by J. Bengtsson
Not that I really needed it. After a rough decade of self-destruction, I’d finally made peace with the insecurities that had plagued me and was now ready for anything that came my way. It wasn’t just post-rehab euphoria either. Drugs were my past, not my future. So convinced was I that not even the familiar smell of weed wafting through the stadium was enough to tempt my senses. I couldn’t afford to waste any more brain cells on that stuff.
And with that in mind, I’d used the precious few I had left to earn a high school diploma. The milestone was huge for me, signaling the start of a new chapter in my life. More landmark moments followed – me enrolling in junior college. Me landing a job at a cellular store and quickly rising to the ranks of manager – not that it was much of a feat, considering the decision was between me and a greasy-haired guy with a really bad work place habit. I mean, just because your finger fits in your nose doesn’t mean you should put it there.
Everything was in preparation for a future that was close enough for me to taste. If all went as planned, in a few months, Jake and I would be the proud owners of a surf and skate shop. Ever since we were kids, that had been our dream… well, that and Jake’s little fantasy of becoming a rock star. And now that I was in a good place, taking business classes to supplement my education, and Jake had the overflowing capital to fund it, our vision was in reach. Finally, I was on my way to becoming someone I could be proud of.
“KEITH! KEITH MCKALLISTER!”
I spat the sunflower seeds out and looked around. All I could see were hordes of revelers packed inside the open-air stadium of the county fairgrounds. After Jake agreed to perform at the benefit concert, tickets to the event sold out within minutes, and the excitement around town was palatable. It was a chance to see their hometown boy perform, and since his fame had only intensified over the past year, this was a special happening in the community.
My name had turned into a chant.
“Who the hell is calling me?” I asked. “Literally everyone I know is backstage right now.”
“Give yourself a little credit. I’m sure there’s some baby mama out there you haven’t accounted for.”
“Says the guy with twelve kids from three women.”
“Six kids.”
“Interesting that you didn’t correct me on the number of women. Honestly, Lassen, I don’t know how you do it. I look at you and I think, ‘Now that’s an icky dude.’”
“Ha.” As was customary, Lassen’s enjoyment was abruptly cut off. Like those people who always sneezed three times, Lassen only laughed once. “Please, Keith, you’re too kind.”
“And I’m not even talking about your spare tires. You have a leaking problem. Like seriously, man, you need to get it checked. When you eat garlic, it oozes from your pores. I used to be able to smell you all the way back in my bunk. I swear you’re the only thing standing between Jake and a pack of blood-sucking Yogi vampires. And, what’s with the crumbs in your beard? Don’t give me that bullshit about having something to eat if you get hungry, because I know you, Lassen, and you NEVER miss snack time.”
He spit a mouthful of kernels to the ground, he tipped his upper lip the only indication he still found my judgment against him amusing, and as always, the mystery of his animal magnetism went unsolved.
My name continued to echo through the stands, and even though I assumed it to be a former fling I had no use for, curiosity got the best of me. I climbed up onto the second rung of fencing surrounding the stage and looked out over the sea of faces. The screaming grew louder and more intense as I shaded my eyes with my hand and followed the sound of my name. My eyes came to a complete stop on a woman standing heads above everyone else in the stadium. I’m not exaggerating here when I say she was a good ten feet tall.
“What the hell?” Was the woman on stilts? Did she not realize there was no more perfect way to get your ass kicked at a rock concert?
The wind picked up in that moment, and it was then I caught the bright red curls blowing in the breeze. That color. I’d only ever seen it on one other person.
My heart beat a little faster as I climbed to the third rung to get a better vantage point. I could now see the woman was not on stilts but on the shoulders of an equally tall man, and although her face was obscured by distance, I could see enough to know it was none other than…
“Shannon O’Malley?” I yelled, my voice easily soaring over the masses.
“Yes!” Her joyful screams filled the stadium as she waved. Shannon had an easy way about her that had always made me smile, and today was no exception. But she seemed in no mood for niceties, because the second she got my attention, she diverted it downward. I followed her overt gestures, but all I could see were the heads of thousands of people milling about.
And then a name floated through the fairground. “Samantha Anderson!”
It was almost as if the seas had parted and suddenly there she was, her face buried in her hands, as brown strands streaked with gold fanned out around her.
“Sam!” I screamed, not even trying to maintain a level of cool. It seemed only fitting that the only woman I’d ever loved – the one I’d been pining over for years – had come back only after I’d finally put my life back together. Sam was the prize – my chance to right the wrong and to close a wound I’d ripped open so long ago.
“SAM?” I hollered like a giddy little kid, and this time, she lifted her head. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I knew she was staring back at me, and that was all the incentive I needed. I couldn’t get to her fast enough.
“WAIT THERE! DON’T MOVE. I’M COMING TO YOU!”
And then I hastily scanned my surroundings. Lassen was standing there in surprise at my little chick-flick moment, a sunflower seed stuck to his drooping lip. Clearly, he was going to be of no help. My eyes continued the search. The only legitimate way out of this area was around the back and then out the left side of the stage. But that would take too long and get me even further away from her. Like Sam had taught me, the fastest way to get from point A to point B was a straight line, and I intended to honor that theory now.
Bounding off my perch, I shoved the bag of sunflower seeds into Lassen’s hands and took off at a full sprint. Having worked on the tour, I knew leaping the barricade was a big no-no, and the security guards shot into action as I raced by. But I was too fast and too determined for them to stop. Profanities chased after me as I hurdled over the barrier and crash-landed into a pile of sweaty bodies. Instead of cradling my fall like what would have happened in that cheesy movie playing in my head, the extras – that is, the concertgoers – just let me drop to the ground in a heap of good intentions.
“Would it have killed you to catch me?” I complained to the crowds before leaping to my feet. Multiple bones in my body popped back into place. Yeah, that was going to smart in the morning.
An angry burly dude approached, ready and willing to ruin my romantic gesture, but if I’d learned one thing in life, it was to run the hell away from danger. And with that in mind, I darted past the strategically placed blocker and moved with purpose through the crowds. It wasn’t until I was at ground level that I realized I was lost in a labyrinth of bodies and could no longer see the circus act that was Shannon and her human ladder.
“SAM!” I hollered.
And then, like honey to my ears, I heard her voice for the first time since that day on the beach when I’d walked out of her life.
“KEITH!”
With renewed vigor, I ducked, squeezed, and scurried my way through the milling factions toward the girl of my dreams. And I was getting closer until the screech of guitars put a stop to my forward motion. The first chords of Jake’s song blasted through the speakers, effectively rendering me as helpless as a kid stuck in a maze.
“Sam!”
She couldn’t hear me anymore. I knew that, but calling her name kept my eye on the trophy as I pushed through a crowd that had taken to jumping up and down to the beat. I wasn’t sure which way I was going anymore, but
I pressed on, determined. Somewhere in this mob was my future, and I would stop at nothing to get it started.
And then suddenly, behind a pack of college-aged revelers, there she was. I skidded to a halt, panting and hardly believing my eyes. Time stopped for the briefest of moments as I gaped at the woman before me. In my memory she was still a girl – young, vulnerable, and mine. I could still see Sam in there, but the years had changed her. Not only did her beauty stop me in my tracks, but the way she held herself with such poise and conviction told me all I needed to know. Unlike me, Sam hadn’t wasted any time. The girl I’d left on the beach that day to fend for herself had moved forward with life, attacking it with the same commitment she’d invested in me all those years ago.
Would she be forgiving? Would she understand that my path to redemption had led me here? Or would she hold my past drug addiction against me? Sam had every reason to be angry with me. First I’d abandoned her, and then I’d never tried to find her. But if she knew the reason why, would she give me a second chance? I’d always intended to come for her, but I had to be a person she’d want back in her life. And now that I was, there was nothing to hold us back – as long as her heart had spent the years beating for me too.
Absorbing the gravity of our reunion, we were rendered speechless. The only sound penetrating our bubble was that of Shannon clapping her excitement. I would eventually acknowledge her, but right now I was a racehorse with blinders on and Sam was my finish line. I stepped forward, closing the gap between us. She swallowed hard, her lashes fluttering in that shy dance I remembered so well. And as she bit down on her lower lip, I was instantly reminded of that awkward girl from the library, the one I’d fallen hopelessly in love with. She might be an accomplished woman now, but my Sam – oh, yeah, she was still there.
“Look at you,” I marveled, my greedy eyes trailing every inch of her. If Sam had a guy in her life, he would definitely not appreciate what I was thinking, but I didn’t care. I wanted her, and I was done wasting time.
One more step was all it took to feel her warm breath on my skin. My fingers sank into her hair as I gripped the back of her neck and, so sure of our connection, pulled her into me. Lifting her gaze, she searched my eyes, and that’s when I saw it. Against all odds and after all this time, there was still love in Sam’s eyes. My lips parted. She shook. And I hovered, wanting the kiss but resisting only because once I took it, I could never have the second ‘first kiss’ with her ever again.
Surrounded by high-octane chaos, the world around us fell away as those precious seconds ticked by. Her trembling hands covered mine. There was no hesitation on her part. She didn’t care about the meaning behind the moment. Sam was all quaking lust and dizzying passion, and I would do anything to see this desire every day for the rest of our lives. She brought my lips to hers, tenderly at first, but as if a jolt of electricity went crackling through me, I awoke. Gripping her tighter, my mouth braced against hers, moving harder, deeper, and with the urgency our years apart required. Her fingers tangled into my hair, trapping me against her hot tongue, and as it slid into my mouth, not even the mega-watt speakers could drown out the crazy loud beating of our reunited hearts.
27
Samantha: Rediscovering Us
Everything fell away in that moment, as if time had sped in reverse and we were back in the Surfmobile, two kids – young, naïve, and in love – discovering each other for the first time. It felt so familiar and safe. Wild tremors surged through me, straight to the place between my legs that longed for his return. Oh, my god. How could I have forgotten what lust felt like? The yearning giddiness that swam around inside my belly like a ravenous vortex. All that time I’d wasted trying to convince myself that I felt something with other men, and I’d simply forgotten. It couldn’t be forced; lust just was.
Suddenly everything made perfect sense. My mind had been made up long ago. The reason I hadn’t bonded with other men wasn’t because I was cold and heartless, as Preston had suggested, but because my heart had already pledged its allegiance to another. Due to circumstances beyond our control, Keith and I had been put on pause. Only now, six years later, were we finally in a place where we could push play on our relationship once more.
Hooking my arm around his neck, I gripped the back of his head and dragged him deeper into the kiss. Primal, instinctive, possessive, our tongues made a play for dominance. I moaned as his arm tightened around my back, pulling me flush against his heated body, and I knew I’d follow him anywhere he was willing to take me.
I was the one to finally break the kiss, not because I’d had my fill but because I needed to see him, touch him, experience him. Still clinging to his body, I leaned back to take him in – all of him. And what I saw sent the second wave of desire to skipping through me. Keith, bless him, he was still a looker. My eyes skimmed over that heartthrob face and I was reminded of why I’d so eagerly given myself over to him. Handsome in a bohemian sort of way, Keith wasn’t classically gorgeous, like Preston, but he made up for it with a sexiness that reached up into another galaxy. I was squirming with desire for him. How stupid I’d been, thinking I could replicate him with other surfer dudes. It was like trying to pass margarine off as butter. A substitute could never measure up to the original – and Keith, with all his finger-licking goodness, was the real goddamn deal.
I allowed my fingers to wander over his tatted muscles that were showcased nicely in the form-fitting t-shirt that clung to him in all the right places. I felt like a kindergartener, finger painting on a living, breathing canvas. He was no longer the skinny guy I remembered. Adult Keith was taller and more strapping. The patches of haphazard scruff had been replaced with a closely trimmed stubble that looked downright sinful paired with the wavy hair tucked behind his ears. I noted its shorter length, hanging just past his jawline instead of all the way to his shoulders.
He was so familiar, yet at the same time, there was something different about him… something I couldn’t quite put a finger on until he bowed down and dipped his head into my shoulder. Seaweed! Why didn’t he smell like it? And for that matter, where were the telltale streaks of blond in his mane? There was no way to avoid the bleached hair that came with prolonged hours spent in the ocean. Could it be possible? Had the quintessential beach boy given up surfing?
Sensing the shift in my body language, Keith lifted his head and gave me a questioning look. I gently ran my hands through his hair, sad that whatever had happened in his life had taken him away from the one thing that made him feel alive. And as my fingers glided down his handsome face, they came to a stop at his collarbone where my agate necklace… was not hanging. Had he lost it? Or worse, had it meant so little to him that he’d thrown it in some drawer and forgotten about it? I had to swallow back the accusations threatening to put a damper on our reunion. Keith didn’t owe me anything. The necklace had been a gift, and whether he wore it or not was his choice, not mine. Still, it felt strangely like a betrayal.
My eyes drifted back up, connecting with Keith’s. He knew exactly what I was thinking, and his expression was nothing but apologetic. Whatever the reason for its absence, I felt certain Keith had been affected by the loss, and bringing it up would cast a somber cloud over this joyous moment.
“Sam, I…”
“Not now,” I whispered.
Hooking my arms around his waist, I tucked into his snug embrace, enjoying the feel of his hair grazing over my neck.
Keith’s low, contrite voice hummed for my ears only. “I promise it’s not what you think.”
“I don’t care,” I said, squeezing him tighter. And truly, I didn’t. As long as he was happy, that was all that mattered.
“I missed you so much, babe,” he whispered. “You have no idea.”
With Keith, no games were required, and I felt free to tell it like it was. “I have some idea.”
Tipping my chin up until we were staring into each other’s eyes, he shot off a volley of questions. “Where have you been? How have you
been? Are you happy?”
“I’m happy, but even happier now that I’m with you. And I moved back to town last year after earning a degree in marine biology.”
Eyes widening, Keith took a step back. “You live here? In town?”
“I do.”
“How… how haven’t we reconnected?”
“I don’t know, I surf at our spot all the time, but I’ve never seen you. I assumed you’d moved away.”
There was no mistaking the wince that crept across his face. What was he not saying? “I’m proud of you, Sam. I knew you’d make something of yourself. You were always destined for greatness.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s greatness. I write environmental reports all day. And if you will recall, Keith, you were the one who showed me my strength. Without you – without the ocean – I never would have had the courage to pursue my dreams. You changed everything for me, and even if I uttered a thousand thank yous, it would never be enough to accurately convey my gratitude.”
“It was all selfish angling, Sam. I just wanted to see you in a swimsuit.”
“Oh, right, because I was such a catch back then.”
“You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Still are.”
A blush crept over my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“No,” he whispered in my ear. “Thank you.”
“So what about you, Keith? What are you doing now? And, most importantly, why don’t you smell like seaweed?”
Keith smiled, a hollow gesture. There was real pain behind the scenes, and I wanted to pull back the curtains and get immediate answers to his mystery, but I got the sense that beyond even the tragedy that had befallen his family, life had thrown some hard punches Keith’s way.