“Yes.” He was trying not to smile. He looked at me as though he was expecting me to go over and give him a high five. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like much, but it’s something.”
I stared at him. “Why would you do that?” I asked.
“To get back at him, I guess. I realize how stupid it was. But I was really pissed at him. Not just because he lied to me about you.”
“What else?” I asked. “What else could he have possibly done to you that would make you want to sabotage your own company, just to hurt him?”
But Jonathan was shaking his head. “This isn’t my company,” he said. “Ian might like to play it off like we started this together, but at the end of the day, it’s his company. At the end of the day, he’s the one who’s in charge and calling all the shots. That’s how it’s always been though, even when we were just kids. I don’t know how much he’s told you about his past, but he basically integrated himself into my family. I think my mother loved him more than she loved me sometimes, to be honest. And he was always better at sports, and as we got older, he got stronger and better-looking, and it was like he could do no wrong. He hardly ever even works out, and he looks like that, did you know that? And my father had always hoped I’d join the military, but I wanted to go to college, and then Ian ends up as a Marine. He and I have a whole long history that I don’t think you’re even aware of.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, “that might very well be the case, but that doesn’t mean you should’ve done something like that, Jonathan. That’s pretty messed up. Ian was adamant that it wasn’t someone on this end. He trusts you.”
“Well, I trusted him!” Jonathan yelled. “I was honest with him about how I felt about you, and he told me that he was going to get a feel for whether or not you were ready to be in a relationship with someone. He told me he was going to do that and he ends up getting with you himself. Which I should have expected. I should have known this was going to happen.”
“Are we in high school?” I asked, unable to believe what I was hearing. “You asked him to find out for you if I was interested in dating? Why wouldn’t you just ask me yourself? Don’t you think if someone doesn’t have the guts to do it themselves, then maybe they don’t deserve it?”
“I’m not saying I’d do it the same way if I could go back,” he said, scowling. “I just felt so caught up in it, and I liked you so much that I didn’t want to mess things up. I knew all the shit that you were going through with Noah, and I didn’t want to scare you off. And he told me that he talked to you and you weren’t ready to see anyone, so I just backed off.”
“And then you found out that we were seeing each other and you decided to leak private information? I can’t believe this. Does Ian know?”
“No.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to say; the whole thing was kind of hard to believe. “I think you should go, Jonathan. I really don’t even know what else to say. I mean, I don’t work there anymore, I don’t have anything to do with the company. But regardless, it seems like it’s pretty messed up to go behind your friend’s back and do something like that. I don’t actually think I could go out with someone who would be willing to do that.”
“I understand,” he said. “I honestly wasn’t expecting that you’d say otherwise. But I wanted to tell you. And now since I’ve told you . . . I guess I’ll just go.”
“I think that would be best.”
He paused, like there was something else he wanted to tell me, but then thought better of it.
After he left, I called Caroline. “I’m starving, and I need to talk,” I said. “Want to meet for breakfast? Somewhere cheap.”
“Sure,” she said. “How about Bette’s Diner? Is everything okay?”
“The diner sounds good, and I’ll tell you when I see you,” I said.
At the diner, I slid across the smooth turquoise vinyl booth across from Caroline. The waitress came over right away, and I accepted her offer of a cup of coffee and then ordered a Belgian waffle and a side of scrambled eggs.
“So what’s going on?” Caroline asked.
“There has been so much messed up stuff happening I don’t even know where to begin. Jonathan had just stopped by before I called you.”
“Jonathan? Really?”
“Yeah. He came over to let me know that the whole reason I basically got hired there in the first place was because he liked me. But he didn’t say anything about it because he’d asked Ian to find out if I was interested in dating anyone, or if I wasn’t ready for something like that because of Noah.”
“Wow,” Caroline said. “Looks like Ian took that one a little too far.”
“You don’t think that’s a little bit . . . I don’t know, lame? I would’ve had more respect for him if he had just been upfront himself about it.”
“Well, yeah,” Caroline said, peeling the top off a little container of half and half. “He should have grown a pair and told you himself. I guess it’s a little bit cute, but in a juvenile sort of way, that he couldn’t tell you himself.”
“Right,” I said. “I think he thought I was going to be happy about that, or think that it made him this upstanding sort of person or something, but really, the whole thing is stupid.” I shook my head. “It’s crazy. Suddenly everyone is confessing their love for me. Whose life is this?”
Caroline laughed. “Most women would be dying to be in your position, you know.”
“Well, I’m not. It’s not as much fun as it might sound like. It’s really weird, if you want to know the truth.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t know,” she said. “I’ve never had five guys drooling over me at the same time.”
“It’s not five,” I said. “But I’m not even used to having one. I used to feel like I was pretty much invisible to guys before all of this.”
“Obviously not,” she said. “You’ve had a stalker, you’ve got a guy whose parents are trying to arrange a marriage, you’ve got guy from the gym who’s getting you a job at his company because he has a secret crush on you, and then you’ve got . . . Ian. I don’t even know what to say about him.”
“He’s the one that I really felt like I had the connection with, though,” I said. “Out of all of them. And Billy and Jonathan are both so nice. Well, Billy is. I didn’t tell you the other part of what Jonathan told me.”
Caroline’s eyes widened. “What?”
“There was a leak with one of Hard Tail’s bigger clients, this banker whose brother and niece, I think it was, are famous actors, and it got out. It was supposed to be kept quiet so there wouldn’t be a bunch of media there, but the information got out and it was kind of a huge disaster, even though everything ended up working out. And Jonathan told me that it was him. He was the one who had done it.”
“Why? Why would he do that? He works there too.”
“He was pissed at Ian.”
“Wow,” she said. “This apparently goes deeper than I thought. So . . . how did you leave it with him?”
“I eventually told him that he needed to go because I didn’t know what to say. And I still don’t really know what to say about this whole thing. Part of me just wants to pack up what little shit I have and move somewhere like Seattle or something.”
“I’d miss you,” Caroline said. “But I would totally support you doing something like that. And I’ve always wanted to visit Seattle!”
Our waitress came over with our plates then, and I leaned back as she slid it in front of me.
“Thanks,” I said.
She smiled. She was older than us, probably in her mid-forties, her curly brown hair streaked with gray. “Now, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she said, “but it sounds like you’ve got men interested in you left and right, honey. Believe it or not—when I was your age, I used to have the same problem. It can be flattering at first, but eventually, it gets tiresome. You love any of these men?”
“No,” I said. I thought of Ian. “Maybe.”
“Any of the
m love you?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you love one of these men—and especially if one of them loves you back—that’s not something to be ignored. I ignored it, and I missed out. Biggest regret of my life.” She patted my shoulder. “Enjoy your meal, honey.”
“Is that ‘maybe’ in reference to Ian?” Caroline asked skeptically.
“Yes,” I said. “But maybe it’s not love; I don’t know. Maybe it’s just lust or sexual chemistry.”
“You do seem pretty hung up on him,” she said.
I spread the pat of butter across the waffle and then drenched it with syrup. “He broke up with me because he felt like he had to, not because he wanted to. I don’t know if I would’ve done the same thing in his position, but there is a part of me that at least wants to talk to him again.”
Caroline nodded. “Maybe you should,” she said reluctantly.
I waited until later that day, and then I texted him. I told him that I wanted to talk, and he said he’d come by because he wasn’t too far from my place. I had thought that he’d refuse altogether, but I took it as a good sign that he seemed willing.
“I know what you did,” I said when he got there. I didn’t bother with any small talk; I wanted him to know that I knew everything that had happened. “I know that Seamus told you to stop seeing me because he wanted me to date his son.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I happened to be down at Failte the other night when Billy was there, for his birthday. And his parents were with him, and the whole story just sort of came out.”
“Oh.”
“Why would you do that?” I asked him. “Why would you stop seeing me all of the sudden, just because he told you to?”
His eyes were downcast, and he seemed to be struggling to come up with the correct thing to say. “I’d like to tell you that it’s something I don’t want to talk about ever, and just leave it at that,” he said. “Which I suppose I could. But I also want to be honest with you, because I think you deserve that.”
“Did he threaten to stop being a client? Isn’t that extortion or something?”
“Seamus obviously cares about his son, and is willing to do some things that maybe other parents wouldn’t,” Ian said. “And no, I don’t want to lose him as a client. But it’s more than that, really. My stepfather used to kick the shit out of me when I was younger. Seamus was the one who eventually put an end to that, which I didn’t realize until recently, when he told me. So in a way, I feel like I owe him this debt, even though I had no idea that I’d incurred it in the first place.”
“But you don’t owe him anything for that,” I said. “That’s ridiculous. Did you put him up to talking to your stepfather? Did you ask him to do it?”
“No.”
“Then you shouldn’t think for a second that it would be something he could use against you.”
“I know. But . . . it’s hard to explain. I just felt like I had to do it, even though it was really the last thing I wanted to do.” He pressed his lips together. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel toward you, Daisy. I know that I’ve said that enough times by now you’re probably rolling your eyes, but it’s true. One of the things that Pete used to say when he’d be kicking the shit out of me was how no one was ever going to want to be with me, that I was that much of a loser. And I think I kind of ingrained that into my mind.”
He looked so uncomfortable that my heart ached for him. At that moment, he wasn’t the man that could confidently walk into a room and know that he could get with any woman he wanted; I could see him then as he must’ve been when he was a little kid, scared and alone and believing that no one would ever love him.
“Wait a second,” I said, “I thought you loved your step-father. I thought he was really good to you.” An image of Pete, wheelchair-bound, flashed through my mind. It didn’t seem like that person would be capable of the sorts of things that Ian was saying. “Why would you keep on visiting him if he did all these horrible things to you?”
“For that exact reason,” Ian said, addressing his hands. He wouldn’t meet my eye. “He was so awful to me, and made me feel like I was completely powerless for so long, that when it the roles were reversed, and he was the one that couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, I just wanted to rub it in his face that I was still here, living my life, getting to go out and do all the sorts of things that he would never be able to do again.”
“Isn’t that kind of messed up? Sadistic?”
Ian shrugged. “Probably.”
“I didn’t realize he’d done all those things to you.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. It’s not something that I really like to talk about. But if you want to know the short version of it, Pete used to beat the shit out of me on a regular basis, though he never did anything when my mother was around. She was too busy or tired to be able to do anything about it, anyway. And I didn’t want to be the sort of kid that went running to his mommy just because he was having a problem.”
“But you were a kid,” I said. “That’s what your parents are there for.”
“Does it even matter now?” he asked. “I’m not a kid anymore, my mother’s dead, Pete’s in a nursing home.”
“Maybe it doesn’t matter,” I said. “Maybe it’s something you could’ve moved on from by now, except that you keep going there to see him. Don’t you think if you want to get over it, it’d be better if you just stopped?”
He finally looked at me. “It probably would,” he said. “But I don’t, because it feels good.”
I went over to him and put my hands on either side of his face. “I don’t want that to be something that makes you feel good,” I said. “Because part of the reason that makes you feel good is keeping alive the past when he was hurting you. And he’s not doing that anymore, and he can’t do that anymore. I want to be the one to make you feel good. Because being around you makes me feel good—I feel better being around you than I ever have around anyone else. And I mean that. I know there’s been all sorts of shit that’s happened and things that have come up and people that have tried to keep us apart, but I don’t want to let them happen anymore. I am not going to ignore the way I feel about you, and I know that you feel the same way. And I told Billy’s father there was no way in hell that I was ever going to date his son, so he’s not going to bother you about that anymore.”
A tiny smile touched the corner of Ian’s mouth. “You told Seamus that?”
“Yes, I did.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said he believed me. He said that he was sorry that I felt that way. Or maybe it was his wife that was doing the apologizing, I don’t remember. I don’t really care, either, because you know what? It’s not up to them to decide. Even if what they think they’re doing is in the best interest for their son, I’m not getting involved with someone unless I’m sure that they’re the person I want to be with, one hundred percent.
“And there’s another thing,” I said. “Something else that I think you should know.”
“What is it?”
“I know who leaked the information about Martin.”
He looked surprised. “You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
“Jonathan.”
“Jonathan? You mean the Jonathan that works here?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because he told me.”
“Oh.”
The expression on Ian’s face was hard to read. He very much looked like he didn’t want to believe me, but he also knew that I wouldn’t make this up.
“He told you that?”
“He did. I was really surprised, too.”
“But I don’t understand . . . why would he . . .” Ian shook his head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Well, it kind of does, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. All I want to do is enjoy the fact that I am here with you, because you’ve really been all
that I’ve been able to think about. I don’t want to think about anything else. Can we do that? Can we just enjoy being together with each other?”
“Of course we can,” I said.
“I don’t want to talk about Jonathan; I don’t want to talk about Billy.” He brushed a strand of my hair back from my face. “I just want to see you.”
He leaned down and kissed me, wrapping me up in his arms as he did so. I let my eyes fall shut and my body melt into his, the warmth of him enveloping me in a tingling pleasure that swirled over my whole body. I ran my hands through his hair, down the back of his skull, his neck, felt the thick, ropy muscles there, his smooth, broad shoulders. He started to kiss my neck, biting at me lightly. He pulled my shirt off, then my bra, and his hands went to my breasts. He moved his head lower and began to kiss one of them as he squeezed the other one, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. When he straightened, I slid my hand between his legs, felt his cock pushing at his pants. I undid the button, pulled down the fly, and slid them over his hips. I rubbed my palm over and around the head of his cock, and he groaned softly into my hair.
We made our way slowly over to the bed, and we stretched out, lying down on our sides so we were facing each other. I kept my hand on his cock, slowly moving it up and down the shaft, and he slid his hand through my pubic hair, down into my pussy. I was already plenty wet, and he slipped a finger inside of me, then pulled it back out and ran it lightly over my clit in a clockwise motion. I pressed against him, rocking my hips back and forth. What I really wanted, though, was to feel him inside of me, his weight pressing down on top of me. As though he knew exactly what I was thinking, he stopped, retrieved his pants, pulled his wallet out, and then a condom. The sensation ebbed only a little while he was doing that; in fact, it might have made it even more intense when he came back over and rolled me onto my back. I let my legs fall apart, and he positioned himself between them, lowering down onto his forearms slowly, leaning his head down to kiss me. He kept his mouth against mine as he pushed himself into me, letting out a low groan as I took him all the way in.
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