The truth wasn't any easier to set free.
“She may not come back. We're not sure.”
Ava gasped, eyes wide. If possible, those eyes filled with water in a flash. Her voice wobbled and I groaned. Not tears. Anything but tears.
“What?” she whispered.
“I don't know yet,” I said quickly. “I don't . . . we're not sure. We're working things out. But Sera has a life and she needs to get back to it.”
Ava stepped back.
“You did this!” she cried. “This is all your fault! Mommy said you didn't want me to be happy, and now I'm not. You're taking Sera away too! Mommy was right.”
Shock rendered me momentarily speechless. Taking her away? No, I desperately wanted her back.
“That's not true, Ava.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I want Sera back. Please, daddy. Don't take Sera away too, you can't take her away too!”
Her voice became hysterical. Her eyes widened in panic as she shook her head back and forth, tears jarred out of her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. She'd just rotated through four emotions within four minutes, and even I felt the backlash. All my ire fled in a flash as I knelt on the floor next to her and grabbed her hands.
“Please,” she pleaded. “Please don't. Please!”
“Ava, what's wrong?”
To my shock, she collapsed in my arms. Deep sobs wracked her body as I folded my arms around her. For several moments she cried. In the brief respite, I tried to pull my thoughts back together, but all I could think about was Sadie. About Ava's words. The terror in her eyes yet again.
Mommy said you didn't want me to be happy.
When her cries slowed, I put my hands gently on her shoulders and leaned back. “Ava, can we talk about this?”
Red-eyed, she passed an arm under her nose and reluctantly nodded. Afraid I'd lose her if I even breathed too much, I gently asked, “What did Mommy say about me?”
Her bottom lip jutted out a little. She fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt and whispered, “That you didn't want me to be happy. That you didn't love me.”
My heart cracked a giant, ugly fissure down the middle of my chest that would have spilled the nastiest vitriol if I let it. Emotions like what swept through me then were too strong, too locked up, to be ignored. But I'd been trying, and now I was still lost in something that was powerful. Grief, probably. Terror. Despair.
Even though Serafina had warned me about what Ava told her, hearing it still shook me all the way to my core. The terror in Ava's eyes sealed the deal.
“Wow,” I said.
We were a bigger mess than I thought.
There was no hesitation anymore. Hearing those words from Ava's mouth made it all too clear: Serafina had been absolutely right.
Sadie still had too much power over me. There was too much here to deal with alone, both for me and Ava. Ava watched me carefully. When she wore a wary expression like that, she looked just like me. Nervous for her answer, but needing to know exactly where we stood, I swallowed and asked, “Do you think that's true?”
She held her breath, frowned, and after a pause that felt like several eternities strung together, she finally shook her head. Relief I'd never known in my life poured through me.
“Why don't you think that's true?”
“Because you came back for me.”
“To the hospital?”
She nodded.
The night I heard of Sadie's accident whipped through my mind. The moment Ava's nanny called me to tell me about Sadie's condition in the ICU, I'd asked Maverick to find me a flight while I packed my bags. Within eight hours, I held Ava in my arms at the hospital while she cried on me. Sadie passed an hour later. At the time, Avan and I didn't know each other well. Sadie had jealously guarded and kept Ava from me and from most of my attempts to be part of her life. But Ava knew me well enough that she came to me then. Clung to me. She seemed to understand that I was all she had left, for better or worse.
“Good,” I whispered, and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “Because it's just not true that I don't want you to be happy, or that I don't love you. You are the most lovable little girl in the world, and I love you more than anything, Ava. You are the most important thing to me. And I want you to be happy.”
She sniffled. “Okay.”
“That doesn't mean I'm perfect,” I said wryly. “I'm going to mess up a lot, and sometimes you're going to be frustrated with me. Sometimes, I'll be frustrated with you, but it doesn't mean I don't love you. It means . . . that we have things to talk about. Okay?”
She nodded.
“So you might have to help me and be patient with me a
nd I'll promise the same.”
“Okay.”
“I'm sorry your Mom told you that, and I hope you can let it go. Love you, little bit.”
A hesitant smile appeared on her face. “Love you too, Daddy.” She stepped into my open arms and wrapped her little arms around my neck. For the first time in a while, something settled deep inside me.
While she skipped off to find something to do, I stared at the spot where she disappeared. At least we'd mostly cleared the air. I'd started the Sadie conversation and learned that we needed more help than I could give.
Now, I had to figure out something for this beating, broken piece of molten lava where my heart used to be.
My gaze darted around the house, which now smelled burnt and still looked disastrous. While I missed the little touches of Sera in my life, none of this stupid stuff mattered. My house could fall apart and Ava run around naked like a feral child for all that I cared. None of it meant a damn thing without Serafina here.
Yes, her help running the house made my life better, but that wasn't why I missed her. Ava and I had managed this chaos before, and we'd do it again. But when we'd managed it with Sera? It had been better.
I had been better.
Happier. Full of more joy. I looked forward to waking up. In fact, I looked forward to coming home, a place that was neither empty or pulling on all my time. A place that hadn't been safe until Serafina brought her sunshine into it.
The question was—had she been better? Happier? Full of more joy.
To her words, yes.
My eyes slammed shut on that thought. With a muttered explicative, I stood up. Dammit, but I had it all wrong. My fear of becoming like Sadie, or maybe just losing Sera because I even resembled Sadie, had overtaken me to the point I didn't even ask Sera her side of it. Didn't ask her if she wanted me, just assumed she'd hate me later and wanted to shut it down before it hurt any further.
Although I could hardly believe it myself, there had to be some redeeming aspect of me that brought her back. That initiated those heart-stopping kisses I couldn't stop thinking about. That gave her that broken-hearted stare that nearly broke my heart. That could possibly induce her to want to stay with me and Ava.
I straightened.
Maybe it was time to ask Serafina and find out the truth once and for all instead of deciding for her. Because my daughter had been fighting for her. Now it was my turn to fight in what was the most important fight of my life so far.
“Ava!” I called.
“Yeah?”
“C'mere. You and I need to do some work together.”
Her head popped around the corner with a curious expression. “On what?”
I grinned.
“On getting Serafina back.”
28
Serafina
My throat tightened as I looked over the mess for the tenth time.
The loft looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Stuffing torn out of the couch. Clothes shredded and thrown on the floor. Plates smashed. Glasses flung across the wall, indenting the drywall. A giant spider web crack crossed the second-hand television set Mom had found.
I had no way to prove it, but everything inside me knew this had been Amber.
A deep, welling frustration lived in my center now. It drove my thoughts, pushing me to the point of fury, and then despair. Why did bad things happen in groups? Why couldn't heartbreak catch a break just once? What was that saying? Bad things come in threes?
Well, I was on seven, thanks.
You can stop now, universe, I thought.
The sound of feet on the stairs came behind me. I glanced back to see Maverick ascending, his large body at odds with the small, spiral steps. Bethany walked just behind him, swamped by his broad shoulders. They both wore grave expressions when I nudged the door to the loft wider for them to see it.
Bethany gasped. Maverick frowned.
“Hernandez said he's on his way,” I said. “I'm so sorry. I feel like this is my fault somehow.”
Bethany put a reassuring hand on my shoulder with a smile. “I'm just glad you're safe, Serafina. Things can be replaced. We have insurance for a reason. We tend to use it quite a bit these days,” she added drily, with a smile aimed at Maverick.
Maverick's jaw remained tight as he stepped into the room. The troubled expression didn't clear from Bethany's face. She wore her hair down, but styled, elegantly at odds with her simple yoga pants and t-shirt today. Normally, I saw her as the high-end real estate agent, not this casual version.
Ellie already leaned against the doorway, her forehead grooved into a frown. She hadn't come inside, but she hadn't left me alone after I ran downstairs and asked her to call Maverick. Whoever had done this did it in the middle of the day, during the twenty minutes when Ellie was on a quick lunch break and the shop closed for a bit. They must have been watching and waiting, but Ellie hadn't seen anyone loitering.
For this level of destruction, they had been fast.
“Wow.” Maverick whistled low as he stepped farther into the room. I'd already done a slow walk around. A gentle tour where I hadn't touched anything and attempted to comprehend exactly what happened. Thanks to all my travels, I didn't feel particularly attached to any sort of belonging. All of this furniture had been mostly new, not yet mine. The thought that I didn't care about the stuff crossed my mind. The invasion of privacy was disturbing, but not truly terrifying. The thought of this happening at Ben's house, however, made me sick to my stomach.
The message there was clear: this wasn't my home. Moving on was the right thing, no matter how painful.
Even if Ben's house felt more like home than here.
“Was anything taken?” Maverick asked.
“Not that I can tell. I don't keep any cash here, and my wallet was with me in my backpack, thank heavens. There really isn't much that I own, so I don't have a lot she could steal.”
“She?” Bethany asked.
I pulled in a deep breath. “I think I know who did it,” I admitted reluctantly, the pull and tug of guilt fresh with each word. “Amber, my brother's ex-girlfriend.”
His drug dealer, I thought, but didn't add.
Maverick strode past the kitchen, glass grinding under his shoes. Bethany hung back, near us, as flashing blue and red lights came into the parking lot below. She let out a sigh of relief.
“Jayson is here,” she murmured.
“Why do you think Amber did it?” Maverick asked as he surveyed some scratches on the cupboard doors.
“She's upset that we've taken my brother away. Says he owes her money. She probably came here looking for cash or something. Then trashed it to get her revenge. She and I haven't exactly gotten along,” I said quietly.
Bethany squeezed my arm, and her lack of judgment was a deep balm on my heart. “There are security cameras outside,” she said. “We'll get an eye on them soon. This may not even be her, but an isolated incident. It's not your fault.”
“Thanks, Bethany.”
The next hour came in a whirl. Ellie slipped back downstairs to run the shop, but Maverick and Ellie remained with me until Jayson had finished his report. By the time we'd cleaned up the glass on the floor and assessed the damages, with photos, for their insurance report, evening crept in.
Bethany paused in the doorway. “We need to go pick our son up,” she said, “but I'm still worried about you. Are you going to be okay here tonight?”
Amber at large didn't reassure me, but I nodded anyway. None of the windows had broken, Maverick had done a quick lock replacement downstairs while I filled paperwork out, and the town lay quiet outside. At her core, Amber was a coward. I'd be shocked if she came back when I was here. That didn't give me comfort at all, of course, but I couldn't let Bethany know that.
“I'll be fine. I'll keep everything locked.”
Her expression darkened further. “Maverick told me about you and Ben. I'm sorry. Men are total apes sometimes. I hope he comes around. This would have been the perfect ti
me for him to step in.”
I sucked in a breath, but could only manage a little smile. That thought had occurred to me several times in the last couple of hours.
Bethany squeezed my hand.
“If you want to give up the lease, I understand. Mav said you put in your two-week notice at the Diner. We can find someone to take it if you just need to get out of here. Broken hearts sometimes trump contracts. There's wiggle room in the lease if you find someone to take it.”
“Thank you, I appreciate knowing that. And I might actually know someone that will take it.”
“Oh?”
“Dagny. She mentioned it to me today. She's been living at home with her Mom to save money but would . . . she'd like an out.”
Bethany illuminated. “I know Dagny. She just applied to work at the Frolicking Moose when Ellie leaves for college at the end of the summer. How perfect would that be? She's delightful. I'll drop by the Diner tomorrow and talk to her about both. Thanks Serafina. Just let us know what you decide and we'll support you however we can. And I'm sorry about all this.”
She wrapped me in a quick hug, and the warmth of another pair of arms only made me miss Benjamin more. How could he ever think I didn't need him? The safety of his arms. The security of just standing next to him. Was there a way to quantify the power of security? No.
But was that all he meant to me?
The immediate response didn't even surprise me. No. Not by half. He could be a file clerk with the strength of a puppy and the joy they both brought to my life would be more than enough. The brightness. The sense of stability and being needed. They were the only two people I'd ever wanted to stay for. To wait on and see the world with them.
Apes, Bethany had said.
I concurred.
29
Benjamin
Maverick: It is absolutely none of my business, but you need to get your ass over there right now.