by S. Nelson
“What’s going on?” I detected something in her voice, but couldn’t determine if she was upset or not.
“I’ll tell you when I see you. I’m actually in Long Island. Do you want me to come there, or do you want to meet here?”
“I can come there. Just text me where you want to meet.”
“Will do. There’s this restaurant I really like. Do you mind if we go there instead of a club? I’d like to hear myself think for a change.”
“Only twenty-five and already you’re getting old.”
“I’m twenty-six, and yes, I certainly feel much older.”
“Next you’ll be saying you have to get to bed early because you have a busy day coming up.” What started off as a joke on my end ended up being her reality.
“Wait till I tell you all about it.”
“Can’t wait.”
Hanging up the phone, I tossed it on the bed next to me and closed my eyes. Even though it was barely six in the evening, I was suddenly exhausted. My day had been filled with nerves, anticipation, excitement, shock, betrayal, anger, sadness, and every other freaking emotion known to man.
I must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Ford was next to me, tapping my leg to wake me.
“I thought you were taking a shower.” He looked me over from head to toe, his eyes stopping on my upper thighs. The skirt of my black dress had ridden up when I’d laid down and I’d never bothered to fix it.
I cleared my throat, and he looked up at me, smirking because I’d caught him staring. He shrugged before walking toward my bathroom, closing the door once he was inside. I heard the water running, then the flush of the toilet. He reemerged moments later, drying off his hands before tossing the towel onto the sink behind him.
“You all good now?” I asked, sitting up and dangling my legs over my bed.
“Yeah.”
“Do you need to take a shower while you’re at it? Cause I can wait while you use my bathroom again,” I said with a straight face.
“Does that bother you?” He frowned.
The need to rile him had morphed from trying to get under his skin to teasing, and I had to say that I preferred the latter. Less ramifications involved.
“Relax.” I hopped off the bed and headed toward the same place he’d just came out of. “I’m not serious.” He swatted my ass as I passed him, and I squealed. Before I could shut the door, he pushed me inside and up against the vanity, much like we’d been in the guesthouse restroom.
“What are you doing?”
“What I wish I could whenever I wanted.” He coaxed my lips open with the tip of his tongue, and I lost myself to his kiss. All the events of the day faded away as our breath mingled, and our mouths melded together. Before we took it further, however, he pulled back and leaned against the wall.
“Why did you stop?” I reached for him, but he grabbed my hand before I could touch him. He wore an odd expression, and for the life of me, I couldn’t read him, but then again, I never could.
The way his eyes penetrated the tough exterior I showed the world made my heart skip a beat.
“I’m conflicted,” he confessed.
“About?”
“About you. I just can’t stop thinking about what happened to you.”
“I’m not going to break, Ford. I’ve lived through it.” I pulled my hand back from his, curled my fingers into my palm, and rested my fist in the middle of my chest. “It’s over.”
“But it’s not,” he argued, running his hand through his hair.
“Why do you care so much? What happened to me doesn’t involve you in any way.” I waited for his answer, but it never came. Instead, his teeth worked over his bottom lip and his shoulders slumped.
Then the missing piece slid into place.
The topic had proved to be sensitive, a source of pain and hurt whenever it had been broached, which because of his reaction had not been often. Placing my palm on the side of his face, I stroked my thumb over the trimmed hair on his jaw.
“You’re thinking maybe something similar happened to Julia. That’s why she got involved with drugs in the first place.” His pupils darkened at the mention of the possibility, but he didn’t pull away from me. He didn’t yell, and he didn’t deny anything.
My past collided with his. Too many unanswered questions that would never be resolved. And that was one of the hardest parts of all this. The not knowing why or blaming oneself for not handling the situation differently in the first place. So many what-ifs, a person could drive themselves crazy if they allowed them to fester for too long.
“Maybe if I pushed her for answers, I could’ve saved her.” His sullen voice filled with regret, each syllable he spoke heartbreaking.
“Maybe. Or maybe it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. The shitty thing is that you’ll never know.” I removed my hand from his face only to squeeze his hand. “I can only imagine how hard this is for you, but I’m not your responsibility.”
“Technically, you are.”
“You know what I mean.”
He released a sigh. “I know.”
We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an hour, but in reality, it was mere seconds. There was so much more I wanted to say, but never had the chance to voice because my phone dinged with an incoming text.
I walked away from Ford and into my bedroom to retrieve my cell. Glancing at the screen, I saw that Naomi had messaged me the restaurant name and address, along with the time she’d be there, which was an hour and forty minutes from now.
Rushing back into the bathroom, I turned on the faucet to warm up the water. “I only have forty minutes to get ready.” I flitted about the small space, but Ford didn’t move a muscle. “Are you going to watch while I shower?” While the thought thrilled me, I knew it wasn’t a good idea.
He looked like he wanted to respond, but instead just left, closing the door behind him.
It seemed that every time Ford and I discussed anything, there was no resolution. No end. No final decision.
Being in limbo had become my new norm.
* * *
Cara
“Sorry I’m late.” I scooted into the booth Naomi had chosen and placed my purse next to me. “Were you waiting long?”
The ride there had been mostly silent, idle chitchat about the weather breaking up the quiet. I wanted to say much more, and I got the feeling Ford did, as well, but neither of us took the lead. He walked off toward the bar after I sat down, and in true Ford fashion, he situated himself where he could keep an eye on me. Close but far enough away to give me and my friend a bit of privacy.
“Only five minutes. No big deal.” Her strained smile told me she had a lot on her mind, and there was no time like the present to dive right in. I missed confiding in her, and although I had so much to tell her, she looked like she needed to bend my ear first.
Before she started, though, I had to compliment her on her new hair. “Loving the new look.” She normally wore her hair past her shoulder and wavy, but the cut was an angled lob, or long bob, and styled poker straight. The style brought more attention to her pale green eyes and her pronounced cheekbones. Naomi was a beautiful woman, and unlike me, hadn’t used her looks, or her money for that matter, to get ahead. She worked her ass off in college to get her MBA and was now working at the firm of her choice. Although she was only entry level, being the CEO’s assistant, she said it was at least a foot in the door.
“Thanks, but apparently, it was just one more thing for him to be suspicious about.” Our waitress approached before she could elaborate. We placed an order for red wine and an appetizer, glancing over the menu to decide on dinner.
“What do you mean?” I finally asked, curious about her cryptic comment.
Naomi sighed and leaned against the back of her seat, looking defeated before a single word left her mouth. Her demeanor told me everything, and one glass of wine wasn’t going to cut it.
“When I cut my hair, Benji accu
sed me of doing it for Steele.”
“Who the hell is Steele?”
“My boss.”
“That’s his name? His real name? Please tell me he’s good-lookin’ because if his parents named him Steele and he’s like five-foot-two and chubby, I’m gonna die.”
“Let’s just say his parents named him well. The image you would have of someone named Steele would fit perfectly.” She took a sip of her drink. “He’s handsome, but that’s not the point. The point is that Benji didn’t trust me.”
Naomi had always been a one-man type of woman. She’d never had a one-night stand, and although she could party with the best of them, she was selective about who she chose to date. Unlike me.
“What do you mean ‘didn’t’? Don’t you mean doesn’t?” I looked at her hand and noticed she still wasn’t wearing a ring. Benji had asked her to marry him a short time ago, and it looked like she still hadn’t said yes.
“We broke up.”
I reached across the table and covered her hand with mine. “I’m sorry. I know how much you cared about him.” For some reason, my eyes flitted toward Ford, and of course, he was watching me. I flashed him a quick smile before turning my attention back to Naomi.
“I did. After he proposed the first time, he asked again a week later, to which I gave him the same answer. That we hadn’t been together long enough to make that kind of commitment. Then when I got hired as Steele’s assistant, something switched in him.”
“Such as?” It was wrong to feel this way, but having someone else deal with a shitty circumstance made me… not happy, per se, but content to share the misfortune.
“He waited for me in the lobby after my first day, and I just so happened to be leaving the same time as my new boss. We stepped off the elevator together, laughing at something he said. Benji immediately walked up to me and grabbed my hand, smiling at me but tightening his grip the longer Steele stood next to us. Of course, I introduced the two of them, and right before I said that Benji was my boyfriend, he cut me off and said I was his fiancée.” Naomi’s anger over the situation intensified the more details she gave me.
Our waitress approached with the salmon croquettes appetizer, but I was too invested in her story to grab one right away. But she wasn’t, snatching two and placing them on her plate. It was then I remembered Naomi fell into the category of a stress eater, even though I had no idea where she put it because I swore she was just as slim as she was in high school. I was close to my weight from years ago, although my ass had gotten a bit rounder since then.
Between bites, she continued her story. “When Steele finally left, Benji released my hand and stalked off, leaving me to follow him, confused as to what just happened.”
“Had he ever acted like that before?”
“No. And I’d been around different guys before. It was just weird. I chalked it up to me not accepting his proposal. That maybe he was feeling insecure about our relationship. Anyway, things just got worse. He’d act pissy whenever my boss texted me, strictly about work, mind you, and he about lost his mind when I told him that I had to accompany Steele to California for business. The trip was only for two days, but Benji acted like I told him I fucked my boss, which was essentially what he accused me of anyway.”
“Oh my God. I don’t know what to say.”
“Now you know how I feel. It was like a switch flipped inside him. Every day he accused me of something. Either I was going to the gym because I was trying to look good for my boss, or I bought a new dress to look sexy for him or,” she pointed to her head, “getting a new haircut.” She finished the rest of her drink and signaled to our waitress for a refill. “Do you want another one?” she asked, pointing to my glass.
“I’m still nursing this one.”
“I see.” She pursed her lips. “What’s going on?”
I quickly looked at Ford before turning my eyes back to her. “What do you mean?”
“First off, you keep looking over at him.” I didn’t bother to ask who she was referring to because that would have been pointless. “Secondly, you’d normally be starting your second glass by now.”
“We haven’t been here that long.” I skipped over responding to her first observation.
“Precisely.”
Trying to explain why I wasn’t drinking more was an odd feat, seeing as how in the not-so-distant past, I had to justify the opposite. “I’m just not feeling it, that’s all. Besides, I’m more interested in this story. So please continue.”
I thought perhaps my friend would argue, but she dove back in, picking up right where she left off.
“Last week was the final straw.” I leaned in so as not to miss a word. “Benji showed up at my job. I was walking back into the building after lunch, coincidently at the same time my boss returned, and there he was, giving the security guard a hard time because he wouldn’t let him pass. As soon as Benji saw me and Steele, he lost his shit. He even got up in Steele’s face, threatening him.”
“Oh my God,” I repeated, all the while shaking my head in disbelief.
“Needless to say, Steele had Benji thrown out, and I broke up with him later that same night.”
“How are you handling everything? How did Benji take it? Not good, I’m sure.”
“Not at all. He kept apologizing, said he would change, that he wouldn’t act so jealous if I just took him back.”
“And?”
“And what? I’m not going to continue to be with someone who frightens me.” I opened my mouth, but she must’ve known what I was going to ask because her next words answered my impending question. “I’m all for second chances, for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but the look in his eyes when he went after Steele scared me. It was as if he wasn’t in control of himself. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I’m happy he showed his true colors now and not a year into the marriage.”
“True,” I agreed.
“Anyway, Steele was concerned about me, as well, so now he meets me in the parking garage in the morning and walks me to my car at the end of the night.” Naomi smiled, and there was something about her grin that made me curious.
“Do you like him?”
“Who? My boss?” The inflection in her voice and the way she shifted in her seat told me everything.
“You do!”
“I don’t,” she argued. “Sure, he’s good looking and successful and smart and sweet and—” Once she realized how much she was going on about her boss, she clamped her mouth shut. “I didn’t do anything with him or lead him on or flirt with him while I was with Benji.”
“I know. You’re too good for your own good.” I laughed.
Once our dinners arrived, I looked over at Ford once more, seeing if he was eating, as well. He nursed a glass of clear liquid, no doubt water or soda, and munched on a plate of salsa and chips.
“What’s going on there?” Naomi asked, waving her hand between me and Ford, and not subtly, I might add.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“You keep glancing over there and smiling at him. The last time I knew you hated him. Now look at you, all flirty smiles and stuff.” She shoved a forkful of her pasta dish in her mouth, her attention on me the entire time.
“I’m not flirting.” I took a bite of my chicken. “He’s just rubbed off on me, I guess.”
“Or do you mean that he’s rubbed up against you?” She wiggled her brows and chuckled.
I was mid-swallow and what she said made me choke. And exactly like last time, Ford was behind me before I realized he’d gotten up from his seat. Only this time, I didn’t mind the warmth of his hand when he patted my back.
I held up a hand when I’d caught my breath. “I’m okay. Thanks.” I looked up at him and smiled. Again.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to join us?” Naomi suddenly asked, but before I could contemplate if that was a good idea or not, leaning more toward not because there were some things
I wanted to still discuss with my bestie, he answered.
“Thank you, but I am fine where I’m at.” Ford curtly nodded and returned to his seat.
“I’m gonna kill you.”
“Why? If I thought Steele was hot, Ford is otherworldly. How do you not jump on him every time he’s near? And those eyes. Good God, I could stare into them for the rest of my life.”
“Well, someone’s feeling better,” I pointed out, amused by her rant but also feeling somewhat possessive over Ford. I told myself not to do it, but I looked over at him.
“I knew it,” Naomi blurted. “You slept with him.”
“Would you lower your voice, please?” I reached over the table and smacked her hand. “No, I didn’t.”
“You did.”
I started off shaking my head in denial, but it turned into a vigorous nod before I could stop myself. “Fuck. Fine. Yes, we slept together, but it was only the one time.”
“Not good enough to go back for more? Because that would be a shame.” Naomi turned to look at Ford, then back to me.
“It was good. Better than I thought it would be.” Several heartbeats passed before I confessed, “It was the best sex I’d ever had, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Then, what’s the problem?”
“Well, first off, I don’t think my dad would take kindly to the fact that the guy he hired to protect me got me into bed. But then again, he didn’t get me pregnant, so there’s a win.”
“Why would you say that of all things?” Naomi knew me better than most, so she knew when I tried to evade suspicion, as well as when I really wanted to explain, even though I’d say I didn’t.
“Don’t leave me hanging, woman. I told you all about my shit show of a life. The least you could do is reciprocate.”
I relaxed against my seat, although I felt anything but. I was desperate for a moment to try and figure out what to tell her as well as how much.
“There’s just so much going on.”
“Do we need another drink for this?”
“Maybe two,” I corrected.
As soon as our glasses had been refilled, I dove head first into everything I wanted to divulge to my best friend. Everything from the meeting with James Hollen, which started off things in a good way, to finding out that Emily was pregnant with Owen’s baby, to my sister revealing that she was the one behind the threatening notes.