by S. Nelson
“Because maybe you didn’t give him time to fully explain himself. Maybe he does want to work it out with you but needs your help in trying to figure it out.”
I appreciated what Emily was trying to do, but it was pointless.
Ford and I were done, and because he’d been fired, I never had to lay eyes on him again. As I followed my sister to the car, I allowed the last tears I’d ever cry over Ford Massey to trail down my cheeks. The memory of him would fade over time. But I wasn’t so sure about the ache in my heart.
On the drive home, I thought about what was going to happen with Emily and our parents. For once, I wasn’t mixed up in the middle of a scandal or trying to talk my way out of a situation where I’d made a bad decision. Odd didn’t begin to describe what it felt like to be on the other side of things, but I had to admit that I preferred it to the other.
After Ford and Owen had left our house the day prior, our parents, mainly our dad, was beyond furious. He rambled on about how he was the one to bring them into our lives and how deceptive they were the entire time and how he would go out of his way to ruin their business. But after he’d finally calmed enough to listen to reason, Emily stepped up and took responsibility for putting things in motion when she sent the first note. Then, the second. Then, the third. She could’ve confessed at any time, but she didn’t.
Emily also reminded our parents that she had feelings for Owen, and that looking back, realizing the impact of what she’d done, while wrong, wasn’t a regret for her. She spoke those words with her hand resting over her belly.
They left the house shortly afterward, and while our mother gave us each a hug, my father walked right past us and waited for his wife in the car. It would take him some time to come to grips with everything, and I had no doubt he would do what was right in the end, which was to forgive and move on. Walter Dessoye was a stubborn man when he wanted to be, but he was kind and loving, and his family meant the world to him. Emily just had to wait for him to come around.
* * *
Ford
The last two weeks had been challenging. Both Owen and Cal argued with me about not wanting to accept Heather Dumont as a client. They wanted her business, but because she insisted I be the one assigned to her, she refused anyone else’s services in the firm. They assured me it was only for a month, that she needed security while she did a press junket overseas, but one day in her presence was one day too long. I knew damn well that she only called for me because she wanted to get under Cara’s skin. Besides, the second I laid eyes on the woman, I knew she’d be a pain in the ass, more so than Cara in the beginning, and that was saying a lot. Furthermore, if I took the job, I’d feel as if I was betraying Cara, and the last thing I wanted to do was put myself in a predicament that made me uneasy all around.
The guys had finally let it go when I refused to take their calls for four days. I came to find out shortly afterward that Owen told the persistent woman that I’d never be available for her. She stopped all communication after that.
“Don’t you think it’s been long enough, man? When are you gonna stop being such a stubborn sonofabitch and call the woman?” Owen kicked my boot when I refused to look at him, my interest in what he rambled on about at an all-time low. At least, that was the impression I wanted to give him. In reality, I couldn’t stop thinking about Cara and what an ass I’d been the last time I saw her. I’d hurt her. I’d seen it in her eyes when she fled from my room. The incident had also revealed almost everything to my brother and Emily because they’d seen my naked ass standing there as she ran past them. I had no more lies to tell when Owen confronted me, demanding I tell him the truth. And I did. Every word about the relationship between Cara and me flowed easier than I ever thought it could. Much like the woman who occupied my brain 24-7, I was stubborn, but I was tired, and my brother forcing me to talk about her was a relief of sorts.
While I confessed that we’d slept together, the first time being after her date with Caverly, I justified my actions as rash and out of character. I’d been jealous and reacted. He, on the other hand, pursued Emily right from the start. And even though we both crossed the line, his was deliberate, whereas my actions were…
Oh, fuck it! We were both wrong. No use trying to justify otherwise.
My attention remained on the television and away from Owen, but when I raised my bottle of beer to my lips, he smacked my arm and the alcohol spilled down the front of me. I hopped off the couch and stepped into his personal space, hell-bent on making him back off.
“Let it go,” I demanded, snarling for good measure.
“I’ll let it go when you stop being an asshole and admit that you love her.”
I turned away from him and walked into the kitchen to grab a towel to wipe off my shirt. “I don’t love her,” I shouted over my shoulder, not quite sure whether I told the truth, to him or myself, for that matter. I had feelings for Cara, sure. I’d go so far as to say those feelings were deep, but love?
“You can tell yourself whatever you want, but we both know you’re a miserable prick right now.”
“I’m always a miserable prick,” I agreed, plopping back down on the sofa before swallowing half my drink. Kicking my feet up on the coffee table, I knocked over two of the many empties sitting on top of the glass. I’d reverted to drinking, although not to oblivion like I’d done after Julia died.
“More so these days.” Owen sat in the recliner and continued annoying the shit out of me. “Why don’t you just call her? Ask her how she is. Start small, then go from there?”
“What makes you the relationship expert now? Huh?”
“Well, I am in one.”
“Only because you got Emily pregnant, which means you kinda don’t have a choice.” My brow crooked upward when Owen’s expression flattened. I’d gotten to him. Serves him right, coming over to my place and trying to tell me how to live my life.
“That’s not why I’m with her,” he argued. “Of course, I wouldn’t leave her now that she’s pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with her. Is everything happening quickly? Yeah. Am I scared out of my mind because this baby is going to be here before I know it, and I have absolutely no clue what the hell I’m doing? Sure.” Owen’s sudden rambling made me smile. He shook his head before exiting his chair and making a beeline for the kitchen to grab a beer. When he reentered the living room, he took the seat next to me, resting his feet on the edge of the table in front of us. “Fuck, I guess I don’t have all the answers either.”
“Ya think?”
We sat in silence for the next half hour. Owen stewing on his newfound revelations and me continuing to think about Cara and if there was a possibility that’d I’d acted too rashly. Said things unnecessarily without even trying to figure out a way to work through any doubts I had. I wasn’t a reasonable man by nature, but I wasn’t completely unreasonable either. I realized the two concepts warred with each other, but didn’t they cancel each other out, then, too? My random thoughts made no sense to me, so I did what I did best. Drank another beer.
“People come into our lives for a reason,” Owen said, his voice startling me because my inner ramblings had continued to steal all my focus. “Most times we don’t know what that reason is, but we have to trust that our encounter with them is for the strength of our development. I truly believe Emily came into my life so that our baby could exist. And I also believe that Cara came into yours because you needed her. You just have to decide what comes next.”
My brother had spewed philosophical rantings on me before, right after our sister died and he was trying to get me back into the land of the living. But this time around what he said both pissed me off and intrigued me.
Maybe he was full of it and just trying to see the silver lining of his newfound fate.
Or maybe he was on to something.
Either way, he was right. I was the one who had to choose a path and forge ahead.
The question was… which way did I want to go?
* * *
Cara
One Month Later
“Just calm down,” I muttered to myself, staring at my reflection in the small mirror sitting on top of one of the makeup stations. “Don’t be nervous. You got this.” My little pep talk wasn’t doing anything to calm my nerves, and the flurry of activity behind me wasn’t helping, either.
There were so many people running around backstage, shouting for shoes, clothes, and everything else imaginable. I’d never seen anything like it, other than in movies, and they clearly hadn’t exaggerated the chaos that happened behind the scenes of a fashion show.
Just over a month ago, James called and asked if I was interested in showcasing a few of my pieces right before he revealed his spring collection, right there in Manhattan. I accidentally hung up on him because I’d dropped my phone right after he asked. He laughed when I called him back, telling me he had a similar reaction the first time he was asked to show his designs.
I knew he only did one show a year in the city, the rest of them were in Paris, Milan, and London, to name a few. The man traveled the world, and I would’ve gone anywhere he asked but was relieved the show was close by. Traveling was one less thing for me to stress out about.
I didn’t have much notice, but since I was only making five pieces, I picked my favorites, buckled down and got started right away. I enlisted Audrey for advice on the designs, and Emily and Naomi to try the outfits on after they were finished. My sister wasn’t showing yet, so I didn’t have to worry about the clothes not fitting her.
“Hey, girl,” someone shouted, and while that person could’ve been addressing anyone backstage, I knew her voice as soon as it cut through all the commotion and hit my eardrums.
Neely headed straight for me, her arms outstretched and pulling me into a hug before taking a step back. Her black hair was a tad longer, but otherwise, she didn’t look much different than the last time I saw her, which was at mine and Emily’s birthday celebration in California. I lied. One thing was distinctively different about Neely. She was sporting a baby bump.
I quickly glanced down at her belly. “How are you feeling?”
“Weird, but good.”
“Did you ever tell the baby daddy you’re preggers?” She disliked preggers almost as much as baby daddy.
“Ugh, please don’t.” She flashed me a faux-annoyed expression. “I did, and let’s just say that he wasn’t too receptive.”
“I’m sorry that happened.” I grabbed her hand as a show of support.
“I punched the bastard in the face when she told me.” Calvin appeared out of nowhere. “Hello, love,” he greeted, lifting me off my feet and twirling me around like he loved to do. I knocked into one of the models, but she rushed across the room before I could apologize.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” I squealed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He finally put me down and I gave him another big hug.
“I’m not letting Neely fly by herself.”
“I’m not an invalid,” she argued, smacking him on his arm. “He treats me like I’m fragile. Like I’m gonna break.”
“I treat my woman like gold,” he corrected, flashing his killer smile right before he pressed his lips against hers. His eyes moved to me. “What?”
I waved my finger back and forth between them. “Are you two—?”
“Yeah. She finally gave in to my charm.” He laughed while she shook her head and sighed. But I caught the way she looked at him. She was as enamored as he was. I’d always suspected Calvin had feelings for her, and obviously she’d felt the same.
“So, now you’re the baby daddy?” I asked him, moving back a step when Neely reached out to smack me.
“We’re gonna name him CJ. Calvin Jr.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close.
“You’re having a boy?” I asked, fascinated with their interaction together. He kissed her temple while she leaned into him. Then, when he dropped his arm from around her waist, he linked his fingers with hers. Anyone watching would’ve thought they’d been together for a long time, but I knew their romance had just started not long ago. Although, as I mentioned, I was certain it started sometime back for Calvin.
“I don’t know what I’m having yet.”
“What we’re having,” Calving corrected. I loved how supportive he was about a baby that wasn’t his. I only hoped when he or she arrived, he’d continue to feel as strongly about the child as he did right now.
“Enough about us, Cara. How are you doing? You look a little nervous.” Neely left Calvin’s side to stand next to me, and his face fell the second she was gone, but recovered quickly when he saw I needed some support.
“I’m nervous, of course, and I’m praying everything goes well. James has given me this huge opportunity, and I just don’t want to let him down. You know, make him regret that he gave me a shot.”
“You’ll do great,” she praised. “I’m so proud of you, and to be honest, I’m a little jealous.”
“Why would you be jealous of me?”
“Because your passion is coming to life.” She shrugged. “I’m just hoping one of the galleries likes my paintings enough to give me a show soon.”
She’d been working on her art for as long as I’d known her, but only recently had she started trying to get one of the bigger galleries to take notice. The main reason she was in New York right now was to meet with one of them.
“It will happen for you, too,” I encouraged. “And sooner than you think. I have a feeling.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take any of the focus off you.” She gave me another hug.
“Please, take the focus off me. I’m freaking out.” I smiled, but my anxiety turned down the corners of my grin before I could take another breath.
We chatted for another couple minutes before they excused themselves and left to find their seats out front. I wasn’t left to my thoughts for long before James’s assistant bombarded me with questions about the garments I brought and who was supposed to wear what.
Going with the suggestion to hire a few models from a local agency, I’d done a dry run a couple days ago and tagged everyone’s outfit with the model’s name. Apparently, the papers had fallen off during the transport to the show, so I gathered the women and together we solved the small crisis.
I had my back turned when Emily came up behind me and startled me, although because of my heightened bout of anxiety, it didn’t take much to scare me.
“Look who I found,” she announced, tapping me on the shoulder. For a split second, I envisioned that Ford would be standing behind me, but quickly realized I had to get rid of any hope I had that he would contact me again. The way we left things the last time we saw each other hadn’t been ideal, but neither one of us made a move to correct it. The man was stubborn, but if he really wanted to see me or talk to me, he would. His lack of communication told me everything.
I twisted around to see Nick standing next to my sister.
“Are you working today?” I asked, pulling him in close.
“Yeah. How cool is this?
“I still can’t believe this is all happening.” I tried to stop and revel in everything that was going on around me, but it was hard to do because of all the commotion.
“Well, get used to it, baby, because this is only the beginning for you.” Someone shouted Nick’s name. “I have to go, but you better start making men’s clothing because I want to walk for you soon.” He grabbed the sides of my face and leaned in. “You deserve it all, Cara.” His words brought tears to my eyes, not only because I was excited but because I needed someone else to tell me what he just did. Whenever I tried to tell myself the same, I hadn’t been very convincing. I still had my doubts, but I was getting better.
A week after I ran out of Ford’s room, I was lying in bed and a commercial came on. One I’d seen many times before, but for some reason that day, the way the actress looked into the camera felt like she was speaking directly to me. S
he said, “If you or anyone you know has been abused, don’t be ashamed. Tell someone. No one should have to live with secrets.”
I broke down and sobbed, and I realized it was the first time I’d allowed myself to grieve, to truly mourn the loss of my childhood.
The loss of my innocence.
The loss of faith I had in the world, the faith that I had in me.
Whenever I did allow the memory of that day to filter in, which would only last a few seconds, I blamed myself for what happened. If only I hadn’t gone into his study.
If only I hadn’t been wearing that bathing suit.
Then I made the decision that changed the course of the way I thought about what happened and about the way I’d been treating myself.
When I called my parents over to the house, the first thing my dad asked me was if I was pregnant. After I shook my head, I told them there was something that I needed to share with them, something I’d kept from them since I was fourteen years old.
I’d managed to hold most of my tears back while I spoke, but as soon as I saw my dad cry, I broke down. I’d never seen him so distraught, and while my mom and Emily were also shedding tears because of my revelation, my dad was the rock of the family. So, to see him crumble because of what happened to me, I oddly felt a small sense of relief.
My family shared in my pain right then, and it was the second time in my life that I hadn’t felt so alone.
The first was when I told Ford.
My family and I talked for hours that day, and while I agreed to finally go to counseling to deal with the rape, I refused to go to the police or even tell Steph, for that matter. One step at a time was the way I needed to process everything. They stood behind my decision.
Two weeks later, during one of my phone calls with Steph, she told me her father had suddenly lost his job and I had no doubt my dad had something to do with that. He knew many people in high places. She also revealed that her parents had been arguing nonstop.